[ why am i still holding on tight? ]

why am i still holding on tight?

i wake up everyday feeling more and more tired.. more and more stressed.. i dont know what i should i do to go on... friends tell me i'm stupid.. and i know i am really one.. BUT do everyone really know how i feel? i feel TERRIBLE, feel HORRIBLE.. few months ago, a friend did such things to his gf too.. when he console this problem to me, i encouraged him to let her go... dont hurt her anymore..

NOW... i know badly how it feel... how is it like to be betray.. how is it like to be dump.. how is it like when your world changes over the night... you will never know how is it like until you experienced it yourself.. is it my retribution? retribution for breaking others' heart when they truly love me?

now that i have set my heart on someone i really love.. this is what has happened to me... why? why do i like all these started? i know it well.. i know it when i first know you... i know how playboy you can be... why did i allow myself to step in? i thought you're the one who will ease the pain i had from the previous i love... it did for the first few months.. however, these few weeks, the pain sum up day by day..

why do you have to do all these for me? because you're going back to HK? or because you're taking revenge on what i did to you? or because what my parents said about you? where are all the promises you made? where are all the happy moments you used to give me? you said before.. you are willing to give in even if i cant give in.. you are willing cause you really love me... you said you are hoping for our big day to come.. to get married and have many children.. where are all these promises?

why are saying things like "possible?" or you dont know how future things will be like? why leave it to fate to decide? where's your fighting spirit to get what you believe you want? why are giving up? why....................... you said before, if i cry, you will too... do you know how much tears i have dropped? do you know how much pain you have caused?

why am i still holding on tight? cause i know i really love you! it's not a habit... it's really love.. i dont know how much hurt i have caused to you unknowingly.. but i said before umpteen times that i am sorry if i had.. i am trying my best to give you the private space you need.. the trust and understanding you wanted... BUT, have you spare a thought for me? have you thought how devastating i am? how much i hope to see you, or even just a call or sms from you? why are showing me cold shoulder? what do you want me to do? you want to see me die ma?

is that what you really want to see? if you really love me, can you sit down and have a talk with me? can you give me a chance to let everything be like the same like it used to be? i will forgive and forget what had happened... please.. please dont take away what is mine.... please..........

a song i really love - 遇到

你身上专属的陌生味道
是我确认你存在的目标
不用来回张望来知道
竟是我们相隔着一个街角
这么久了,我还是可以感到感觉
你到底对我多重要
不会被天黑天亮打扰
你每一次的温柔我都想炫耀
你和我绕了这么一圈才遇到
我比谁都更明白你的重要
这么久了我就决定了
决定了你的手我握了不会放掉
你和我绕了这么一圈才遇到
我答应自己不再庸人自扰
因为我有的我自己知道
只要你的肩膀永远让我靠
你身上专属的陌生味道
是我确认你存在的目标
不用来回张望来知道
竟是我们相隔着一个街角
这么久了,我还是可以感到感觉
你到底对我多重要
不会被天黑天亮打扰
你每一次的温柔我都想炫耀
我们绕了这么一圈才遇到
我比谁都更明白你的重要
这么久了我就决定了
决定了你的手我握了不会放掉
我们绕了这么一圈才遇到
我答应自己不再庸人自扰
因为我有的我自己知道
只要你的肩膀永远让我靠
这么久了我就决定了
决定了你的手我握了不会放掉
我们绕了这么一圈才遇到
我答应自己不再庸人自扰
因为我有的我自己知道
只要你的肩膀永远让我靠