[ i'm like zombie... ]

i'm like zombie...

morning shift TODAY.. almost DIE.. cause yesterday was on afternoon shift and today morning shift.. back to STRESSFUL enviornment.. been TRYING really VERY HARD to do as many skills as possible.. but GOD doesnt seems to be on my side.. went for break with Vicky, Puspa and Davinder.. and had fish beehoon again.. *yum yum*

after break was as usual.. chart patients' i/o charts for lunch and do changing.. i was thinking.. how i wish every patient can go home as soon as possible and stop all the pain of needles poking and the pain of taking blood and putting drips.. but 生死由天定! we cant do anything much except doing the best of our ability for them.. managed to complete 2skills today.. and one being a critical skill - apply body restrainers and administer oxygen through nasal prong..

but.. this was my REWARD for staying till 4.30pm instead of 3pm in the ward just to do the skills.. when i was on my way home, i think i was a bit HYPO liao.. have low blood sugar i think.. i alighted at khatib mrt instead of yishun and went to buy my favourite - peppermint milk tea.. the weather is terrible.. went home and started to do my research for my case study.. i must ENDURE.. endure through 1more week and next week and i'll clear my skills plus my case study.. then 2more weeks in the SICKENING ward and i'll be having HOLIDAYS le!

supposed to have red cross meeting with ntu vibrant blood drive committee today at 7pm at bloodbank.. but i decided not to go last minute.. just want to REST and do some case study research.. feel so bad that everytime they invite us.. i didnt join us.. i promised.. i will go the next time! hahaz!

going for my dinner! and i'm going to SLEEP! morning shift tomorrow!

JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!

[ my confidence level has dropped! ]

my confidence level has dropped!

afternoon shift today.. didi know his posting results today! he's posted to TP, chemical engineering.. so HAPPY for him.. good also.. Raymond will become his senior.. anything got people can help him.. am HAPPY for Joyce and Daphne also.. they can be posted to nursing also.. but Daphne will continue with nursing.. as for Joyce.. heard that she's quitting nursing.. anyway, still hope for the best for her!

really STRESSFUL lately.. and after hearing what that "someone" told me.. i think my STRESS level goes higher.. looking through my log book.. i realised teacher only assess me ONCE for skills.. REALLY STRESSFUL.. Mdm Tan popped in suddenly to our ward.. my GODNESS! got a SCARE! luckily she ask question i can answer, if not sure gana MARKED!

dinner was at 4.30.. went break with Davinder, Puspa and Vicky.. had fried fish beehoon soup.. during the breaktime itself, we were discussing about the skills we havent do.. then, we decided to have a talk with teacher.. i just feel so STRESSED! i'm really WORRIED they i will have to repeat this term and need to pay back the money.. and i CRIED.. this is the FIRST time after so long that i cried during the posting..

back to work.. i charted all the i/o charts by myself and keep away all the trays for all 18patients.. work is quite heavy today but luckily, get to sit down and read the case notes.. got to do something before the deadline of submittion is drawing near.. tired.. got to rest..

morning shift tomorrow! gosh!~

[ i know i am touched... ]

i know i am touched....

work afternoon shift today.. woke up at 10am and saw that Dad really went to work.. so i sms and persuaded him to go to the A&E to consult a doctor.. see if there's a need to be hospitalised for further investgation or need any specialist reference.. and really.. i did managed to PERSUADE him..

physically was at work.. but spirtually not.. was so WORRIED for my Dad.. and didi just get me on FIRE when he call during my working hours for STUPID questions.. told teacher about it.. and he said sorry for neglecting me in terms of my skills.. ya.. say truthfully.. i'm really being neglected badly in this posting.. till now, i have only been assess ONCE by this teacher.. i'm sure i am PROACTIVE enough.. but GOD isnt on my side.. everytime i want to do skills, teacher isnt around.. and so unlucky.. it's always critical skill that teacher MUST assess.. hais!

dinner was at 4.30pm today.. had niang dou fu with mom and didi.. dad was in the observation ward.. he has to stay there for 6hours for observation.. after SWALLOWING all my food down, i went to A&E to look for dad.. went in and took a look at him.. he looks quite okie to me and eating the porriage give to him.. was HAPPY to hear that he actually feel better after the jab doctor has given to him..

then i went back to work.. feel quite HAPPY working with SN Anna and AN Ariel.. they are so FAST in their work.. and this SN is good.. she even helps us in doing change... i cant imagine that i can clear all the food trays for 18persons within 15minutes and chart all the I/O.. i am SUPER to take charge 18patients while my 3friends went for break.. my FIRST time doing this without anyone's help and it really leaves me with a sense of FULFILLMENT after completing the task.. and saw this message from "SOMEONE".. shall not mentioned who he is...

"I miss you.. I regret saying those hasty words to break up with you.. When i know you got a new boyfriend, my life crumbled.. I didnt know you can get over it so fast.. Till now I cant get over it.. Everywhere I go reminds me of our past.. I was thinking of asking you to give me a chance to love you truely with me whole heart again? This is what I want to say..... "

It SHOCKS me when i saw this sms from this person.. i didnt know after so long.. he still cant get over it.. and the first thing that came into my mind was FEAR.. the FEAR to be loved and the FEAR to love.. i think i'm seriously not PREPARE for anything now.. except my studies, my gakkai activities, my red cross... NOTHING else.. finished work at 9pm and went to A&E to look for mom and didi.. after which, doctor came to make rounds and said that dad can go home.. is a GOOD NEWS.. but, at the same time, i am worried.. WORRIED to lose another loved one.....

this is quite meaningful...

" A girl and a guy can be just friends but at one point, they willl fall for each other.... maybe TEMPORARILY, maybe AT THE WRONG TIME, maybe TOO LATE, maybe FOREVER.."

