addicted

[ addicted ]

hmmm.. i hav been searchin 4 tis song 4 veri long.. hopin 2 change my blog music.. 4 frenz who mizz it.. yester e song i input is SHE's bu xiang zhang da.. but 2dae.. dunoe y.. i jus feel like findin e song tat can describe my feelin now.. hmmm.. tink less than 2 mths again.. i once told a fren who told mi tat he hope tat he can find his happiness soon.. then i oso dunoe y.. i feel tat he will meet his ms rite soon.. so i told him.. it's cumin soon liao le.. n tell him not 2 worry.. now.. guess wat.. he told him he got a gf le.. n hav been datin 4 almost 1 mth liao le.. realli feels veri happi 4 him.. heez..

though i haven meet mine.. but i noe.. he's near.. is jus tat e time isnt rite.. therefore i still dunoe.. mayb he's sum1 i noe alread.. lolx.. like fa hua chi like tat.. but havin sum1 u love bein there 4 all e time is realli a great thingy.. i'm sure i'll b filled wif happiness de.. WO SHI XING FU DE.. tat's wat i believe.. yester.. i'm on e fone wif one of my jie, catherine.. we tok realli a lot.. rangin from her bf 2 my ex.. i realli envy catherine n stephanie.. both of them realli fortunate hav such great bfs.. haiz.. sumtimes.. goin out wif them i oso feel paiseh.. cos i like light bulb like tat.. then will feel bein neglected like tat.. haiz.. they oso kept pushin mi.. ask mi find sum1 dating.. but this kinda thingy how can force de?? lolx.. am i rite?

i realli cant rmb how izzit like 2 fall 4 sum1 deeply.. how long did ur longest crush last?? mine was 4 yrs.. tat was durin my pri sch daes.. lolx.. on a veri nice guy.. he oso veri rich.. he's tat type veri gentlemen type.. less than 2 mths time.. i met him on e bus.. lolx.. tat was e 1st time i seen him after we graduated from pri. sch.. he still look e same.. so handsome.. mi n him quite fated.. after pri.2 we changed sch cos our sch demolished.. then we ended in e same class n e same class summore.. after streamin in pri.4 we went in2 diff class.. he veri clever so he went 2 best em2 class.. after then.. our frenship slowly turns pale.. but i still rmb him as my best bud.. after which 2nd crush last abt 3 yrs.. lolx.. so long.. i still rmb one of my fren's cousin has a crush on a ger 4 seven yrs.. wow.. tat's long.. longer than a relationship..

crush usuall last longer than a relationship.. my longest relationship onli last 1 yr plus.. yet my longest crush was 4 yrs.. tat was when i was veri naive lahz.. hahaz.. anw.. lovin sum1 is nv easy.. findin sum1 u love is nv easy too.. so couples out there.. mus cherish ur partner worz.. n nv take them 4 granted.. cos everythingy dun comes as u wan........


[ A d d i c t e d ] - simple plan

heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm a dick
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend
I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker Heartbreaker Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that
I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
[x2]

Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker

bu xiang zhang da

[ bu xiang zhang da ]

* i jus wanna faster let my boss noe tat i hav alread finished my basic german course.. cos i wanna go 2 germany now.. e faster e beta.. there's jus lotsa thingys i need 2 avoid.. there's a lotsa of thingys i need 2 hide.. i once mentioned tat my boss tok 2 mi.. hmmm.. did i??? he asked mi 2 endure.. he saes i'm a smart ger.. he noes tat i will tolerate.. n i tink i will.. but i realli need a rest badly.. realli.. veri veri tired...............

haiz.. wrote half way then went 4 dinner liao le.. end up.. guess wat.. i didnt c properly.. i didnt step on e board.. but instead.. in2 e board.. n guess wat.. my big toe e nail broken.. luckily.. it isnt e whole nail cum out.. veri painful now.. sobx sobx.. y so bad luck?? haiz.. *pain pain*.. wo de ma ya.. veri tired ar.. haiyo....

i now quote one of ikeda sensei's guidance.. " It is an illusion to think that we can find happiness by going to some other place, far away from our present reality. Our happiness is determined b our mindset. if we resolve that the place where we are right now is the perfect place to carrying out Buddhist practice, and if we challenge ourselves there, then that place will become the "Capital of Eternally Tranquil Light". It will shine as a bight citadel of happiness."

after reading this.. i realised i cant run away from thingys.. i shld accept who ever i am, where ever i'm now at, n what ever situation i'm in now.. by getting away n findin a new place 2 start afresh will makes mi equally like a coward.. i cant hide away form my probz forever.. this is my karma.. i will learn 2 accept.. livin in such a busi n big city.. pple tends 2 get tired easily.. all i long 4 is in tis planet i'm living.. there's sum1 who is willin 2 lend mi his shoulder n sum1 who can make mi be ruan ru.. i dun wan 2 let pple hav e tinking tat i'm a veri strong ger.. i'm a ger too.. i oso wanna feel ruan ru.. i dun wan 2 alwaz 2 pretend 2 b strong.. i'm sick of bein strong.. wo ye yao ruan ru..

wo bu xiang wo bu xiang bu xiang zhang da......................................................

* jiu shi wo *

[ jiu shi wo ]

*it's mi of cos.. lolx.. haiz.. it's sundae again.. goin 4 gakkai stuff ltr again.. but tis time round.. haiz.. ah cat cannot make it again.. *sad*.. haiz.. i'm realli troubled.. troubled wif a probz tat i cant anyhow voice out 2 any1.. e worse thingy is tat.. my parents r e ones who cannot noe tis.. haiz.. how?? who shld i trust?? who can voice tis 2?? i'm goin 2 suffocate soon.... i dunoe when i will collapse soon liao le.. if i tell my parents, he will nv trust mi again.. tink tis will make thingys worse.. he wun voice out 2 mi.. i wun noe how he's gettin liao..

how bad can he b?? y he doesnt hav 2 wisdom 2 tink?? luckily.. he got e wisdom 2 let mi noe.. tat's e worse part.. it's givin mi headache.. goin 2 faint soon.. i'm late again.. late by one dae onli.. i tot of registerin 4 o'lvl private again.. i wanna give myself a last chance 2 study harder.. but e registration is close.. close yesterdae.. haiz.. i'm givin up.. i'm realli tired.. y is every1 pressurizin mi??

i jus finished my german course.. guess i'll fly any time.. 13hrs of flight 2 germany.. how i wish i'm not cumin back.. haiz.. i wanna hide.. i wanna run away.. run away.. i dun wanna face e fact.. dun wanna face e truth.. dun wanna b in e situation i am in now.. do u noe how i gettin on? do u noe how i push myself thru?? thru cheatin myself.. pian yi tian guo yi tian.........

y mus i sound so pathetic?? y?? c da jie(steph) filled wif happiness bein wif jie fu.. c xiu juan jie wif jiefu 4 almost 4 yrs.. i'm jus so envy.. haiz.. i oso need sum1 2 care 4 mi ar.. y i alwaz meet e wrong guy?? those i met.. they r jus nt truthworthy enough.. got 1 even step 2 boats at 1 time.. it's so hurtin.. if nv flower-heart means wanna zhan you mi.. i'm a human bein ar.. nt an object ar.. relationship thingy is yong you.. not zhan you ar.. i'm tired.......................................................................................

guess i'm alive again!!!!!!!!!

[ guess i'm alive again ]

hmmm... was doin my tagboard jus now.. changed 3 times.. kaoz.. kept givin probz.. i oso dunoe whether frenz tag mi or not.. haiz.. stupid blog.. went 2 read ah yun's blog jus now.. n left lotsa tag entries 4 her.. lolx.. dun sae i nv tag u worz.. hahaz.. who is ah yun?? 4 those who dunoe.. she is my best bud.. lolx.. haiz.. guess wat i'm doin now.. i jus taken my breakfast.. n i'm listenin 2 e cd 2 learn my gongyo.. haiz.. cos frenz of mine kept askin mi 2 learn gongyo asap.. includin my parents of cos.. hmmm.. especiall benny lohz.. sms mi oso ask mi do gongyo.. lolx.. mayb can show u sumthingy interestin..since i got my own digital camera.. lolx.. hahaz..but now camera chargin.. low batt..



(( my name written on e envelope ))
( guess is written by benny)


(( e cover page of my bdae card ))


(( greetings written by melvin 2 mi ))


(( greetings written by benny 2 mi ))


(( greetings written by stephanie 2 mi ))


(( greetings written by jiafeng 2 mi ))

see e difference btw e 4 greetings write by them ma?? lolx.. 3 of them ask mi learn gongyo.. so i promised them liao so i mus learn!!!!

hmmm.. 4 frenz concern abt my situation now.. okie.. i'm studyin basic german course now.. havin my very last lesson next week.. not intendin 2 take intermediate now.. cos no time le.. need 2 1/2 months 2 complete e course.. i dun hav time le.. not bcos i'm goin 2 mati.. but i'm germany le.. should b goin switzerland n western part of germany.. mus organize farewell party 4 mi worz.. lolx.. kiddin onli.. not goin veri long oso..

on fridae.. which is e 17th of tis month.. a grp of visitors came 2 my company.. n my boss actuall instructed my manager 2 send mi 2 e helicheck.. okie.. helicheck is a machine used by e QC 2 check e tools.. it is e machine bought from germany.. cost a lot.. lolx.. n i'm goin germany 4 training under tis machine.. it is computerized n needs setting.. n lotsa setting itself in e machine is in german lanaguage.. so.. no chance hav 2 learn german.. guess mayb i oso got chance 2 go overseas like my dad for yrs.. he once work in japan, china n switzerland.. 4 yrs.. companies in switzerland even send their pple 2 cum spore 2 hire my dad 2 work in switzerland..

i nv noe tat my dad is so great.. i noe all those from my boss.. he saes.. my dad can work overseas 4 yrs alone.. so he believe i oso can.. when my dad work in china.. he n my mom alread registered their marriage.. in yr 1981.. if my dad nv go overseas.. now i tink i'll b in my 20s liao le.. lolx.. hahaz.. sound so old 2 mi.. heez.. n i wont b able 2 noe such a great bunch of frenz.. n i wun bcum e alumni of soka kinder.. belongin 2 e 1st batch of soka kinder students.. i feel realli realli proud of myself.. heez.. n i'm realli glad tat i'm fortune baby..

i had been feelin depressed 4 e past few weeks.. cos havin headache n feel giddy veri often.. mayb bcos i'm slightly low blood.. dun believe rite?? i look so strong.. tat's was e past lahz.. cos last time in npcc ma.. alwaz jog n do exercises.. now.. sleepin oso no time.. on workin daes.. i onli sleep 5 to 6 hrs plus onli.. can u imagine tat?? so everydae work like vampire.. haiz.. no choice lahz..

