其实我并不快乐.....

其实我并不快乐.....

this few weeks.. hasn't been studying much.. realized i have been playing a lot.. every weekend also go out shop.. then last weekend even went IPOH! haha! FUN FUN FUN!!!

many things happened for the past 4months.. many happened at the speed that i couldn't even react in time.. i have been doing so much to get over it.. coming out with friends, shopping, sing k, bowling.. even travel.. but i realized.. actually... i am not happy.. not truly happy.. i am just telling to put a strong stand that i am to prove to him that without him, i still can live happily.. kind of stupid rite? cause he also won't bother..

so... i sense the urgency that i need to move on.. and start studying for my common test.. results is now what i need to concentrate on.. and career is what i want.... JIAYOU le JESSICA LOH! =D

i knew it!!

i knew it!!!

went out with 秀娟姐 yesterday.. mood wasn't so good since yesterday... TERRIBLE.. really TERRIBLE.. cant describe it in words.. hais.. went to walk around to get this terrible feelings off me.. till i was on the way home, i cant take it anymore.. i text him and VENT all MY ANGER on him.. he really deserve it... cause he was the one who brought me to this state...

he DENIED!! as expected.... i just don't understand why am i still believing that he will not lie, he will not hurt me when the fact already lies there.. YES, from this moment, i would only want to believe what i see, not what i hear from you ANYMORE!!!

and medy... thanks for comforting me.. really.. without you just now.. i probably will do something to myself.. and to Ben... thanks for trying your best to comfort me.. and always trying to be there for me.. THANK YOU to all!!!=D

你让我真的很失望........

你让我真的很失望........

I always feel that one day we will be back together.. and even though that you're not going back to Hong Kong now, I know and believe that it's because your mom wish that you can try your luck to get a job here in Singapore and that they wouldn't need to pay back the money to the government.. I remembered you once said that you believe that when you go back, I will gradually forgotten about you.. and I remembered I told you that I am confident that before you go back to Hong Kong, you will find someone else already..

It was just a casual remark and I am praying hard that it wont come true.. and it came true.. You know the girl way before we broke up.. I have no idea if you have feelings for her before we ended.. But I believe this is the case.. Just like what happened between you and Pooi San... before you broke up with her, you already have feelings for me.. It's just that I aren't aware of it.. and without knowing, i became a third party.. I guess this is what happen between you and her now? whether she know or don't know, you have made her the third party between us..

How can you do this to me? so what if you all started after we break up? i am sure feelings don't develop over the night right? i guess it started during the period we are still together? don't deny it anymore.. I won't believe what you said anymore.. You betrayed the trust I had in you... How can you do this to me? What have I done wrong? why do you have to do this? I saw pictures of you going to Malaysia with her and hug her... and that time, we just broke up for only last than 2months.. you can just forget about what happened between us for the past 1 year ma? this 1 year is just a game ma?

Please be assure.. YOU WONT HAVE MY BLESSINGS!!!!!!... and not from those around us as well.. Don't even think of denying.. cause God knows what you are doing.. because of you, i don't know how to face friends from NUS RCHN.. because of you, i lost a couple of friends.. and i shall make you lose all the friends in Red cross.. go ahead and date with her.. and be prepared to face the effects you have caused.. you will have retribution for doing this to me! till now, 3months plus le... i am still trying to walk over it.. cause i know i wont be able to walk out.. what i can do is walk over it.. and i am prepared to dwell in it each time i walk over it.. but i didn't expect things will be like that...

those pictures really disgusted me.. it really.. I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!