LIVING WITH REGRETS......

LIVING WITH REGRETS........

tis few daes veri busi.. yester work till 1.30.. cos co co nv cum work.. summore got drawings need 2 draw.. i jus do my veri best 2 draw it out.. till hav 2 pick up calls 4 e admin oso.. mutli-taskin.. haiz.. then hav 2 rush 2 tampines kaikan 4 e youth peace lecture on e topic "e triumph of mentor-disciple spirit".. e speaker is soka(india)'s president.. dun realli seems 2 catch him well.. cos of his essen.. plus.. i'm jus tired.. after which.. went 2 eat sakae sushi wif anna, yvonne n another fren whom i 4got e name.. oh gosh.. lolx.. saw ah mui there oso.. she seems happi workin there.. i'm happi 4 her too.. then went hm.. slept quite early.. abt 10 plus i'm alread in bed..

2dae.. woke up quite early too.. cos goin down 2 telok blangah 2 chant.. every sun we hav mornin daimoku/gongyo session from 8am to 9am.. n i was late.. cos of e stupid bus.. but late is alwaz beta than nv turn up.. i jus hardly c any youngsters goin.. 2 mani of them.. sundae is 2 slp as late as they can.. n wake up wif a fresh mind 4 shoppin.. lolx(=.=!!).. after which.. went 2 out book store n bought a book entitled " a piece of mirror".. gonna finish it in 4 daes time no matter wat happened.. cos tis cumin thurs is my 2nd ywd plannin meetin 4 our june's ywd discussion meetin on e 24th.. yvonne treat mi 2 eat dim sum at raffles place tat side.. quite nice.. realli veri long nv eat dim sum liao le.. mayb bcos i'm cantonese ba.. so i love dim sum a lot.. heez(>.<)..

after which.. yvonne went 4 gym.. haiz.. she got free 1 mth membership wanna give mi.. but i'm under 21.. so cannot go.. oh.. so sad(x.x).. i almost fall aslp at e gym there waitin 4 her.. after which.. went 2 her office wif her.. she wanna grab sum stuff done.. then took mrt 2 tampines kaikan 4 2dae's women's peace lecture on e topic " e future lies wif women ".. learnt quite a no of stuff thru e 2 talks.. though is still e same speaker.. lolx(^.^).. after which went 2 eat genki sushi wif them.. it's realli bad.. worse than sakae de.. yvonne realli regret.. n she looks so upset.. haiz.. wat a pity.. nv take pic wif them though i hav camera wif mi.. sobx sobx (T.T)..

took 969 from tampines back hm.. on e bus.. i realli tink a lot.. yvonne kept askin mi 2 go back 2 studies again.. she sae i musnt give up my education bcos of my work.. haiz.. it isnt i dun wan 2 study.. i love 2.. i wish 2.. i wan 2.. i wan 2 go back 2 sch jus like others.. but i cant.. finiancially no.. i cant affect 2 go back 2 sch n give up my job.. i cant even hav e ability 2 study n work at e same time.. time is too consumin 4 my life.. thru out tis 17 over yrs i'm been livin.. i jus realised i got lotsa regrets.. regrets in studies.. regrets in my work.. regrets in my personal love life..

i regret not puttin enough efforts in my studies.. if i do well, i mite not hav 2 work.. i mite hav 2 give up my ambition, my dream.. i mite hav 2 suffer so much.. i mite not hav b force 2 do thingys i hate.. i mite not hav 2 work a longer path than others.. i mite hav 2 give up on e one i love.. now tat i hav switch department.. i hav 2 learn 2 adapt 2 e new enviroment again.. tat's wat i hate.. i dun love 2 learn all over again.. i dun like 2 learn crawling again.. pple r flyin, so y mus i crawl?? quite sum time ago, i feel like movin out.. but i noe i cant survive..

2 mani pple ard mi mite hav e impression tat i'm courageous, daring, confident, determined n independent ger.. especiall those soka frenz of mine.. hahaz.. sorrie 2 sae.. i'm not wat u tink.. i seems courageous from my actions.. i seems daring from my style of workin.. i seems confident from my tone of words.. i seems determined from my thinking.. n.. i seems independent .. but it's all illusion.. cos i not.. i'm oso weak.. weak at times..

cumin 2 relation.. haiz.. well.. i'm quite gd in handlin frenship.. but cums 2 love.. oh no.. wat a mess!! my 1st stead.. he like mi 1st.. so i choose e one who love mi.. 2nd stead.. he oso like mi 1st.. again.. i choose e one who love mi.. my 3rd stead.. oso e same.. i choose e one who love mi.. my 4th stead.. oso like mi 1st.. again.. i choose e one who love mi more than i love him.. e 5th one.. oso.. e same.. y mus i choose e one who love mi?? y cant i choose e one i love??

u neglected mi.. u broke ur promise.. u abandoned mi.. u sae.. u sae if i need ur help.. u give ur fullest support.. but u nv.. u r alwaz MIA.. missing in action.. u r alwaz busi.. i wanna tell u my probz.. i wanna share wif u my happiness.. my sorrows.. liar.. big liar.. mayb i'm wrong.. wrong 2 keep u in my heart.. wrong 2 tink of u.. wrong 2 spare a though 4 u.. wrong 2 noe u.. i'm tired..

OH YES!!!

[ OH YES!!!!! ]

oh yes.. finally i left e state of hell.. i mean my old department wif 2 brain sick pple.. now i'm adaptin wif in e new department wif e help of my new senior Co Co.. well.. though i still need 2 help out in qa.. but old man.. i no longer under ur control.. yes.. thankie 4 freein mi gohonzon.. realli thankie uncle roger ( my boss ) 4 switchin department 4 mi.. i'm realli grateful 4 tis arrangement.. though i noe other conflict mite arise sooner or later.. but i promise.. now.. my whole heart will onli b devoted 2 work.. i wun care wat's happenin ard mi in e company.. now tat i hav a carefree life again.. i'll cherish tis opportunity tat had been given 2 mi.. i noe tis opportunity dun cum easy..

last fri.. when my boss told mi tat he wanna switch mi 2 design n ask 4 my view.. i agreed wifout givin it a 2nd tot.. cos i noe.. tat will definitely b a brighter future 4 mi.. 1 n a half yrs in e qa deparment.. all i did everydae is takin cutters, clean it n pack it.. then do sum admin stuff like filin work orders.. orderin rose plastics n plastic bags 4 e packin.. jus like a coolie like tat.. now.. i'm a designer.. oh yes.. designer okie.. though still veri junior lahz.. but i feel is a gd start.. lolx.. nv noe Co Co oso hate old man so much.. i noe dad will let u die a slow death.. so i hav no worries.. muahahaz.... 2gether wif ur "beloved ger".. cause n effect.. u shall bear e consequences 4 wat u hav done.. create e CAUSE n bear e EFFECT.. stop shitting ard in e company.. it's makin pple ard stinkin..

startin 2 draw sum simple cutters alread.. alread 3 types of cutters le.. still copin well.. 2dae alread start drawin le.. cos sum of e cutters dun hav drawin avaliable.. jus sum simple ones.. but i enjoy.. n i feel proud seein my name on e drawin itself.. old man.. watch out 4 my name.. i'm not jus jessica loh onli.. i'll make my name proud.. n step u on2 e ground.. i'll prove u wrong n proud those who look down on mi n my name.. so dun under estimate my ability.. i'm capable of doin big thingys.. will onli b departin 4 germany when i get familiar wif e designin part.. so wun b leavin soon le.. my trip will b delay.. no worries.. i'm happi in e state i am now.. dad is rite.. movin hse can make lotsa thingy change.. my life jus turn 360degrees wif in few daes time..

hav been tokin 2 my senior abt his love life.. lolx.. jus feelin empty all a sudden.. but i noe i'm tired of tokin abt relation now.. i jus wan 2 live peacefully....... as 4 relation, i shall leave it 2 fate.. i jus hav enough of sufferings.. i wanna enjoy 2 more yrs of teenage life peacefully.. so jus leave mi alone.. all i need is frenz, family n my work.. n tat's all.. guess my wish is simple enough ba??

[ a new place, a new start ]

[ a new place, a new start ]

everythingy gonna b a new start 4 mi.. i hav jus shifted from Clementi's 3-rm flat (my old hse) to my new 4-rm flat in Yishun.. a new place, a new start.. everythingy gonna start afresh.. i cant realli slp.. mayb bcos i'm slpin on my new bed.. no lahz.. onli new matress.. smell diff.. plus.. it's a 4-rm flat.. so i'm hav my own rm.. my own space.. a bit not used 2 it lahz.. lyin on my bed every nitez.. i tot of e past.. tot of my sch daes.. tot of e dae wif him ard.. my tears drop.. drop automatically..

last fri on vesak dae.. while pple r usin it as a shoppin or restin dae.. my whole family went 2 our new flat 2 do sum last min clearin up 4 our flat.. tian ming ( my dad n my collengue) actuall help mi n my family a lot.. i'm realli grateful abt it.. dunoe how 2 thankie him oso.. he actuall sacrified his time 4 movie 2 drive my dad back 2 my old flat 2 move sum electrical appliances 2 our new flat.. uncle lim gave my dad a fish tank wif a rack.. guess wat.. my dad didnt realised tat i was tat strong.. until he saw mi helpin him 2 move e fish rack.. lolx.. back at our old flat at nitez.. was packin my stuff n helpin my mom n dad.. n guess wat.. i slept at 2am in e mornin.. cos of my useless brother.. cos of e dust.. he kept sneezin.. n he went 2 slp.. pple busyin.. he went 2 buy supper eat.. after eatin he went 2 slp.. realli make mi angry..

woke up at 5.50am 4 work.. actuall i suppose 2 take leave on sat de.. but.. wat 2 do.. i cant take so mani daes.. plus vesak dae jus over onli.. haiz.. wat is tat man?? got annual leave oso cannot take.. haiz.. a bit upset over tat.. on sat.. i took time-off.. n bcos of tat 1 ½ hrs time-off.. i lost my 30bucks allowance.. if i take leave or mc.. cos i hav alread hav medical leave n annual leave.. they wun cut my 30bucks allowance.. but once i take time-off.. tat's e end of it.. haiz.. sianz..