2dae is sundae.. yet i woke up at 8.. but bcos i goin back 2 company 4 overtime.. not bcos under my block.. they havin community centre events.. ahhhhhhhhhhh.. so noisy.. actuall intend 2 slp till 12 noon de.. lolx.. if i noe so noisy.. i would hav wakey early n go 2 senja or telok blangah n do mornin daimoku n gongyo.. haiz.. i sae in march i wanna go.. but 4 2 sundaes.. i nv go.. cos no1: i'm jus too tired.. no2: nobodi pei mi go.. my mom hav 2 work.. my dad works too.. even if he dun, i wun choose goin chantin wif him.. he will jus nag n nag thru out e journey.. my bro.. even worse.. he dun cum out 4 activites de.. lazy pig.. onli go 4divison meetin monthly onli.. cos he same han as my dad.. no choice.. so tat's bein forced.. n he nv join ndp too.. cos he havin n'level tis yr.. lolx.. 2 of my reasons.. i noe they sounds more like excuses..

hey.. any soka frenz who saw my tis entries.. wanna pei mi go?? lolx.. even if u wanna go tampines de.. i oso can pei.. at least sum1 wif mi i'll feel more secure.. i got a veri bad habit.. i dun like 2 attend meetings alone.. i'm jus afraid of loneliness.. realli afraid.. so when 2 of my gd sistas.. stephanie n catherine graduated from fd 2 sd.. i nv attend fd meetings le.. now.. i'm not schoolin at e moment.. but attends sd meetin wif steph ard.. if not of her.. i'll b dislocate wif gakkai activites le..

last yr i had an operation.. after then.. 4 e 1 yr's time.. i havin been slpin.. not realli in2 practicin.. feel so guilty.. after stephy's bdae celebration.. she's been askin out 4 activites.. n on tat dae itself.. i oso noe 2 great frenz.. benny n melvin.. though they dun belongs 2 west region RHQ4.. lolx.. but guess i'll b gettin away west region activites le.. dunoe if i shld change a district.. i'm shiftin hse.. movin 2 our own flat i yishun soon le.. haiz.. in april i tink.. haiz.. cumin 4 RHQ4 activites will b a tough challenge 4 mi.. n my district.. majority r eldery.. they r cantonese spoken.. though i'm a cantonese n doesnt face a probz in speakin my dialect..

but e probz is my district isnt active at all.. includin my leaders.. especiall my ywd leader.. she havin lotsa of probz recently.. n she arent doin her part in askin mi out 4 activties.. hmmm.. she will sms mi informin mi of activties 4 e ywd.. but i nv c her attendin.. she alwaz havin personal stuffs n tight up wif work.. how will e member b active if e leader herself/himself isnt active?? as 4 my ymd leader.. he isnt callin his onli 2 ywd.. n tat' s e reason y my dad transfer my didi out of my district.. my dad used 2 b e leader of my district.. he is e asst. district leader.. in other words.. there's another district above him.. ever since my dad rise as e asst.district.. e district leader himself arent doin his part 4 e district.. cos he noes tat my dad is there 2 help him.. feelin frustrated n wantin him 2 do his part.. my dad transfered out of e district.. n my mom now.. she is e asst.district wd leader as well.. but my district.. e leaders themselves hav lotsa mis-communciation.. if e leaders themselves cant even communicate, how can e leaders interact well wif e members??

last time we used 2 hav gosho studies durin district meetings.. i dun seems 2 learn anythingy abt nichiren daishonin n so on.. if not 4 mi 2 attend e entrance exam n e byakuren kenshu yester.. i nv hav noe so much.. oh ya.. entrance exam.. my ywd n mi registered 4 it 2gether.. she was e one who encourages mi 2 take up e exam.. though i nv realli put in effort 2 go 4 e study meetings n study hard 4 it.. i still went 4 e exam last week.. but my leader didnt go.. y i nv attend study meetings?? cos my leader nv go.. so i didnt even feel like attendin.. guess i'll hav 2 wait another 3 yrs 2 attend e exam again ba.. haiz..

i will make yr 2006 a fulfilling yr 4 mi.. i wun waste my time on those unimportant stuff liao.. jus like my relation.. is was a down turn 4 mi last yr.. i broke off wif my ex on e dae i actuall celebrated my da jie, stephanie's bdae.. tat dae was realli a bit bad 4 mi.. if i'm wasnt wif her n e grp of soka frenz.. i wun noe wat silly thingy i'll do 2 myself.. n mani thingy happened as well.. jus dunoe wanna tok abt it..

i oso wanna thankie a few persons here.. tat is.. STEPHANIE.. she was e one who help mi a lot n pushin mi 4 activites.. JIAFENG oso.. like my da jie, stephanie.. tis brother-in-law of mine.. oso forces mi a lot.. n MELVIN.. durin my bdae celebration.. he told mi a very big incident tat happens in his family.. thru tat incident he told mi.. i came out wif my decision of solvin my probz.. n of cos BENNY lohz.. he tok 2 mi alot while we were walkin down e streets of orchard.. n ANNA.. my ywd leader.. she oso encourages mi a lot.. hmmm.. of cos there's other frenz as well.. sorrie 4 troublin u guys.. thankie 4 bein there 4 mi.. love u guys alwaz.. rmb.. u guys r e most impt assets of my life.. *wink*


Watch ur thoughts, they bcum ur words.
Watch ur words, they bcum ur actions.
Watch ur actions, they bcum ur habits.
Watch ur habits, they bcum ur character.
Watch ur character, they bcum ur liking

jessica loh is already dead !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ jessica loh is already dead!!!!!!!! ]

* haiz.. so much misery surroundin mi.. n guess wat.. i'm suffocatin ar.. recently.. sum stupid rashes appeared on my skin.. haiz.. makin my skin so itchy.. oh no.. no choice.. is jus too itchy.. so i went 2 e doc.. n he gave mi mc.. wif tat.. i hav 2 inform my manager n tell him i wun b there 4 work.. n guess wat.. i sms him he dun wanna reply.. e next dae.. my mom wans mi 2 go 2 e doc again.. so no choice.. tis time round i called him.. called him 4 times n my dad called him twice.. he simply dun wanna pick up my call on purpose.. nvm it's okie.. so i called e office n look 4 him instead..

e moment he pick up e call.. he scolded mi.. sae i shld call e office instead of callin his hp.. i nv noe tat there such a rule ard in e company.. he jus unhappi over mi.. tis is my 1st job.. nobodi tells mi wat 2 do.. i jus hav 2 search n explore my way those all these shit.. thru out e 10 mins call.. i'm jus sayin hmmmm... n listenin 2 all those unreasonable n unneccesary scoldin from mi.. time n again.. he threatens mi.. sae bcos benson(my dad), i'll b ard till now.. if it's others.. they will b sack alread..

i rmb.. when i was confirmed by e company.. e HR director, who is oso my lao ban niang told mi in front of my manager tat " no one will compare u wif ur dad, u r u.. n ur dad is dad ".. he even agreed wif her.. but now.. my life is alwaz threatenin wif danger.. i jus dunoe who will stab mi from e back again.. i told my dad wat happened after i put down e fone.. guess wat.. i realli cant stand e pressure.. i bust out in2 tears.. i cried.. i jus realli tired.. y?? y mi?? y wateva i do, he's jus unhappi over mi?? y do i hav such a hypocritical manager?? he alwaz so nice 2 mi onli when e boss is ard.. but when my boss isnt.. here cums his fox's tail..

he alwaz threaten 2 sack mi.. n alwaz sae bcos of mi dad.. i can stay in e company till now.. haiz.. is jus hatred n personal attack btw e 2 of us.. 1 yr plus in e company.. i jus dunoe when will i realli break down.. he jus simply dun work wif compassion.. i'm jus a 17 yrs old ger.. he alwaz bull shit in e company.. tink tat he noes everything.. hahaha.. tat's funny.. he dun allows mi 2 tok.. ever 2 my jie n my close fren anna.. if they tok 2 mi.. they will in turn gets scoldin.. n he alwaz use my lao ban niang 2 threaten mi.. ever if i wanna take mc.. it mus b bcos of veri veri serious illness.. sumtimes.. it's not i realli loves skippin work.. is jus tat.. i alwaz weak.. i often hav flu.. n doc alwaz give mi mc.. he noe i'm under pressure.. i cant affect 2 neglect even is jus small sickness like cold flu..

