Thursday, December 27, 2007

[ revitalising myself! ]

[ revitalising myself! ]

woke up quite EARLY today.. didnt expect that after my sleep was interrupted this morning (at 2am) by seeleng jie's call i can still wake up at 11am.. had a TERRIBLE NIGHTMARE last night! i'm just afraid what has happened 3years ago will be KNOWN! i'm so SCARED! i'm SCARED that i will be THREATENED! woke up in the middle of night and feel like calling Tom.. BUT, after thinking.. i decided not to disturb him.. maybe he's working.. or maybe out with friends.. so shall not disturb him.. i FORCED myself.. and went back to sleep..

had BREAKFAST and LUNCH at one shot and get myself ready for SHOPPING!! meet Xueyun at yishun at 3.30pm.. actually supposed to meet her at bugis at 4pm de.. cause she was at marsling doing project so i waited for her at the platform.. then.. she told me she's at the last cabin and the mrt she's on board is heading towards yishun.. so, when the mrt reached, i went in.. BUT, i didnt see her.. so i went out.. then i tried to call her and she tried to call me.. couldnt get through cause we are both trying to get each other.. we met each other! BUT, outside the cabin.. so have to miss that train.. hais!

headed to bugis.. and the first thing was to solve her PROBLEM - her hunger.. so we went to mos burger for our DINNER! when it's like only 4plus.. also good to eat early lahz.. can digest earlier so i can sleep earlier.. our SHOPPING started off at Bugis street.. HUNTING up and down for Jaymie and Yvonne's belated birthday present.. so, guess what we bought? we bought a t-shirt each for them! then we continue with our shopping.. and i bought a blouse..

then Xueyun eyed on a dress she want to buy.. it's ONLY 2pieces for 20bucks.. BUT, after looking for long, she only managed to see a piece that she like.. END UP, we walked away without buying.. then we walked passed the shop where people is doing tattoo.. DONT WORRY! we didnt get ourselves tattoo lahz.. BUT, seriously, got the intention to do so.. lolx! sound like i'm NO LONGER the JESSICA you know huh! no lahz.. tattoo doesnt mean i ah lian what.. same goes when i pierce my ear hole.. right?

then we went downstairs.. to start searching for the bag i want.. cause xueyun is getting it as my birthday gift for ME! BUT, she seriously got NO HEART to see.. cause all she think of is the dress she saw.. so, END UP, we went to buy it! FINALLY, she has the HEART to look at bags.. ya... and she bought me a small sling bag from Zinc.. thank you Dajie! love you the most!

then we headed to buy Tako balls! ya.. the mayo really will KILL me.. cause it's FATTENING! hahaz! BUT, once in awhile once not be that sinful right? hahaz! then we headed to take bus145 to Telok Blangah centre for meeting.. ENJOYED the meeting alot.. cause the skits put up by the Byakuren were NICE! and i saw Melvin (tan)'s sister! hahaz! really look so alike! hahaz! and i saw many others whom i didnt see for long.. went home with An nee and meihui.. my Itesd ics.. and found out that An nee is Eric's sister! oh my god! ya.. Eric is my k1 classmate.. hmmm.. this world is so SMALL! so coincidental!

a bit TIRED today! BUT, i really enjoyed a lot today.. finally my mood is a bit back in track.. Xueyun was talking to me about that issue the whole afternoon.. and Xianyun also talked to me about it when she saw me online! it just gets my nerves irritated! maybe Xueyun is right.. i just dont have the courage to face it! i NO LONGER how to walk this path.. i'm jus plain TIRED! =((

my resolution i set for the next 10years during the YWD Formation Day.. they published all our leaders resolution into a book..

shall write it here to REMIND myself!

1. To be able to change my family's karma.
2. To be able to shakubuku my immediate family members.
3. To be able to work closely with my 3 other districts so that my district will grow.
4. To be able to foster more potential members into capable leaders of kosen-rufu.
5. To be able to contribute my part in the SSA's Nurses' group as a nurse.


hahaz.. easily say than done ba.. but i will WORK HARD!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

[ my FIRST day of ISOLATION! ]

[ my FIRST day of ISOLATION! ]

woke up quite LATE today.. at around 12pm actually! just too TIRED.. and i diliberately dont set my alarm clock.. cause i didnt want to Wild Wild Wet with my Yep family.. i know i ARENT in the RIGHT MOOD so i shall not go around spoiling people's mood.. my ISOLATION starts from TODAY!

had lunch with mom and didi.. and headed home after that.. JUST very TIRED.. feel like SLEEPING again! and i had a TERRIBLE FLU since yesterday.. OH GOSH! my mucus just cant stop flowing.. sound a bit disgusting yup.. and around 2plus.. didi left for work.. and i headed to Northpoint.. wanted to get the stupid thing removed from puma bag me, Joyce and Daphne bought for Stephanie.. but Northpoint outlet doesnt have the thing! oh gosh! and bought some sushi home for myself and mom!

Seeleng jie is TROUBLED over her family issue.. hais! i just dont know how to CHEER her up.. i'm feeling EQUALLY TERRIBLE myself! just HOPING for the BEST for her and myself.. and i must CONFESS! i finished mugging "why why love" vcd last night.. or should this morning.. cause it was 2am le.. hahaz! SO TOUCHING! and i really CRIED a lot.. cause they are just too LOVING! and i realised if i see people so EN AI, i will experience numbness in my hands.. WHY? is it a kind of ILLNESS?

i'm ROTTING at home today cause....
1. i am TIRED
2. i arent in the right mood
3. mom's home

i guess this 3 reasons are GOOD enough to make me ROT at home.. i just too LAZY after being out EVERYDAY..

plans for the next few days
tomorrow - last HR skit rehearsal at Pasir Panjang SYC
Friday - going to my WD house to sign new year cards
Saturday - NO PLANS yet!
Sunday - SD KENSYU!!!!
Monday - no plans!
Tuesday - Uncle's ROM!!!! woohoo~

need to find time either tomorrow or friday to grab Jaymie and Yvonne's belated birthday gifts!!!! i want to go take nap le! TIRED!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

[ S H O C K E Ddddd!!!! ]

[ S H O C K E Ddddd!!!! ]

my day started at 10am today.. slept at 1plus yesterday.. i'm GLAD that i can still fall sleep despite all those CRAPS in my mind.. GUESS i'm just TOO TIRED! first thing that i did was to SWEEP and MOP the floor... then i had a QUICK shower and i went out.. met at Nadiah at Woodlands at 11.45am as she wants to pass me my birthday present..

i was LATE and so is she.. the mrt from marsling onwards towards jurong east was stopped.. hahaz! think someone JUMP off the platform AGAIN? hahaz! sound so EVIL of ME! ya, of cause.. I"M A EVIL QUEEN ma! she bought me a necklace and a pair of earrings.. thank you so much! i love it a lot! thank you!!!! was talking about the results release! oh man! 6more days and out results will be OUT!! SH*T! shall not think too much about my results now.. shall ENJOY myself for these few days first! hahaz! worry later.. after all, there's no point crying over spilled milk! what's done is done!

after which, i handed to City hall to meet Xianyun.. and we headed to NewYork NewYork for our lunch.. and i had the spagetti with beef meatballs.. quite NICE actually.. but the meatballs a bit too SALTY! and Deyun called me and talk about that incident that happened yesterday AGAIN! ya, it SPOILT my MOOD again! seriously, after SO MANY THINGS happened yesterday, my MOOD just CANT turn ANY BETTER! it ONLY turned WORSE than before.. so, i guess it would be better for ME to stay home? better ISOLATE myself before i go AROUND BOOMING! maybe i will just go AROUND CRYING ba!

then our INITIAL plan was to SHOP.. BUT, i just dont have the mood.. and i dont know how to tell Xianyun how i FEEL.. just feel so TERRIBLE! so we went to SHOP at Raffles City Shopping Centre.. then i suggested to take a seat at Starbucks Coffee.. and i had Chocolate Chip Cream.. Xianyun had Caramel Frapuccino.. had.. the ROUGH and CHU LU girl as usual.. she spilled the drink on the carpet.. and so KIND of the manager to give a NEW DRINK again!