i left e company at 11am on sat (14/05).. n took a cab back wif my dad.. then we again.. started 2 throw our unwanted stuff.. n pack my wanted stuff.. till abt 1.30 lyk tat.. e pple came.. they started 2 move out out stuff.. till abt 5pm.. then we r able 2 clear our stuff 2 e void deck 1st.. plus e lorry 4 hse removal spoilt.. so we actuall waited unpatiently 4 it 2 cum.. mi n my mom took a cab up there 1st.. cos we hav 2 clear e space 4 them.. when they arrive at yishun.. it's alread 7plus.. oh gosh.. end up.. my dad, bro n mi oso lend our hand 2 move e boxes n furniture.. till abt 9plus.. everythingy is move in2 e rm.. now our flat is in a mess..

we went 2 bed at ard 2 am again.. again okie.. oh no.. yester i slp onli abt 4hrs.. yet.. i not mentally tired.. jus physically tired.. hav cramp n aches all over.. but onli managed 2 slp at 5am in e mornin.. haiz.. n woke up at 9plus in e mornin 2 hav breakfast n buy so stuff we need.. another dae of onli 4hrs slp.. haiyo.. i'm havin dark eye rings now.. we went 2 chong pang 4 breakfast.. n buy sum extra bright bulbs 4 our hse.. n back at hm.. we started packin again.. i started hangin my own clothes.. n all a sudden.. i jus bcame e in charge 4 clothes.. i helped mom hang hers oso.. oh gosh.. her clothes realli alot.. double tat of mine.. double worz.. then i started cleanin my study table n e cabinets 4 my books.. n start 2 unpack my stuff.. it's unpacked, unpacked, n unpacked again.. onli mananged 2 hav my lunch at almost 6pm le.. tat oso bcame my dinner..

after dad left hm 4 e wake.. my mom, my didi n i went 2 central.. 2 withdraw money n we went 2 e fairprice at yishun mrt oso.. bought sum milo n stuff back oso.. back at hm.. i sweep e floor n mop it oso.. my mom sae.. 1st time c mi sweepin n moppin e floor everydae.. ever since i start 2 clean up tis floor.. i'm alwaz e one sweepin n moppin e floor.. cleanin e windows as well.. i jus suddenly bcum so motivated 4 household chores.. lolx(=.=!!).. after doin e household chores.. i help 2 unpack my didi n my mom's clothes again.. we actuall went 2 bed at almost 12am le.. i jus cant slp.. till abt 2am.. then i managed 2 fall asleep.. n woke up at 9plus.. i'll b back at e old flat later 2 retrieve sum of out stuff again.. gtg le.. i'm tired~


"It is an illusion to think that we can find happiness by going to some other place, far away from our present reality. Our happiness is determined by our mindset. If we resolve that the place where we are right now is the perfect place for carrying out our Buddhist practice, and if we challenge ourselves there, then that place will become the "Capital of Eternally Tranquil Light". It will shine as a bright citadel of happiness"

=> above is a guidance i read in daily sensei guidance.. it's veri meanin..

i'm runnin away from u........

[ i'm runnin away frm u.... ]

i'm runnin away.. yes.. i'm runnin away from u.. no actuall lahz.. i'm jus shiftin hm le.. when i was young.. i'm stayin at bukit batok.. jus opp stephanie's place.. under my block there's a police post.. at e age of 5 (yr 1993).. i moved 2 clementi.. my current venue.. under my block, there's oso a police post.. in e yr 1998.. which is after 5 yrs, my dad sold e clementi flat 2 my uncle.. but we been stayin here till now.. cos he is alwaz overseas workin.. therefore.. we didnt move out.. plus last time my dad's workplace is near my hse.. n mi n my didi is schooling here..

now.. pple is back.. we jus hav 2 move out no matter wat.. i hav been stayin near 4 13yrs.. but.. i still e flat in bukit batok.. e livin rm damn big.. though now i movin in2 a 4-rm flat as well.. but e livin rm seems smaller than e 4-rm flat in bukit batok.. mayb when i'm young, things look bigger.. lolx(=.=!!).. tml.. yes tml.. which is e 13th of may.. i movin 2 yishun le.. is our flat bought 8yrs again.. but i hav nv stayed in there b4.. n under e block dun hav police post oso.. feel so weird.. haiz.. plus.. from yishun mrt station.. i hav 2 walk hm.. yes.. walk hm.. summore it takes mi abt 10mins lohz.. oh gosh.. i jus cant imagine when i'm so tired.. i still hav 2 walk..

mom is a bit worried 4 mi.. cos when i go 4 soka activties.. none of centres r near my place.. in other words.. i'll b returnin hm late after meeting.. she worried tat i hav 2 walk hm alone.. quite quiet.. but got coffeeshops.. i'm jus afraid 2 meet drunk drinkers onli.. alamak.. if i noe i'm goin hm late.. i wun dare 2 wear skirts tat dae.. lolx.. a bit worried.. everything gonna b a mess 4 mi.. haiz(@.@)..

actuall my intent is 2 take 3.5 daes leave.. startin from tml half dae 2 next wed.. but my idiotic manager dare not approve my leave.. cos he sae it's too mani daes.. so he went 2 speak 2 my director.. even uncle jonathan ( my director) oso sidin him.. haiz.. no choice lohz.. i'm FORCED.. i repeat.. FORCED 2 cut down e no of daes of my leave.. in e end.. i decided 2 work tml.. n take 1 hr time off.. n take 2 daes leave.. which is mondae n tuesdae.. 2 unpacked all my stuffs.. yes.. unpack unpack n unpack.. oh no.. where got enough time?? haiz.. it's not tat i dun hav annual leave... y cant i take?? last yr.. after i bcame a full-time staff in april.. they owe mi 5 daes leave.. n tis yr till end of e yr.. i got 7daes leave.. so in total i got 12 daes annual leave.. if i take 3.5daes.. i'm onli clearin my last yr leave..

if i dun take it tis time round.. guess i dun hav a chance 2 le ba.. tink prob, my manager will take in june 4 a holidae.. n my god-sis will take leave in aug n dec definitely.. n my fren, anna, she will take leave durin lunar 9th month 4 at least 3 weeks.. till she even use no pay leave.. halo.. pple take leave take till no pay leave oso can.. y cant i ?? do i hav 2 wait till i worked till 10yrs later then i can clear my leave at once.. every yr our leave accumulate 4 1 more dae.. in other words, 1st yr is 7 daes.. 2nd yr is 8daes .. then on e 8th yr u will hav 14th daes.. then 9th yr onwards, it will b 14daes every yr.. so after 10yrs.. i will hav 117daes leave.. so in other words, i can take 3months ++ leave rite??

it realli makes my blood boils talkin abt tis.. anw... e next time u will c mi updatin.. tink it will b 2weeks later ba.. cos hav 2 install e scv cable point at my new place 1st.. 2dae not gonna b a restin dae 4 mi.. i gtg le.. hav 2 go my new place n do sum cleanin up 1st.. take care guys~

[ i'm stuck at home wif u ]

[ i'm stuck at home wif u ]

oh no.. i'm stuck at hm wif u.. not wif sum1.. but wif e flu i got.. i jus cant go anywhere.. cos i'm havin mc.. n tat i'm takin medication.. i jus cant get out of bed.. e medi jus make mi drowzy ar.. haiyo.. wat 2 do.. stay hm lohz..hmmm.. actuall.. i went 2 c e doc on wed.. after workin abt 2hrs.. i jus cant stand it anymore.. so i went 2 c my company doc.. i tot he wun give mi mc.. but he did.. so i headed back hm 2 rest lohz.. i hav 2 call back office 2 tell tat bloody manager.. but.. he isnt ard.. so tat freakin kampong mei pick up e call.. n give tat kinda of xialan attitude.. wat u did 2dae, u will bear e consequence.. ni hui chi kui de.. wait n c ba guys.. u will die a natural death..

but.. after e medication given by my company doc, my flu doesnt seems 2 improved a lot.. so yesterdae, i went 2 e poly clinic again.. oh gosh.. i jus hate poly clinic doc.. but my dad ask mi go there c.. at least is gov doc.. they will hav nth 2 sae.. hahaz.. but guess wat.. e doc so nice.. he gave mi 2 more daes mc.. so i'm oso hm 2dae.. tml havin voting 4 election.. so dun hav 2 work oso lahz.. heez.. so tis whole wk.. i onli work 1 dae.. plus another 2hrs++.. heez... realli like holidae.. but i goin 2 rot le lahz.. cant meet yun oso.. cos i havin flu ma.. then she busi workin after finish busyin wif her cousin's weddin.. hmmm.. u realli tired rite, yun??

i jus spend 3 daes.. slpin slpin n still slpin.. cos of e medication.. it isnt my fault actuall.. so dun blame mi 4 not bloggin yun.. haiz.. i jus tired.. i jus wanna get back 2 sch.. i wanna hav a taste of havin unfinished hmwk.. haiz.. how i wish.. i movin hse le.. will b quite busi actuall.. but guess next 2 weeks i hav lesser time 2 blog.. sorrie 4 frenz.. my hm add n hm no will change.. but hp no n e-mail add wont change.. so u guys still can contact mi thru my hp n e-mail add.. dun worry.. heez.. will get back 2 u guys soon after i move hse de.. (>.<).. i'm jus tired.. when can get a chance 2 lean on ur shoulders?? when can i tok 2 u freely?? when can my dreamz b fulfilled?? i'm jus tired of tinkin these questions.. i jus wan a simple life.. jian dan jiu shi mei...

[ alignment tool(s) 21st anniversary dinner ]

[ alignment tool(s) 21st anniversary dinner ]

2dae is 1st of may... but plz allow mi 2 tok abt yester's big event 1st..