i jus dunoe when will i go crazy.. i realli love tis job.. is alwaz filled wif challenges n filled wif experiences.. everyone is nice 2 mi.. onli my manager n my leader.. 2 hypocrites in one small department.. is realli bull shit.. i noe both boss n lao ban niang realli treat mi n my family veri nice.. dad n uncle roger (boss) noe each other 4 almost 30 yrs.. my dad used 2 work there.. but he met sum conflict n he left.. now he's back.. he intro mi in.. even wifout an interview by him(my manager).. i'm arranged 2 work in e qc under e instruction of boss.. tat's e veri 1st thingy tat makes him(my manager) so bei song(not happi).. now boss paid 4 y german course n wans mi 2 go 2 germany.. he's even more unahppi.. cos he alwaz wish tat boss will put his baobei(my leader) 4 e training in germany..

when he scolds mi.. he will sae " go hm n tell ur mom i scold u".. isnt tat tryin 2 threaten my mom 2 cum 2 company n scold him?? luckily my mom didnt.. once in a while, boss will look 4 mi.. he will alwaz ask how's my work n how's thingy in my department.. i'll alwaz sae " everythingy is fine, my manager treats mi veri nice ".. when one of e production manager knew tat i'm alwaz speakin up 4 my manager from my dad.. he sae i'm stupid n silly.. y dun i speak up e truth.. n y mus i cover up 4 him.. my manager's reputation in e company is bad.. he isnt gd wif all e salepersons: jess,soon hoe, uncle adrain, uncle ng, jeremy.. he isnt gd wif my director, uncle jonathan too.. neither e production managers like him especially uncle tok.. even my director dun likes him.. can u imagine?? there's oso a setter whom he used 2 b gd wif.. uncle seet.. now.. uncle seet dun even wanna speak 2 my manager..

tis thingy came in2 e ears of my boss.. even my boss oso feel tat it's cruel 2 treat a 17 yrs old ger wif hatred n personal attack.. he handle tis issue 2gether wif my dad n my director.. boss ask him twice.. " are u able 2 handle jessica or not??" till e end, my manager did not answer my boss.. he got a warning from my boss.. but till now.. is alread 2 weeks le.. thingys nv get anythingy better.. he still scolds mi wif out reasons.. but i noe i cant leave tis company.. cos i'm indebted 2 boss.. 4 wat he had done 2 my family.. my life is threatening 4 every sec i live.. my family.. now oso havin probz.. my idiotic bro oso veri kb.. he jus dun listen anyone of us.. n his studies.. jsu like shit.. i dun wan him 2 b like mi workin at such a young age..

haiz.. my mom n dad oso addin on 2 my pressure.. i noe they r tired at work.. but can u spare a tot tat i'm tired too?? i jus cant get 2 slp 4 e past 1 week.. n noe i'm been havin headache n flu.. but i noe i cant go 2 doc.. cos i can take mc again.. my studies.. is in a mess.. i cant opt 4 night class in poly.. they need min. 3 yrs of experience in my field.. my gakkai activities.. is tiring goin 4 meetin after work.. but i noe i need 2 chant hard 4 wisdom n strengthen.. 4 e gd fortunate..my byakuren training.. my work.. i oso dunoe wat 2 do.. i even tot of commitin suicide though i noe it wun helps.. but it will lessen my pain.. frenz mite find mi cheerful.. but i'm no longer e same old mi..

JESSICA LOH IS ALREADY DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chinese new yr dinner

[ chinese new yr dinner ]



yester.. early mornin.. went 2 da jie's hse there de void deck 2 wait 4 her.. cos she got so mani thingy 2 carry then she cant cope.. so i went 2 help her.. waited 4 quite sum time.. then saw kor came back from nitez shift work.. he ask mi y i there.. lolx.. kor looked veri veri tired.. haiz.. so *xin tong* ..after which, mi,da jie, jie fu n ah tong took a cab 2 work.. then saw ah miao,ah jia n our company manager, jonathan at e lobby of our company.. he saw mi carryin so mani thingy.. he tot i goin 2 run away 2 m'sia.. lolx.. tat's lame.. it is oso our last dae workin b4 we go 4 our long break 4 new yr..

so we work till 12.30 n then go 4 e lunch at ah orh seafood restuarant 4 tiong bahru orhcid.. so sad.. tis yr nv go paramount hotel.. hmmm.. tink is bcos they nv book e place in time.. hmmm.. quite crowded.. but we booked in e inside air-con area.. at least not so hot.. we start eatin at abt 1 pm.. n drank lotsa of red wine.. i oso drank quite a lot.. but luckily i'm not drunk.. lolx.. but one of my fren was drunk.. n he vomited.. *worried*.. i told him not 2 drink so much.. but he sae he still can take it.. aiyoz.. oso dunoe wat happened 2 him.. dad oso drunk n vomited.. took quite a no of fotos wif my digital camera.. *satisfied*.. heez.. but upset over kor.. he goin back 4 a week.. will mizz u de kor.. n da jie oso..

after finishin our lunch.. every1 went around greetin one another happi new yr.. lolx.. n one of e worker, kannan.. so funny.. cum n wish mi happi new yr.. *shocked*.. i went around greetin pple oso.. n b4 i leave.. i went 2 wish one of my gd fren, ah keong.. he so di xiao.. ask mi y nv give hug.. lolx.. after which, mi, linda n michelle went 2 shop n orchard.. from paragon 2 taka n 2 far east.. bought a pair of slipper, a l'oreal paris's nail polish n a hat.. lolx.. e hat 70% off worz.. lolx.. so worthwhile.. as 4 e nail polsih got 20% discount worz.. lolx..

c so mani couples walkin down e orchard rd.. realli envy them.. how cum i not so fortunate 2 get a gd bf?? or izzit jus like wat michelle sae.. yuan fen haven cum yet? where is my little prince?? i wonder............................................

* a big gain *

[ a big gain ]

lolx.. how shld i start my entries?? hmmm.. oh.. shld reply benny..
benny: mus keep mi update worz.. n dun stress le.. mus get enough rest durin chinese new yr worz.. lolx.. dun dance dance n dance.. mus study hard hard oso..

my 1st german lesson at cambridge sch of languages started yester.. oh gosh.. firstly.. i wanna complain.. is e venue.. oh gosh.. is at peninsula plaza.. so scary sia.. make mi so worry.. cos e environment there veri messy ar.. 2nd.. e lift there so slow.. alamak.. lolx.. 1st lesson.. learn veri basic greeting n german grammer.. oh gosh .. *vomit blood* .. lolx.. but quite interestin.. n veri challenging.. lolx.. gambatie.. lolx..

2dae.. quite busi at work.. veri tired oso.. after which.. went tampines wif da jie n my work fren anna.. we went 2 collect e ring da jie bought.. as 4 anna.. she so upset.. cos e design of e ring dun hav le.. aiyoz.. n e ear rings i eyeing oso bein sold out 2dae mornin le.. *sad* n went 2 eat xiao long tang bao.. chicken soup, hot n sour soup n xia ren fried rice.. yummy.. lolx.. is indeed a gd meal 4 my hungry stomach.. lolx.. after which.. took mrt 2 yi po hse.. aunt bought mi a pair of heels from x:odus, few bags, sum clothes n a sony digital camera.. *yuppy*.. though is a 2nd hand one ( cos it used 2 belong 2 her ) but definitely in veri gd condition.. at 1st.. she dun realli feel lyk givin mi.. but she has another new digital camera le.. she's afraid tat if she dun give away.. it will soon b spoilt..

lolx.. *happy* .. is indeed e best gift b4 chinese new yr.. kekez.. nowadays.. at e canteen at my workplace.. eat lunch got special de..e lao ban niang sae i look realli lyk her bro's ex gf.. lolx.. tat's lame.. realli got pple who looks realli alike de mehz??? lolx.. tat dae.. mi n da jie order curry chicken noodles.. then is e lao ban niang's bro make de.. lolx.. my share veri big.. wif many chicken.. as 4 da jie.. much little than mine..

then da jie sae.. so unfair.. cos i got a bigger share.. then in e company.. when ever i go in2 ewag.. those malaysian frenz of mine will start teasin mi wif e "miao miao" thingy.. got a stupid rumour wif a guy miao foong... pple call him ah miao.. alamak.. diaoz.. summore his hp got secret.. no hp will die.. dunoe wat izzit goin on oso.. lolx.. i dunoe him at all.. except his name.. n onli speaks once 2 him bcos of work thingy.. like tat oso can hav rumour.. diaoz..

kor changed le.. now.. he no longer jokes wif mi.. i noe he's hidin his probz from mi.. sumthingy happened last yr n took my cheerful kor away.. it realli saddens mi a lot.. wat shld i do 2 help him?? wat shld i do??

is another dae of shoppin ...