[ 虽然我这条命不值钱，但是我会废物利用！]

虽然我这条命不值钱，但是我会废物利用！

woke up at 10plus this morning.. mom's out to work already.. only left with me, didi and dad at home.. watched a new taiwan drama today.. "婴野3加1".. quite NICE.. think i'll start to get STUCK to it.. had nasi lemak for breakfast today again..actually want to mee soto then got a change of mind..

rotted at home till 5plus.. and got myself ready for the gathering at Yew Soon's place.. meet Cliff at 6.15pm at Yew Tee.. but he was 10minutes LATE.. as usual lahz..lolx.. but thanks to HIM.. so i can know the way to get to Yew Soon's place.. along the way to Yew Soon's place.. we chatted.. and somehow, i got to know him better.. ya.. he's my Ymd mahz.. so i should get to know him more in order for us to work well with each other in future..

it was a SMALL gathering for us.. but guess the BOND is STRENGTHEN.. and it was a GREAT opportunity for me to know the leaders in my chapter itself.. we had some chinese new year goodies, sushi, chicken, wu xiang and we had RED WINE.. Cliff bought it to add some FLAVOUR to our gathering.. and i must admit.. i drank 2 SMALL cups! hahaz! and must thank Cliff, Min jing aunty for giving me so much advice and support when they know about my relationship problem and the worries i have from my parents about my relationship.. THANK YOU so much..

guess with all the support i'll be able to MOVE ON! home at 10pm.. and found out that Dad had FAINTED this afternoon at his friend's place! my GOODNESS! am presuading him to go to the hospital.. BUT, he just so STUBBORN.. and i told Cliff about it.. so WORRIED and nobody to turn to.. and really so THANKFUL to him for comforting me and making me feel better.. thank you so much..

took this test.. and there's a description about me having this birthdate..

Description: The quintessential dreamer - your head is always in the clouds. You dream big and think different - and want to truly achieve something great in your lifetime. You are highly motivated and driven, while surprisingly laid-back and fun-loving at the same time.

My personality strength: Charisma, Compassion
My personality weakness: Impatience
My successful career path: Natural Science
Adjectives to describe me: strong, upredictable

quite true about the career part.. think NURSING is somehow about science.. but the one on weakness.. I STRONGLY DISAGREE.. cause i feel that i am PATIENT enough ! hahaz! *self-praise* and took about personality test..

"Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken. "

this one quite TRUE.. I really will take a LONG T"IME to get overit if the trust is broken.. and i dont make friends that easily nor quickly. but i am a person who is EXTREMELY LOYAL to friends i made and would what the same return.. this one i think many friends of mine can be my WITNESS.. right? people like Xianyun, Xueyun....... and many more..
got to go.. afternoon shift tomorrow.. *praying* for dad...

[ 我想我只是你用来填补你一时空虚的工具吧！]

我想我只是你用来填补你一时空虚的工具吧！

SATURDAY today! woke up at 10plus this morning.. cant SLEEP cause of the construction going on under my block.. just so NOISY! watch "sweet relationship" this drama.. really NICE! zaizai so HANDSOME! lolx.. had mee soto for breakfast cum lunch.. cant finish it because the uncle put chili inside the soup and it's like so SPICY till i drank a cup of plain water plus carrot juice.. was FULL because of the water not because of the food..

left home at 3pm... have decided that i'm not going for the Yep family gathering at Suhui's place but meet Xianyun to shop instead.. went to City hall.. and every place is ON SALE.. Xianyun tried almost every clothes she eyed on! my goodness.. then comes to Suntec city.. and we stepped into this shop call " Fashion. Lab".. and it's having SALES too! i eyed on a dress but didnt want to give it a try though i really feel like buying it.. and after being FORCED and PRESUADED, i tried. and it's on SALE! 50% discount.. so me and Xianyun bought one each..

and must really thank her! for paying for me first.. cause i have no intention to buy so didnt bring enough money out.. really THANK YOU.. then continue shopping.. and Xianyun bought another formal top from Osmose.. 50% too! just only 16bucks! then continue to shop.. my legs are aching.. my stomach calling for me... then Xianyun.. i think the clothes, dress she tried on.. both my limbs also not enough to count.. then we stepped into the shop " NOVO".. she bought a pair of shoes at 12.90!

then we went Subway to rest our legs and filled my stomach.. had subway melt for dinner with coke and chips.. nice nice! then continue our shopping.. at first, i can say that i totally have no mood in coming out to shop.. i also dont know why.. many things has happened lately.. and i'm super busy with my attachment.. till.. i feel that beside going to work, i dont wish to step out of my house.. and i get tired easily.. i also dont know what's wrong with me.. maybe i'm down with some illness ba.. SHOPPING was great today.. just a bit TIRED..

Xianyun was telling me about her confidence in having a good boyfriend and will definitely be her husband.. lolx! so i told her that i'm quite CONFIDENT that my next relationship.. i've the COURAGE to let my parents know.. wahahaz!maybe it's because i have GROWN UP le.. NO MORE TEENS! stepping into my FIRST 20s! left home at about 9pm.. and saw the CROWD outside suntec.. thank god we didnt go to orchard.. have forgotten there's chingay tonight.. lolx! on the way back, i missed call Daryl.. and he called me back.. and so we actually had a short chat..

he was teasing me about Tien Soon and i was making fun of him and Yanya.. ya.. two persons me and Daryl would never want to see.. and told Daryl that me and my boyfriend broke off le.. then.. Daryl was saying he didnt want to know and say ..... " because... "... didnt know what he was trying to say.. but i can sensed that he still has feelings for me.. well.. i still hopes for the best for him.. for him to find a better girl..

have a fruitful day tonight.. and going to RECHARGE my battery.. got another gathering with my chapter side tomorrow! hoho! hopes it's going to be FUN!


我知道自己很软弱，到现在还是没办法把你忘记。但我知道时间能慢慢把我对你的爱冲淡。而你，我相信你已经忘记我了！我想我只是你用来填补你一时空虚的工具吧！或许这样想会让我伤得深也忘得快。

[ 我的伤口盈盈作痛！]

我的伤口盈盈作痛！

slept at 2.30am this morning.. i almost DIE doing the research on those medical terms.. and woke up at 6am. to wake yeow chong up.. how good me this friend can be.. then went back to sleep till 9plus.. and when i sms him, he told me he didnt go school.. my GODNESS! feeling like BEATING him! ask me morning call him to wake him for school then he never go school!

only had carrot juice in the morning.. and my eyes! really RED and itchy! due to some stupid construction under my block and some painting going on.. hais! meet Ninie to go work today.. and upon reaching ttsh, went to out patient parmarchy to get the eye mo.. and luckily, teacher didnt ask me to go home.. cause i really dont want to do replacement on saturday..