• 30th april

yester is my company 21st anniversary dinner & dance.. hmm.. 2 mani.. is a veri big event.. but 2 mi.. it's nothin much lahz.. so.. i nv realli cares lahz.. jus bought a little jacket n a handbag.. e dress n heels is old de.. but hardly wear lahz.. nv realli go make-up.. jus put mascara n lip stick lohz.. hair oso nv style lahz.. so troublesome n waste money.. went 2 meet yun at tiong.. n saw jacqueline at tiong mac.. n hav our lunch settled at e food court there.. yun ate chicken rice n i ate pig stomach soup.. wah diaoz.. e ajinomoto realli a lot ar.. make so thirsty.. instead of gettin a drink.. we had ice-cream.. 3 flavours comprising of yogurt,chocolate n cookies n cream.. yum yum.. so long nv hav ice-cream le.. cos so called havin diet lahz.. cos i scare i cannot fit in2 e dress lahz.. lolx(=.=!!).. went 2 search 4 a block 2 do my manicure lohz.. yun volunteer 2 do it 4 mi de.. lolx.. oh gosh.. guess wat.. e mosquito there simply lurve us too much.. they jus keep kissin us.. oh gosh..

due 2 my work, i hav 2 get in contact wif chemical every single dae.. n tis makes my hands n my nails realli weak.. e skin jus peels off easily.. while buffin my nails, e skin tears, n blood came gashin out.. i tink it realli scares ah yun.. lolx.. it's pretti okie lahz.. jus not in e best or shld sae ideal place 4 manicure.. but still wanna thankie u ah yun.. thankie 4 helpin mi do manicure.. lolx.. after we had everythingy done, we headed back 2 tiong at buy bubble tea at tiong sweettalk.. wat e hell.. e girl serving us is jus too freakin rude.. cant stand tis kinda of pple.. service line.. i repeat it's service line lehz.. wif such attitude.. how 2 work in service line.. hmmmm... calm down!!!!

after which, we sat at e umbrella table outside old chang kee.. we chat till around 5pm b4 i send yun 2 take bus at e opp bus-stop.. her bus came quite fast.. after she boarded e bus, i crossed e rd 2 take bus16 2 orchard.. e bus is jus realli slow.. bcos of tat, i saw 2 person i hasnt seen 4 long.. it's huiqing n tiensoon.. but luckily they didnt c mi.. not bcos i'm in a sorrie state.. but jus tat i jus dunoe how 2 react if they realli c mi.. i'm oso afraid tat huiqing will diao mi.. jus dunoe how is he living now.. as 4 tiensoon, still as xia lan lahz.. jus bwg abt him..

i'm slightly late.. cos of e bus lahz.. my dinner is held at chengdu restuarant in hotel grand central (it's jus behind meredien hotel).. all e 4 qc gers r arranged 2 b e recieptists.. sound so funny.. y not e admin gers?? bcos they dun look presentable?? lolx.. hahaz.. my leader.. as usual lahz.. my manager drove her there.. tat kampong ger.. veri shan ding de.. country bumpkin type.. even specialist shoppin centre oso dunoe.. hopeless.. aiyoz.. y?? y tong ren bu tong ming?? i jus cant stand her.. my pinky dress is bought last yr.. but i onli wear twice.. it costs mi 50over bucks.. i bought a pink little jacket too.. 4 14bucks at far east.. a pair of heels bought at bata.. n a handbag from og.. but guess wat.. my leader bought her clothes at this fashion.. alamak!!! so cheap.. summore xue pple wear low cut blouse.. oso dunoe wat she wanna show.. yuck!!!

did quite a no of thingy.. run here n there n carry this carry tat.. finall.. i can get back 2 do recieptist.. oh no.. i jus cant stand her poor english.. english worse than mine.. my parents were late.. cos my mom hav 2 rush hm 2 pom pom from work n rush cab down.. e 1st thingy my mom saw my leader.. she sae.. alamak.. wear till so ugly.. so low class.. lolx.. though she got style her hair, she got make-up.. but e feedback abt her is jus bad.. oops.. my boss kept teasin mi in front of my parents.. sae i look great in my wearin.. olx.. it's jus simply 2 mi lahz.. our host 4 2dae is MC King.. he's realli cute.. lolx(>.<).. it's realli filled wif excitement.. my dad win a total of 250bucks voucher 4 bein e male champion 4 e best dress contest.. lolx.. gana sabotage oso can win.. lolx.. e food.. i dun realli like it lahz..

i jus dun hav e appetite 2 eat.. mayb bcos e muslim table r opp ours.. n tat kannan kept lookin over.. i hav a rumour wif him.. i jus dunoe who e hell create it.. if is my kor.. i sure chop him off.. lolx.. e whole dinner is filled wif laughter.. i enjoyed it a lot.. but i didnt take pics.. even wif da jie n kor..haiz.. wat a pity.. 1st prize is lcd tv.. guess who won it? not 8838 (my lucky draw no).. is 8828..it's jenny.. from admin.. hmmm.. an enjoyable but tirin dae..

• 1st may

hmmm.. after cumin hm late yester.. 2dae.. i suppose it's a holidae.. it's holidae.. shld relax.. actuall wanna go kbox de.. but au ben dan.. call him he not hm.. end up.. i caught a flu so is yun.. so we stayed hm.. i movin hse liao le ma.. so i'm hm packin all my stuff.. pack pack n pack.. after everythingy is shifted 2 my new flat.. is unpack, unpacked n unpacked.. oh gosh.. sick man.. so ma fan.. but i gonna hav my own room.. yeah!!!!~ my own space.. lookin 4ward 2 tat.. yes!!!!

[ let mi go 2 rest ]

[ let mi go 2 rest ]

haiz.. it's 11 plus liao.. yet i still awake n still blogging.. lolx(>.<).. was out wif zhongteck, ziyuan, kenneth, weidong n yun jus now.. went 2 view e npcc dae parade at e hq 2dae.. it's at e new campus.. at chua chu kang.. hmmm.. we took e chartered bus at cck interchange.. ah yun 4gotten tat's a chartered bus so she went 2 tap her ez-link.. lolx.. so funny.. make much much nicer n bigger than e old one.. n definitely dun look as scary.. lolx.. heez.. realli mizzes ms liang alot.. saw lian kiat, weiqi they all.. liankiat.. tis name sound familiar rite?? hahaz.. he's our squadmate.. okie.. i repeat.. he belongs 2 nco warriors 03'04.. not 04'05 de okie.. yet.. he joined them.. mayb i jus dun gd bein wif them.. i mean nco from 04'05 lahz..

i sae sumthingy veri bad 2dae.. i sae abt e nco from 04'05.. summore use weidong's squad 2 describe them.. weidong mus b veri angry wif mi.. haiz.. sorrie weidong.. i noe i'm haste in my words.. didnt get 2 c ms liang.. cos it's jus too crowded.. 10th gold award.. will there still b e 11th one?? (>.<).. saw haven been eatin anythingy since mornin.. so damn hungry.. yet tat stupid bdae boi ong zhong teck wanna go till bugis n eat.. sae wanna watch soccer.. oh gosh.. end up.. after much arguement.. they decided 2 eat at clementi.. n oh cos at coffee shop cos they wanna watch soccer lohz.. haiz.. soccer nice mehz? kick here kick there still a ball.. lolx.. e coffeeshop near 7-eleven.. aiyoz.. so mani old man.. all look like lecher.. lolx.. jus make mi feel like i'm in geylang.. lolx.. end up.. mi n yun decided 2 go 2 mac 4 dinner.. n dunoe y.. weidong n kenneth decided 2 tag along.. but tat stupid kenneth... i go buy food then he left 4 hm liao le.. haiz..

ah yun ate nugget meal n i ate macspicy meal.. lolx.. n i love mayo a lot.. guess wat.. wei dong ate e same thingyas well.. oh gosh~ he sae.. "oh no.. i got e same taste as u".... lolx(>.<).. shockingly.. alwaz sae my taste veri poor.. lolx(=.=).. sum pple's taste is jus as poor.. ho ho ho (#.#).. saw rainbow 2dae oso.. i almost 4gotten.. kekez.. mayb bcos now adays keep rainin ba.. rain.. plz take away my worries wif u.... at mac.. we tok abt mani of e past np stuff.. n realli awaken lotsa of saddenin moments as well as angry moments.. n of cos.. sum sickenin pple who left our lives wif scars n make our lives inprefect.. but i'm sure.. those scars realli make us learned n grew from it..

but these sickenin pple out there.. r u awaken 2 ur own mistakes?? bu yao yi cuo zai cuo le, ni hui yue xian yue shen de.. dao shi huo, jiu hui yi fa bu ke shou shi.. on our way back, i mean mi, ah yun n au ben dan.. we were waitin 4 bus at clementi interchange.. then got 3 foreign workers kept starin n walkin pass mi n ah yun.. hahaz.. guess wat.. au ben dan stands closer 2 us.. heez.. end up.. their bus cum le.. leavin mi alone waitin 4 bus 282.. oh gosh.. guess wat.. e 3 men boarded e same bus as mi.. n they jus sit opp mi.. n kept starin at mi.. if not of weidong's reaction, i wun b so terrified.. alamak.. luckily, my mom n didi jus return from outside.. so i called them 2 pick mi up at e bus stop.. after tis incident.. guess i'll try 2 return hm earlier..

[[ x zao ji zhe ni ........ zao ji zhe shi ji mei you ni x ]]

[ zao ji zhe ni... zao ji zhe shi ji mei you ni ]

haiz.. 2dae.. i actuall set my alarm clock 2 wakey at 10am tis mornin.. n guess wat.. i woke up at 8++.. haiz.. n then i went 4 breakfast wif my dad,mom n didi at e usual coffeeshop we alwaz visit on sundae mornin.. i had a bowl of fish porriage n a cup of hot milo.. cos mom sae early mornin cannot drink cold drinks.. i added egg 4 e porriage n guess wat.. it's so raw though i kept covering e egg wif e warm porriage.. *yuck* .. got e raw raw smell veri disgusting..

walkin around wif my dolly hairstyle.. feel so weird.. heez.. but.. it's a gd change ma.. at least i look younger.. after which, i met catherine at clementi n had our lunch at mac.. hmmm.. after which we went 2 shop 4 mascara at watson.. then we headed 2 tampines by mrt.. got 2 hear 2 veri touching testi from 2 of our soka mbers.. realli veri touching.. i even drop tears.. every time i hear testi from our soka mbers, i will feel tat actuall my life isnt as bad actuall lahz.. so thru hearin testi from them, it will realli encourages mi a lot.. it will encourage mi 2 move on..

on our way, catherine vomitted on e mrt.. oh gosh!! scare mi.. mayb bcos too mani pple liao then veri stuffy lohz.. haiz.. i met yun at tiong.. then she went shoppin 4 clothes.. haiz.. how i wish i can new clothes too.. but.. my mom restricts mi from buyin.. cos i realli got too mani clothes in my wardrode liao le.. summmore sum nv even wear b4 de.. saw sum realli nice ladies' slippers.. realli feel like buyin.. but slippers n shoes oso a lot.. so dare not buy scare mom scold.. lolx.. heez.. cos i movin hse soon liao le.. if got mani stuff.. then will hav sum probz.. though i gonna hav my own room soon.. heez.. but stay in e west so long.. all a sudden movin 2 north side.. feelin a bit uneasy.. i still love my old hse at bukit batok.. though i onli stay there 5 yrs..

but majority of my frenz stay in west n south.. my soka activities r oso in e west.. haiz.. realli veri tired ar.. realli.. i wanna go on holidae!!! i wanna travel!!!

i jus fulfill one of my wishes!!!!

