bu xiang zhang da

[ bu xiang zhang da ]

* i jus wanna faster let my boss noe tat i hav alread finished my basic german course.. cos i wanna go 2 germany now.. e faster e beta.. there's jus lotsa thingys i need 2 avoid.. there's a lotsa of thingys i need 2 hide.. i once mentioned tat my boss tok 2 mi.. hmmm.. did i??? he asked mi 2 endure.. he saes i'm a smart ger.. he noes tat i will tolerate.. n i tink i will.. but i realli need a rest badly.. realli.. veri veri tired...............

haiz.. wrote half way then went 4 dinner liao le.. end up.. guess wat.. i didnt c properly.. i didnt step on e board.. but instead.. in2 e board.. n guess wat.. my big toe e nail broken.. luckily.. it isnt e whole nail cum out.. veri painful now.. sobx sobx.. y so bad luck?? haiz.. *pain pain*.. wo de ma ya.. veri tired ar.. haiyo....

i now quote one of ikeda sensei's guidance.. " It is an illusion to think that we can find happiness by going to some other place, far away from our present reality. Our happiness is determined b our mindset. if we resolve that the place where we are right now is the perfect place to carrying out Buddhist practice, and if we challenge ourselves there, then that place will become the "Capital of Eternally Tranquil Light". It will shine as a bight citadel of happiness."

after reading this.. i realised i cant run away from thingys.. i shld accept who ever i am, where ever i'm now at, n what ever situation i'm in now.. by getting away n findin a new place 2 start afresh will makes mi equally like a coward.. i cant hide away form my probz forever.. this is my karma.. i will learn 2 accept.. livin in such a busi n big city.. pple tends 2 get tired easily.. all i long 4 is in tis planet i'm living.. there's sum1 who is willin 2 lend mi his shoulder n sum1 who can make mi be ruan ru.. i dun wan 2 let pple hav e tinking tat i'm a veri strong ger.. i'm a ger too.. i oso wanna feel ruan ru.. i dun wan 2 alwaz 2 pretend 2 b strong.. i'm sick of bein strong.. wo ye yao ruan ru..

wo bu xiang wo bu xiang bu xiang zhang da......................................................