[ is another dae of shoppin... ]

guess wat i was waken up by.. my da jie shockin sms.. she sms mi sae mus call her once i on my hp n sae it's urgent.. i realli jumped out of my bed.. she tried callin mi but i off hp le.. n called my hse.. my didi told him i slp le.. i tot it was bcos of work.. end up is bcos she wanna ask mi go shoppin wif her n anna.. alamak.. guess wat.. i wore a red top out 2dae jus 2 suit my pinky sports shoes.. i buy tat converse shoes long ago but nv wear it more than 10 times.. so mom naggin.. suit her lohz.. i wear.. had tian ji porriage 4 my breakfast.. hmmm.. nice nice.. lolx.. then went shop around at bedok n ran 2 tampines.. ate taiwan xiao chi.. wanna go look 4 fee mei.. but she nv work at tampines sake sushi outlet 2dae.. so unlucky.. so long nv c her.. she work there last than a yr.. got half a month bonus.. where is mine??? aiyoz..

oso dunoe got bonus take not.. hope got lohz.. hmmm.. went see see look look.. hav yet 2 buy any thingy.. until.... we step our feet in2 a shop call aura image consultancy.. it's at century square.. they sell lotsa jewellery.. realli nice.. da jie bought a ring n a pendant... anna order e same ring as her.. cos e ring too small 2 fit her.. all e jewellery from uk de.. wow.. i oso got moved by them.. end up.. guess wat.. i bought a pendant too.. heart shape de.. 925 sterling sliver plated wif white gold.. e consultant oso gave mi a chain.. n da jie hav one free from her too.. anna helped mi pay 1st.. at 1st..

realli consider veri long whether 2 buy or not.. 59bucks.. not realli ex.. but scare mom scold i anyhow spend money.. as a ger.. will sure jewellery de lahz.. rite?? hahaz.. hav yet 2 save 4 a diamond ring.. kekez.. though wifout a lover.. i got a heart 2 pei mi thru e tough 2006 ahead of mi.. fallin sick soon.. got sum rashes thingy on my hand cos of e spring cleanin work at my work place.. oh gosh.. havin flu too.. n i'm still roamin e street wif my germs all ard.. sumbodi save mi..

i noe i'm gonna face lotsa of stress.. but i will b defeated.. wif strong daimoku.. i'm sure i'll succeed de.. *wink*.. wish mi gd luck!!!!!!

shop shop shop trip 2......

[ shop shop shop trip 2... ]

hmmm.. went shoppin wif mom n didi at chinatown.. oh no.. chinatown again.. lolx.. not 4 new yr goods but 2 shop 4 new yr clothes.. didi bought 3 pants n 2 t-shirts 4 180bucks.. wow.. n mi.. alread buy a skirt n 3 blouses liao.. so buy 2 jeans from hang ten yester.. n a jacket from giodarno.. mi bought a white one mom buy a black one.. went people parks og 2 shop oso.. mom wanna buy bonia bag.. n hintin mi.. so i sae i can fork out half 4 her.. cos mayb got bonus take ma.. n mi.. almost 4got.. 20th jan.. german class startin le.. oh no.. mi wanna buy bag.. but not lyk mom.. so greedy.. nice n can suit mi can le.. dun need ex ex de.. lolx..

tis yr spend quite a lot le.. but beta than last yr.. at least tis yr i can eat normally durin new yr liao le.. last yr.. haiz.. operation ma.. so onli can vege,fish n pork.. poultry cannot eat.. shark fins cannot eat.. haiz.. walk oso lyk ah ma.. cannot wear jeans.. no heels oso.. lolx.. ti yr.. carefree.. lolx.. but.. guess.. i got 2 take gd care of my diet le.. lolx.. otherwise.. nice clothing i oso cannot fit in.. if got big sizes.. wear liao oso not nice.. hmmm.. now left wif handbag n shoes haven buy.. n haven make over my hair.. i wanna dye my hair.. n dunoe wat type of jewellery 2 wear.. haiyo..

realli tired..guess wat i had 4 dinner.. is jap style dinner.. onli 1 set 3.20bucks onli.. veri nice.. didi had curry chicken cutlet rice n mi n mom had seafood udon..is definitely worth e price.. cos 1 servin is alot.. n no aji-no-moto oso..lolx..tired liao.. got 2 orh orh...........

shop shop shop...

[ shop shop shop... ]

* went 2 shop wif da jie at chinatown.. is hari raya holidae so dun need 2 work.. great!! but is a rainy dae.. oh gosh.. so mani pple.. lyk dun need money de.. we 1st went 2 hav our late breakfast cum lunch then went eyeing 4 our new yr clothes.. mix n match.. da jie helped mi a lot durin my shoppin trip.. i bought myself a skirt n a white blouse.. costin abt 68bucks.. da jie oso bought herself a skirt.. n sum children clothin 4 her cousin n sister's kids.. n so filial of her.. she oso bought her mom a blouse.. realli enjoy ourself baraginin 4 e pricing.. lolx..

but jus hate tat it's jus too crowded.. while we were crossin 2 e opposite side of e road.. guess wat.. ms anna goh called mi.. lolx.. she n her mom oso went shoppin there.. da jie n mi walk round n round.. oso tired liao.. so we sat down in front of a drink bar.. guess wat.. a fruit punch drink cost 3 bucks.. oh gosh.. tat's a bit expensive rite?? we went people's park og 2 shop shop while waitin 4 anna 2 cum n look 4 us..

og oso veri crowded.. alamak.. almost faint liao le.. aiyoz.. anna n da jie bought bed sheets 4 themselves.. new yr ma.. but mom haven buy 4 mi.. last yr i bought winnie e pooh de.. lolx.. veri cute.. hope can find little twins star de.. i used 2 hav one.. but tink mom thrown liao.. so tired after walkin sum long.. guess wat.. we went 2 oto n test out their massage equipment.. hahaz.. oh no.. need e toilet urgently.. og oso losuy.. e toilet so difficult 2 find.. cos no sign board 2 indicate e location of e toilet de.. realli had a hard time findin..

jie fu called.. ask whether we wanna go orchard find him.. so mi n da jie left 1st 4 orchard.. we took 143 there n drop behind taka.. rainin ma.. so we decided 2 walk 2 far east usin lucky plaza's underpass.. even w/o walkin 2wards 2 e underpass.. i saw jiefu.. not alone wif 8 others.. ah keong,ah tong,ah miao,ah jia,ah wong,b zai,ming ming n my kor,ah zhan.. alamak!!! shock mi!! my heart almost pop out.. so mani pple.. i tot onli kor n jie fu onli.. alamak.. wah.. guess wat.. they wear so nice sia.. 1st time c them so shuai sia.. lolx..

but jie fu make da jie angry..cos he wanna go shop wif them.. actuall da jie wanna pei jie fu go but new yr clothes de.. haiz.. end up.. mi n da jie go eat liao then went hm.. leavin them 2 walk themselves.. so tired..............................................

* i'm in2 it... oh no... byakuren-renaissance training 2006

[ * i'm in2 it... oh no... byakuren-renaissance training 2006 ]

* a gd news here 2 share wif all my frenz.. lolx.. i tink onli soka pple will understand ba.. i'm been selected 2 join in e byakuren-renaissance training 2006.. mani ywd sign up.. but got selection de.. n i'm selected.. oh yeah.. lolx.. quite excited 4 e dae 2 cum.. n 2dae.. 7th jan.. is e 1st meetin at syc.. EXCITIED EXCITIED EXCITIED.. kekez.. gettin a bit retard.. *wink* a bit weird.. a bit scare.. cos dunoe any1 there.. hmmm.. my fren hu is alread in byakuren cannot make it 4 e meetin so i alone there wif lotsa strangers.. though they oso soka mber.. lolx.. quite interestin.. watch a short video.. then got sharin by byakuren chief n ywd chief.. oso sang e byakuren song wrote by our 3rd president ikeda sensei.. a veri nice song.. byakuren in jap is white lotus.. so in chinese.. byakuren grp is bai lian zhu.. below is a exerpts taken from Faith into Action given by daisaku ikeda 4 e byakuren from siliconvalley..


In a family, if one person is unhappy, then so is the entire family. Therefore, I would like you to sincerely pray for and protect one another so that there are no people who are unfortunate and unhappy, or who abandon their faith, and that every person will become happy. These are the kinds of humanistic bonds among fellow members that give birth to true unity.

Coercion or force stemming from power and authority is ineffective at critical moments. Always live as harmonious family members of the Mystic Law, embodying the spirit of many in body, one in mind. No matter what happens, I hope that you will continue to advance, directing your hearts toward unity and friendship.
It was not authority that united the Daishonin and his followers; nor was it their concern for profit. They were united in heart. For this reason, their bond was indestructible. For this reason, their lives overflowed with benefit and their connection was lofty and eternal.

The new vitality of American society is produced by returning to the starting point to the ideals on which your country was founded. Similarly, you should also reconfirm the fundamental path of faith, practice and study and make a fresh departure based on the Unity of many in body, one in mind the starting point of our movement. This is the key to the reconstruction of the SGI-USA as a model organization.It is important to have the Compassion to respond to a person's needs and situation, to give considered thought to how you can best help him or her and then take appropriate action. Wisdom arises from compassion.

In any struggle, the critical point is how a leader inspires others. As you are leaders of Kosen-Rufu, I ask that you encourage friends of the Mystic Law in such a manner that the powers of faith and life force surge forth in their lives. I hope that your efforts in the struggle of faith will serve to increase the majesty and strength of the Buddhist gods.
It is important that we offer prayers with great confidence. The powers of the Buddha and the Law are activated in direct proportion to the strength of our faith and Practice. Strong faith is like high voltage it turns on a brilliant light in our lives.

Buddhism means putting the teachings into practice. Practice equals faith. With sincere prayers and action, our desires can not possibly fail to be fulfilled.The famous poet Shelley said: If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?No matter how long and bitter winter may be, spring always follows. This is the law of the universe, the joyful law of life.

If you are the type whose resolve tends to melt away easily, if you find it difficult to stick to your goal, then just renew your determination each time you find yourself slipping. You will achieve your Human Revolution without fail if you keep struggling valiantly, pressing forward despite setbacks and disappointments, always: This time I'll make it! This time I will succeed!. Hope, Beethoven cried, you forge the heart into steel. Hope is confidence. Hope is determination. Hope is courage. And Faith is the ultimate expression of hope. Belief fortifies the heart.

Those who can resolve I will make a new departure!, I will construct something new! will be victorious in the end. By contrast, those who think I've done enough already are leading lives of defeat.

Buddhism is victory or defeat. Life is an eternal struggle. To the end, we should live with strength and vigor. In any realm of activity, reality is very strict. It is the power of Buddhism that enables us to win in any situation. Difficulties are inevitable in life that is true for everyone. Herein lies a profound reason for our practice. We should always remember this.