and then we headed to Far east as she wants to get a pair of shoes from Mondo.. and it's having 20% discount! i also want to buy that pair of shoes i've been EYEING for! and Xianyun bought two cardagian too! so ENVY! i just SPENT too MUCH yesterday.. so, got to start CUTTING my EXPENSES! and i still owe HIM money.. so, i got SAVE and RETURN! i say i will RETURN means i will RETURN! and i decided to go look for grandma.. so i took BUS with Xianyun.. and on the way itself, i told her what happened yesterday..

i think my TOLERANCE LEVEL is getting higher than before.. Xianyun can verify.. from secondary school, my TOLERANCE LEVEL has been always SO HIGH! higher than normal people.. and things i dont have to tolerant.. i will still tolerant.. as i always believe.. " Unseen virtue will shows VISBLE rewards!".... i guess i really BAD and TERRIBLE keeping all these to myself..

went to grandma house.. and my aunts actually tell me that my Xiaoshu (youngest uncle) actually got MARRIED and i got a Wu Shen (uncle's wife) NOW!.. i just CANT any more SHOCK than this! they actually got MARRIED in china.. and next wed, it's their ROM in singapore.. WOOHOO! i'm attending it!! and saw my 3cousins also!! Jian long, Jian Ye and Feng ling.. and after dinner.. we sat down and was talking about my uncle's wedding.. and i guess they have plans to have BABY!! hahaz! finally i will get to have tang di or tang mei! how COOL can it be to have babies at home NOW? so GREAT!

EXCITED to see their wedding dinner in march.. kekez! shall start to LOSE WEIGHT! want to LOOK PRETTY from this moment onwards.. and live every second with NO REGRETS! and i saw seeleng jie's blog.. thanks for CHEERING me up! thank you! i will turn to you if something happen.. dont worry! off for my vcd mugging!!!~

Monday, December 24, 2007

[ jessica loh = STUPID!! ]

[ jessica loh = STUPID!! ]

only had about 5hours sleep last night.. sleep at 3am this morning and wake up at around 9am.. today's plan is watching MOVIE with my dearest cousins! "ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS"!! meeting them 10.30am at somerset mrt and all of them are LATE!! think they are CHRONIC LATE-COMERS! hahaz! movie is at 11am.. very EARLY right? only got very few people in the cinema! ya.. as like what an ni say.. who will come movie so EARLY ar? hahaz! we are simply NUTS!!

i can say that this movie is WORTH the 8dollars!! i just LOVE THEODORE! he's CUBBY and CUTE!! and so EMOTIONAL! and i LOVE the scene when he said he had nightmare and want to sleep with Dave! so CUTE!! hahaz! my brother wanted to get a pair of slippers from Newurban so we headed to Heeren after the movie.. and while we are looking through the slippers, suddenly... An ni POP a news to us! she LOST her handphone!!! and she FEELS that she had left it at the cinema hall!! oh my god! so we rushed back to see.. was quite PISSED OFF with the staff there.. keep saying that they cant interrupt the movie so cant go in and check.. BUT.. luckily, the supervisor was there to HELP! must write compliment letter in for HIM! thanks for the help!

i think An ni got a FRIGHT of her life.. her face just turn PALE! ya.. and my RICH ah boy bought a pair of slippers!! $49.90! he really cant LIVE without branded stuff! ya.. MY RESOLUTION for 2008 - to be RICH!! hahaz! just kidding! i arent that kind of MATERIALISTIC girl.. Yonghwee left after the movie.. so we headed for LUNCH on our own! lunch was at Sakae Sushi! i just have a CRAVE for it! hahaz! and FINALLY, i get to eat it! ya.. and Seeleng jie's friend joined us! he's EDMUND! quite a NICE guy.. he's kind of faithful.. broke up with jie le but still waiting for her..

after lunch was NEO-PRINTS session.. people, give me some time to get it SCAN! hahaz! i really LOVE my COUSINS! simply cant LIVE without them! after which.. someone just came in and SPOILT my MOOD! hais! i just felt being ACCUSED! and i seriously HATE the feeling.. BUT, it just take me awhile to be back to NORMAL! i think my TOLERANCE LEVEL is REALLY HIGH nowadays.. i just DONT KNOW why.. BUT, ya... i SERIOUSLY can TOLERANT all kinds of NONSENSE NOW!

headed to Far east.. and i had my FAVOURITE - Kungfu Milk tea.. NICE NICE!! was EYEING on BAGS! i want a NEW BAG to school.. a NEW BAG for me to carry when i am OUT! so ANYONE, WILLING to SPONSOR? hahaz! STOP DAY-DREAMING le! i bought some nail arts and a blouse.. a blouse that i will never thought i will bought.. SATISFIED today.. and jie suggested to go IMM.. she wants to go to Daiso.. really TIRED.. and we went.. and ANOTHER WORSE INCIDENT happened.. this one SENT my TEARS FLOWING! i cant TAKE IT anymore!

am i just BEING STUPID all this WHILE? what i should DO? why? i CRIED till i reached home.. about an hour plus ba! just hope i wont wake up having swollen eyes.. and must thanks Shiffa! thanks for the card.. it sent my tears flowing when i saw the card.. BUT, i know many out there really cares about ME! thanks for all your CONCERN! i'll be OKIE!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

[ out the whole day! ]

[ out the whole day! ]

woke up at 9am today.. going to visit my paternal grandma.. visiting is just a good term to use.. actually is to go take the red packets for my birthday de.. hahaz! sound so UNFILIAL! lolx! was telling them about my ah ma.. hais! just still feel SAD about her death.. headed to Vivo to meet Darren er zi for lunch.. lunch was at long john...

i must CONFESSED something.. FRIENDS of MINE LISTEN UP!!! STOP TORTURING me with FASTFOOD le!! i've been eating fastfood for at least a meal a day for one week plus le!! i dont wish to get any FATTER!!! had my FAVOURITE - creamy clam chowder soup!! hahaz! and after which, we took a stroll in vivo.. and i must DECLARED something.. i bought a XMAS gift for my BESTIE, Xianyun!!! and a gift for Francis a small xmas gift too cause he bought me something.. just something in return lahz..

got fly areoplane twice today.. once was by Peixuan.. she said she wanted to meet me and Darren er zi for lunch.. ended up she orh orh at home.. then actually supposed to meet Francis at 2pm de.. end up.. he fly aeroplane say he not feeling well so not meeting me le.. ALAMAK! end up.. i have to find back-up plans again.. so i went to look for aunty ling and went shopping at IMM.. had chocolate strawberry blended from coffee club!! quite NICE i should say though it's my first time drinking it.. and i bought a blouse at a discount price of $5.50!! super WORTH!! hahaz! then we went into Giant and i had sushi.. i remember the last time i has sushi was at Giant tampines with Tom..

and i had lime juice too! after which i went back to Clementi.. and grab a gift for Tom.. something that i owe.. i just want to prove something.. prove that i will keep up the promise i made.. dinner was with mom.. we had chicken rice!! i can say i am VERY FULL! constipated again! so tong ku!! hais! something more i want to say.. got an A**ho*e scolded yeowchong in his friendster saying why we didnt ask him along for Escape.. why must i ask you? i'm sure i have the RIGHTS who i want to ask.. so what is a yep family gathering? when you go out with others, did you tell us? why must i report to YOU? you're NOT my dad.. even if you are, you cant control my HUMAN RIGHTS! argh~

plans for tomorrow!! movie with my COUSINS! ya.. watching "Alvin and the Chipmunks"!!! i am watching with people i LOVEeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! woohoo!! after which is SHOPPING!!..... yeah!~

got to go pray and continue mugging on my vcd!!~

Saturday, December 22, 2007

[ 你对别人的慷慨就是对我残忍, 别把你的快乐和幸福加在我的痛苦上! ]