got a red cross volunteer work on tomorrow.. and was informed so last minute.. at least i wanted to go.. and come to think of it.. i better not.. should sleep in longer tomorrow.. if not, my eyes wont heal and my nose will not stop sneezing.. work today S**CKS.. maybe because all of us have already set negative ichinen on this ward.. and teacher talked to us and asked us to stay positive.. and look at things positively.. and Davinder fight back and said: " how to think positively when we are already negative by others?" come to think of what Davinder says.. sound very TRUE.. but like what teacher say.. endure for 4more weeks and that's it..

i will start PRAYING.. from this moment.. NOT TO RETURN TO THIS WARD ANYMORE! i would never want to quit the course because of how badly i was treated.. cause PATIENTS are my PRIOPRITY! 秀娟姐called.. she thought i'm on morning shift so she wanted to date me out for dinner.. so i told her maybe tomorrow for lunch.. 9pm.. and we CHIONG out of the ward.. cant get to leave that place IMMEDIATELY.. and xianyun sms me and asked me out tomorrow.

was thinking whether to go to Ahui place tomorrow.. maybe no ba.. will be out with 秀娟姐 and Anna in the afternoon and meet Xianyun.. just hopes my headache gets better tomorrow!

[ happiness doesnt depend on others! ]

happiness doesnt depend on others!

HAPPY VALENTINE DAY! how good it is to work in the morning shift on Vday?! hahaz! it is INDEED NOT GOOD if you do not have a valentine.. let me tell you why later.. on morning shift today.. Ninie was late so i didnt wait for her and went to work on my own.. was assigned in team 1 as usual.. i just dont know why.. dont seems to have the MOVITATION to work in this ward.. more over, we are rushing for skills.. how i wish i spent 4weeks in this ward and 5weeks in ward12D instead.. I MISS WARD 12D lots!

i cant imagine not having to get a chance to go sauna with patients together in the toilet.. lolx! i mean to bathe patients.. and all we did is report passing, serve breakfast, do changing and turning if there's any and then parameters.. our time is take around 9plus.. so 4hourly.. the next one should be around 1pm plus.. BUT, this ward.. i dont know how the system works.. the 4hourly parameters turns to 6hourly.. usually they will take around 3plus.. my godness! what if patients were to collapse during this 6hours? i cant imagine that happening..

i think i would NEVER like this ward.. the brother S***** and the sister W*R*E.. SUPER NAGGY till the first time i feel like SLAPPING somebody.. i dont see a need why i get scolded for NO REASON! what's wrong with informing the sister that the dinemap has a problem with the BP cuff? this ward SUPER CHEAP! 1 team only one dinemap.. if 1 spoilt, left with 2 in the WHOLE WARD! how to make work EFFICIENT? and the WORSE thing.. you get to DO SAI GANG! hais! more SHIT than you can EVER IMAGINE..

BUT.. this uncle BRIGHTEN my day! cause i have brighten his! he wrote compliment letter about ME! my GOODNESS! this is the GREATEST GIFT you can ever get on VALENTINE DAY! hahaz! cause he said i'm the FIRST student he saw talking to him with a SWEET SMILE! hahaz! and he said every student should start to SMILE like me! WAHAHAZ! told teacher about the letter the patient wrote .. and he said he is so PROUD of ME! feel so HAPPY!

didnt really get to do skills today.. and we are banned from doing neubliser for 5rights skills! i feel so ANGRY when those have completed say those 风凉话！hais! DISAPPOINTED cause it came out from my good friend's mouth.. this is the SELFISHNESS i see in people and makes me give a second thought.. i can SWEAR that when ever i do skills, i make sure if i have completed it, i will make sure my friends get to do it too.. and if this patient belongs to my friend's cubicle, i make sure she give me the permission to do it and make sure she already did it.. i bother about their 生死 BUT do they? sorry to say.. they DONT!! ..

finished work at 3pm and CHIONG home.. going to meet Xueyun dajie for dinner before we attend the meeting at HQ.. had a quick shower and i left home.. decided to go to Nokia Care centre to check if didi's phone is ready for collection.. and indeed it's ready.. and saw this 2 shuai ge! really SHUAI lohz! okie, let's not make myself sound so hua chi.. heez! anyway, i feel i'm still NOT READY to step into another relationship yet.. dinner with Xueyun at 中环茶餐厅！dajie had cheese baked rice with chicken chop and honey lemon.. and i had egg and luncheon meat nissin noodles and of cause milktea..

the dinner is so CANTON style.. ya.. my dialect.. and during the mealtime itself, SO MANY COUPLES came to the cafe.. and i'm like so ENVY! how i wish i can spend my Vday like that TOO! this was the REASON why i HATE going out on Vday without a valentine.. you will just ENVY and makes your old wound aches AGAIN!

and received an sms from Siyi.. she cant make it for the meeting as she has a daimokukai to attend.. what a PITY! cant get to see her.. dinner.. went to Sans bookshop and Isetan.. dajie eyed on a pouch, but the person cant find a new piece for it.. think she's really SAD that she cant get the thing she want.. and left for HQ.. 293 is SO PACKED! i'm like a roti prata! and saw Ms Jo.. ya the moment she saw me, she said, " HELLO, my SWEET GIRL, how are you?" hahaz! didnt know i'm so well known in SK.. but anyway, i'm one of the MOST REGULAR alumni student who always go back to SK to help out.. hahaz!

the video on the 13th General meeting was GREAT.. get to learnt a lot today.. how good is it to spend my VALENTINE DAY with Sensei.. hahaz! so FULFILLING! left and at the bus stop, saw Mrs Chan and Ms Jo again! and this time round, she said i SLIM DOWN! and my pimples seems to subside.. hahaz! feel so HAPPY to hear this! wahahaz! got to work down to slim down more! saw Victor kor and our Liyan da jie whom i know from the Youth camp.. took 969 with her and xueyun took the mrt.. and on the way back, was chatting to Cliff on the phone regarding the discussion meeting.. and then had a short chat with Liyan too.. so HAPPY to see her after so long!

well, back home FINALLY! but got to chiong my RESEARCH! need to submit tomorrow.. guess i wont get to sleep till midnight! afternoon shift tomorrow! =]

[ STRESS is arising... ]

STRESS is arising...