[ i jus fulfill one of my wishes!!!! ]

heez.. guess y i am online at tis hr?? coz i jus came hm from hougang.. heez.. wat am i doin there?? mi n yun went 2 one of e salon there.. actuall.. my job 2dae is 2 fulfill her wish of doin rebonding lahz.. so i brought there 2 search 4 salons lohz.. end up.. we actuall went back 2 e same salon where i did my ice rebondin abt 1 1/2 yr ago.. lolx.. lolx.. c my nick u mus tink i go do rebonding again.. but.. no lahz.. i didnt.. coz my mom lohz.. she dun wanna give mi money do.. she sae will spoil my hair texture then e chemical oso not gd 4 my hair.. i nv do perming oso lahz.. coz my mom sae too chao lao liao.. rebonding alread makes much more matured than b4.. so nv intend 2 turn older.. lolx.. summore.. i scare.. scare it dun suits mi well..

now.. my whole hair is clean clean n filled wif a bit of salon smell.. coz i hav alread been stuck there from 3++ till 7++.. lolx.. coz yun do shiseido rebonding ma.. heez.. but rebonding indeed makes her look more presentable.. lolx.. she goin 2 chop mi when she reads my entry.. lolx.. heez(=.=!!).. lolx.. wat i hav done wif my hair?? i jus fulfill e 1st dream listed on my wishlist.. n tat's a new hairstyle.. yeah!!!! plz look below..


tat's how my hair looks like durin my sec 4 life b4 i do my rebonding


tat's how my hair looks like in feb durin chinese new yr


tat's how my hair looks like in april at melvin's bdae celebration


tat's how my hair looks like now......... (=.=!!)


big big changes after 2 yrs rite?? lolx.. mus tu po ma.. heez.. anw.. i'm realli satisfied wif my hairstyle now.. a new hairstyle.. a new start.. heez.. gambatie..

dai zui gao yang

[ dai zui gao yang ]

few daes again.. i jus met a veri frustrating incident.. tat's was on tuesdae,11th of april.. haiz.. as usual.. i'm alwaz veri busi at work.. in order nt 2 delay my work.. i skipped e tea break at 10am.. yet, my leader, xiao jun, my da jie,xiu juan n my fren anna still continue 2 go 4 their tea break.. due 2 shortage of tubes 4 our cutters, one of e sales-person actuall mentioned tis probz durin our company daily production meetin.. due 2 tat probz bein mentioned, actions had 2 b carried out 2 get tis probz solve 4 e moment.. e admin manager who is oso in charge of e purchasing of tubes actuall went 2 e store where our cutters r kept as stock 2 search 4 old tubes.. truely, they found quite a no of tubes..

e admin manager is frustrated bein e complain lodged.. she atuall went 2 question my 3 seniors.. n guess wat.. my leader sae tat she actuall instructed mi 2 go 2 e store 2 search 4 it but i told her i cannot find.. oh wat e ... tat's e frustrating part.. she didnt even instruct mi 2 search 4 e tubes 4 e cutters left on e shelf in qc.. wat e hell!! how can she push e blame 2 mi?? how can?? as a senior, as a leader, how can do such a thingy 2 her junior?? HOW CAN?? i realli feel saddenin workin in tis department.. my da jie n anna actuall suggest mi 2 go tell e admin manager e truth.. but i noe.. there's no point sayin anythingy more.. my manager will protect my leader de..

every single dae.. u will jus c her doin thingy so slowly tat u feel like choppin off her hands.. n u c n hear e way she tok.. u will jus feel like slappin her stinky mouth.. n u c e way she pretend doing thingy.. in other words, *k-eng*(hokkien).. u jus feel like ... argh~ she's e one alwaz pretendin tis pretendin tat.. yet.. my manager nv sae anythingy.. n summore sae i'm e one pretendin.. wat e hell!! when other pple rushing 4 shipment n e needs e profile projector (machine used 2 check cutters), she will alwaz fight 2 use it.. n when pple rushin 2 type e report, she will b typin her report, takin her own sweet time at e computer..

n when she finishes her stuff 4 shipment or e m'sia cutters dun hav 2 send 4 shipment, she will still continue 2 check her own cutters n will nv volunteer 2 help out wif e shipment.. n even when she rushin 4 shipment, when her fone rings, she will still pick up n takes at least 5 mins outside e rm tokin.. everytime is her bf.. everythingy oso her bf.. alwaz tell pple my bf tis my bf tat.. got bf big deal ar?? u hav, other pple oso hav ar.. wat's e big deal?? i dun c any.. y?? tong ren bu tong ming ar.. bcos of tat, i jus bcum pple's dai zui gao yang..

addicted

[ addicted ]

hmmm.. i hav been searchin 4 tis song 4 veri long.. hopin 2 change my blog music.. 4 frenz who mizz it.. yester e song i input is SHE's bu xiang zhang da.. but 2dae.. dunoe y.. i jus feel like findin e song tat can describe my feelin now.. hmmm.. tink less than 2 mths again.. i once told a fren who told mi tat he hope tat he can find his happiness soon.. then i oso dunoe y.. i feel tat he will meet his ms rite soon.. so i told him.. it's cumin soon liao le.. n tell him not 2 worry.. now.. guess wat.. he told him he got a gf le.. n hav been datin 4 almost 1 mth liao le.. realli feels veri happi 4 him.. heez..

though i haven meet mine.. but i noe.. he's near.. is jus tat e time isnt rite.. therefore i still dunoe.. mayb he's sum1 i noe alread.. lolx.. like fa hua chi like tat.. but havin sum1 u love bein there 4 all e time is realli a great thingy.. i'm sure i'll b filled wif happiness de.. WO SHI XING FU DE.. tat's wat i believe.. yester.. i'm on e fone wif one of my jie, catherine.. we tok realli a lot.. rangin from her bf 2 my ex.. i realli envy catherine n stephanie.. both of them realli fortunate hav such great bfs.. haiz.. sumtimes.. goin out wif them i oso feel paiseh.. cos i like light bulb like tat.. then will feel bein neglected like tat.. haiz.. they oso kept pushin mi.. ask mi find sum1 dating.. but this kinda thingy how can force de?? lolx.. am i rite?

i realli cant rmb how izzit like 2 fall 4 sum1 deeply.. how long did ur longest crush last?? mine was 4 yrs.. tat was durin my pri sch daes.. lolx.. on a veri nice guy.. he oso veri rich.. he's tat type veri gentlemen type.. less than 2 mths time.. i met him on e bus.. lolx.. tat was e 1st time i seen him after we graduated from pri. sch.. he still look e same.. so handsome.. mi n him quite fated.. after pri.2 we changed sch cos our sch demolished.. then we ended in e same class n e same class summore.. after streamin in pri.4 we went in2 diff class.. he veri clever so he went 2 best em2 class.. after then.. our frenship slowly turns pale.. but i still rmb him as my best bud.. after which 2nd crush last abt 3 yrs.. lolx.. so long.. i still rmb one of my fren's cousin has a crush on a ger 4 seven yrs.. wow.. tat's long.. longer than a relationship..

crush usuall last longer than a relationship.. my longest relationship onli last 1 yr plus.. yet my longest crush was 4 yrs.. tat was when i was veri naive lahz.. hahaz.. anw.. lovin sum1 is nv easy.. findin sum1 u love is nv easy too.. so couples out there.. mus cherish ur partner worz.. n nv take them 4 granted.. cos everythingy dun comes as u wan........


[ A d d i c t e d ] - simple plan

heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm a dick
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend
I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker Heartbreaker Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that
I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
[x2]

Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker

bu xiang zhang da

[ bu xiang zhang da ]

* i jus wanna faster let my boss noe tat i hav alread finished my basic german course.. cos i wanna go 2 germany now.. e faster e beta.. there's jus lotsa thingys i need 2 avoid.. there's a lotsa of thingys i need 2 hide.. i once mentioned tat my boss tok 2 mi.. hmmm.. did i??? he asked mi 2 endure.. he saes i'm a smart ger.. he noes tat i will tolerate.. n i tink i will.. but i realli need a rest badly.. realli.. veri veri tired...............

haiz.. wrote half way then went 4 dinner liao le.. end up.. guess wat.. i didnt c properly.. i didnt step on e board.. but instead.. in2 e board.. n guess wat.. my big toe e nail broken.. luckily.. it isnt e whole nail cum out.. veri painful now.. sobx sobx.. y so bad luck?? haiz.. *pain pain*.. wo de ma ya.. veri tired ar.. haiyo....

i now quote one of ikeda sensei's guidance.. " It is an illusion to think that we can find happiness by going to some other place, far away from our present reality. Our happiness is determined b our mindset. if we resolve that the place where we are right now is the perfect place to carrying out Buddhist practice, and if we challenge ourselves there, then that place will become the "Capital of Eternally Tranquil Light". It will shine as a bight citadel of happiness."

after reading this.. i realised i cant run away from thingys.. i shld accept who ever i am, where ever i'm now at, n what ever situation i'm in now.. by getting away n findin a new place 2 start afresh will makes mi equally like a coward.. i cant hide away form my probz forever.. this is my karma.. i will learn 2 accept.. livin in such a busi n big city.. pple tends 2 get tired easily.. all i long 4 is in tis planet i'm living.. there's sum1 who is willin 2 lend mi his shoulder n sum1 who can make mi be ruan ru.. i dun wan 2 let pple hav e tinking tat i'm a veri strong ger.. i'm a ger too.. i oso wanna feel ruan ru.. i dun wan 2 alwaz 2 pretend 2 b strong.. i'm sick of bein strong.. wo ye yao ruan ru..

wo bu xiang wo bu xiang bu xiang zhang da......................................................