[你对别人的慷慨就是对我残忍, 别把你的快乐和幸福加在我的痛苦上! ]

woke up quite EARLY today.. and saw uncle hua thong's sms.. Mdm yu has passed away le.. it will be soka ritual.. BUT, i wont be able to attend as grandma just passed away.. till NOW, i still cant BELIEVE that grandma has already left us le.. it's just like a DREAM.. ya.. many things are DREAMS.. BUT, i HOPE i will NEVER WAKE up from these dreams..

itesd and spsd meeting at 10am at senja kaikan to practice for our skit performance during sd kensyu.. kind of NERVOUS though i'm just a narrator.. can only HEAR voice cant SEE face BUT still will SCARE.. only me and Sheng Long are EARLY.. the rest are LATE.. started practicing once Jialiang reached as he has made some changes to the script and the latest copy is with him.. had a GREAT time actually BUT Kris feel that without Colin around, the atmosphere seems to be a bit too QUIET.. lolx.. ya, he's the JOKER lahz..

left senja kaikan at around 12.. when Bingyuan was telling the rest i am leaving, their reaction was like so BIG! especially Jialiang's.. he was saying: " why you leaving? what's the problem? must have dialogue!" lolx.. he's so CUTE lohz.. and really KIND-HEARTED.. he must be always BULLIED by others.. hahaz..

took 187 to woodlands and from woodlands, i took 969 to yishun.. i'm just so TIRED that i KO when i'm on the bus to tampines.. just VERY TIRED! everyday i'm like WAKING UP so EARLY! then from tampines, i took mrt to pasir ris.. i was LATE.. there's hardly cases that i will be LATE.. only once in a blue moon.. and i headed to BK to meet Amalina and the rest.. had my lunch there.. that Nabil.. lied to Amalina saying that he wont be coming.. pengster lehz!

at around 2pm, we headed to Escape.. first time going, i should be EXCITIED but i dont know why, i arent.. my MOOD isnt RIGHT! and i've been pulling a long face for the whole day.. i think everyone also feel sick seeing me like that.. i also dont know what went wrong with me.. hais! the weather is BAD! we just get to sit one ride and went into the haunted house.. the rest of the time was spent sitting in the sheltered area.. feel so MEANINGLESS.. first time go then experience such weather..

and i did one thing wrong.. and was to say something wrong to Yeow chong and it hit Amalina badly instead.. i guess i really spoilt her mood.. just hope she wont be angry with me anymore.. headed to White Sands kfc for dinner.. and they surprised me with my birthday present.. thank you so much my yep family! after which, we headed back home individually.. Sam, Tom and i dropped off at Tampines.. have to take 969 home.. Sam went to get something so me and Tom walked towards the interchange..

the atmosphere is WEIRD.. both of us are in TOTAL SILENT.. never talk at all.. except him telling me my bus is here and say bye.. hais! what kind of couple is this? i also dont know what has shut me out of his life.. what's the barrier between us? i just want to find out.. i just FEAR when i need to talk to him... let me be able to VENT OUT!!!!!!............

Friday, December 21, 2007

[ 爱一个人好难 love someone is difficult ]

[ 爱一个人好难 love someone is difficult ]

today is my chinese birthday! ya.. woke up at 7.30am this morning.. cause i'm heading to ah gong's place to pay respects to my ah ma.. and to cck where her ash is placed to pay respects.. and when i woke up.. mom said something that i totally FORGOTTEN! today is the 7th day ah ma passed away.. and chinese always believed that during the 7th day, the decreased will come and visit his/her family.. and from 2-5pm is the time.. mom didnt want to SCARE me so she kept quiet..

by breaking this news to me set my goose pimples rising.. ya.. it's my grandma but it's kind of SCARY to hear this kind of thing.. oh ya.. must ANNOUNCE something.. LAST person who wish me on my BIRTHDAY is my dearest cousin (biao mei) - An ni!! thanks girl! you're real CUTE! and Daryl sms me too.. and asked how i spent my birthday.. well.. didnt celebrate.. and i broke the news about my grandma's death to him..

he was kind of SHOCKED to hear that.. after so many years we broke up, i cant BELIEVE he still remember that my grandma stays at lakeside.. hmmm, anyway, mom is accepting.. and i am too.. though i think i still MISSES her a lot.. ah ma, you will remain in our hearts! and thanks for bringing the kinship between the cousins closer!

reached ah gong house and went to wake Wanqi up.. Ah gong still seems to be quite SAD.. hais! ya, 50 over years as husband and wife.. i guess he really have lots of REGRETS! that is the CONSEQUENCE he faced taking things for granted.. i think he really REGRETTED why he didnt patched up with ah ma even till the last moment.. hais! now, i can see ah gong dropping tears everyday and see him with his face of guilt..

was discussing about ah ma's hospital matters today.. and 2nd uncle (二舅) mentioned that he will lodge complain once he settle ah ma's funeral stuf.. we just feel that ah ma shouldnt have leave us just like that.. and many nurses really deserved to be sacked.. set off to cck at around 10plus 11.. finally settled ah ma's funeral wake.. i think everyone who really gave their heart in the wake deserve a good REST!

lunch was on 2nd uncle (二舅) today.. and jurong east.. NICEST meal i ever had for the past few days.. starting to MISS my cousins! Manting, Seeleng, Wanqi, An Ni, Yong Hwee, Xiang Hao, Deyun and Nanchun korkor.. for the past few days, we'll been STICKING TOGETHER like honey and bees! LOVE THEM THE MOST!! Wanqi, me and my brother went to 2nd uncle's (二舅) place after lunch.. and 二舅母 (2nd uncle's wife) took out some old photos to let us see.. and i realised that from young, i'm on very GOOD TERMS with Deyun le.. as young when we were BORN!

二舅母 (2nd uncle's wife) sent us back to ah gong place at around 3plus.. and me, my brother and Wanqi went to Jurong Point to shop and grab some t-shirts.. as for the next 42days till it reaches 49th days after ah ma's death, we have to wear clothes of colours like black, white, grey, blue.. that's for my uncles' children.. as for me and my brother, we choose not to cause she's our maternal grandma.. but... i think i will wear.. in a form of respect.. i already gave up my birthday celebration, so i think it's nothing..

we went to do manicure also.. to cheer ourselves up and Wanqi bought two white tee-shirts from Hang ten.. i think i am going to spoil the manicure in 2days time ba.. i so ROUGH! lolx! we ate sushi too! i just feel like eating Sakae Sushi!!!! was asked home by ah gong for dinner.. and after dinner, 小舅 (youngest uncle) went to pick mom from work and drove us home!! thank you! i'm so TIRED after such a long day!! i just want to sleep..

plans for tomorrow - 10am to 12pm - rehearsal for SD Kensyu Skit
- 1.30pm onwards - meeting Yep family at Pasir Ris for ESCAPE!!
plans for sunday - meeting Francis to take my present
- meeting Darren er zi for lunch and my present

it's going to be a long day again tomorrow.. i want to SLEEP!!~

heard this song when i was on 小舅 (youngest uncle)'s car going home..

it's by 苏永康 - title: 爱一个人好难

你说你还是喜欢孤单 其实你怕被我看穿
你怕属于我们的船 飘飘荡荡靠不了岸
时到如今没有答案 我的真心为你牵荡
不管相见的夜多么难堪 渐渐淡淡的说
爱是不爱 想要把你忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠 朝朝暮暮的期盼
永远没有答案 为何当初你选择一刀两段
听你说声爱我真的好难 曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天平的两端 一样的为难
唯一的答案 爱一个人好难

时到如今没有答案 我的真心为你牵荡
不管相见的夜多么难堪 渐渐淡淡的说
爱是不爱想 要把你忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠 朝朝暮暮的期盼
永远没有答案 为何当初你选择一刀两段
听你说声爱我真的好难 曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天平的两端 一样的为难
唯一的答案 爱一个人好难

想要把你忘记真的好难 思念的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼 永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两段 听你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散 站在天平的两端
一样的为难 唯一的答案
爱一个人好难

suddenly, i feel so EMOTIC.. i just dont know why.. it's a old song that speaks us manys' feelings.. including MINE now...