As long as you base your life on faith in the Mystic Law, everything that you do has significance. All that you experience will function to enable you to realize the greatest happiness and Buddhahood.
In good times or bad, the important thing is that you continue chanting daimoku. Only when you live up to your own individual mission and devote yourself to the practice of chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, while encouraging others to do the same, your self will be filled with the Mystic law, merging with the realm of Buddhahood in the universe that pervades the three existences of past, present and future. In this condition, you will enjoy absolute security and total freedom.( President Ikeda, Today Onward-Vol 2)

Admirable Nichiro, because you have read the entirety of the Lotus Sutra with both the physical and the spiritual aspects of your life, you will also be able to save your father and mother, your six kinds of relatives, and all living beings. Others read the Lotus Sutra with their mouths alone, in word alone, but they do not read it with their hearts. And even if they read it with their hearts, they do not read it with their actions. It is reading the sutra with both one's body and mind that is truly praiseworthy! ( From the Gosho: Letter to Priest Nichiro)

A ship's engine and propeller are invisible to most people. In the future, I will continue to treasure those working behind the scenes the most. (President Ikeda, A Youthful Diary)

Win in your endeavors. Please do not let yourself be defeated, giving into despair and feelings of insecurity. Everything in life is a struggle. If you win, life is wonderful, and you feel great. If you lose, you feel awful. Any goal is fine. The important thing is to strive toward it, triumphing in each challenge along the way. True victory is winning over your own mind. It is not determined by other's opinions. Nor is there any need for you to compare yourself with others. A genuine victor in life is one who can declare, I lived true to myself, and I have won! I am a spiritual victor!

(President Ikeda, World Tribune, 4/7/00)

* x'mas eve ..... all i wan 4 x'mas is u ..... *

[ * x'mas eve ..... all i wan 4 x'mas is u ..... * ]

* lolx.. finally can update my blog.. sorrie 4 frenz 4 alwaz visit my blog.. nt i dun wanna update.. nt i veri busi.. but is bcos my didi alwaz uses e com .. playin his maple game.. lolx.. tat's y i nv got a chance 2 update lahz.. kekez.. 2dae.. finally got chance 2dae le.. hahaz.. otherwise benny wanna complain le.. sae i ask him update but i nv update.. lolx.. 2005 cumin 2 an end soon le.. so fast.. yr 2005.. i realli gone thru a lot tis yr.. start 2 work on e 26th of nov last yr.. till now.. 1 yr plus le.. finished my o'lvl.. then start workin..

then had an operation on e 24th jan tis yr.. back 2 work.. then.. urine got blood.. gone 2 mani specialist.. now okie le.. but did 1 thingy more scary than injection.. colonoscopy.. oh gosh.. tat almost wanted my life.. hav 2 stop my consumption of food on tat dae.. n drink a veri yucky thingy 2 make mi clear my large intestine in order 2 scope.. aiyoz.. tat's terrible.. though got sedation.. but it dun works at all de.. i'm clear of my surrounding.. so damn painful.. lolx.. after which.. in aug.. mi n him broke off le.. now.. he's attached again.. congrats him.. anw.. dun tok abt him.. will spoilt my mood..

i oso whether tis yr is a fulfillin yr 4 mi not... lolx.. but i noe a lot of new frenz.. at work.. n of cos noe more soka frenz as well.. lolx.. n tis yr.. so happi.. durin my bdae.. i got my frenz n family wif mi.. had steamboat wif my parents on my bdae itself.. though tis yr there's lots of unhappi moments.. i still appreciate tat i'm given a chance 2 live again.. lolx.. i wun purposely 4get wat had happened.. be it happi or sae.. it's all my memories.. lolx.. on my bdae.. i oso got 2 noe tat actually kor realli cares 4 mi a lot.. realli grateful.. i alwaz tot he jus dun care abt mi.. xmas.. i nv realli celebrate lahz.. jus take it as a chance 2 rest lohz.. lolx.. hahaz.. sundae is xmas ma.. so mondae oso public holidae ar.. so got 1 more dae 2 rest lohz.. great!!!!! hahaz..

from a book tat i read.. i got 2 realised 1 thingy.. [[ LOVE IS NOT 2 PEOPLE GAZING AT ONE ANOTHER.. BUT TWO PEOPLE LOOKING AT E SAME DIRECTION ]] hmmm.. dun bcum each other ban jiao shi.. lolx.. those involved in relationship.. tat's a quote 4 u.. hehez.. it's veri easy 2 fall in lurve.. but.. 2 maintain a relation.. is veri veri difficult de.. 2 respect n understand one another.. veri difficult oso.. e mi.. 2wards relationship.. courage = 0%.. confidence = 0%.. gan hai gan hen de jessica is alread died.. let's not tok abt tis anymore..

hey.. anw.. guys.. merry x'mas.. hohoho..

* early celebration 4 mi *

[ * early celebration 4 mi * ]

hmmm.. jus ended my early bdae celebration at 12 yester.. i got hm jus in time at 12am tis mornin.. lolx.. jus lyk cinderalla.. lolx..hahaz.. i hav 2 thankie my soka frenz here.. thankie stephy jie.. my bro-in-law jiafeng, e "cute" benny n of cos our army boi melvin.. hahaz.. we went 4 our sd(student division) meetin at tbsc(telok blangah soka centre) yester.. hmmm.. had spend 2 hrs of our time there 4 a realli wonderful meetin.. my 1st time attendin sd meeting.. but is fine.. got puppet show summore.. nice dance n nice singing.. got pple sing : " can u feel e love tonight" .. oh no... so touching.. n guang liang's tong hua oso.. lolx.. soka pple so talented.. *fainted* (@.@)

i promise.. u will c mi more in gakkai activities.. was at taka seoul yester.. so great.. had my favourite mango juice n mango ice-cream yester.. though i spoke put lotsa of my sad stories out.. yet.. n surprising i didnt cry ar.. lolx.. crybaby grow up le.. i'll control my tears.. i wun cry 4 pple tat dun worth mi contributin my tears le.. u arent ard 4 my bdae.. i dun care le.. i noe u r wif her.. congrats.. i wish u n her will b happi 4eva.. n get out of my life.. it's my life.. my new life wifout u.. u lurve her 4 5 yrs.. now finally 2gether.. should b grateful.. i mus sae sorrie 2 u.. sorrie.. i obstruct u 4 1 yr plus.. sorrie 4 wastin all ur precious time on mi..

stupid ger.. sae dun cry.. now tears oso droppin le.. sobx sobx(T.T).. was walkin ard at orchard.. realli had a great time.. n sayin lotsa of time " i'm tired".. physcially n mentally tired(x.x).. but i noe i got a bunch of frenz supportin mi.. i'm satisfied.. n thankie 4 e strawberry cake.. tat's veri sweet n yummy.. kekez(>.<).. n thankie 4 e present n cake.. i'll learnt my gongyo.. dun worry.. hahaz.. lurve u guys.. lolx(^O^).. it's been so long no 1 bought mi a cake 4 my bdae.. i realli eaten my strawberry cake wif satisfation yester.. realli.. gtg le.. gonna pom pom n go out.. lolx.. take care guys.. lurve u guys lotsa~

* EVERYTHINGY U SAE R LIES ------- U"RE A LIAR ------- DUN EVEN TINK I'LL 4GIVE U *

[ EVERYTHINGY U SAE R LIES --- U"RE A LIAR --- DUN EVEN TINK I'LL 4GIVE U ]

why?? why lie 2 mi?? is so hurtin.. i hav been cheated 4 so long.. i jus nv tot tat i'll b cheated by u.. u sae u dun lyk her anymore.. now wat happens?? congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!! u r wif her now.. like her 4 5 yrs.. from sec 1 till now?? exactly 5 yrs.. wat abt e times u wif mi?? LIAR.. i hate u.. i will nv 4give u.. wat hav i done wrong?? y mus u cheat mi?? so wonderful of u.. n so stupid of mi.. i dun expect u still love mi.. but.. i nv expect u will cheat mi.. dun let mi jiang zhong wat i'm tinkin now.. nvm.. i can live beta wifout u.. ya.. mayb god is rite.. u 2 r more compatible.. wif e same type of pattern.. closer character.. she wun control ur movement.. but tag along.. n she can give everythingy u wan 2 u.. i'm not so wonderful.. 2 mi.. u're a television set n i'm e remote control.. u shld not go beyond my control.. i control ur movement..

u got ur freedom u wan.. cos u love tat ger.. wat else can i sae.. i jus blame myself 4 bein stupid 4 e 2 yrs i noe u.. i noe tis dae will cum.. u can tell her u used 2 hav feelings 4 her in front of mi.. wat else u cant do?? i'm not stupid.. i hav no sae.. all i can is 2 voice out my unhappiness here.. dun worry.. i dun hav any more feelings 2wards a person lyk u.. i noe one dae u 2 will b 2gether.. mayb i'm jus a spare tyre 4 u.. or should sae a float tat floats by when u r e deep blue sea.. now tat high tide is over n u reaches e shore.. i'm useless.. she is e coconut tree by e seaside.. she can provide u shade,n coconut wif juicy flesh n water.. she will determine ur survival.. wif out her u will jus die.. so i'll cheng quan u n her.. otherwise u will die.. love is blind.. is beyond words.. n feelings developed.. it doesnt mean tat person is ur god sis, god daughter, god bro or god son or wateva u guys wun fall 4 one another..

i do lurve sum1..but is no longer u..