woke up at 5am today.. and went for shower.. and when i on my living room's light, i saw a COCKROACH! my GOODNESS! it was running about.. and i didnt know what to do.. so i went to take the pesticide and stood on the sofa and sprill towards the cockroach.. but it keep running.. till mom came out and took a plastic bag and she caught the cockroach.. thank god.. if not later the cockroach go into my room, i will SCREAM!

did my prayers then and walked to the mrt station.. decided to take the mrt today.. so LUCKY.. the mrt is quite empty and i got to sit down.. hahaz! reached the ward at 6.20.. that is like so EARLY lohz.. stress today.. only got 4students in each shift.. so 2students have to take care 18patients.. hais! sister from ward 8B came to take over cause there isnt NO this morning.. was surprised that she can still recognised that i have been to her ward! hoho!!

got a patient with bradycardia.. and the stupid dinemap got problem.. took me 15minutes yet i cant get the BP reading.. and the manual bp set in the ward S**CKS! i cant STAND it.. break was at 10am.. saw Candy and Rosaline so we sat together.. really MISS them lots! they asked about the new ward.. hais! did some skills today.. did sterile mid stream urine collection and hand restrainers today.. got 38skills completed today.. need 3 more to have at least 75% skills completed..

hais! stress lohz.. next week Mr Nah need to collect the log book le.. and got a case study and nursing care plan to do! haiz! hope can do well for this term.. at least get an A for my CP to pull up my overall GPA.. chionging again tomorrow! went home only at 3.30pm today.. stayed back to complete my skills.. then took mrt home.. and bought dinner on the way.. bought papaya too.. to help me solve my constipation problem.. got to go read up some skills and need to start to record the dates for my cca records and cip records.. year 2 is coming soon!

morning shift tomorrow.. meeting Siyi to go meeting tomorrow! ^-^ happy! miss her lots!

[ the fear of going back to school..... ]

the fear of going back to school.....

woke up at 5.30 today.. meet Ninie at yishun at 6.30am today.. the 969 we board was like so PACKED.. and no choice lohz.. have to stand all the way to tampines.. sim training at 8.30am today..

did role play today.. was asked to act as the EN.. the role play was fun.. BUT.. i think i kind of feel that i was a bit blur of what to do.. too many things on my mood recently.. this medical posting i had had make me really STRESSFUL.. just one day in the new ward has make me feel as though i have spent years there.. 度日如年! really SICK sia..

did transfer, discharge, pre-op care and post-op complications today.. wasnt in the mood actually.. dont even have the heart to do the reflective journal.. lunch was at cafe1.. did chicken chop and potato chips for lunch.. and saw Samaniah.. really HAPPY to see my yep family.. been like so LONG since i last see my yep family.. dont know how they are doin already.. many are graduating this march.. really HAPPY for them.. hope that they can go on for further studies..have a sudden fear of going back to school.. maybe because i'm still avoiding this fact ba.. this fact that cannot be changed..

home today at 4pm.. saw Daphne and Eili.. really miss Eili's laughter and jokes.. and Daphne.. really HAPPY to see her again.. very tired.. had my shower and went to Chong Pang.. need to grab a new pair of blank shoes.. and got one pair after looking for long at 19.90.. then went to da-bao dinner.. had mixed veggies rice.. then passed by a bubble shop.. so i bought chocolate milkshake and fries.. and saw that they are selling Ramily's burgers, nuggets etc.. hahaz.. this will be a good place for some snacks next time..

will be back in hospital tomorrow.. morning shift.. *SIANZ* ..


P.S. I MISS WARD 12D! misses Candy, Rosaline, Keng Li and Huiwen.... ^-^

[ my PAIN SCORE is now 10! ]

my PAIN SCORE is now 10!

woke up at 5.45am this morning.. thank godness that today i start work at 8am.. if not, wont get to sleep so late.. took mrt to work today.. and saw Munirah on the mrt and Liyana, Ninie and Shafiqah at the control station.. met Ms Chow and Mr Nah at 7.30am outside kopitium.. new cp lecturer.. hope i really can work well with him..

this ward.. dont know what to say.. before stepping into this ward.. already have heard lots of NEGATIVE FEEDBACK from friends who have went to the ward.. hais! think i have been quite FIRM to keep myself POSITIVE.. anyway, i wont let this ward affect my future career.. break at 10am today.. and saw Hanisah and Letchumi at kopitium.. and they asked about our new posting... one word - S***.. today work is so tiring..

doing lots of "sai kang"... from putting medication to medicine trolley to filing.. and i did the MOST STUPID thing today.. i went to the staff washroom and KNOCK my HEAD against the door! CONCUSSION liao.. really so PAINFUL lohz.. luckily my patients are CUTE enough to keep me going.. it really ACHES! aches till i think my pain score is 10!

finished work at 4pm.. and called mom.. mom mentioned that the person has come to fix the wires already.. finally SAFE.. went to buy wafers today! peanut butter! *yum yum* ...home and ate 2pandols.. i'm going for SIM training tomorrow.. sleep early tonight!~

[ YOU are sucking all my energy... ]

YOU are sucking all my energy.....

HOME today! i have decided to ROT home today again.. it seems like i didnt sleep well last night too.. and my TEMPER just gets BAD when i dont sleep enough.. mom left home early for work.. and dad went out too.. leaving me and didi home alone.. i had my brunch at about 12plus.. it's nasi lemak again.. as usual lahz.. chinese new year.. many shops not open so malay foods are the only choices if i dont wish to walk all the way out to Yishun Central.. and had my shower.. the weather is BAD as well.. making my TEMPER worse..

was having my shower when didi tells me he smells something burning in the flat.. and after looking up and down.. we realised that it was the electricity power box having a "chao da" smell.. and it's causing my ceiling to turn blank too.. my GODNESS! we didnt know what to do except for calling Dad and mom.. and called Meng 叔叔 for help as well.. and i called the Town Council and see what can be done for us.. and when the person came, we realised that what is within the flat is under the owner.. not the town council business.. this time die le.. all we can do is shut the whole main supply down and wait till Meng shu shu come to rescue us..

and for the past 3hours, i had a afternoon nap without a fan.. and i also dont know why i stil can cover myself with the blanket.. something must be WRONG with my mind.. lolx.. and Meng 叔叔 and Mun 叔叔 came with their friend.. and told us something is wrong with the wires and tell us better to get someone to change it.. ROT at home.. and my MIAGRAIN problem came looking for me AGAIN! really 要我的命! think i REALLY REALLY need to go for a CHECK-UP and find it what happened.. BUT, i'm WORRIED.. worried if something really happened to my health.. what should i do? i still got many dreams not fulfilled..