Thursday, December 20, 2007

[ so near yet so far ]

[ so near yet so far ]

been missing in action for the passed few days from blogger.. cause i didnt come home.. only once to take my documents i need and slept 2hours..

LATEST news for those who dont know... my grandma passed away last saturday..

was at the wake since last saturday till yesterday.. busying in and out.. now.. it's time to thank those who attended the wake.. i mean my friends..

Soka friends - Janice, Xiaoling, Meihui, Binyuan, Xueyun dajie, Liyan, Stella, Stephanie, Qisheng, Francis
Yep Family - Amalina, Miaozhen, Sam, Guosheng, Wuihou, Nabil, Zaki, Yeowchong, Shaun and Tom

and must specially thanks Stella and Stephanie cause they attended the cremation session yesterday also.. and Tom who sent those who left home late..

and must thanks those who sms me and wish me well.. thanks for that.. managed to pull through this till last night.. thanks gohonzon that i didnt fainted.. mom almost fainted yesterday at mandai when ah ma was wheeled in to be cremated.. uncles had to carry her out.. she just dont wish to leave..

this few days.. i have seen how the kinship have grown... between the cousins..

and today.. it's my birthday.. want to go and pick her ash.. but.. mom said better not.. cause it's my birthday.. and must take those who wish me..

ite friends - nadiah, farhan, shiffa, joyce, hazwan
yep family - amalina, zaki, tom, yeowchong, carolyn, miaozhen, sam
soka friends - liyan, xueyun dajie, qisheng, stella, stephanie goh, stephanie lam, catherine, aloysius er zi, darren er zi, yinghui nu er, cherie, yvonne er jie,melvin tan, francis, meihui, victor
family - my parents, my brother, yonghwee, seeleng, doris, xiaojiu, er jiu, er jiu mu
outside friends - chongjan kor, xiujuan jie, daryl, liming, jeslyn
secondary school friends - xianyun
primary school friends - jiahao

although cant celebrate my birthday.. but many still wishes me well.. thanks so much..

off to sleep.. tomorrow going ah gong's place to bai ah ma..

Friday, December 14, 2007

[ worried!! ]

[ worried!! ]

went to visit ah ma today.. and she's having high fever.. and sleeping through out.. doctor spoke to me and mom and me.. and told us that we must be mentally prepared that grandma will leave us within this few days.. mom just cant accept it and she even scolded the doctor.. well, i do cant accept.. but i understand.. and the doctor mentioned that they wont rescusitate her if her heartbeat were to stop..

i dont know whether to let her LIVE is right.. or let her LEAVE is right.. BUT, i just dont want her to suffer.. she's on really strong medication and high amount of oxygen through her trachestomy..

after visiting her, we went home.. and continue to chant for her.. i know gohonzon will plan the best outcome for her.. i'm LOST myself too! dont know who to talk to.. so many things on my mind.. kind of feel like i am a wild sheep abandoned on the mountain.. leaving to die.. hais! everyone's out for camp.. sad me....


When your determination changes,
everything will begin to move in the direction you desire.
The moment you resolve to be victorious,
every nerve and fiber in your being will immediately orient itself toward your success.
On the other hand,
if you think,
"This is never going to work out,"
then at that instant every cell in your being will be deflated and give up the fight.
Then everything really will move in the direction of failure.
-Daisaku Ikeda-

Thursday, December 13, 2007

[ i was asked HOME! ]

[ i was asked HOME!.. ]

woke up at 5am in the morning.. pondering whether i should go for the camp after hearing what mom said last night.. and i decided to go since i always believe that grandma can pull through this obstacle.. met yep family at 7am at kallang.. and many were LATE.. and i was ESPECIALLY ANGRY with 3 of them.. Zaki, Tom and Shaun..

they were LATE for HALF AN HOUR yet when they come, they give people BLACK FACE! hello, we dont OWE you money okie! just AGITATED!! maybe because i'm too WORRIED for grandma.. i'm in the same group as Zaki.. the rest have girls they know to sleep with.. but i dont..

half way throught the briefing.. mom called.. and said that ah ma's condition has worsened and ask me to hurry home.. after listening to that, my body just turned cold.. i dont know what's in my mind.. i went to huijing and weiyi (my y-camp i/cs) and told them i have to leave the camp.. rushed a cab home and got myself changed.. and went to the hospital to visit ah ma..

she kept asking for water.. BUT, we cant give her much.. cause of her kidneys.. the nurse said she's much better today than yesterday.. feel much relieved.. she seems okie at face.. BUT, we were never know what's FIGHTING in her body.. just cant stop worrying about her.. and on the other hand about mom.. i know she cant accept this if grandma were to left us.. i went to pierce my ear actually.. i dont know why.. just feel like piercing..

got to sleep well tonight.. visiting ah ma tomorrow again..

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

[ kbox . shopping - my stress relieving technique! ]

[ kbox . shopping - my stress relieving technique! ]

woke up quite early actually.. cause i am going to DE-STRESS!! met Joyce and Stephanie for kbox session!! woohoo!~ and stephanie's sister came along.. we met at somerset mrt control before setting off to Cenileisure.. and.. i just recognise Stephanie in her new hairstyle! she PERMED her hair! *kawaii* ne!!

from 2pm sharp we sang all the way to 6pm.. it's really COLD in the room! and i had my favourite! lemon sprite.. and received a good news from TTSH too!! happy happy!! Stephanie and her sister left for home after the session.. and me and Joyce went shopping.. i still have to grab some stuff for my camp tomorrow.. oh no man! from taka we walked to shaw.. and.. was telling her what had took place on monday during Wuihou's birthday celebration.. quite fun actually! but was upset over some stuff too.. okie, not happy ones shall not mention again..

and at shaw.. we saw the Royal Sports hall on SALE!! and we grab the Puma sling bag for stephanie's birthday in January.. it's like kind of KAISU to buy it NOW.. it's definitely WORTH the price.. from $59.90, it's NOW only $39.90!! and you can grab a PUMA sling bag.. i'm sure Stephanie will LOVE it! Joyce was just go so HIGH after buying the bag.. then we went to Fareast.. so long never shop there le.. and we drank the gongfu nai cha.. i remember i used to drink that when i meet up with Xianyun at Fareast.. after shopping there, we went to Heeren.. it's almost 9 le and we just dont wish to go back..

over at Heeren.. Joyce mentioned that she wanted to buy something for her cousins for Christmas.. there then then i realised, i'm not CLOSE to my cousins at ALL! feel so ASHAMED! and we went to many shops.. everywhere is having SALES! and we stepped into Converse.. Joyce eyed on a pencil case and feels that it's so like her cousin's style.. cost is $14.50.. and she asked about my opinions.. the first thing i mentioned was.. got DISCOUNT not? it makes her REALLY want to LAUGH! lolx.. our dinner was just Old Chang Kee.. after shopping at Heeren, we headed to Somerset to take mrt..

and i saw Lingxiang.. my ex schoolmate cum Nco warrior member.. long time no see.. and Joyce and me headed into 7-eleven to grab my favourite! green tea.. and we passed by the area where they put alcoholic drinks.. it reminded us of Tom.. cause he bought Joyce an alcoholic drink during her birthday..

while waiting for the mrt.. we took out stephanie's birthday's present.. and we realised that the tag isnt removed!! oh man! got to go back and get it change.. HAIS! we are just too HIGH till we didnt realised that.. and i almost forgetten something.. THANKS Joyce, Daphne and Stephanie for giving me a birthday present and card! thank you!!

came home.. and mom told me grandma's condition isnt that good! i just feel it isnt that right! praying hard for her recovery....

off to sleep!~

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

[ a new start, a new beginning! ]

