my importance...

unappreciative....

woke up specially early just to meet mom for lunch.. but who knows.. she damn unappreciative.. refused to pick up my call and make me walk here and there.. and found out.. dad cheat on mom again.. yes.. AGAIN! hais.. dont know what to say also..

went ntuc after having lunch with her.. hais.. financially very tight now.. want to get something i like also difficult.. hais.. hubby make me really upset this afternoon.. ask me dont watch show using his desktop.. last time also he say... buy a bigger screen monitor so we can use it like a tv.. now dont let me use.. F**K! 气死我了！hais.. dont know is he scare his desktop get virus or got secret cannot let me know.. hais..

tomorrow mom going genting with dad.. YES! finally some peace for my ears.. hope it will be better day by day!=D

有点郁闷

自从搬出来之后，我的心情一直无法平息下来。不知道为什么，我心焦一直疼痛，夜夜无法入眠。是因为我撒谎吗？还是因为我心中依然有根刺？当我有一天无意间看到老公跟那女人的照片，我真的很不开心。除了一直追问我在哪看到的自外，老公一句关心的话语也没说。其中有一张照片是在2010年1月27日拍的..那时候的我们还在一起的。这张照片证明了一点－他的的确确做了对不起我的事。或许我跟他在她出现之前就有了问题，可是如果没有她的接入，或许我跟老公当时是还有挽回的余地的。

就因为她，我受了很多苦。就因为她，我跟老公现在需要这样偷偷摸摸过日子。将来的事，大家都不知道。可是，对我而言，前面的路，很黑很暗。我不知道是不是我放假，太过闲，所以一天到晚，胡思乱想。我真的不知道，是工作加上上课让老公觉得疲累不堪，还是他的借口，我觉得在他心目中，我像个佣人多过老婆。

我真的很希望－他多点关心我。就算累，这也不是借口。我每天都要面对我妈打电话来问我几时要搬回家的压力自外，家里，有家务等着我做。为了不让老公担心回到家之后还要洗衣什么的，我在他回家之前，一定把它做好。我也没要求他说，既然我洗衣，你要负责收衣什么的。他可以为了上网，少睡点都没见到关心一下我。虽然他工作上课时间都会发简讯给我，但是追问行踪不等于关心啊!

在这样下去，我可能会发疯.......你能否做些事，让我知道你是爱我的呢？

我的心太乱

for the past one month.. many things have happened.. i really dont know how to handle it.. i dont want things to be like that.. but.... i know.. i want to be with you.. i also hope this love can just be between us.. but.. it's impossible..

and your words really sadden me.. how could you said i changed? did i really changed? or is it you? the jessica you want is the one who listen to you obediently and dont even fight back? is this the jessica you want? i'm sorry, compared to 2years back and now, there is a difference.. i have more things to worry.. i have more things that needs my presence.. i have more things to be responsible for.. if you really love me, you would know..

why must be the one always giving in? you said gave in alot.. from the past till now, you know how much i suffered ma? if there's a choice, i would not choose you and would not choose my mom.. then it will be fair for both parties.. as for me, i will leave both of you.. please do not be sad...

PAIN!

got awaken by my brother's sms today! then i went back to sleep till 10plus before being awaken because of my tooth pain. then went wash my mouth. KAO! pain like SIAO lohz! then took medicine, rested for awhile then went to shower and headed to KTPH to visit didi again... on my way there, saw peiyi and we went up together..

didi seems better than yesterday le.. but still complaining stomach still pain.. i really hope the doctor will have the wisdom to 对症下药！i am so tired since my operation day.. all the medicine makes me drowsy but i cant sleep cause need to travel through and flow to hospital..

mom also didnt rest well these few days. dad only know how to KB.. and nag and scold brother. useless what! now he also in hospital liao! i'm sure he himself also dont want to stay there. Grandma and aunty ling went to visit didi today too.

hope he can be discharged tomorrow!=D

a new start...

i guess i was too bored till i decided to do something to give my blog a new change. hmm.. dont know why.. just still love blogger.. have account with wordpress and livejournal but i just cant get used to its simplicity. i still love something i can edit and change on my own. but stupid me.. forget to save the previous template now and everything cute inside is gone! sians!

anyway.. many things happened recently.. i went for wisdom tooth extraction under GA on thurs.. and immediately after i get home, send bro to KTPH.. he was having diarrhea plus vomiting.. then suddenly got fever then suddenly become acute kidney failure..

everyone got a shock of our lives! except dad i guess.. i just dont bother lahz. i also care less now.. i really have no energy to bother about him anymore. he's old enough to decide what is right for him to do..

i'm just too too tired recently. but i think it is time for me to start writing blog or maybe keep a personal diary to jot down about my daily livings. if not, as years grows by, i would probably forgotten what i have gone through..

anyway, thanks for those who shown concern to me and my family in one way or another.. THANK YOU!

REVITALISED! =D

REVITALIZED!❤❤

谁在最需要的时候轻轻拍着我肩膀
谁在最快乐的时候愿意和我分享
日子那么长
我在你身旁
见证你成长让我感到充满力量
谁能忘记过去一路走来
陪你受的伤
谁能预料未来茫茫漫长
你在何方
笑容在脸上
和你一样
大声唱
为自己鼓掌
我和你一样
一样的坚强
一样的全力以赴追逐我的梦想
哪怕会受伤
哪怕有风浪
风雨之后才会有迷人芬芳
我和你一样
一样的善良
一样为需要的人打造一个天堂
歌声是翅膀
唱出了希望
所有的付出只因爱的力量
和你一样

我们都一样
一样的坚强
一样的青春焕发金黄色的光芒
哪怕会受伤
哪怕有风浪
风雨之后才会有彩色阳光
我们都一样
一样的善良
一样为需要的人打造一个天堂
歌声是翅膀
唱出了希望
所有的付出只因爱的力量
和你一样
我们都一样

谁在最需要的时候轻轻拍着我肩膀
谁在最快乐的时候愿意和我分享
日子那么长
我在你身旁
见证你成长
永远为你鼓掌

it's been really great being posted to a pediatric ward.. LOTS of BABIES and KIDS.. though i guess it's isn't a great place to meet them.. so poor thing to see them sick, crying and feeling irritable.. but they really brighten my days and enlightened me in many ways..

like the lyrics of this song - 和你一样.. this patient of mine love this song a lot.. he can play it the whole day.. everytime i see him singing this, i really want to cry.. just don't know this sadness will arise in me.. was pretty down this semester after this BIG INCIDENT affected me so badly this year.. BUT thanks to this song, and thanks to the 2 little very ill patient i had, i found back the BURNING PASSION in me again.. i'm really GRATEFUL about this!

there are really times when i needed a shoulder to lean on.. but who was there? you used to be.. but now, within split seconds, everything changed. and i found another.. i thought he was the one, but seems like he isn't.. he wasn't there when i needed someone.. he didn't help resolve my problems but created more problems for me.. hais.. i don't know.. i am in a mess now..

i don't want to think so much.. shall focus on my studies now! jiayou jessica!