Mom called to ask us out for dinner.. but i didnt go.. really cannot TAHAN my headache till i just feel like DYING.. and the problem seems to be still bothering me.. sucking away all my energy.. making me feel so weak.. stand alone spirit.. this is what i need.. going to sleep early tonight.. tomorrow will be at 8D, 8-4pm.. meeting my new CP lecturer, Mr John Nah tomorrow.. looking forward to this posting.. let's see how sucky it can be.....

[ 平常心... ]

平常心.......

slept till 1.30pm today.. and i decided to ROT at HOME today.. grandma called and asked if i want to tag along her to go visiting.. but, i was TOO TIRED.. didnt want to go anywhere today.. so i have chosen to stay home today.. didnt sleep well for the past 2days.. and lao zhen.. now my neck cant turn to the right.. so PAINFUL!! had seaweed chicken and honey water as my breakfast and lunch.. then just eat some pineapple tarts while watching tv..

then had my shower and did my morning prayers.. Xianyun called and ask me if i want to join her and the npcc peeps for dinner.. after thinking.. i decided not to.. really TIRED. think it would be better for me to stay home to conserve my energy.. been thinking so much today.. ya.. i'm such a fool.. like what many people has said.. and saw that mom has removed all my photos with him.. ya.. i know mom is determined to get him out of my mind.. ya.. think is time to do something about it..

like what mom says.. i deserve better guys.. and think i really look forward to my next relationship and hopes it will last till me and him will get marry and stuff.. shall not talk so much about this.. let nature takes its course.. and concentrate on my studies now.. dinner with mom and didi just now.. had chicken rice and oyster egg just now.. and through out the dinner.. mom and didi was talking about him.. like putting salt on my wound.. well.. it will heal someday.. Prisicilla called just now to tell me about the gathering tomorrow at Bingyuan's place.. still thinking whether i should go or not.. cause monday is back to hospital again...

平常心 by 张惠妹

街道静的刺耳
夜被路灯染色
趁感伤醒来前
先上车不会不舍
承认我是弱者
不敢再对爱假设
我真的累得不想再拉扯

我寻找的平静
是我将来看电影
带着一颗平常心
不必为谁心碎闭上眼睛
我需要的平静
是敢回头看曾经
那些为爱患得患失的情景
我选择忘记
我不懂得取舍
才让心痛堆着
找得到前些年
的快乐只是偶尔
回忆是个诱饵
是来叫我回去的
要伤能愈合
我非走不可

[ say goodbye..... ]

say goodbye....

woke up early today.. ya.. got to prepare myself for the outing in the afternoon.. had nasi lemak as breakfast with mom and didi together.. was kind of forced to take the food cause mom's afraid that i'll get gastric pain again.. then had my shower and went out.. mom did make up for me!! hahaz! and think i look PRETTIER because of that ba.. lolx.. left home at about 1.30pm.. will be meeting them at boon lay mrt control at 2.30pm.. took the mrt to jurong east.. and Willie called.. and asked where am i.. so i told him i'm at jurong east platform going to boon lay.. and he told me he's at jurong east also.. so.. the stupid me just walk out of the mrt to the platform.. and it's too LATE for me to get back in again..

it was like so STUPID of me not to think that actually Willie and Dixon took the mrt from tampines so they should be sitting in the cabin.. so another train came only 6minutes later.. was so HAPPY to see them again! after like so long never see each other.. especially Dixon.. and we comes out to the control station.. Maymay called and said she reached already.. so we waited for Stephanie to come.. then.. while walking to the bus interchange.. Willie commented saying that it's going to RAIN.. and in 1minute time.. it was raining cats and dogs.. my GOODNESS! how are going to get to Xueyun's place?

we waited for bus 172 and then it's was really the power of the Gohonzon and our sincere prayers.. the RAIN stops just in time before it's time for us to alight.. and that Xueyun.. so SLOW! so we got to wait for her at the void deck.. and Steph, Willie and Dixon went to buy some drinks and food to keep their stomach filled first.. then as for me and May.. we took pictures.. ya.. as EVIDENCES to show that we waited for Xueyun at the void deck.. then Xueyun, her mom, Liyan and Simon came.. then so FUNNY.. one bunch of people greeting each other "Happy new year" at the void deck.. lolx..

went up to Xueyun place.. and we ate a super big piece of chocolate cake from Breadtalk.. think this has make me gain weight ba.. fattening... then Xueyun suggested to play game.. so we played.. and the person who made mistakes must drink alcohol.. and i drank 4cups.. plus a few cups of 7-up.. really FULL because of the alcohol and 7-ups.... and shown them pictures too.. and got another issue to talk about.. ya.. as usual.. when too long never see each other.. will ask about one and another's well being, personal life and such..

at about 5pm.. we set off to Jih Yang's place.. along the way, me, Stephanie and May were talking while Xueyun and Dixon fall asleep.. then at Outram, we alighted to change to North-East line.. then on the train, we ARGUED.. about the "" issue.. about how to differentiate who's and who's .. in english.. not so complex.. cousins means cousins.. never have and difference..

so FUNNY.. when we alighted at Potong Pasir.. we again argued about how to get to Jih Yang's place.. wahahaz! never fight.. just talk..kekez! then we talked about bags issue.. about branded bags.. i think this bunch of us really can go CRAZY when we are together.. but so sad.. Willie had to go to his Aunty's place for dinner so he cant join us.. and many others cant join us too.. so SAD.. Eunice is at Jih Yang's place when we reached.. they are another issue to talk about.. hahaz!

ya.. because they are together for quite some time before we get to know about it.. so SWEET lohz.. so happy because of Chingay.. they got closer..and really hope to see them one day together.. dinner at Jih Yang's place was FULFILLING.. Aunty really cooked NICE FOODS to welcome us.. so GRATEFUL about it.. i tried calling Zhiwen.. but think he's at JB so cant get him.. hope he didnt spend his new year alone.. then after dinner.. they played manjong while i watch tv.. just not too interested in knowing how to play manjong.. then at about 9.30pm, Jih Yang drove us to toa poyah..