[ a new start, a new beginning! ]

thought that my day will be BORING.. BUT, was made interesting because of HIM.. thanks for making my day SLIGHTLY BRIGHTEN and SCARY at times.. went to visit ah ma today.. i just feel that i got STRONG TELEPATHY with mom.. i was at the lobby area of the hospital and was thinking will grandma be transferred out to normal ward.. and mom called the next minute.. she said ah ma's condition has improved and is shifting to ICA unit.. i just feel the JOY!

went to the SICU to fetch ah ma with the nurses to ICA.. i'm HAPPY that she's IMPROVING.. and must thank HIM for making an effort to visit my ah ma during his breaktime! thanks for that! as a friend, your efforts is APPRECIATED! hahaz! lunch with 二舅 (2nd uncle) was FUN.. he has NEVER FAIL to SHARE with me his EXPERIENCE.. i really learnt a lot from him and look upon him as a role model!

at 3plus.. HE called.. we decided to go for a DRINK! and spend time updating each other's latest news and stuff.. as i said.. we intend to plan a gathering for Utopians! BUT, i feel Victor kor is the BEST person to do it.. cause he has the contacts of everyone.. HAHAZ! pushing my responsibilty.. kekez! anyway, we had a GREAT time CHATTING.. the WEATHER is BAD! keep RAINING! should say POURING!! hahaz! but the walk through chinatown to the bus-stop is EXCITING.. and we got ourselves really DRENCHED.. must really thank HIM for protecting ME from getting SICK.. thanks BROTHER!

headed to my chapter/district meeting for PP (pasir panjang) chapter.. first time stepping into this PP family.. i'm so NERVOUS! BUT, i'm still SHOWERED under the LOVE of many.. cause i see many aunts and uncles i know! and the WD and MD chief is Xueyun's mom and Qingxiang's dad.. hahaz! i just can feel the MOTIVATION once AGAIN upon this change of environment! BUT, i'm starting to miss my HOLLAND family le! :( the HOLLAND family actually had a small pre-xmas party after their meeting.. and was busy searching for me as they want me to join in! i'm so TOUCHED! and aunty Nancy actually ask them to TAKE CARE of ME and mustnt BULLY me! hahaz! they are so CUTE!

went home with Dad, Aunty Jenny and Roy.. had a great time CHATTING! really HAPPY today! so many GREAT things took place! must really thank everyone to allow my LIFE to leave the GREYISH spot! even for one day! it will be GOOD enough! tomorrow! KBOX with Joyce and Stephanie! WOOHOO!~ i am going to RELIEVE my STRESS!!!!!!

i know my love for you still live STRONG!

Monday, December 10, 2007

[ i saw, i caught and i was disappointed! ]

[ i saw, i caught and i was disappointed! ]

woke up quite EARLY actually.. got to do some LAST minute wrapping for wuihou's gift.. then.. got LUNCH for didi and myself.. it's RAINING again.. i just HATE this kind of WEATHER! it just RUINS my MOOD!

meeting Shaun, Yeowchong, Wuihou and Sam in school.. supposed to meet Tom too.. but.. think he didnt attend school.. got myself really DRENCHED.. was TRYING to PROTECT wuihou's birthday gift and card from getting WET! and the WORST thing! i FORGETTEN my TRUSTY JACKET! was really SHIVERING at cafe1.. and when Chong and Shaun came down.. they pulled me out of the school in the SHORTEST time possible.. cause guosheng is coming down! i know it's kind of BAD to BAN him from joining wuihou's birthday celebration.. BUT, i just feel i dont want to SPOIL this DAY just like that..

took bus31 to tanah merah.. and carolyn smsed me.. so i called her.. she's on her way to bedok.. so.. we got a negotiation of dropping down at bedok to meet her.. and saw tom.. we didnt TALK at all.. as EXPECTED.. hais! i just dont know what's going wrong..

was kind of irritated by that HIM again.. sms-ing me.. but i know he meant good.. though i only TREAT him as a friend.. was really disappointed when i caught things red-handed.. it TURNS my MOOD UPSIDE DOWN! and the WORST thing is i must PRETEND to be HAPPY and to SMILE.. it's really TERRIBLE! cause i dont wish to SPOIL others' mood.. and it's wuihou's birthday.. it wont be NICE if i'm EMOTIC and throw my tanturm at people who are innocent.. i know i have learnt how to CONTROL my EMOTIONS better as DAYS passes by..

dinner at pastamania was GREAT! we HAD lots of FUN! you just cant IMAGINE how much FUN we had! EATING up the CHEESE! forcing wuihou to take out the boxers from the box! just hope he enjoy his birthday celebration with us! hope he like what we had planned for him! hahaz! after dinner was coffee and talk crap time at TCC.. and i had mint-choco frappe!! oh SHIT! it's with caffine content.. alamak! i know i wont be able to sleep tonight! for SURE! was discussing about my birthday celebration next thursday! what are we doing? who am i spending it with? have no plans yet! i want SURPRISE! i just LOVE SURPRISE!!!

went home at 9.30pm and had a long chat with chong!.... and with HIM.. was talking lots about NURSING stuffs.. our COMMON topics.. plans up next.. intend to plan a youth camp gathering for Utopians! that's why i still CHOOSE to keep in touch with HIM.. if not, sure BLOCK and AVOID! hahaz! he isnt a BAD guy provided he keeps his feelings AWAY from ME! hahaz! REALLY learn a lot from HIM regarding nursing stuff.. i only treat you as a korkor.. so, transfer your feelings to me as a meimei ba! hahaz!

i HATE to PRETEND to be HAPPY!

Sunday, December 09, 2007

[ rain rain go away, come again another day!! ]

[ rain rain go away, come again another day!! ]

woke up at about 10plus today.. very TIRED seriously.. maybe it's because the CONTINOUS RAIN!! it just cant STOP!! TIRED.. got no much plans today.. maybe i'll just stay at home to REST ba.. since rainy season will be a GOOD time to SLEEP!

kind of REGRET unblocking HIM on msn.. hais! and he asked me out for MOVIE.. after much CONSIDERATION, i decided not to go.. SERIOUSLY i feel that i dont want him to still have FEELINGS for ME! please understand that i ALREADY i HAVE a BOYFRIEND le.. and i LOVE him a lot.. and i dont wish to LOSE him.. TRUE enough.. i think he still have FEELINGS for ME! his SMSes just will make me FEEL like VOMITTING.. and i JUST dare not REPLY to his smses! GOOSE PIMPLE coming up.. HAIS!

his SMSes IRRITATED me for the WHOLE day.. since last night till NOW! he just want to MEET me up.. hais! got girlfriend le why cant you stay FAITHFUL? is it that DIFFICULT for a guy to stay faithful? somemore his girlfriend staying at yishun also.. i'm just AFRAID to knock into him.. hais! shall BLOCK him on msn again! block for ONE YEAR le.. i just feel the feelings will fade away.. BUT, it doesnt seems to.. HAIS! cant he UNDERSTAND that it is SO DIFFICULT to meet someone you LOVE and LOVES you? cherish your girlfriend ba.. i WONT EVER have FEELINGS for you de.. BEAR that in MIND ba! *HEADACHE* ar..

went to visit grandma today.. she's ANGRY with us! she wanted so much to say some words to US! but because of the tube in her throat.. she LOST her VOICE.. by looking at her lips, i cant really get what she means.. and she gets so FRUSTRATED and TRIED really hard to say something till so got ANGRY.. and she just wants to EAT.. hais! can anyone STOP her from this kind of SUFFERINGS? i want to see her WELL..

heard from mom that one of our WD (women division) member from our district is hospitalised.. she suffered CRF le.. Chronic Renal Failure.. doctor says she will be GONE this 2days.. hais! feel SAD.. CHEER me up people! =(

plans for tomorrow - WUIHOU's birthday celebration... cant WAIT till tomorrow comes!


Illness is not something to feel ashamed of.
It is not a sign of misfortune or defeat.
Suffering is the fuel of wisdom, and it opens the way to happiness.
Through illness, human beings can gain insight into the meaning of life,
understand its value and dignity,
and strive to lead more fulfilling lives.
-Daisaku Ikeda-
miss dear lots!