* jiu shi wo *

[ jiu shi wo ]

*it's mi of cos.. lolx.. haiz.. it's sundae again.. goin 4 gakkai stuff ltr again.. but tis time round.. haiz.. ah cat cannot make it again.. *sad*.. haiz.. i'm realli troubled.. troubled wif a probz tat i cant anyhow voice out 2 any1.. e worse thingy is tat.. my parents r e ones who cannot noe tis.. haiz.. how?? who shld i trust?? who can voice tis 2?? i'm goin 2 suffocate soon.... i dunoe when i will collapse soon liao le.. if i tell my parents, he will nv trust mi again.. tink tis will make thingys worse.. he wun voice out 2 mi.. i wun noe how he's gettin liao..

how bad can he b?? y he doesnt hav 2 wisdom 2 tink?? luckily.. he got e wisdom 2 let mi noe.. tat's e worse part.. it's givin mi headache.. goin 2 faint soon.. i'm late again.. late by one dae onli.. i tot of registerin 4 o'lvl private again.. i wanna give myself a last chance 2 study harder.. but e registration is close.. close yesterdae.. haiz.. i'm givin up.. i'm realli tired.. y is every1 pressurizin mi??

i jus finished my german course.. guess i'll fly any time.. 13hrs of flight 2 germany.. how i wish i'm not cumin back.. haiz.. i wanna hide.. i wanna run away.. run away.. i dun wanna face e fact.. dun wanna face e truth.. dun wanna b in e situation i am in now.. do u noe how i gettin on? do u noe how i push myself thru?? thru cheatin myself.. pian yi tian guo yi tian.........

y mus i sound so pathetic?? y?? c da jie(steph) filled wif happiness bein wif jie fu.. c xiu juan jie wif jiefu 4 almost 4 yrs.. i'm jus so envy.. haiz.. i oso need sum1 2 care 4 mi ar.. y i alwaz meet e wrong guy?? those i met.. they r jus nt truthworthy enough.. got 1 even step 2 boats at 1 time.. it's so hurtin.. if nv flower-heart means wanna zhan you mi.. i'm a human bein ar.. nt an object ar.. relationship thingy is yong you.. not zhan you ar.. i'm tired.......................................................................................

guess i'm alive again!!!!!!!!!

[ guess i'm alive again ]

hmmm... was doin my tagboard jus now.. changed 3 times.. kaoz.. kept givin probz.. i oso dunoe whether frenz tag mi or not.. haiz.. stupid blog.. went 2 read ah yun's blog jus now.. n left lotsa tag entries 4 her.. lolx.. dun sae i nv tag u worz.. hahaz.. who is ah yun?? 4 those who dunoe.. she is my best bud.. lolx.. haiz.. guess wat i'm doin now.. i jus taken my breakfast.. n i'm listenin 2 e cd 2 learn my gongyo.. haiz.. cos frenz of mine kept askin mi 2 learn gongyo asap.. includin my parents of cos.. hmmm.. especiall benny lohz.. sms mi oso ask mi do gongyo.. lolx.. mayb can show u sumthingy interestin..since i got my own digital camera.. lolx.. hahaz..but now camera chargin.. low batt..



(( my name written on e envelope ))
( guess is written by benny)


(( e cover page of my bdae card ))


(( greetings written by melvin 2 mi ))


(( greetings written by benny 2 mi ))


(( greetings written by stephanie 2 mi ))


(( greetings written by jiafeng 2 mi ))

see e difference btw e 4 greetings write by them ma?? lolx.. 3 of them ask mi learn gongyo.. so i promised them liao so i mus learn!!!!

hmmm.. 4 frenz concern abt my situation now.. okie.. i'm studyin basic german course now.. havin my very last lesson next week.. not intendin 2 take intermediate now.. cos no time le.. need 2 1/2 months 2 complete e course.. i dun hav time le.. not bcos i'm goin 2 mati.. but i'm germany le.. should b goin switzerland n western part of germany.. mus organize farewell party 4 mi worz.. lolx.. kiddin onli.. not goin veri long oso..

on fridae.. which is e 17th of tis month.. a grp of visitors came 2 my company.. n my boss actuall instructed my manager 2 send mi 2 e helicheck.. okie.. helicheck is a machine used by e QC 2 check e tools.. it is e machine bought from germany.. cost a lot.. lolx.. n i'm goin germany 4 training under tis machine.. it is computerized n needs setting.. n lotsa setting itself in e machine is in german lanaguage.. so.. no chance hav 2 learn german.. guess mayb i oso got chance 2 go overseas like my dad for yrs.. he once work in japan, china n switzerland.. 4 yrs.. companies in switzerland even send their pple 2 cum spore 2 hire my dad 2 work in switzerland..

i nv noe tat my dad is so great.. i noe all those from my boss.. he saes.. my dad can work overseas 4 yrs alone.. so he believe i oso can.. when my dad work in china.. he n my mom alread registered their marriage.. in yr 1981.. if my dad nv go overseas.. now i tink i'll b in my 20s liao le.. lolx.. hahaz.. sound so old 2 mi.. heez.. n i wont b able 2 noe such a great bunch of frenz.. n i wun bcum e alumni of soka kinder.. belongin 2 e 1st batch of soka kinder students.. i feel realli realli proud of myself.. heez.. n i'm realli glad tat i'm fortune baby..

i had been feelin depressed 4 e past few weeks.. cos havin headache n feel giddy veri often.. mayb bcos i'm slightly low blood.. dun believe rite?? i look so strong.. tat's was e past lahz.. cos last time in npcc ma.. alwaz jog n do exercises.. now.. sleepin oso no time.. on workin daes.. i onli sleep 5 to 6 hrs plus onli.. can u imagine tat?? so everydae work like vampire.. haiz.. no choice lahz..

2dae is sundae.. yet i woke up at 8.. but bcos i goin back 2 company 4 overtime.. not bcos under my block.. they havin community centre events.. ahhhhhhhhhhh.. so noisy.. actuall intend 2 slp till 12 noon de.. lolx.. if i noe so noisy.. i would hav wakey early n go 2 senja or telok blangah n do mornin daimoku n gongyo.. haiz.. i sae in march i wanna go.. but 4 2 sundaes.. i nv go.. cos no1: i'm jus too tired.. no2: nobodi pei mi go.. my mom hav 2 work.. my dad works too.. even if he dun, i wun choose goin chantin wif him.. he will jus nag n nag thru out e journey.. my bro.. even worse.. he dun cum out 4 activites de.. lazy pig.. onli go 4divison meetin monthly onli.. cos he same han as my dad.. no choice.. so tat's bein forced.. n he nv join ndp too.. cos he havin n'level tis yr.. lolx.. 2 of my reasons.. i noe they sounds more like excuses..

hey.. any soka frenz who saw my tis entries.. wanna pei mi go?? lolx.. even if u wanna go tampines de.. i oso can pei.. at least sum1 wif mi i'll feel more secure.. i got a veri bad habit.. i dun like 2 attend meetings alone.. i'm jus afraid of loneliness.. realli afraid.. so when 2 of my gd sistas.. stephanie n catherine graduated from fd 2 sd.. i nv attend fd meetings le.. now.. i'm not schoolin at e moment.. but attends sd meetin wif steph ard.. if not of her.. i'll b dislocate wif gakkai activites le..

last yr i had an operation.. after then.. 4 e 1 yr's time.. i havin been slpin.. not realli in2 practicin.. feel so guilty.. after stephy's bdae celebration.. she's been askin out 4 activites.. n on tat dae itself.. i oso noe 2 great frenz.. benny n melvin.. though they dun belongs 2 west region RHQ4.. lolx.. but guess i'll b gettin away west region activites le.. dunoe if i shld change a district.. i'm shiftin hse.. movin 2 our own flat i yishun soon le.. haiz.. in april i tink.. haiz.. cumin 4 RHQ4 activites will b a tough challenge 4 mi.. n my district.. majority r eldery.. they r cantonese spoken.. though i'm a cantonese n doesnt face a probz in speakin my dialect..

but e probz is my district isnt active at all.. includin my leaders.. especiall my ywd leader.. she havin lotsa of probz recently.. n she arent doin her part in askin mi out 4 activties.. hmmm.. she will sms mi informin mi of activties 4 e ywd.. but i nv c her attendin.. she alwaz havin personal stuffs n tight up wif work.. how will e member b active if e leader herself/himself isnt active?? as 4 my ymd leader.. he isnt callin his onli 2 ywd.. n tat' s e reason y my dad transfer my didi out of my district.. my dad used 2 b e leader of my district.. he is e asst. district leader.. in other words.. there's another district above him.. ever since my dad rise as e asst.district.. e district leader himself arent doin his part 4 e district.. cos he noes tat my dad is there 2 help him.. feelin frustrated n wantin him 2 do his part.. my dad transfered out of e district.. n my mom now.. she is e asst.district wd leader as well.. but my district.. e leaders themselves hav lotsa mis-communciation.. if e leaders themselves cant even communicate, how can e leaders interact well wif e members??

last time we used 2 hav gosho studies durin district meetings.. i dun seems 2 learn anythingy abt nichiren daishonin n so on.. if not 4 mi 2 attend e entrance exam n e byakuren kenshu yester.. i nv hav noe so much.. oh ya.. entrance exam.. my ywd n mi registered 4 it 2gether.. she was e one who encourages mi 2 take up e exam.. though i nv realli put in effort 2 go 4 e study meetings n study hard 4 it.. i still went 4 e exam last week.. but my leader didnt go.. y i nv attend study meetings?? cos my leader nv go.. so i didnt even feel like attendin.. guess i'll hav 2 wait another 3 yrs 2 attend e exam again ba.. haiz..

i will make yr 2006 a fulfilling yr 4 mi.. i wun waste my time on those unimportant stuff liao.. jus like my relation.. is was a down turn 4 mi last yr.. i broke off wif my ex on e dae i actuall celebrated my da jie, stephanie's bdae.. tat dae was realli a bit bad 4 mi.. if i'm wasnt wif her n e grp of soka frenz.. i wun noe wat silly thingy i'll do 2 myself.. n mani thingy happened as well.. jus dunoe wanna tok abt it..