a tired day i should say.. but it makes me forget about what has took place.. what i have know from my friend yesterday.. and what i am bothering about now.. just want to say good bye to everything...........

happy birthday Hongbin!^-^

[ i'm just a FOOL... a STUPID FOOL... ]

i'm just a FOOL... a STUPID FOOL...

woke up at about 10plus today.. very TIRED.. first.. got 2 red packets from mom and dad.. thanks for that.. think this year.. my hongbao will be super little.. cause mom's side not giving hongbao cause of ah ma's death.. hmmm.. but it will still be good to gather the whole family.. woke up and rot on the sofa.. mom got many things not done so wont leave the house so early for visiting..

dad left home early to visit my ex boss.. ya.. i'm not going this year.. he's so supertitious so i better not go and visit his place when grandma just passed away not long ago.. got online and talked to one of my sister.. so HAPPY fopr her.. really HAPPY for her!! hahaz^-^ now i can CONFIRMED that my SIXTH SENSE super STRONG and ACCURATE!! hahaz!^-^

left home about 2.30pm to my maternal family side first.. took an mrt and i called one of my friend.. hais.. was so ANGRY and UPSET to hear all these things from him.. why? why am i such a fool? WHY? now that i know.. i wont cheat myself anymore.. i wont... really SPOILT my first day of chinese new year after hearing all these negative stuffs from that friend of mine.. but i must be THANKFUL.. must thank him for being so truthful to me.. dont worry.. i will stay away from these unnecessary and do my own part..

continue with the steamboat session at ah gong house.. and Nam chun kor kor and Yeeleng jiejie came.. yes.. must declare that korkor still OWE me my BIRTHDAY PRESENT!! hahaz!! lolx.. so LONG liao havent buy.. da mang ren is like that one.. and thanks to er jiu and er jiu mu.. they drove us to my paternal family side.. and reached there.. the whole family was there.. except xiao shu.. he went overseas again.. hmm... was a bit surprised that my cousins didnt bring their boyfriend and girlfriends to my mama house.. *shocked*

stayed at their place till 10pm.. and we watched the movie "I do I do".. really FUNNY lohz.. and cab home after that.. really TIRED.. tomorrow's programme.. home visiting with Chingay peeps!!!! ^-^


be it you have done it on purpose or without any motive, the harm you caused is unforgiveable.. i hate you!

[ Reunion dinner with maternal family!! ]

Reunion dinner with maternal family!!

it's CHINESE NEW YEAR eve today! yes! only 3hours of work today.. today St Luke and New Horizon arent open.. so all the 16 of us went to Amk rehab.. started work at 8.30am and it's like so BORING.. cause is new year eve so wont have many patients who will come for the rehab therapy.. imagine 16students with about 8staffs in a small rehab room then only got 5-6patients.. terrible sia.. then we started talking among ourselves..

Teacher talked to each of u individually.. she marked my surgical posting again.. and this time, i got 84marks!! so HAPPY! and for rehab, i got 81marks!! yes!! thank you ms chow! and i told Ms Emily about this.. she said she's very proud of me.. feel so HAPPY that i am doing so well in my studies.. at least i didnt disappoint those who hold high expectation of me..

after work, meet didi at Northpoint and went to dabao Mac.. i had chococone ice-cream and i Mcspicy meal... the sprite SUPER DILUTED till a bit DISGUSTING!! yeeeeeee... then after that, i started to pain my nails.. ya.. dad say i fa qiao.. lolx.. chinese new year mahz.. like so nan de can paint my nails. then.. at around 4.. we left home to ah gong house. yes! steamboat tonight.. we had a table full of different dishes.. from fishball to cuttlefish balls to sotong balls to veggies to abalone and many many more..

spent about an hour plus on the table.. and.. after dinner, the zhang bei left for cck to grandaunt's funeral wake.. ya, my grandaunt just passed away.. and as for the kids.. we are home to eat and watch tv.. watched channel 8 show.. on manjong de.. SUPER FUNNY lohz.. lolx! laughed till my stomach also pain.. heez^-^

super TIRED.. and at 10plus, we took a taxi home.. tomorrow.. got to sleep in a bit more.. *yawns* i want to spend this new year a HAPPY one! happy birthday YEOW CHONG!


i still miss you...........

[ how would i feel if i were to be in this state? ]

how would i feel if i were to be in this state?

SECOND and LAST day at New Horizon.. cause tomorrow they wont be open so all the 16 of us were be OCCUPYING Amk Rehab.. think we will be able to turn the whole place UPSIDE DOWN! hahaz! woke up today.. as early also.. and today, mom's going to work.. so i'm not waking up alone.. had my shower.. and think my MOOD SWINGS today.. ya.. once every month.. BUT, not always lahz.. maybe because i got stomach cramp and have to move about a lot so i'm a bit AGITATED..

and what had took place yesterday hasnt seems to gone out of my mind yet.. 我还是很火! hais.. this is what FRIENDS are for ba.. but anyway, i dont wish to bring it up.. NO POINT too.. had the same stuff for breakfast today.. and i'm GLAD.. cause no one is late today.. and today.. the staffs seems more FRIENDLY.. at least they greet us good morning.. good enough liao.. anyway, we also staying there two days only.. not going to be 2years.. as usual.. assisted some patients to do some exercise and play board games and stuff.. a bit BORING.. but time seems to run faster today..

teacher came VERY EARLY.. she was there at 8.30am.. and we had a short debrief with Steven.. some of the AH MAs are really CUTE.. they joke and play with us.. and this ah ma of mine.. she's demented and she called me AUNTY! i'm like so HEARTBROKEN.. not as bad as losing someone i love lahz.. then she told me.. she said AUNTY is for not married women and MISS is for married women.. LOLX! she really BRIGHTEN my days... and she commented that my eyebrow has been shaped very NICE.. thanks ah ma! hahaz!^-^

had Mee Goreng, fish cakes and Bandung for LUNCH.. cant really finish the food.. too oily liao.. then continue to play with them.. then had another short debrief with Steven.. and he commented to me that he feel that only me and Kusham seems to be interested.. hais.. what to do.. different people think differently.. but was HAPPY that he PRAISE me for being keen to learn.. ya but i seriously dont like the staffs.. was thinking through when i saw these patients.. and thought..... if one day, i have such a condition like them.. how would i be feeling? how would i be reacting?

hmmm.. something good to think about.. Xianyun called.. and asked me to accompany her for shopping.. BUT, i didnt go.. REALLY SORRY about that.. too TIRED and too many things not done.. but anyway, i'm HAPPY! will see my COUSINS tomorrow! Reunion dinner at Maternal grandparents' house! Woohoo!~

Happy birthday Rosaline jie and Pinwen!! Amk rehab tomorrow! 8.30-12pm!