[[cheng quan ]] -liu ruo ying

kan jian ni he ta zao dao wo mian jian
wei shao de dui wo shou sheng
hao jiu bu jian
ru huo dang chu mei you wo de cheng quan
shi bu shi jin tian hai zai yuan di pan xuan
bu wei le mian qiang ke shao de zun yan
suo you de bei shang diu zai
fen shou na tian
wei bi yong yuan cai suan ai de wan quan
yi ge ren de cheng quan
hao huo san ge ren de jiu jian
wo dui ni fu chu de qing chun zhe mo duo nian
huan lai le yi ju
xie xie ni de cheng yuan
cheng quan le ni de shao sha yu mao xian
cheng quan le wo de bi hai lan tian
ta xu ni de hai shi san meng mi yi tian yan
wo zhi you yi ju
bu huo hui de cheng quan
cheng quan le ni de jin tian yu ming tian
cheng quan le wo de xia ge xia tian

* it's jus unfair *

[ it's jus unfair ]

* b4 u start readin tis entry.. be prepare 2 hear all my grumble, my complains..

things around us jus cant b fair at all times de.. jus like my manager ba.. he alwaz favour my leader.. onli my leader is prefect.. onli noe how 2 bs.. haiz.. he is alwaz pointin his finger on mi n my sista..wateva we do.. we r kpo.. wateva we do is nt rite.. onli wateva my leader do is rite.. so wat tat my leader's bears my manager's surname.. nvm.. i ren.. "ba ren cheng jin".. one dae.. when my manager retires.. e truth will soon b seen.. i believe my leader will not survive wifout my manager around.. if she is tat gd.. e custom wun ban her from cumin in2 spore.. nvm..

my leader.. how 2 describe her.. she veri selfish.. onli help-out wif our stuff de..onli noe how 2 do her own thingy.. n tat's wat my manager likes abt her..mind her own business.. she is in charge of e cutters from malaysia.. so she wun bother abt local cutters if she has her msia cutters 2 check.. even if e cutters arent urgent.. she will jus stand at e profile projector n check her cutters.. selfish.. jus like last time.. b4 we hav a cleanliness chart.. from e veri 1st dae i start workin in e company i nv c her sweepin e floor.. now got duty roster le.. she got no choice but 2 do it.. wateva lahz.. i gonna chant more.. tat's my karma.. i noe i cant avoid.. i hav 2 face it..

recently.. old illness cum again le.. stomach alwaz pain pain.. i'm alwaz nt obedient.. alwaz drink cold drinks despite e pain.. mayb is e old wound tat is givin mi prob ba.. it's been botherin mi a lot tis few daes.. my aunt.. she bad mouth mi in front of my brother.. how can she do such a thingy?? i alread stop goin 2 my pateral grandparents hse le.. cos of my granny n my aunt bad-mouthin mi.. how can they do such a thingy?? i'm their onli grand-daughter ar.. haiz.. 4get it.. i wun visit them anymore.. i c no point le.. from young.. all my aunts n granny alwaz bad-mouth my mom in front of my didi n mi.. i feel so bad on behalf of my mom.. their onli daughter-in-law.. n my didi n mi r onli 2 grand children.. yet.. we r given tis kinda of treatment.. wat is tis?? y my pateral side relatives all like tat de??? so pathetic.. even my dad.. he's beyond hope..

i onli lurve my mom.. n my onli didi.. wo men hui xiang yi wei ming ...

* life's like vapour tat evaporates every sec *

[ life's like vapour tat evaporates every sec ]

* evaporation takes place every sec.. when there's water.. evaporation will take place.. jus dunoe y.. i tink quite a lot tis few weeks.. realli c thru lotsa thingys liao le.. my best bud.. she got mental illnesses.. i dun even not though i now her 4 alread 3 or 4 yrs?? haiz.. if is not my mom who told mi.. i wun even noe.. she broke off wif her bf who's much younger than her.. cos her bf jus cant 4get his ex.. wat's this?? y so irresponsible?? when u r startin a new relation, u mus let go e past rite?? if u'r nt ready 2 let go ur past, dun ever let e new relation take place.. *wei he zhi dao shi bei ju you ren bei ju fa sheng ne?* y mus tat guy be so irresponsible?? dun they noe he needs 2 pay 4 e effect tat he has cause.. cause n effect.. love sumone is not a crime.. but.. hurtin sumone u used 2 love or u love is so sinful.. wif her illness, ur family probz, ur relation, how can she not break down?? realli pity her.. we can chant 4 her.. we can pray 4 her.. but is realli up 2 her 2 pull herself thru all those probz alread..

as 4 mi.. "kan dan le" .. hav or dun hav oso nvm.. i feel satisfied.. i feel contented can le.. who cares so much.. *wink* kekez.. i'm happi wif who i am.. wat i hav.. tat's enough.. u will nv live happi if u nv tink happily.. u mus feel satisfied, contented n grateful wif u hav.. u will definitely live carefully n feel happi.. trust mi.. let bygones b bygones.. u dun hav 2 purposely 4get e thingys tat happened in e past.. b it happi or sad.. treat them as memories.. treat them as experiences.. treat them lessons given 2 u.. n make sure history wun repeat..

got fren from china came last week n went back le.. her name is jia yao.. her dad sae got e wrong name 4 her.. yao ar yao.. makin e whole family shaking wif her.. lolx.. she is younger than mi by 3 yrs i tink.. quite a pretti ger.. got take neo print wif her.. but no scanner.. will find sum1 help mi scan n upload them.. *wink* she stay in zhu hai china.. her life there is jus so much much diff frm us.. i realli feel grateful 2 gohonzon 2 let mi b born in spore.. though my family isnt tat rich.. but we r contented.. my studies although not so gd.. but i got a great job.. noe lotsa of great pple.. like my kor.. my jie.. i'm veri happi le.. my boss n her wife oso nice pple.. if not 4 him who paid my mom's air ticket, she will nv b able 2 travel 2 hongkong n china last yr wif them 4 holidae.. n my dad.. he's goin cambodia next yr.. n mi 2 germany.. 4 at least 2 weeks ba.. i wun disappoint u de uncle roger,auntie winnie n of cos, my mummy n daddy..

[ hao xin fen shou ] -candy lo n wang lee hom

Si fau hun ging nga, gong but chuet suet wah
Muet chor aw si suet, nei seung fun sau ma
Chang kup nei soon fook dou, jau jeung min yueng
Hor gaai wui faan ngaau nei yut ha, nei ji ma

Ye xu gai fan xing, bu ying zai shuo hua
Bei fang qi de wo, ying you ci bao ma
Ruo guo wo ceng shi ge, huai mu yang ren
Neng fou zai rang wo, shi yi xia, bao yi xia

hui tau mong, buen nei jau
chung loi mei chang hang fook gwor
Hen tai duo, mei jie guo
wang shi zhong ti shi zhe mo
Ha buen sang, pui ju lei waai
yi faai lok ya but dor
Bei wo shang, rang ni tong

Hou sum yut jou fong hoi aw
Chung tau lou lik ya hum hor
Tung tung but yiu hou gwor
Wei he chang zhe zhe shou ge
Wei yuan hen er fen shou
Wen ni shi fou yuan liang wo
Yuek ju ding yau yut dim fu chor
But yu ji gei chan sau got por

Hui tou ba, bu yao zou
Bu yao zhe yang li kai wo
Hen tai duo, mei jie guo
Wang shi zhong ti shi zhe mo
Ha buen sang, pui ju nei
Waai yi faai lok ya but dor
Muet yau sum, bit joi tor

Hou sum yut jou fong hoi aw
Chung tau lou lik ya hum hor
Tung tung but yiu hou gwor
Wei he chang zhe zhe shou ge
Wei yuan hen er fen shou
Wen ni shi fou yuan liang wo
Yuek min keung ya fun dou but dor
But yu sum more ya sui por

La La La Hao xin fen shou mei tian bo,

Hoh ji goh je ya noi hoh
Naan ngaai jau mou wai jou tor

Hou sum yut jou fong hoi aw
Chung tau lou lik ya hum hor
Tung tung but yiu hou gwor
Wei he chang zhe zhe shou ge
Wei yuan hen er fen shou,
Wen ni shi fou yuan liang wo
Yuek ju ding yau yut dim fu chor
But yu ji gei chan sau got por

[[ is a nice song.. go find it.. *wink* ]]

* kai po hong chen *

[ kai po hong chen ]

* dunoe y.. jus got tis feelings now.. i see thru everythingy de..nothingy much 2 worry abt.. i jus wanna live carefreely.. live carefreely.. n dun tink too much abt e past.. exams goin 2 finished le.. freedom goin 2 cum back le.. but goin 2 start work again n goin 2 busi again le..mus go learn german.. oh no.. headache ar.. alamak..

haiz.. i'm goin germany le.. realli hope i'm not comin 2 cum back here again.. but there's sum1 i need 2 care 4 now.. my cousin.. my mission now is 2 shakubuku him 2 chant.. lolx.. a big big mission.. gonna change him.. cos i noe he will listen 2 mi ar.. i wan him 2 change 4 e beta.. hmmm.. fren from china come spore..tml gonna show her around..n she mite be studyin in spore.. great.. lolx.. jus like got a younger sista le.. lolx..oso dunoe wat 2 sae..i used 2 b talkative n filled wif ideas.. now i got lost of words sumtimes n stared in2 air oso.. tat's not e real mi.. tat's not mi.. y am i like tat?? sobx sobx.. can sum1 find back e real mi?

gtg le frenz.. take care n tag mi often..

