[ pain threshold real HIGH!!! ]

pain threshold real HIGH!!!

back in school already for a 2weeks attachment.. a brand new year.. many activities of daily livings have been changed 360degree.. things i never thought of happened just in a blink of my eyes.. it's been 9months plus since me & my bf have been together.. really really HAPPY for the past few months.. though we might argue, quarrel, but.... we never fail to talk things out and clear the air..

for the past relationship i had, i have never experience such happiness before.. being able to go on a holiday with him.. staying out with him.. with him sleeping in the same room as me and we talked till we fall asleep.. these feelings, these moments... i will never forget it..

BUT recently, conversation between us lessen a lot.. we dont meet everyday.. just probably twice a week or so.. even when we meet, we dont talk much.. what's going on? have you changed? or is it me? i have been blaming myself for all these.. probably because of what i did to you on the first day of the year.. i will never forget this incident.. i dont know if you have forgiven me not. or just forgive but couldnt forget..

i know i shouldnt do this.. now.. you dont trust me anymore.. you dont have to spell it out.. but i can sense it.. is it because i am too sensitive? or am i just depressed? i want things to be like before.. cause i know, in few months time, you're going back home.. i dont know how will it be like not being able to see you even once a week.. BUT.. i keep telling myself.. i must stay strong, i must fight for what i believe is my happiness..

BUT.. how long can i hold on like this? i have so much fear in me.. so much things i want to say BUT i just cant.. i know you're frustrated over your future, i really dare not add on anymore burden to you.. who i can say it to? only here probably..