Saturday, December 08, 2007

[ it almost takes away my life! ]

[ it almost takes away my life! ]

slept till 1.30pm today!! hahaz! i was just too TIRED! i was kind of DRAGGING myself out of my bed though i already have 12hours of sleep le.. ya.. i slept at 1am yesterday night.. only managed to get home at 11plus yesterday.. luckily it's before 12am.. ya.. Cinderalla mahz.. cant go home TOO LATE!! hahaz..

woke up and did my morning prayers.. and ate my breakfast cum lunch.. my stomach isnt feeling that well! i also dont know why.. all along it isnt that good.. that's why i dont drink that often.. maybe because i drank alcholic drinks yesterday.. know the reason why i dont drink? it's because my digestive system isnt that well.. BUT once in a while i'm okie lahz.. hahaz!

went jogging with didi today.. like i said.. i want to LOSE WEIGHT mahz.. today is my FIRST move into my SLIMMING plan.. ran from home to yishun stadium.. more than slow jog.. many years never exercise le.. plus so long never DANCE liao.. stamina not that good.. hahaz!

BUT, i know this time wrong i am seriously over this plan.. i want to divert my time, my attention and my energy into things that benefits me, my health.. being FAT isnt BAD.. BUT, it makes you lose out in many things.. Nursing is a career where direct patient care and education is needed.. that's one of the reason why i want to lose weight.. because of my CAREER.. and.. being FAT might let you lose your loved ones.. even if you like that person, he might look down on you because of your SIZE.. and.. my parents are one of them as well.. who always say i am FAT.. FAT is use to describe PIGS lahz.. PLUMP is the CORRECT way to describe HUMAN BEINGS..

decided not to take dinner too.. and came online.. and unblock one friend of mine whom i am scared to talk to.. and HE really came to talk to me the next minute i unblock him.. HAIS! just scare he come and IRRITATE me again.. DONT ever have FEELINGS for me AGAIN! i'm REALLY SCARED! i just dont want to be a third party.. NEVER want to! i hope he can get this ACROSS his mind.. hmm.. gtg le! tired=]

Friday, December 07, 2007

[ i know i will NEVER walk ALONE! ]

[ i know i will NEVER walk ALONE! ]

was awaken by mom's morning call! i was still happily in bed till mom called me at 10plus.. hais! the first thing she asked is.. "are you visiting ah ma this afternoon?" hmmm.. i told her i am.. and told her that i'm meeting the chingay peeps for dinner tonight.. *FEEL SO RELIEVED*.. cause she didnt scold me.. so.. i cant sleep anymore and wake up to do my morning prayers and get ready to go out.. and didi overheard my conversation with mom and so he said he want to tag along.. so, we set off.. and felt it's a bit early so we decide to go to mom's workplace to look for her.. didi wants a haircut badly.. and i intend to pluck my eyebrow..

we took the mrt to clementi and from clementi, we walked to her workplace.. TIRED! mom called when we are just 2steps away from her workplace.. she asked us to go look for our hairdresser first to get didi's hair cut.. she will come over to look for us again.. didi cut his hair and the hairdresser suggest to get his hair dyed also.. and.. mom agreed to it! oh man! didi dyed his hair... so good! i also want to dye my hair!!!! BUT, i cant.... it's so KIND of aunty mary to tie my hair for ME!! SERIOUSLY, i think it's really NICE!! kekez!

after which, we took bus143 to SGH.. going to visit ah ma.. so many days never go le.. also dont know how is she.. hopes she okie.. reached there and saw 二舅 (2nd uncle) sitting outside the SICU.. he told us grandma going for another operation.. to open an opening at the throat area for breathing.. that's called tracheostomy.. i still remember during my attachment at ward10B that time.. i got few patients with that.. though it's just a procedure.. BUT, i know grandma will still feel very 痛苦! hais! we went in to see her.. she just keep telling her through her lips.. "bo bian" => means no choice.. it really ACHES my HEART!! =(

then.. we were asked to go out as they need to perform the procedure le.. we have yet to have my breakfast.. so we went to the kopitiam downwards to grab a bite.. and the same time.. i sms Dear.. and told him about my grandma.. BUT, he didnt reply.. maybe he's busy ba.. at about 3plus.. we went up to see her.. she's done with the procedure le.. and has fallen asleep.. also heard from 二舅 (2nd uncle) that she dont have to go for continuous dialysis anymore.. will only need to do it once every 2days if she can produce urine on her own.. at least it wont be that torturing! mom intend to go home le.. cause she's sleeping and seems no point if we stay outside..

it's only 4plus.. so i called Xueyun.. intend to go meet her.. but she told me she isnt going out so early.. and suggest to meet Stella and Stephanie.. as they are going shopping.. so i called them and went to city hall to meet them.. we intend to go shopping.. BUT, ended up, we decided to sit down somewhere in the foodcourt to talk.. too LONG never see each other.. Stella hasnt seen Dear before.. she just hear from Xueyun about him.. Stella was so concern about me after hearing Xueyun..

well.. what can i say? every couple sure have problem de.. if dont have problem, wont call couple le.. i dont know what to say seriously.. BUT, i know they can tell i arent doing well.. and Stella talked about her "coffee" technique again.. lolx! thanks Stella! because of this JOKE, it brightens my days! and she mentioned about the logic Yvonne er jie that time.. the "forest" logic.. i know with all your supports, all your prayers.. i will be able to tide through it.. dont worry!

Xueyun was late.. and while waiting for her.. and took photos together.. and i bought a pair of shoes from Ink.. cause my ladies slippers going to wear and tear le.. the shoes is only 10bucks! *SATISFIED* saw some of the Nursing lecturers.. Mdm Qian, Mdm Lam, Ms Chow, Ms Lydia.. they came shopping too! cant imagine i will meet teachers when i am out.. intended to eat at Yuki Yaki de.. but some of them find it quite expensive..and we have a budget.. so, changed of plan.. we ate Cafe Cartal instead..

and at Cafe Cartal.. i saw my teachers AGAIN!.. this time i saw many others.. Ms Doris Lim, Mrs Yeo, Ms Elaine Tan and many more.. so COINCIDENTAL! hahaz! i had Grilled pork chop with cream of chicken soup and 7-up.. feel so SATISFIED! never enjoyed a meal that well for so long! i guess it's because i am back to people who are REALLY CLOSE to my HEART.. Maymay, Xueyun dajie, Stella, Stephanie and Willie!!!! if not because of you guys, there wont be ME today! the ones who support me through Alumni concert and Chingay! love you guys the most!! *muacks*

after the dinner.. we went into 7-eleven and bought some alcholic drinks.. Hooch Blackcurrant, Long Island and Breezer.. sound so NO KICK!! BUT, we just want to have a drink.. after buying the drinks, we walked towards esplanade.. and sat down and have a drink.. after i drank the Hooch.. my FACE turned really RED! i also dont know why.. BUT, just RED!! BUT, i am NOT DRUNK huh!! lolx! Xueyun and Stella suggest to go into DXO.. BUT, i feel it isnt a good idea.. so LATE huh! plus i promised mom that i'll be HOME!! next time ba.. plans up next.. Xueyun suggest to go Pub or club together.. and Stella say she wants to join in too! ya.. we WILL go together!! hahaz! dont worry!!

they are ADVICED me on lots of things.. i know exactly what you guys TRYING to say.. and know that you guys mean well.. i know you guys are trying to protect me from getting hurt.. BUT, i cant help myself.. you should know i always take things very seriously once i commit to it.. and maybe like what you guys say.. i am too KIND-HEARTED and too SOFT-HEARTED le.. i will learn.. learn to be more COURAGEOUS than before.. i feel all this while, i'm already very BRAVE.. to be able to FACE all the challenges i had in life.. your SUPPORT is NEEDED, my sisters and brothers! and i know you guys will be THERE for ME! thanks for that!

so.. went home at about 10.30pm.. how i wish i can stay overnight.. too bad Melvin working if not can go his place ton overnight!! i had a great day.. though it's kind of SHORT.. BUT, through this, i REALISED that there's many who really LOVE and CARES about ME! thanks you guys! REALLY CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU GUYS! thank you for letting me that i will never walk ALONE! =]