i oso wanna thankie a few persons here.. tat is.. STEPHANIE.. she was e one who help mi a lot n pushin mi 4 activites.. JIAFENG oso.. like my da jie, stephanie.. tis brother-in-law of mine.. oso forces mi a lot.. n MELVIN.. durin my bdae celebration.. he told mi a very big incident tat happens in his family.. thru tat incident he told mi.. i came out wif my decision of solvin my probz.. n of cos BENNY lohz.. he tok 2 mi alot while we were walkin down e streets of orchard.. n ANNA.. my ywd leader.. she oso encourages mi a lot.. hmmm.. of cos there's other frenz as well.. sorrie 4 troublin u guys.. thankie 4 bein there 4 mi.. love u guys alwaz.. rmb.. u guys r e most impt assets of my life.. *wink*


Watch ur thoughts, they bcum ur words.
Watch ur words, they bcum ur actions.
Watch ur actions, they bcum ur habits.
Watch ur habits, they bcum ur character.
Watch ur character, they bcum ur liking

jessica loh is already dead !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ jessica loh is already dead!!!!!!!! ]

* haiz.. so much misery surroundin mi.. n guess wat.. i'm suffocatin ar.. recently.. sum stupid rashes appeared on my skin.. haiz.. makin my skin so itchy.. oh no.. no choice.. is jus too itchy.. so i went 2 e doc.. n he gave mi mc.. wif tat.. i hav 2 inform my manager n tell him i wun b there 4 work.. n guess wat.. i sms him he dun wanna reply.. e next dae.. my mom wans mi 2 go 2 e doc again.. so no choice.. tis time round i called him.. called him 4 times n my dad called him twice.. he simply dun wanna pick up my call on purpose.. nvm it's okie.. so i called e office n look 4 him instead..

e moment he pick up e call.. he scolded mi.. sae i shld call e office instead of callin his hp.. i nv noe tat there such a rule ard in e company.. he jus unhappi over mi.. tis is my 1st job.. nobodi tells mi wat 2 do.. i jus hav 2 search n explore my way those all these shit.. thru out e 10 mins call.. i'm jus sayin hmmmm... n listenin 2 all those unreasonable n unneccesary scoldin from mi.. time n again.. he threatens mi.. sae bcos benson(my dad), i'll b ard till now.. if it's others.. they will b sack alread..

i rmb.. when i was confirmed by e company.. e HR director, who is oso my lao ban niang told mi in front of my manager tat " no one will compare u wif ur dad, u r u.. n ur dad is dad ".. he even agreed wif her.. but now.. my life is alwaz threatenin wif danger.. i jus dunoe who will stab mi from e back again.. i told my dad wat happened after i put down e fone.. guess wat.. i realli cant stand e pressure.. i bust out in2 tears.. i cried.. i jus realli tired.. y?? y mi?? y wateva i do, he's jus unhappi over mi?? y do i hav such a hypocritical manager?? he alwaz so nice 2 mi onli when e boss is ard.. but when my boss isnt.. here cums his fox's tail..

he alwaz threaten 2 sack mi.. n alwaz sae bcos of mi dad.. i can stay in e company till now.. haiz.. is jus hatred n personal attack btw e 2 of us.. 1 yr plus in e company.. i jus dunoe when will i realli break down.. he jus simply dun work wif compassion.. i'm jus a 17 yrs old ger.. he alwaz bull shit in e company.. tink tat he noes everything.. hahaha.. tat's funny.. he dun allows mi 2 tok.. ever 2 my jie n my close fren anna.. if they tok 2 mi.. they will in turn gets scoldin.. n he alwaz use my lao ban niang 2 threaten mi.. ever if i wanna take mc.. it mus b bcos of veri veri serious illness.. sumtimes.. it's not i realli loves skippin work.. is jus tat.. i alwaz weak.. i often hav flu.. n doc alwaz give mi mc.. he noe i'm under pressure.. i cant affect 2 neglect even is jus small sickness like cold flu..

i jus dunoe when will i go crazy.. i realli love tis job.. is alwaz filled wif challenges n filled wif experiences.. everyone is nice 2 mi.. onli my manager n my leader.. 2 hypocrites in one small department.. is realli bull shit.. i noe both boss n lao ban niang realli treat mi n my family veri nice.. dad n uncle roger (boss) noe each other 4 almost 30 yrs.. my dad used 2 work there.. but he met sum conflict n he left.. now he's back.. he intro mi in.. even wifout an interview by him(my manager).. i'm arranged 2 work in e qc under e instruction of boss.. tat's e veri 1st thingy tat makes him(my manager) so bei song(not happi).. now boss paid 4 y german course n wans mi 2 go 2 germany.. he's even more unahppi.. cos he alwaz wish tat boss will put his baobei(my leader) 4 e training in germany..

when he scolds mi.. he will sae " go hm n tell ur mom i scold u".. isnt tat tryin 2 threaten my mom 2 cum 2 company n scold him?? luckily my mom didnt.. once in a while, boss will look 4 mi.. he will alwaz ask how's my work n how's thingy in my department.. i'll alwaz sae " everythingy is fine, my manager treats mi veri nice ".. when one of e production manager knew tat i'm alwaz speakin up 4 my manager from my dad.. he sae i'm stupid n silly.. y dun i speak up e truth.. n y mus i cover up 4 him.. my manager's reputation in e company is bad.. he isnt gd wif all e salepersons: jess,soon hoe, uncle adrain, uncle ng, jeremy.. he isnt gd wif my director, uncle jonathan too.. neither e production managers like him especially uncle tok.. even my director dun likes him.. can u imagine?? there's oso a setter whom he used 2 b gd wif.. uncle seet.. now.. uncle seet dun even wanna speak 2 my manager..

tis thingy came in2 e ears of my boss.. even my boss oso feel tat it's cruel 2 treat a 17 yrs old ger wif hatred n personal attack.. he handle tis issue 2gether wif my dad n my director.. boss ask him twice.. " are u able 2 handle jessica or not??" till e end, my manager did not answer my boss.. he got a warning from my boss.. but till now.. is alread 2 weeks le.. thingys nv get anythingy better.. he still scolds mi wif out reasons.. but i noe i cant leave tis company.. cos i'm indebted 2 boss.. 4 wat he had done 2 my family.. my life is threatening 4 every sec i live.. my family.. now oso havin probz.. my idiotic bro oso veri kb.. he jus dun listen anyone of us.. n his studies.. jsu like shit.. i dun wan him 2 b like mi workin at such a young age..

haiz.. my mom n dad oso addin on 2 my pressure.. i noe they r tired at work.. but can u spare a tot tat i'm tired too?? i jus cant get 2 slp 4 e past 1 week.. n noe i'm been havin headache n flu.. but i noe i cant go 2 doc.. cos i can take mc again.. my studies.. is in a mess.. i cant opt 4 night class in poly.. they need min. 3 yrs of experience in my field.. my gakkai activities.. is tiring goin 4 meetin after work.. but i noe i need 2 chant hard 4 wisdom n strengthen.. 4 e gd fortunate..my byakuren training.. my work.. i oso dunoe wat 2 do.. i even tot of commitin suicide though i noe it wun helps.. but it will lessen my pain.. frenz mite find mi cheerful.. but i'm no longer e same old mi..

JESSICA LOH IS ALREADY DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chinese new yr dinner

[ chinese new yr dinner ]



yester.. early mornin.. went 2 da jie's hse there de void deck 2 wait 4 her.. cos she got so mani thingy 2 carry then she cant cope.. so i went 2 help her.. waited 4 quite sum time.. then saw kor came back from nitez shift work.. he ask mi y i there.. lolx.. kor looked veri veri tired.. haiz.. so *xin tong* ..after which, mi,da jie, jie fu n ah tong took a cab 2 work.. then saw ah miao,ah jia n our company manager, jonathan at e lobby of our company.. he saw mi carryin so mani thingy.. he tot i goin 2 run away 2 m'sia.. lolx.. tat's lame.. it is oso our last dae workin b4 we go 4 our long break 4 new yr..

so we work till 12.30 n then go 4 e lunch at ah orh seafood restuarant 4 tiong bahru orhcid.. so sad.. tis yr nv go paramount hotel.. hmmm.. tink is bcos they nv book e place in time.. hmmm.. quite crowded.. but we booked in e inside air-con area.. at least not so hot.. we start eatin at abt 1 pm.. n drank lotsa of red wine.. i oso drank quite a lot.. but luckily i'm not drunk.. lolx.. but one of my fren was drunk.. n he vomited.. *worried*.. i told him not 2 drink so much.. but he sae he still can take it.. aiyoz.. oso dunoe wat happened 2 him.. dad oso drunk n vomited.. took quite a no of fotos wif my digital camera.. *satisfied*.. heez.. but upset over kor.. he goin back 4 a week.. will mizz u de kor.. n da jie oso..

after finishin our lunch.. every1 went around greetin one another happi new yr.. lolx.. n one of e worker, kannan.. so funny.. cum n wish mi happi new yr.. *shocked*.. i went around greetin pple oso.. n b4 i leave.. i went 2 wish one of my gd fren, ah keong.. he so di xiao.. ask mi y nv give hug.. lolx.. after which, mi, linda n michelle went 2 shop n orchard.. from paragon 2 taka n 2 far east.. bought a pair of slipper, a l'oreal paris's nail polish n a hat.. lolx.. e hat 70% off worz.. lolx.. so worthwhile.. as 4 e nail polsih got 20% discount worz.. lolx..

c so mani couples walkin down e orchard rd.. realli envy them.. how cum i not so fortunate 2 get a gd bf?? or izzit jus like wat michelle sae.. yuan fen haven cum yet? where is my little prince?? i wonder............................................

* a big gain *

[ a big gain ]

lolx.. how shld i start my entries?? hmmm.. oh.. shld reply benny..
benny: mus keep mi update worz.. n dun stress le.. mus get enough rest durin chinese new yr worz.. lolx.. dun dance dance n dance.. mus study hard hard oso..

my 1st german lesson at cambridge sch of languages started yester.. oh gosh.. firstly.. i wanna complain.. is e venue.. oh gosh.. is at peninsula plaza.. so scary sia.. make mi so worry.. cos e environment there veri messy ar.. 2nd.. e lift there so slow.. alamak.. lolx.. 1st lesson.. learn veri basic greeting n german grammer.. oh gosh .. *vomit blood* .. lolx.. but quite interestin.. n veri challenging.. lolx.. gambatie.. lolx..