[ i'm just so ANGRY!!! ... ]

i'm just so ANGRY!!!!.........

FIRST day at New Horizon Rehab Centre.. woke up quite EARLY.. just for me to be able to catch the STUPID 969.. whole family only i wake up.. mom's not working.. dad's not working.. bro working in the evening.. like so QUIET and ir's MONDAY.. reached Tampines at about 6.50am and went to Mac to buy my breakfast.. has sausage macmuffin and hot tea.. then took my own sweet time to walk to Tampines polyclinic..

the rehab centre itself is at the 3rd level of the polyclinic.. and first day only.. got people LATE liao.. Davinder was stuck in the traffic jam and Kusham couldnt find her way.. FIRST IMPRESSION of the staffs there wasnt that good.. they are SUPER UNFRIENDLY.. maybe because we are students ba.. but luckily, the person in charge was quite okie.. he's Steven..

the rehab centre itself holds patients who has Parkinson disease, Stroke and Dementia.. though they have Dementia, they are really CUTE!! if they do not have violence tendency.. lolx.. and over there, there's a "HOLY SISTER" volunteering there.. SHE IS SUPER RUDE AND UNFRIENDLY.. never see such sister before and she is a Catholic.. i just dont know what's wrong with her mind.. BUT, because of that, my IMPRESSION of the centre become WORSE! the whole day was like HELL to the 6 of us.. Kusham, Davinder, Paramesh, Farah, Liyana and me.. hais!!

teacher only dropped by at around 3plus.. Thank God she came! just in time to save us from all the COMMANDING from the staffs.. hais! they are professionals also.. BUT, why they BEHAVE this way? my goodness.. teacher had marked our surgical posting results.. and guess how much i get? *woohoo!* 81.25!! though just a borderline A but i'm HAPPY!! hahaz!^-^ think teacher too lenient lahz!! lolx.. so HAPPY!! and told Ms Emily about it.. she's really HAPPY for me too! muahahaz!

headed home after finishing the debrief with Ms Chow.. mom's home but didnt cook.. and i'm like so angry.. below are the reasons..
1. because of the RUDENESS of the staffs and the way we are treated.
2. and.. something happened that makes me SUPER TURNED OFF! anyway, i dont wish to mention about it. it's good too that i wasnt there.

off for dinner.. tomorrow.. 8-4pm AGAIN! and HAPPY BIRTHDAY NABIL!!! ^-^

[ Reunion dinner with paternal family.... ]

Reunion dinner with paternal family....

was awaken by NOISE POLLUTION today again.. Dad and mom were talking SO LOUD in the living room! so i woke up and wash up.. lazy on the sofa once after i brushed my teeth.. and watching some hongkong dramas.. had nasi lemak for breakfast today again! think i get ADDICTED to it liao.. kekez! then Xianyun called.. so i had my shower and went out with didi..

first ..... i went to Jurong Point with didi.. have decided to change my new year shoes's colour to BLACK instead of the pinky red.. cause it didnt match my clothes..

then... didi and i took bus30 to West coast.. it's like so LONG since i last took bus30! hahaz! MISSES this feeling! didi went to cut his hair.. and while waiting, Xianyun called.. so i went to Clementi to meet her.. to take some stuffs from her.. and she went to deposit her cheque..

this girl.. told me this SHOCKING news till i cant make myself be CONVINCED to BELIEVE it.. my GOODNESS! well, people's TASTE changes! hahaz! FUNNY sia! and i took bus285 back to look for didi.. he's like just SO FUSSY! hair long also complain, hair short also complain.. and i'm like DYING to DYE and do something to my hair!

not STRAIGHT enough, not CURLING.. also dont know what this kind of hairstyle is.. i'm still thinking to PERM my hair since yesterday 阿沾kor mentioned that i should give perming a try to look more mature.. lolx.. BUT, i LOVE straight hair! and i want some COLOUR to it.. hais! if not in nursing course, then any colour dye liao also wont get caught.. BUT, studies is more IMPORTANT though i want to look PRETTIER!! hahaz!

then went to mama's place.. yes, it's REUNION DINNER with them.. SUPER NOT WILLING to go.. had my peppermint milk tea.. then was lazying on the bed waiting for dinner.. and.. my DEAREST COUSINS as i have already guessed.. brought their DEAREST girlfriend and boyfriend for reunion.. hais! are you sure he/she is the one you marrying with? PLEASE UNDERSTAND the MEANING of REUNION! just so ANNOYED and AGITATED because of that..

then waited for mom to come before we eat the dinner.. and while waiting.. i ZI LIAN with Aunty's handphone and it was STEAMBOAT again! but, i seriously dont like the food that are prepared.. even my favourite dong gu was TERRIBLE! took a cab home after dinner.. and the uncle drove so FAST till i almost THROW OUT! tired liao.. tomorrow going for rehab posting at New Horizon centre.. off to sleep!


act CUTE me!



smile to the camera!



see my teeth!



sepia MEeeeee!!!