i m h e r e b lo g g i n g

[ i m h e r e b lo g g i n g ]

lolx.. gonna b a bit more funny tis time wrong.. i'm here blogging.. after so long.. heez(>.<).. but yun.. u wont be able 2 see it till 3 mths ltr.. guess wat?? yester jus meet yun at tiong.. ate kfc at such a hot n warm weather.. saw wei min oso.. she nw stayin at marsling.. n studyin at dover.. gosh!!!~ onli rentin 4 3 mths lahz.. movin 2 serangoon.. tat's far too.. guess wat nw?? i'm sick.. after goin yun hse n find e zhou chuan xiong cd 4 my mom.. cos i borrow her 4 1 yr le.. tilll nw she haven return ma.. then my mom chasin.. so i bo bian.. mus got find 4 her.. yun she throw mi alone go c movie wif her frenz at tiong cinema.. though sick..

did went 2 wk 2dae.. cos got double pay ma.. so wanna earn more.. plus i got lotsa lotsa lotsa wk 2 do.. haiz~ jus hope i get sum peace.. *wink* went 2 get stephy bdae present.. celebratin bdae 4 her tml cos her bdae falls on e same dae as my dad.. 17th aug..n bought myself a braclet.. n 2 rings.. 1 wearin on e last finger on e rite.. pple sae avoid xiao ren.. hahaz(=.=!!) .. anw.. let's give it a try.. though i'm nt supersitious type.. n my dear.. slpin n slpin.. nv even wanna tok 2 mi .. i sae i'll call him back..but when i intend 2 call him.. he sae he wanna go slp le.. u see pale 2 our realation le rite?? i jus wan an ans.. a " yes " or a " no " .. tat's easy rite?? do u still lurve mi?? down wif flu n sore throat.. sneezing all dae long.. v tired le..

in almost everythingy actuall.. i jus wanna find back e hope, determination, courage n confindence i shld hav.. gohonzon plz bless mi.. i noe u do.. p e a c e ~~~~~~~~~

08062005 - colonoscopy [part 1] + [part 2]

08062005 - colonoscopy [part 1]

guess wat.. i wakey at 6.20am tis mornin though i'm nt wkin..cos i ahv 2 eat breakfast b4 7am n start my medi frm 7am onwards..hav 2 clear my large intestine..clear all those wastes b4 goin 2 scope which is in e afternoon ard 3pm lyk tat lohz.. haiyo.. nw.. i'm alread weak le after goin in n out of e toilet 4 more than 6 times.. gosh!!! guess i'll b slimmer after clearin those unneccessary thingy.. n yet..i cant eat lunch.. dunoe how am i gonna walk ltr.. oh man!!! i jus dunoe y i so unlucky tis yr.. wat 2 do.. i mus b strong.. tat's wat kor kor sae de.. jus wonderin how is e situation nw in e company.. they mus b veri busi.. alamak.. if i nt feelin well tml.. am i still able 2 go wk?? dad went overseas le.. onli will b back durin e wkend..

courageous is e word.. i'm old enough.. so mus force all e probz myself.. rite?? i noe gohonzon is there wif mi.. i noe all my family n frenz r wif mi.. i noe hubby u r oso wif hu.. i will b strong.. even if i down wif sum illness.. i'll will face it.. tat's life.. no matter wat happens.. i noe even if i'm left wif 3 mths life.. i mus cherish tis period n do wat ever i lyk n fuifilled wat i hav yet 2 fuifill.. guess life is lyk tat.. everythingy is fated.. but wif e determination n courage.. nth is impossible.. life is filled wif mircale.. tat's wat i believe in.. it seems lyk mi kan kai a lot le.. even my so called "enemies".. nw i treat them as frenz..

i jus wanna sae sumthingy 2 all those out there.. i'm sorrie if i hav once offended u guys.. jus afraid got no chance 2 sae it anymore.. nth cums easy.. so cherish wat u hav.. grab it tite when opportunity r given.. wat ever u wanna do, go ahead n do it provided is e rite thingy.. dun hestiate.. tat's wat i believe..


# Everythingy that happenes to us has a meaning.
Even if you're sad and filled with pain and feel
like you can't go on, as long as you keep going
and pressing forward bravely,
living your life without being defeated,
you will come to see the meaning of that suffering and pain.

This is the power of FAITH.
It is also the essence of life.
The word KARMA is Sanskrit for ACTION.
All of our actions - what we think,
what we say,
and wat we actually do - are engraved in our life.
When our actions are good,
we will receive positive effects that will make us happy.
When our actions are bad,
we will receive negative effects that make us unhappy.
It all eventually comes back to us. #

#Daisaku Ikeda#


08062005 - colonoscopy [part 2]

guess at e moment nw.. i'm okie.. nt serious prob.. but i'm jus still worried abt myself.. seeing e colonorectal surgery specialist on e 23rd again.. sianz sia.. mom still nt wkin.. dad nw in thailand.. haiz.. guess we will face probz again.. so i'm hav no choice but 2 pay 4 my own medical fees.. n spend less on unneccessary thingys le.. anw.. dun worry frenz.. i'm fine (>.<)!!!! hehez.. relation wif hubby gettin beta than b4.. guess we alread understands how 2 give in 2 one another on different situation.. though in e past oso got mani sweet moments.. guess we will jus save them as our memories?? yeah..

anw.. realli tired after scoping.. e sedation haven even go in2 my bodi 2 make mi slp then e nurses start alread.. luckily.. i met a v handsum doctor.. standin by my side.. e doc onli help put sedation.. then e nurses will do e endoscopy.. i jus feel e pain.. wah.. tell u sumthingy.. i scare till i grab e doc hand so tite.. lolx.. anw.. still feelin giddi n uncomfortable nw.. gtg le..

[ sentosa trip with hubby!!! ]

Sentosa trip with hubby.....

I'm gonna wk again.. guess i'll b more busi again.. anna trainin 2 b a QC nw le.. left wif onli one packer onli.. hav 2 pack stock, standard cutters , clean cutters n mani mani thingys.. realli tired n busi.. summore elvina dun let anna clean cutters.. oh gosh.. busi lyk siao.. alamak.. haiz.. at least can go back early 2dae.. nt mani wk actuall.. hahaz(>.<)..

guess wat.. meetin hubby 2dae.. we r goin 2 sentosa.. hehez (=.=).. 4 amost a yr 2gether.. we hav nv been 2 sentosa 2gether.. is our 1st time.. hehez(^o^).. so happi(=O=).. hmmm.. guess i wun b able 2 step in2 e water.. onli stay by e seaside of palawan n siloso beach.. nvm.. still got time 2 go again.. hahaz.. hubby got swim.. but i nv.. when we were on e way back.. guess wat.. we stroll down e seaside of e siloso beach.. high tide.. so coolin tat e water reaches ur leg..

hahaz.. intent 2 play a little noti.. kick e water 2wards hubby's leg.. guess wat.. gana punish lohz.. he spilled so much water on mi.. my short, t-shirt n hair half wet le.. luo tang ji.. hahaz.. but is fun.. then summore got e wat balloon festival de.. got quite a no of schools performin there.. got st joseph lahz.. st hilda's, commonwealth sec n mani more..

we oso bought slipper.. hahaz.. mi chose a pink one.. then hubby choose a orange one.. we promise 2 buy another colour e next time we visit sentosa.. hahaz.. was quite enjoyable actuall.. after we reach e visitors' departure centre.. we walk out 2 harbourfront instead of walkin 4 e bus.. so mani pple sia.. mayb bcos wkend ba.. hahaz(>.<).. actuall hubby hurt his ankle de.. but he wanna go i oso dare nt sae reject.. dun wanna spoil his mood.. guess it's a pity tat we didnt wanna stay 4 e sunset.. nvm still got chance.. i try nt 2 tink too much abt my illness nw.. still waitin 4 e colonoscopy on e 8th.. dad goin thailand 4 wk on e 7th..

guess left wif my mom 2 pei mi le.. jus hope dun hospitalised again le.. haiz(#.#).. dun tink much.. i cherish wat i hav nw.. hehez (=.=).. havin diarrohoea oso.. dunoe y.. but guess i satified wif myself 4 nt bein shaken by tat.. otherwise hubby n mi wun b able 2 go sentosa n hav wif us a great moment nw.. kekez(^0^)..

after which.. we took bus 188 2 imm.. shop shop.. need 2 help xiujuan n xiao jun buy cushion.. promised them 4 long le.. hahaz.. guess is time 2 fuifill it.. hehez.. saw bevan at imm.. he went there repair spectacles.. hahaz.. so long nv c him.. still so slim.. alamak.. lolx.. then went 2 interchange take bus 51 hm lohz.. but mi n hubby tok n tok.. board e wrong bus.. board bus 78 instead.. until reach pandan reservior then we realised it.. hubby oso stupid.. hahaz.. he knew we board wrong bus but he tot i wanna take 78 so he nv voice out.. lame.. then in e end.. drop liao cross over e rd then took bus 143 hm.. alamak..

then went walk walk ard e pasamalum at my hse there.. bought 2 precious moments's puzzles.. one is 1000 pieces de.. e other is 500 de.. tat's a misson 4 hubby.. actuall i told him v long i wan puzzles made by him le.. nw.. is e time 4 him e fuifill wat he promises.. hahaz(>.<).. realli tired 2dae.. but guess is enjoyable..

yun gonna b christian tml le..i jus bless her.. wish she's happi wif wat she hav chosen n decided on.. anw.. frenz shld nt b seperated jus bcos they shared different religion.. they shld gather more 2 share different experiences they had in their own "special" religion.. rite?? hahaz.. yun jiayou!!! i lurve all my frenz n family.. n of cos u.. my hubby!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY IT TURN OUT LYK TIS???

why it turns out like this?