Genuine sincerity opens people's hearts,
while manipulation causes them to close.
-Daisaku Ikeda-
NEVER take things for granted.. you would never know when you will lose it!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

[ i cherish what i have now! ]

[ i cherish what i have now! ]

woke up quite early today.. at 7.45! my gosh! it's the first day of holiday and yet i have to drag myself out of my bed! alamak! no choice.. interview is at 10am.. so NERVOUS! wants to be EARLY to let them have a good impression of ME! hahaz! Junyuan sms me last night.. that irritating specimen said something to him and he came and asked me about it! i also dont know what went wrong?! (=.=!?)

can you STOP being so IRRITATING!? you're just so IRRITATING! intend to meet Dear for lunch since i'm kind of FREE and he ends school early.. BUT, people not FREE.. so no CHOICE lohz.. went home and got online.. it's just SO BORING!! watched 肥田喜事!Nice show! really got so ENGROSSED in it! =]

Amalina called me and discussed about Wuihou's birthday celebration.. hais! it's JUST so DIFFICULT to plan a celebration.. and.. things CROPS up last minute.. Ms Jill's birthday is next wed! two days after Wuihou's.. alamak! then how? will go ahead with the idea of going to Pastamania on Monday.. my pocket porking soon! going BANKRUPT lahz.. want to RELAX.. SERIOUSLY i need MONEY!! and i wish for a day to sleep 24hours!!!!

left home at about 5pm.. changed of plan.. instead of meeting Jenny, Anna jie and Xiu juan jie.. i'm only meeting Anna jie and Xiu juan jie.. Jenny is on MC.. another one.. got pregnant! Why everyone is getting pregnant? is it a IN thing now? lolx! meeting them at 6pm instead of 7pm.. went to City Plaza for dinner.. eat my favourite - Mian fen guo and drank soursop drink!! nice nice! last time i went to City plaza was with Dear.. i remembered going there for Arnolds chicken..

was eating and chatting.. and Li hua jie jie came into our mind again.. and into our conversation.. i miss you a lot, Lihua jiejie!!!! just hope the person who cause you and your brother's death can be caught soon! was looking through Xiu Juan jie's daughter's photos too! she's so CUTE though she only got single eye lid! after dinner.. we went to SHOP SHOP around.. got lots of NICE clothes!! i want to BUY!! BUT..... want to LOSE WEIGHT first.. cause i want to LOOK GOOD in them!! hahaz! day-dreaming again! how to LOSE WEIGHT so EASILY ar? lolx!

was talking about Dear to them also.. cause they saw the picture of me and him in my wallet.. lolx! they just find it so interesting! cause i got a boyfriend.. and they are concerned.. and asked me so many things.. how i meet him lahz.. how was the china trip with him lahz... how old is he... stuff and that.. lolx! shall let Dear meet them one day.. they are the ONES who HELPED me a lot when i was in the company.. sms Chong Jan Kor also.. it's been 8months since i last seen him! miss you lots kor!! meet me up soon!

i hope you didnt forget that my birthday is COMING!! hahaz! and Ah keong called me too! was talking about some of my ex colleagues too! many of them got a girlfriend.. including Kor lahz.. BAD lehz you.. got girlfriend also never tell me! lolx! i cant remembered if i told him about Dear too! last talked to him was before i set off to China for yep.. tomorrow!! it's gathering with chingay peeps! i can EXPECT who are the ones who will be there.. lolx! anyway, i havent tell mom about the gathering yet! dont know what she will say.. just afraid that she will scold me of going out everyday..

will have to start packing my bag for y-camp this coming weekend.. cause i got too many activities before the y-camp.. or should say entertainment!! hahaz! Meihui called me today.. and asked me to be the Narrator for the skit for the SD kensyu.. *pressurized* lehz.. why choose me? and who's the guy partner i have? and heard that prayer meeting for this sunday is cancelled! shall find other things to do.. off to sleep=]!! *yawn*

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

[ Courage is all i need! ]

[ Courage is all i need! ]

BHS paper today! i should say i am HAPPY!! cause the paper is much EASY than EXPECTED!! woohoo!!!!! i managed to finish it in less than 45minutes!! UNBELIEVABLE! another interesting thing is.. there's one question asking us to state the stages for creativity.. the answer is Preparation, Incubation and Inspiration.. BUT.. i cant remember the second stage which is Incubation.. BUT, i remembered i read Incubation somewhere.. so, i just wrote it down.. writting down maybe can guess correct, but if leave it blank, no marks rewarded!!

so LUCKY of me!! it's really CONFUSING.. cause many topics like stages of forgetting, stages of memory.. all consists of 3stages.. so it's difficult to remember which is which.. i guess my prayers are ENOUGH! that's why there's blessings in disguish!! hahaz! had niang tou fu as breakfast.. got to eat it and skip my lunch! like i say, i want to look better and buy nice clothings.. so got to make a conviction to lose weight! this time, i am SERIOUS about it!

CP briefing.. i am posted to TTSH!! yupz.. the group remains.. except that Eili, Geradine and Suisui arent in the same group as us anymore.. and got a few new members in our group.. TTSH4 is SPECIAL.. got two CP lecturers.. Ms Chow and Mdm Ang.. two also dont look promising to me.. but at least i know Ms Chow.. she's Red Cross teacher in charge.. it will be EASY for me if i need to be back in school for Red Cross events.. BUT, i still MISSES my previous CP lecturer, Ms Emily Ng.. i still LOVE her more!!=]

after the briefing, meet Suhui, Yeow Chong, Ruifen and the rest at Cafe1.. and saw that IRRITATING SPECIMEN! and he still can pretend nothing has happened when he sees me! dont REMEMBER you make me CRY that day le ma? got MOVITATED FORGETTING ar? cant STAND him.. i have NO INTENTION to ask him to chip in for Wuihou's birthday present.. cause i know Wuihou also dont like him.. yet, people can still be so THICK SKINNED to say that Wuihou is his BROTHER! my FOOT! who would want this kind of BROTHER? DISGRACE!

ya.. and i have NO INTENTION to ask him join us in the celebration with Wuihou on the 10th! i shall give ANY CHANCE for people to SPOIL my MOOD and Wuihou's.. i tried to see him from his strength.. BUT, his VOICE just IRRITATES me lahz! i dont know why! will have nightmares when i talked to him.. and cause me to have TACHYCARDIA also! hais! i'm SORRY if i sound BAD.. but, just blame yourself for pushing me to my limit!

dont ever think Jessica Loh can be bullied.. she never voice out doesnt mean she's WEAK! waited for Dear and Zaki to come and write also.. dont know if he remembered what's the event today.. worse still, i scare he dont ever remember my birthday? i hope not ba! that Zaki didi.. waited him outside Cafe1 till i almost FROZEN up! it's just so COLD!!!! it's RAINING! god, are you crying because of me?

went home after that.. and had a afternoon nap! mom cooked today.. had a GREAT DINNER i should say.. BUT, was hoping Dear was here! really misses him badly! updates of next week plan!

Monday - Wuihou's birthday celebration
Tuesday - going back to SK from 10am to 3pm
- Chapter/District meeting at Jurong centre, 8pm
Wednesday - Meeting Joyce and Stephanie at 1.30pm at Ceni, kbox plus pizza hut session!
Thurday to Sunday - Y-camp!!!

