[[ my heart is bleeding - guess i NEVER be e one in ur heart]]

[[ my heart is bleeding - guess i NEVER be e one in ur heart]]

My heart bleeds when i tot of u.. mom sae sumthingy 2 mi tat dae.. she sae " bei ai shi xin fu de".. but i simply dun agree.. if e person who loves u deeply yet u dun hav any special feeling 2wards tis person, then u will b equally nan shou.. n i alwaz faced in such a situation.. e person who loves mi wang wang is not e person i love.. e person whom i love deeply simply dun ever bother 2 look at mi.. ai shi bu shi hen tong ku nen??

i start 2 feel tat pple ard mi arent appreciating my efforts.. i done so much.. yet.. i tink they dun feel grateful but presurrized ba.. pin wen.. guess u r realli my lucky star, my best listener.. he is my soka ex school mate.. he is as old as mi.. so lucky of mi though we arent from e same class, we'll able 2 meet one another after we graduated 13yrs from soka kinder.. bcos of his words, he realli makes mi feel tat i'm a person pple can give great respect 2..but cannot alwaz ba zhan u later she complain.. kekez..

realli veri stressful tis few weeks, my slp everydae gets lesser n lesser.. n i'm alwaz woken up by nightmares.. sumtimes.. i'm jus terrified.. n my religion stuff.. in aug.. i actuall did my 1st byakuren duty on a super impt event.. n tat's e ltg.. n i'm in charge 2 help out in e award presentation.. while i was holdin on 2 e cetificate 4 GD Ong give out.. he smiles at mi.. heart simple melted.. seems like how tough n busi tat dae can b.. everthingy is enlightened.. n one of e in charge, melvin.. mani gakkai pple shld noe him ba.. he's e chorographer 4 yr 2001 youth ndp.. actuall got tok 2 him b4 last time.. but guess he cannot rmb..he oso thankie mi 4 my efforts.. sobx.. almost gan dong till drop teard..

jus bein appointed as a district leader on e 4th of aug.. busi preparing my ssa family dae discussion meetin as well as workin on hard 4 e yr end concert..guess i realli tat chiong type.. every week end is gakkai activities.. on sat.. usuall after work will atend meetin in e afternoon then hop 2 another place 4 another meetin.. jus like last sundae.. after work, i went 2 e plannin 2 at sk.. n hop 2 clementi 4 homevisit.. then sundae oso.. usually i'll attend mornin gongyo session at e kaikan then go 4 another meetin in e afternoon n another in e nitez.. so sorrie xianyun tat i'm pretti busi tis period tat i hav no time 2 shop wif u.. sorrie!!

my work.. is givin mi probz..i jus dunoe how 2 de-stress now.. n those gossipers in my company makes mi feel tat i'm workin meaninglessly.. how i wish dun need 2 work but onli strive 4 kosen rufu.. n i'm tinkin of goin back 2 studies.. jus like all my frenz.. realli envy them studyin in poly 2 accomplish their ambition.. but i'm afraid tis will actuall increase e burden of my finanical needs at hm.. i dun mind suffering jus 2 let my younger bro complete his education n gets in a gd uni..

of cos.. xueyun.. u oso done a great part encouragin mi.. u 2 will alwaz be one listening 2 my grumble, sharin my sorrows n happiness.. if not 4 u 2.. i'll hav given up durin tis period le.. realli thankie a lot.. down wif a bad flu n hav been continously havin gastric pain 4 e past few days.. mayb i jus too stress up.. but i realli accomplish sumthingy gd yester.. i managed 2 invite 2 of my new frenz 4 e public lecture yester.. guess they realli hav a deeper faith in out religion.. great yeah!!! hor hor hor.. at least tat's sumthingy gd i can share wif now..

as 4 him.. haiz..wat u promise.. u nv do.. i'm realli disappointed when i saw sumthingy on other pple's blog.. i noe.. i'm nv important 2 u.. ya rite.. u r jus a fren.. a pu tong peng you.. wat rights do i hav 2 ba zhan u?? wat rights do i hav 2 obstruct u attaining eternal happiness?? hav been listening veri deeply in S.H.E. "bu zhou ni de peng you".. tat's how i feel.. can i not b ur fren?? can i?? i nv love envyin pple bein so loving n happi.. i nv love tis kinda of feelin.. when will it b my turn?? i do hav lotsa frenz.. i hav been workin hard 4 pple ard mi 2 b happi n 2 attain eternal happiness.. gohonzon.. will mine be comin??


P.S. A little of LOVE n COURAGE is all i ask 4 from u..