*guess i jus been thru so mani thru out tis mth.. those "illnesses" tat r botherin mi.. they r yet 2 b known.. i jus wanna wk harder 2 support myself.. my medical fees.. my mom currently nt wkin ar.. is diff 4 e family.. yet dad.. jus got e " lost of words" feelin when i mention dad.. was asked out by yun.. at 1st i didnt noe wat's goin on..was told or shld sae booked by her onli.. until tat dae itself..which is todae..i knew tat we r goin 4 bowlin n steamboat.. i told him abt it.. he sound disappointed 2 mi.. i realli wk too hard tat i got no time 4 him..

was quite a miserable dae early mornin.. was feelin nt realli happi over wk yester.. guess i feel beta after i met them.. was late 4 bowlin.. cos onli manage 2 clear sum wk stuff onli at 3pm.. guess my nco warriors 03/04 will simply understand mi well.. lolx (>.<).. i didnt bowl actuall.. guess my abdominal pain r realli givin mi headache.. so i choose nt 2 make it worse.. though i realli feel lyk bowlin [ i dun realli noe how 2 ].. jus feel tat i'm filled wif all those big n small probz tat i hav yet 2 solve.. i noe by draggin it will make thingys worse.. but i'm realli exhausted.. he jus dun understand mi at all.. i hav changed.. so do u.. if u realli lurve mi.. plz.. accept e mi nw.. steamboat.. was realli upset when yun ask mi wat had gone wrong btw us.. mths again..we actuall faced e same thingys alread.. we had lost of words when we cum smsin or tokin on fone.. i knew sum how sumthingy will happened btw us..

guess 2005 was a bad yr 4 mi.. haiz.. we walked towards marina south.. instead of takin 400 bus.. thru out.. we had been discussin wat had happened btw mi n him.. at tat point of time.. i held on 2 my tears.. i noe sumthing bad is cumin my way.. haiz.. go there.. eat zheng fa steamboat.. actuall okie lahz.. jus tat i realli nt in e mood 2 eat ar.. but still force myself 2 b strong in front of my frenz..eat n eat.. they ate prawns oso.. live ones summore.. can c them jumpin.. haiz.. i'm stupid.. go ask him whether he still lurve mi nt.. in e end.. he finall voice out le.. all a sudden.. my tears jus flow out.. i tink i mus hav scare all of them.. mayb we r fated 2 end tis way ba.. wat 2 do.. haiz.. we broke up le.. you yuan neng zai xiang yu.. almost 11 mths le.. 3 more daes onli.. chang tong bu ru duan tong.. end le oso gd.. he sound so calm 2 mi.. isnt he sad lyk mi do?? i cried n cried non-stop.. till nw i still cryin.. anw.. u r in my heart 4ever..

* i wan e peace i longed 4 nw *

[ i wan e peace i longed 4 nw ]

* i jus need peace.. tat's all.. i dun wan anythingy else.. jus feel dae after dae of misery.. haiz.. i oso dunoe y.. mayb i'm jus worried.. guess as wat wei dong sae.. dun worry too much.. dun mouth sae nt worry but heart worries.. but is hard.. but was wat my uncle sae abt mi.. wo shi gan si dui.. i'm nt afraid 2 die.. but i'm afraid tat my families n frenz would suffer bcoz of mi ar.. if die wifout illnesses.. at least ur families n frenz didnt suffer wif u.. even if die, oso can die peaceful.. haiz.. mayb i shld do wat i wanna die b4 is too late.. hahaz.. i still can laugh.. dun worry.. i'm nt tat worried actuall..

lyk my studies.. pri 4 streamin i heng heng pass.. sec 2 streamin oso.. sec 4 o'level i tot i oso will heng heng get thru.. but i didnt.. when i was pri 4.. 4 almost 1 mth, i got difficulty walkin.. whenever i stands down, i will hav probz getting up.. tat time doc tot i got bone cancer.. but luckily i didnt.. in jan.. i got appendix op.. my appendix almost took away my life.. i oso heng heng go thru e hell gate n make a u-turn back.. tis 3rd time.. will it b jus lyk my o'level xams?? i believe i cant b so lucky all e time..

its been a wk plus le.. though i under control nw wif medication.. but i realli wanna noe wat realli happenes 2 mi.. bleedin in motion n urination.. tat serious frm wat i noe.. actuall i didnt wanna let my parents noe.. coz it happened on e 7th.. n on e 8th is mothers dae.. but e 2nd ae which is on e 8th, e situation got worse.. it started frm motion.. then urination oso hav.. haiz.. tat time i force myself 2 tell my mom.. she was so worried.. though she kept scoldin mi 4 nt takin care of my bodi.. i noe she is worried.. she jus scold mi 2 hide away all her fear.. u r my mom.. i'm ur daughter.. hu noes u beta then mi?? frm young, mom alwaz tell mi abt her probz.. therefore, it develops a telepathy btw e both of us.. mani a times, when i wanna eat sumthingy, i was hav 2 tink, mom would seems 2 noe wat i wan 4 my meals.. i'm sure 4 so mani times, it isnt coincidence rite??

keep takin antibiote.. pple sae take too much antibiode will drop hair de.. my hairs r droppin too.. haiz.. on e 31st may.. i'm goin 4 ultrasound scan 2 check on my kidneys at sgh.. is 1415hr.. e doc afraid got kidney stones or tuberculosis.. which is TB.. dun keep pesterin abt e report.. it needs time 2 b out.. n on e 8th of june.. i supposed 2 go 4 colonoscopy.. is a specalised examination tat allows e doc 2 look inside my large intestine usin a tube wif a video cam..e colonoscopy can b quite dangerous.. if doc nv do properly.. mite even tear my intestine wall.. summore.. on e 7th.. i support 2 eat fish ball noodles or fish porriage onli.. on e 8th itself.. i'm supposed 2 wakey at 6am.. eat onli 2 slices of plain white breads n tea-o or kipo-o onli.. cannot drink milk..even milo oso cannot.. frm 7am to 9am.. i suppose 2 fill 2 litres of plain water n pour e oral colonic lavage powder given by e doc.. then drop finished within e 2hrs.. after which will start 2 go toilet.. mus clear all e motion.. otherwise scope will onli c motion.. lolx.. e appointment is 1445hr on 8th june.. got sedation.. make mi slp.. otherwise sure pain lyk hell..

after which.. hav 2 wait 4 report cum out.. then will go back c Dr Lee.. e colorectal surgery specialist.. on e 14th june.. hav 2 c endocrinology specialist.. haiz.. so mani specialist thingy n tat.. realli b sick in n out of hospital.. luckily dun need hospitalised yet.. otherwise even worse.. mom will b even more busi.. didi still seein his hand at nuh.. n mi at sgh.. haiz.. jus hope n c ba.. gtg le.. need 2 eat medi again.. n is slpin time !!!!!!!!!! ~


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# Everythingy that happenes to us has a meaning.
Even if you're sad and filled with pain and feel
like you can't go on, as long as you keep going
and pressing forward bravely, living your life
without being defeated, you will come to see the
meaning of that suffering and pain.

This is the power of FAITH.
It is also the essence of life.
The word KARMA is Sanskrit for ACTION.
All of our actions - what we think, what we say,
and wat we actually do - are engraved in our life.
When our actions are good, we will receive positive
effects that will make us happy. When our actions
are bad, we will receive negative effects that make
us unhappy.
It all eventually comes back to us. #

Daisaku Ikeda ( President of Soka Gakkai International SGI )
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* feelin blank nw *

[ feelin blank nw ]

*i jus dunoe wat happened.. i'm down wif all these stupid thingy yet no bodi understands mi.. even my bf..he isnt by my side 2 comfort mi.. y?? haiz.. i jus dunoe oso lahz.. haiz.. he dun understands mi yet he blames mi 4 nt goin out wif him.. i'm sick.. i'm sick yet i hav 2 wk so hard 4 my medical fees.. mom nt wkin nw.. so i hav 2 pay my own fees.. u pple shld noe c specialist veri expensive de.. onli c one dae.. i spent almost 200 over le.. still goin 4 e colonoscopy which mite cause mi almost 400 bucks.. n e ultrasound scan.. is 55.. it isnt cheap over.. i still lookin 4 nitez classes or tuition 4 my o'level.. yet.. i dare nt go 4 enrolement.. i dunoe whether i'm able 2 take exam not.. n dunoe whether i can make it till e end..i'm mentally n physically weak 2 even tink..haiz.. my hand.. feelin numb.. shivers .. my bodi oso.. i feel giddy..

frenz.. i need ur courage.. give mi sum plz..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
# True happiness is not the absence of suffering:
You cannot have day after day of clear skies.
True happiness lies in building a self that stands
dignified and indomitable. Happiness doesn't
having a life free from all difficulties but that
whatever difficulties arise, without being shaken
in the least, you can summon up the unflinching
courage and conviction to fight and overcome them. #

Daisaku Ikeda ( President of Soka Gakkai International )

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* good bye my frenz !!!!! *

[ good bye my frenz !!!!! ]

*guess i'm gettin tired le.. in n out of hospital.. seein so mani specialists.. will i b so lucky as last time?? i almost die bcoz of my appendix.. it almost burst in my stomach.. is been almost a wk..y?? y lyk tat?? is it my karma?? is tat my fate tat i wun live till 21 yrs old?? realli startin 2 resign 2 my own fate.. e dae b4 went in2 A&E..yester seen urology specialist..n colorectal surgery specialist..was arranged 2 do a ultrasound scan on e 31st of may n colonoscopy on e 8th may.. after e report cums out..i'm goin back 2 e colorectal surgery specialist dr lee..on e 14th june, i'm seeing endocrinology specialist.. been takin blood tests.. realli scared by those needle-like thingy tat r pockin on2 my hands..tat scope i'm doin..still mus fast n do lotsa thingys..

nw i'm currently on medication..guess i realli gave mom a bad mothers' dae tis yr..haiz..y my motion n urination will hav blood..y?? i'm afraid tat's internal bleedin..haiz.. wat shld i do??

i prayed!!!!!!