2dae.. quite busi at work.. veri tired oso.. after which.. went tampines wif da jie n my work fren anna.. we went 2 collect e ring da jie bought.. as 4 anna.. she so upset.. cos e design of e ring dun hav le.. aiyoz.. n e ear rings i eyeing oso bein sold out 2dae mornin le.. *sad* n went 2 eat xiao long tang bao.. chicken soup, hot n sour soup n xia ren fried rice.. yummy.. lolx.. is indeed a gd meal 4 my hungry stomach.. lolx.. after which.. took mrt 2 yi po hse.. aunt bought mi a pair of heels from x:odus, few bags, sum clothes n a sony digital camera.. *yuppy*.. though is a 2nd hand one ( cos it used 2 belong 2 her ) but definitely in veri gd condition.. at 1st.. she dun realli feel lyk givin mi.. but she has another new digital camera le.. she's afraid tat if she dun give away.. it will soon b spoilt..

lolx.. *happy* .. is indeed e best gift b4 chinese new yr.. kekez.. nowadays.. at e canteen at my workplace.. eat lunch got special de..e lao ban niang sae i look realli lyk her bro's ex gf.. lolx.. tat's lame.. realli got pple who looks realli alike de mehz??? lolx.. tat dae.. mi n da jie order curry chicken noodles.. then is e lao ban niang's bro make de.. lolx.. my share veri big.. wif many chicken.. as 4 da jie.. much little than mine..

then da jie sae.. so unfair.. cos i got a bigger share.. then in e company.. when ever i go in2 ewag.. those malaysian frenz of mine will start teasin mi wif e "miao miao" thingy.. got a stupid rumour wif a guy miao foong... pple call him ah miao.. alamak.. diaoz.. summore his hp got secret.. no hp will die.. dunoe wat izzit goin on oso.. lolx.. i dunoe him at all.. except his name.. n onli speaks once 2 him bcos of work thingy.. like tat oso can hav rumour.. diaoz..

kor changed le.. now.. he no longer jokes wif mi.. i noe he's hidin his probz from mi.. sumthingy happened last yr n took my cheerful kor away.. it realli saddens mi a lot.. wat shld i do 2 help him?? wat shld i do??

is another dae of shoppin ...

[ is another dae of shoppin... ]

guess wat i was waken up by.. my da jie shockin sms.. she sms mi sae mus call her once i on my hp n sae it's urgent.. i realli jumped out of my bed.. she tried callin mi but i off hp le.. n called my hse.. my didi told him i slp le.. i tot it was bcos of work.. end up is bcos she wanna ask mi go shoppin wif her n anna.. alamak.. guess wat.. i wore a red top out 2dae jus 2 suit my pinky sports shoes.. i buy tat converse shoes long ago but nv wear it more than 10 times.. so mom naggin.. suit her lohz.. i wear.. had tian ji porriage 4 my breakfast.. hmmm.. nice nice.. lolx.. then went shop around at bedok n ran 2 tampines.. ate taiwan xiao chi.. wanna go look 4 fee mei.. but she nv work at tampines sake sushi outlet 2dae.. so unlucky.. so long nv c her.. she work there last than a yr.. got half a month bonus.. where is mine??? aiyoz..

oso dunoe got bonus take not.. hope got lohz.. hmmm.. went see see look look.. hav yet 2 buy any thingy.. until.... we step our feet in2 a shop call aura image consultancy.. it's at century square.. they sell lotsa jewellery.. realli nice.. da jie bought a ring n a pendant... anna order e same ring as her.. cos e ring too small 2 fit her.. all e jewellery from uk de.. wow.. i oso got moved by them.. end up.. guess wat.. i bought a pendant too.. heart shape de.. 925 sterling sliver plated wif white gold.. e consultant oso gave mi a chain.. n da jie hav one free from her too.. anna helped mi pay 1st.. at 1st..

realli consider veri long whether 2 buy or not.. 59bucks.. not realli ex.. but scare mom scold i anyhow spend money.. as a ger.. will sure jewellery de lahz.. rite?? hahaz.. hav yet 2 save 4 a diamond ring.. kekez.. though wifout a lover.. i got a heart 2 pei mi thru e tough 2006 ahead of mi.. fallin sick soon.. got sum rashes thingy on my hand cos of e spring cleanin work at my work place.. oh gosh.. havin flu too.. n i'm still roamin e street wif my germs all ard.. sumbodi save mi..

i noe i'm gonna face lotsa of stress.. but i will b defeated.. wif strong daimoku.. i'm sure i'll succeed de.. *wink*.. wish mi gd luck!!!!!!

shop shop shop trip 2......

[ shop shop shop trip 2... ]

hmmm.. went shoppin wif mom n didi at chinatown.. oh no.. chinatown again.. lolx.. not 4 new yr goods but 2 shop 4 new yr clothes.. didi bought 3 pants n 2 t-shirts 4 180bucks.. wow.. n mi.. alread buy a skirt n 3 blouses liao.. so buy 2 jeans from hang ten yester.. n a jacket from giodarno.. mi bought a white one mom buy a black one.. went people parks og 2 shop oso.. mom wanna buy bonia bag.. n hintin mi.. so i sae i can fork out half 4 her.. cos mayb got bonus take ma.. n mi.. almost 4got.. 20th jan.. german class startin le.. oh no.. mi wanna buy bag.. but not lyk mom.. so greedy.. nice n can suit mi can le.. dun need ex ex de.. lolx..

tis yr spend quite a lot le.. but beta than last yr.. at least tis yr i can eat normally durin new yr liao le.. last yr.. haiz.. operation ma.. so onli can vege,fish n pork.. poultry cannot eat.. shark fins cannot eat.. haiz.. walk oso lyk ah ma.. cannot wear jeans.. no heels oso.. lolx.. ti yr.. carefree.. lolx.. but.. guess.. i got 2 take gd care of my diet le.. lolx.. otherwise.. nice clothing i oso cannot fit in.. if got big sizes.. wear liao oso not nice.. hmmm.. now left wif handbag n shoes haven buy.. n haven make over my hair.. i wanna dye my hair.. n dunoe wat type of jewellery 2 wear.. haiyo..

realli tired..guess wat i had 4 dinner.. is jap style dinner.. onli 1 set 3.20bucks onli.. veri nice.. didi had curry chicken cutlet rice n mi n mom had seafood udon..is definitely worth e price.. cos 1 servin is alot.. n no aji-no-moto oso..lolx..tired liao.. got 2 orh orh...........

shop shop shop...

[ shop shop shop... ]

* went 2 shop wif da jie at chinatown.. is hari raya holidae so dun need 2 work.. great!! but is a rainy dae.. oh gosh.. so mani pple.. lyk dun need money de.. we 1st went 2 hav our late breakfast cum lunch then went eyeing 4 our new yr clothes.. mix n match.. da jie helped mi a lot durin my shoppin trip.. i bought myself a skirt n a white blouse.. costin abt 68bucks.. da jie oso bought herself a skirt.. n sum children clothin 4 her cousin n sister's kids.. n so filial of her.. she oso bought her mom a blouse.. realli enjoy ourself baraginin 4 e pricing.. lolx..

but jus hate tat it's jus too crowded.. while we were crossin 2 e opposite side of e road.. guess wat.. ms anna goh called mi.. lolx.. she n her mom oso went shoppin there.. da jie n mi walk round n round.. oso tired liao.. so we sat down in front of a drink bar.. guess wat.. a fruit punch drink cost 3 bucks.. oh gosh.. tat's a bit expensive rite?? we went people's park og 2 shop shop while waitin 4 anna 2 cum n look 4 us..

og oso veri crowded.. alamak.. almost faint liao le.. aiyoz.. anna n da jie bought bed sheets 4 themselves.. new yr ma.. but mom haven buy 4 mi.. last yr i bought winnie e pooh de.. lolx.. veri cute.. hope can find little twins star de.. i used 2 hav one.. but tink mom thrown liao.. so tired after walkin sum long.. guess wat.. we went 2 oto n test out their massage equipment.. hahaz.. oh no.. need e toilet urgently.. og oso losuy.. e toilet so difficult 2 find.. cos no sign board 2 indicate e location of e toilet de.. realli had a hard time findin..

jie fu called.. ask whether we wanna go orchard find him.. so mi n da jie left 1st 4 orchard.. we took 143 there n drop behind taka.. rainin ma.. so we decided 2 walk 2 far east usin lucky plaza's underpass.. even w/o walkin 2wards 2 e underpass.. i saw jiefu.. not alone wif 8 others.. ah keong,ah tong,ah miao,ah jia,ah wong,b zai,ming ming n my kor,ah zhan.. alamak!!! shock mi!! my heart almost pop out.. so mani pple.. i tot onli kor n jie fu onli.. alamak.. wah.. guess wat.. they wear so nice sia.. 1st time c them so shuai sia.. lolx..

but jie fu make da jie angry..cos he wanna go shop wif them.. actuall da jie wanna pei jie fu go but new yr clothes de.. haiz.. end up.. mi n da jie go eat liao then went hm.. leavin them 2 walk themselves.. so tired..............................................

* i'm in2 it... oh no... byakuren-renaissance training 2006

[ * i'm in2 it... oh no... byakuren-renaissance training 2006 ]

* a gd news here 2 share wif all my frenz.. lolx.. i tink onli soka pple will understand ba.. i'm been selected 2 join in e byakuren-renaissance training 2006.. mani ywd sign up.. but got selection de.. n i'm selected.. oh yeah.. lolx.. quite excited 4 e dae 2 cum.. n 2dae.. 7th jan.. is e 1st meetin at syc.. EXCITIED EXCITIED EXCITIED.. kekez.. gettin a bit retard.. *wink* a bit weird.. a bit scare.. cos dunoe any1 there.. hmmm.. my fren hu is alread in byakuren cannot make it 4 e meetin so i alone there wif lotsa strangers.. though they oso soka mber.. lolx.. quite interestin.. watch a short video.. then got sharin by byakuren chief n ywd chief.. oso sang e byakuren song wrote by our 3rd president ikeda sensei.. a veri nice song.. byakuren in jap is white lotus.. so in chinese.. byakuren grp is bai lian zhu.. below is a exerpts taken from Faith into Action given by daisaku ikeda 4 e byakuren from siliconvalley..


