* i wan e peace i longed 4 nw *

[ i wan e peace i longed 4 nw ]

* i jus need peace.. tat's all.. i dun wan anythingy else.. jus feel dae after dae of misery.. haiz.. i oso dunoe y.. mayb i'm jus worried.. guess as wat wei dong sae.. dun worry too much.. dun mouth sae nt worry but heart worries.. but is hard.. but was wat my uncle sae abt mi.. wo shi gan si dui.. i'm nt afraid 2 die.. but i'm afraid tat my families n frenz would suffer bcoz of mi ar.. if die wifout illnesses.. at least ur families n frenz didnt suffer wif u.. even if die, oso can die peaceful.. haiz.. mayb i shld do wat i wanna die b4 is too late.. hahaz.. i still can laugh.. dun worry.. i'm nt tat worried actuall..

lyk my studies.. pri 4 streamin i heng heng pass.. sec 2 streamin oso.. sec 4 o'level i tot i oso will heng heng get thru.. but i didnt.. when i was pri 4.. 4 almost 1 mth, i got difficulty walkin.. whenever i stands down, i will hav probz getting up.. tat time doc tot i got bone cancer.. but luckily i didnt.. in jan.. i got appendix op.. my appendix almost took away my life.. i oso heng heng go thru e hell gate n make a u-turn back.. tis 3rd time.. will it b jus lyk my o'level xams?? i believe i cant b so lucky all e time..

its been a wk plus le.. though i under control nw wif medication.. but i realli wanna noe wat realli happenes 2 mi.. bleedin in motion n urination.. tat serious frm wat i noe.. actuall i didnt wanna let my parents noe.. coz it happened on e 7th.. n on e 8th is mothers dae.. but e 2nd ae which is on e 8th, e situation got worse.. it started frm motion.. then urination oso hav.. haiz.. tat time i force myself 2 tell my mom.. she was so worried.. though she kept scoldin mi 4 nt takin care of my bodi.. i noe she is worried.. she jus scold mi 2 hide away all her fear.. u r my mom.. i'm ur daughter.. hu noes u beta then mi?? frm young, mom alwaz tell mi abt her probz.. therefore, it develops a telepathy btw e both of us.. mani a times, when i wanna eat sumthingy, i was hav 2 tink, mom would seems 2 noe wat i wan 4 my meals.. i'm sure 4 so mani times, it isnt coincidence rite??

keep takin antibiote.. pple sae take too much antibiode will drop hair de.. my hairs r droppin too.. haiz.. on e 31st may.. i'm goin 4 ultrasound scan 2 check on my kidneys at sgh.. is 1415hr.. e doc afraid got kidney stones or tuberculosis.. which is TB.. dun keep pesterin abt e report.. it needs time 2 b out.. n on e 8th of june.. i supposed 2 go 4 colonoscopy.. is a specalised examination tat allows e doc 2 look inside my large intestine usin a tube wif a video cam..e colonoscopy can b quite dangerous.. if doc nv do properly.. mite even tear my intestine wall.. summore.. on e 7th.. i support 2 eat fish ball noodles or fish porriage onli.. on e 8th itself.. i'm supposed 2 wakey at 6am.. eat onli 2 slices of plain white breads n tea-o or kipo-o onli.. cannot drink milk..even milo oso cannot.. frm 7am to 9am.. i suppose 2 fill 2 litres of plain water n pour e oral colonic lavage powder given by e doc.. then drop finished within e 2hrs.. after which will start 2 go toilet.. mus clear all e motion.. otherwise scope will onli c motion.. lolx.. e appointment is 1445hr on 8th june.. got sedation.. make mi slp.. otherwise sure pain lyk hell..

after which.. hav 2 wait 4 report cum out.. then will go back c Dr Lee.. e colorectal surgery specialist.. on e 14th june.. hav 2 c endocrinology specialist.. haiz.. so mani specialist thingy n tat.. realli b sick in n out of hospital.. luckily dun need hospitalised yet.. otherwise even worse.. mom will b even more busi.. didi still seein his hand at nuh.. n mi at sgh.. haiz.. jus hope n c ba.. gtg le.. need 2 eat medi again.. n is slpin time !!!!!!!!!! ~


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

# Everythingy that happenes to us has a meaning.
Even if you're sad and filled with pain and feel
like you can't go on, as long as you keep going
and pressing forward bravely, living your life
without being defeated, you will come to see the
meaning of that suffering and pain.

This is the power of FAITH.
It is also the essence of life.
The word KARMA is Sanskrit for ACTION.
All of our actions - what we think, what we say,
and wat we actually do - are engraved in our life.
When our actions are good, we will receive positive
effects that will make us happy. When our actions
are bad, we will receive negative effects that make
us unhappy.
It all eventually comes back to us. #

Daisaku Ikeda ( President of Soka Gakkai International SGI )
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------