*SWEET*


black and white!!

so long never so ZI LIAN liao! hahaz! *SHIOK*

[ i SAVE 3 LIVES today!!... ]

i SAVE 3 LIVES today!!...

had a chat with 阿沾kor last night.. waited for him to call after his work.. and he told me he's attached.. say till super 吞吞吐吐！like scare i know like that.. cant imagine he's dating Ah mui's sister.. MY GODNESS! i almost FAINTED when i heard it.. and he asked about my boyfriend.. so i told him what happened.. he's my kor.. nothing to hide about also.. chat for an hour plus and i went to sleep around 1am.. woke up quite EARLY today.. cant really sleep that well this few days.. i also dont know what i am troubled with.. just cant sleep well.. had Nasi lemak as breakfast with didi.. and after which, i had my shower and did my morning prayers.. went out at about 1 to tampines.. have gone to century square to repair didi's N5300.. the queue is like so LONG! but no choice! got to wait lohz.. and have to wait till after the 10th then can the phone back.. *ma fan* lehz!

then i took the mrt to outram bloodbank.. YES! i am DONATING my BLOOD again!! hahaz! and i managed to SAVE 3 lives today! so HAPPY sia!! do some good deeds before the new year.. and i saw CANDY there.. not the ttsh CANDY but my red cross senior who just graduated.. so HAPPY to see her.. dont know why.. my veins got many blood.. did the HB test.. and the blood keep flowing till it only stops after my blood has been collected.. and when they give me the LA jab, my blood already flow out way before the needle is put in.. too much BLOOD today..

had a cup of milo and curry puff as refreshment after i donated the blood.. and was given a cute organiser from bloodbank.. shall make good use of it.. then intend to go pick my eyebrow.. then Xianyun called.. so i went to Clementi to meet her.. like so LONG never see her liao le.. hahaz! really MISS her! we went walking around at Clementi.. and i went to pick my eyebrow for just 5bucks! super SATISFIED! at least look PRESENTABLE for Chinese New Year.. hahaz! ^-^ then we went to buy some nail polish.. as usual lahz.. Girls's favourite.. to doll up themselves.. and i must learn to put make up.. i'm SERIOUSLY this time round!

then.. went to meet Mom at Clementi mac's bus stop.. going to Aunty Elsie's place to take the pineapple tarts! my FAVOURITE! then we took bus 189 to Bukit Batok to take mrt home.. and at Yishun.. we bought dinner home.. very TIRED today! maybe because i donated blood ba.. BUT, i'm SERIOUSLY happy! happy that i have SAVE 3 LIVES!!

Reunion dinner tomorrow with Paternal family....... *sianz*

[ my LAST DAY at ward 12D!!!! ]

my LAST DAY at ward 12D!!

TODAY..... it's my LAST day in ward 12D! 心中有说不出的难过啊！been to 3wards.. 8B - cardiac, 10B - neuro and now 12D - orthpadetic.. BUT, so far.. i think i still LOVE 12D the MOST! cause all the stsffs are really NICE and we got a soft-spoken SISTER and funny BROTHER.. morning shift today.. FINALLY, today Ninie morning shift so i met up with her at Yishun interchange and took bus 851 together to work.. once we board the bus, we slept all the way.. just too TIRED..

Ninie was tired because she was on afternoon shift yesterday.. as for ME, it's because i had NIGHTMARE the whole night yesterday.. dreamt of one of my patient and my deceased grandma.. throughout the whole night, their face appeared in my dream.. till i keep waking up and cant sleep again.. if i fall asleep, their image comes in again! just so SCARY lahz.. i also dont know why i will have such scary nightmare.. maybe because i 日有所思夜有所梦吧！BUT, it just too SCARY lahz!

in team 1 today.. no AN!! my godness.. last day so CHALLENGING.. then SN Cailian ask me help her check through the clinical chart.. *stress* sia.. actually should have HCA de.. BUT, Kash on mc.. hais.. heard she quitted too.. what a pity.. maybe she has lost her interest in this job le ba.. but sister rang Leeba up so she came to work.. and thanks to Ashiqa.. she helped me alot today.. help me shower my patients and stuff.. really THANKFUL! went break with Davinder, Kusham and Puspa today.. and went to buy "thank you" card for teacher and the ward.. and we bought teacher a gift!

and when i went up to the ward.. pass Candy a thank you card and pass Keng Li's to her too.. and teacher ask me accompany her to buy some goodies for the ward stuff.. and teacher bought love letters and pineapple tarts for them.. PINEAPPLE TARTS - my FAVOURITE! hahaz! and teacher bought each of us a swiss roll from Polar too! thank you so much! went up and saw Rosaline.. so waited for her to talk finish before i pass her the card and had her a short chat with her.. and told her i had a nightmare.. lolx.. and she commented that i got DARK EYE RINGS! my goodness! i didnt notice it at all.. maybe because i'm a girl who dont always look at the mirror.. hahaz! what kind of girl is this? UNIQUE!

debrief with teacher was at 2pm.. actually she want to help us in some of the skills.. then end up.. we passed her the gift.. eat chocolate and swiss roll then we start taking pictures! lolx! cause after our rehab posting, Ms Chow will no longer be taking our group.. another new guy teacher will come and Mdm Tan will assist! oh NO! my nightmare is coming.. after work, rang mom up and she told me to go home for a shower then meet her and brother at jurong point for new year shopping..

so i rushed home and had a shower.. and the most terrible thing is.. it's RAINING cats and dogs.. managed to get to Jurong point before 5pm and started our shopping.. i had the 台湾小吃's 鸡扒! just so HUNGRY.. started shopping.. for didi's new year clothes! he's SUPER FUSSY lohz.. more FUSSY than me.. and finally.. he bought a pair of jeans from Baleno.. and i bought a 3/4 pants too! then headed upstairs.. and didi bought a top and shorts from the shop "Options".. nice i should i say.. then mom eyed on Crystal Jade's bread.. so we went in and buy..

and yes as usual.. mom's FAVOURITE Bonia shop.. she bought a bag for 200bucks! got 20% discount.. i love the colour of the bag! seriously.. i dont mind using it for her.. lolx..then didi bought another White top from Levi's.. he just love BRANDED stuff.. and i bought a pair of shoes from Mondo! yes! finally got the pair of shoes i EYE so LONG! it was like 7.30pm when we finished our shopping.. mom and my legs aches.. after working in the morning and shopping in the evening.. and didi got the phone he wanted.. Sony Ericssion W910i.. tomorrow.. i'll send his N5300 for repair..

headed home after that.. just so TIRED.. and got online.. saw a testimonal from Zhiwen.. lolx.. so GLAD that i had changed his impression of NURSES.. lolx.. going to watch tv lohz.. waiting for 阿沾kor to call!!! MISS him lots!

ttsh group 4 with Ms Chow! i took this pic!

tths group 4 with Ms chow! Sabarina took this pic!