In a family, if one person is unhappy, then so is the entire family. Therefore, I would like you to sincerely pray for and protect one another so that there are no people who are unfortunate and unhappy, or who abandon their faith, and that every person will become happy. These are the kinds of humanistic bonds among fellow members that give birth to true unity.

Coercion or force stemming from power and authority is ineffective at critical moments. Always live as harmonious family members of the Mystic Law, embodying the spirit of many in body, one in mind. No matter what happens, I hope that you will continue to advance, directing your hearts toward unity and friendship.
It was not authority that united the Daishonin and his followers; nor was it their concern for profit. They were united in heart. For this reason, their bond was indestructible. For this reason, their lives overflowed with benefit and their connection was lofty and eternal.

The new vitality of American society is produced by returning to the starting point to the ideals on which your country was founded. Similarly, you should also reconfirm the fundamental path of faith, practice and study and make a fresh departure based on the Unity of many in body, one in mind the starting point of our movement. This is the key to the reconstruction of the SGI-USA as a model organization.It is important to have the Compassion to respond to a person's needs and situation, to give considered thought to how you can best help him or her and then take appropriate action. Wisdom arises from compassion.

In any struggle, the critical point is how a leader inspires others. As you are leaders of Kosen-Rufu, I ask that you encourage friends of the Mystic Law in such a manner that the powers of faith and life force surge forth in their lives. I hope that your efforts in the struggle of faith will serve to increase the majesty and strength of the Buddhist gods.
It is important that we offer prayers with great confidence. The powers of the Buddha and the Law are activated in direct proportion to the strength of our faith and Practice. Strong faith is like high voltage it turns on a brilliant light in our lives.

Buddhism means putting the teachings into practice. Practice equals faith. With sincere prayers and action, our desires can not possibly fail to be fulfilled.The famous poet Shelley said: If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?No matter how long and bitter winter may be, spring always follows. This is the law of the universe, the joyful law of life.

If you are the type whose resolve tends to melt away easily, if you find it difficult to stick to your goal, then just renew your determination each time you find yourself slipping. You will achieve your Human Revolution without fail if you keep struggling valiantly, pressing forward despite setbacks and disappointments, always: This time I'll make it! This time I will succeed!. Hope, Beethoven cried, you forge the heart into steel. Hope is confidence. Hope is determination. Hope is courage. And Faith is the ultimate expression of hope. Belief fortifies the heart.

Those who can resolve I will make a new departure!, I will construct something new! will be victorious in the end. By contrast, those who think I've done enough already are leading lives of defeat.

Buddhism is victory or defeat. Life is an eternal struggle. To the end, we should live with strength and vigor. In any realm of activity, reality is very strict. It is the power of Buddhism that enables us to win in any situation. Difficulties are inevitable in life that is true for everyone. Herein lies a profound reason for our practice. We should always remember this.

As long as you base your life on faith in the Mystic Law, everything that you do has significance. All that you experience will function to enable you to realize the greatest happiness and Buddhahood.
In good times or bad, the important thing is that you continue chanting daimoku. Only when you live up to your own individual mission and devote yourself to the practice of chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, while encouraging others to do the same, your self will be filled with the Mystic law, merging with the realm of Buddhahood in the universe that pervades the three existences of past, present and future. In this condition, you will enjoy absolute security and total freedom.( President Ikeda, Today Onward-Vol 2)

Admirable Nichiro, because you have read the entirety of the Lotus Sutra with both the physical and the spiritual aspects of your life, you will also be able to save your father and mother, your six kinds of relatives, and all living beings. Others read the Lotus Sutra with their mouths alone, in word alone, but they do not read it with their hearts. And even if they read it with their hearts, they do not read it with their actions. It is reading the sutra with both one's body and mind that is truly praiseworthy! ( From the Gosho: Letter to Priest Nichiro)

A ship's engine and propeller are invisible to most people. In the future, I will continue to treasure those working behind the scenes the most. (President Ikeda, A Youthful Diary)

Win in your endeavors. Please do not let yourself be defeated, giving into despair and feelings of insecurity. Everything in life is a struggle. If you win, life is wonderful, and you feel great. If you lose, you feel awful. Any goal is fine. The important thing is to strive toward it, triumphing in each challenge along the way. True victory is winning over your own mind. It is not determined by other's opinions. Nor is there any need for you to compare yourself with others. A genuine victor in life is one who can declare, I lived true to myself, and I have won! I am a spiritual victor!

(President Ikeda, World Tribune, 4/7/00)

* x'mas eve ..... all i wan 4 x'mas is u ..... *

[ * x'mas eve ..... all i wan 4 x'mas is u ..... * ]

* lolx.. finally can update my blog.. sorrie 4 frenz 4 alwaz visit my blog.. nt i dun wanna update.. nt i veri busi.. but is bcos my didi alwaz uses e com .. playin his maple game.. lolx.. tat's y i nv got a chance 2 update lahz.. kekez.. 2dae.. finally got chance 2dae le.. hahaz.. otherwise benny wanna complain le.. sae i ask him update but i nv update.. lolx.. 2005 cumin 2 an end soon le.. so fast.. yr 2005.. i realli gone thru a lot tis yr.. start 2 work on e 26th of nov last yr.. till now.. 1 yr plus le.. finished my o'lvl.. then start workin..

then had an operation on e 24th jan tis yr.. back 2 work.. then.. urine got blood.. gone 2 mani specialist.. now okie le.. but did 1 thingy more scary than injection.. colonoscopy.. oh gosh.. tat almost wanted my life.. hav 2 stop my consumption of food on tat dae.. n drink a veri yucky thingy 2 make mi clear my large intestine in order 2 scope.. aiyoz.. tat's terrible.. though got sedation.. but it dun works at all de.. i'm clear of my surrounding.. so damn painful.. lolx.. after which.. in aug.. mi n him broke off le.. now.. he's attached again.. congrats him.. anw.. dun tok abt him.. will spoilt my mood..

i oso whether tis yr is a fulfillin yr 4 mi not... lolx.. but i noe a lot of new frenz.. at work.. n of cos noe more soka frenz as well.. lolx.. n tis yr.. so happi.. durin my bdae.. i got my frenz n family wif mi.. had steamboat wif my parents on my bdae itself.. though tis yr there's lots of unhappi moments.. i still appreciate tat i'm given a chance 2 live again.. lolx.. i wun purposely 4get wat had happened.. be it happi or sae.. it's all my memories.. lolx.. on my bdae.. i oso got 2 noe tat actually kor realli cares 4 mi a lot.. realli grateful.. i alwaz tot he jus dun care abt mi.. xmas.. i nv realli celebrate lahz.. jus take it as a chance 2 rest lohz.. lolx.. hahaz.. sundae is xmas ma.. so mondae oso public holidae ar.. so got 1 more dae 2 rest lohz.. great!!!!! hahaz..

from a book tat i read.. i got 2 realised 1 thingy.. [[ LOVE IS NOT 2 PEOPLE GAZING AT ONE ANOTHER.. BUT TWO PEOPLE LOOKING AT E SAME DIRECTION ]] hmmm.. dun bcum each other ban jiao shi.. lolx.. those involved in relationship.. tat's a quote 4 u.. hehez.. it's veri easy 2 fall in lurve.. but.. 2 maintain a relation.. is veri veri difficult de.. 2 respect n understand one another.. veri difficult oso.. e mi.. 2wards relationship.. courage = 0%.. confidence = 0%.. gan hai gan hen de jessica is alread died.. let's not tok abt tis anymore..

hey.. anw.. guys.. merry x'mas.. hohoho..

* early celebration 4 mi *

[ * early celebration 4 mi * ]

hmmm.. jus ended my early bdae celebration at 12 yester.. i got hm jus in time at 12am tis mornin.. lolx.. jus lyk cinderalla.. lolx..hahaz.. i hav 2 thankie my soka frenz here.. thankie stephy jie.. my bro-in-law jiafeng, e "cute" benny n of cos our army boi melvin.. hahaz.. we went 4 our sd(student division) meetin at tbsc(telok blangah soka centre) yester.. hmmm.. had spend 2 hrs of our time there 4 a realli wonderful meetin.. my 1st time attendin sd meeting.. but is fine.. got puppet show summore.. nice dance n nice singing.. got pple sing : " can u feel e love tonight" .. oh no... so touching.. n guang liang's tong hua oso.. lolx.. soka pple so talented.. *fainted* (@.@)

i promise.. u will c mi more in gakkai activities.. was at taka seoul yester.. so great.. had my favourite mango juice n mango ice-cream yester.. though i spoke put lotsa of my sad stories out.. yet.. n surprising i didnt cry ar.. lolx.. crybaby grow up le.. i'll control my tears.. i wun cry 4 pple tat dun worth mi contributin my tears le.. u arent ard 4 my bdae.. i dun care le.. i noe u r wif her.. congrats.. i wish u n her will b happi 4eva.. n get out of my life.. it's my life.. my new life wifout u.. u lurve her 4 5 yrs.. now finally 2gether.. should b grateful.. i mus sae sorrie 2 u.. sorrie.. i obstruct u 4 1 yr plus.. sorrie 4 wastin all ur precious time on mi..

stupid ger.. sae dun cry.. now tears oso droppin le.. sobx sobx(T.T).. was walkin ard at orchard.. realli had a great time.. n sayin lotsa of time " i'm tired".. physcially n mentally tired(x.x).. but i noe i got a bunch of frenz supportin mi.. i'm satisfied.. n thankie 4 e strawberry cake.. tat's veri sweet n yummy.. kekez(>.<).. n thankie 4 e present n cake.. i'll learnt my gongyo.. dun worry.. hahaz.. lurve u guys.. lolx(^O^).. it's been so long no 1 bought mi a cake 4 my bdae.. i realli eaten my strawberry cake wif satisfation yester.. realli.. gtg le.. gonna pom pom n go out.. lolx.. take care guys.. lurve u guys lotsa~