i dont have the right to know anymore...

i don't have the right to know anymore....

maybe Joanna is wrong.. you wont regret.. you WOULD BE GLAD that you made this decision.. if not, you wouldn't have the freedom you want.. you wouldn't be able to travel on your own with your friends.. who is the one controlling who? i think it's you who controlled my freedom.. BUT.. you probably think that i am the one controlling you..

telling me that you are at home everyday to save money are ALL LIES.. telling me that we should be friends because you are returning to HK are ALL LIES.. telling me that you cant stand the feeling that i am not going to be around when you are going back are ALL LIES.. telling me you don't want to waste my time are ALL LIES...

almost 2 months back, i believe it all to make myself feel better, to get over it faster.. BUT now.. you have proved it one by one that these are ALL LIES, ALL EXCUSES!!! you are living HAPPILY everyday WITHOUT ME.. you saved up just for this one week trip.. you aren't returning to HK at all!

how do you want me to believe you when you are proving to me that what you said before are ALL LIES? how can you bare to hurt me? if you have chosen to lie to me in the first time, hoping that you don't wish to hurt me by telling me the truth... why prove it now that you lied? why do you want to stay here? can you please leave this land and let me have a peace of mind?

you didn't even bother how i feel since the day you left me.. even when it's cny, you didn't bother to wish me.. even when i am going for surgery, you didn't ask how am i.. BUT when others asked if you showed me concern, i am even silly enough to make up stories for you.. just to let others feel that you're not a bad guy after all.. why am i being so stupid?

why do i have to bother how you feel when you don't bother about mine? do you know i still cry everyday? do you know i still think of you even little things like having a meal? do you know i am still trying to help you in whatever ways i can? even things like looking your job, i tried my best to help you too.. BUT have you been truthfully grateful? did you said 'thank you' for the sake of saying it or did it really come from your heart?

and you are down, i even comforted you.. did you even appreciate it? or try to act as though you're okie for the sake of getting away from me? you give me up because of your future, but you aren't putting in efforts to tell me and convinced me that you are working hard for your dreams.. how to make giving me up worthy then? maybe you just don't love me that deep as you think.. it's ALL LIES... LIES to make yourself look better, LIES to make yourself feel good..

after all, did all those LIES make you feel good, ONLY YOU knows it.. don't wait till the day I'm gone, then you start to regret... it's TOO LATE then...