FULLY booked next week!! enjoying my HOLIDAYS! nervous about tomorrow's interview too! never get a chance to tell Dear actually.. and Thanks Junyuan so much! thanks for giving me tips!! wish me all the best for my interview!=]

It takes courage to become happy.
Courage to remain true to one's convictions,
courage not to be defeated by one's weaknesses and negativity,
courage to take swift action to help those who are suffering.
-Daisaku Ikeda-

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

[ CN paper! ]

CN paper!

woke up today at 5am.. i practically just dragged myself out of my bed lahz.. slept at 11plus yesterday and no choice.. got to wake up early for my CN paper.. paper started at 8.30am.. and by 9.45am.. i left the exam hall... got to go home and have a good rest before i start mugging for my BHS paper tomorrow.. tomorrow got to be a long day.. after the BHS paper is briefing for Clinical posting and have to meet some of the Yep family people to get them to write Wuihou's birthday card..

sleep till 3plus before i wake up to study for BHS.. BLOCKAGE.. nothing seems to get into my mind.. was looking through and doing the questions from the objectives of each topics.. and looking through last year sept and dec past year paper.. i am guessing the topics for the short answer questions.. seeing which are the HOT topics.. but i know i cant choose the topics to study... if the topics i chose never come out, then i'll DIE flat.. talking about today CN paper.. i know i will lose some marks le.. the confirmed ones.. didnt study much on first aid and mass casualties.. and mcq.. one question came out.. i just guess the answer.. BUT.. worse still.. i guess the wrong answer.. 2marks gone!!

heartache.. cause i always aim to do well in the mcq to secure my marks.. i know short answer questions arent that easy to score well.. shall not cry over spilled milk.. concentrate on BHS first.. and tomorrow.. it's another important day.. our 3months today!! dont know if he still can remember.. well, shall not think too much about that.. EXAMS is my priority now!

plans for my post exams celebration..

Thurday - interview in the morning, meeting Jenny, Xiu Juan jie and Anna jie for dinner!
Friday - meeting Chingay peeps for dinner for Marina Square
Saturday - No plans yet!
Sunday - itesd prayer mtg in the morning

continue to MUG!! HOLIDAYs is ROUND the CORNER!! woohoo!=]


The important thing is to take that first step.
Bravely overcoming one small fear gives you the courage to take on the next.
-Daisaku Ikeda-

Monday, December 03, 2007

[ going crazy!!! ]

going crazy!!!

woke up quite EARLY today.. though i slept at almost 2am this morning.. was already awaken at 10am.. cause when i sleep.. i'll just dreamt that i seriously have no time to waste! must STUDY!!! CN paper is TOMORROW!! oh gosh!! had my breakfast and lunch at the same time.. SAVE money and SAVE time!! then i started to revise on my BHS first.. got to finish the worksheets first before i start to revise my CN..

and halfway through my revision.. mom called.. and NAG.. what should can she say? instead of asking me to revise my work and be more CONCERN about my exams.. she asked me to DO HOUSEWORK!! she wants me to mop and sweep the floor!! i got NO SPARE time to waste.. yet, she cant be UNDERSTANDING!! bro is ROTTING at home and playing computer at home.. why cant you get him to do it? just because i am girl means i have to do all these? yes, i know you're TIRED that you need to work and cope with housework as well! but isnt that a responsibility a married woman should have?

when i dont do well in my studies, you blame me for being not concentrated.. you pushed that blame to my boyfriend.. saying that i cant concentrate because i have a boyfriend.. BUT, have you and dad encouraged me and help me in any way? by giving me money is what you call TENDER, LOVING, CARE? that's plain BULL-SHIT! all i need is more love, more attention!! and someone who can UNDERSTAND how i feel!!

dont always think that ITE is nothing.. is still a school.. i'm still studying.. i wont let you LOOK down on ME de.. i will PROVE you WRONG that i can make it till the end! and nursing is my PASSION.. not a DIRTY job like you think!

i still did the housework.. not because i want to STOP her from NAGGING.. but because i know by exerting my anger on mopping the floor.. i will feel better.. that's call SUBLIMATION! managed to finish the sweeping and mopping by 4plus.. then i had my shower and continued with my revision..

i just dont know why.. the more i feel like studying.. the more i will feel that nothing seems to get into my mind! just hoping exams is can be OVER soon! want to enjoy and relax! so many things happened today.. and makes me think a lot.. i started to realise the reason behind all the cold shoulders from you.. maybe because you just feel suffocated and feel that you no longer have your own space.. but have you try finding out the reason of me doing this?

like i say.. from young, i'm living in an environment i have never feel secure.. i live days after days of fear.. i guess this was the reason why i develop a tendency of afraiding to lose things.. and lose those i cherish.. can you tell me what did i do wrong?

Shaun called at 8plus.. asking me to BOOK Wuihou on the 10th first.. ya.. it's his BIRTHDAY! SURPRISE will come along.. just hoping it will be enjoyable!!=]

off to revise.. i am going CRAZY with my NOTES!! =(


The human spirit is the strongest force there is.
As long as our spirit remains unbroken, there is no defeat.
In life, spiritual defeat always precedes actual defeat.
Guard against laziness, cowardice, carelessness, impatience, resignation and despair which corrode the human spirit and sow the seeds of defeat.
-Daisaku Ikeda-

Sunday, December 02, 2007

[ CHIONG-ING! mugging!! ]

CHIONG-ING! mugging!!

woke up at 8am today.. so EARLY for a SUNDAY MORNING!! but i promised Priscilla.. so i make sure i make an EFFORT to be there.. having itesd prayer meeting today.. many were LATE.. well, i dislike it.. BUT, i also understand it's HUMAN NATURE! saw Cherie.. so happy to see her! and know a new IIC, Weiling..

the prayers meeting was kind of a mess.. all i can say is i am still adapting to the people in itesd.. NOT really that comfortable yet i should say.. i still miss npsd peeps lots! got to visit you guys some day.. weiling's place is at Sengkang.. quite convenient for me actually.. straight bus only takes me 20minutes.. we had some sharings after the daimoku session.. i guess some of the ICs are shocked how come i know so much.. lolx! i also dont know.. wisdom after the dynamic daimoku?

hahaz! had some prayers in mind..

1. My grandma's recovery
2. To do well in my end-of-module exams and be able to concentrate on my revision
3. To be able to strengthen my relationship with Tom

almost 3months together but i feel we are still rocky.. many things, we arent able to sit down and talk yet.. like what you say, talk things out when you feel something isnt right.. are you doing it? and why do i have the fear when i wish to voice out something? where's your courage Jessica Loh? hais! this thing has been in my mind for weeks.. and i dont know what went wrong! am i the one at FAULT? i guess i am.. Self reflecting!!!!

had a great talk with Colin.. Nice IIC i should say.. thanks for being so concern over my results and stuff!! thanks for sharing so much with me and lending me a listening ear too! back home.. and i went straight to bed.. really TIRED! intend to study late tonight so i chose to recharge my battery first..

had some talks with some close friends of mine.. all of them are worried for me.. dont worry i am okie.. i know i can tide through it.. 先苦后甜嘛!that's my belief isnt it? i know you guys know i am down.. but i feel the problem lies in me.. i will face it.. and change it.. so dont worry! wait for my good news ba! i will base everything on daimoku.. like what Xueyun jie says.. "no prayers will go unanswered" ma.. i will CHANT! chant harder for it! i wont GIVE UP so easily... stop worrying for me and send me prayers ba! whatever problems i am facing now.. i know i can FACE it with prayers!

got to go mugging!! mug mug mug!~



There is a saying that the earth upon which we fall is the same ground which enables us to push ourselves up again.
There's another which maintains that barley grows better after it has been trampled on.
Human relationships are sometimes painful, but there is no such pain from which we cannot recover.
It is up to us to decide to live a life free from self-doubt and despair in spite of our failures.
Indeed, it is during our most humbling moments that we should show greatest poise and grace.
Then the dignity of our lives will truly shine.
-Daisaku Ikeda-

Saturday, December 01, 2007

[ out with yep family! ]

out with yep family!

woke up quite early today i should say.. meeting Amalina and Yeow Chong at 11.30am at Toa Poyah mrt control.. and both of them are LATE!! better change the habit worz my dear friends! Punctuality is important!!! lolx! once in a blue moon still can forgive.. then we are LATE.. Shaun and Carolyn already reached le.. wore the pair of doll shoes i really love.. but everytime i wear it, it will never FAIL to give me problem.. so... upon reaching PS, i went straight to buy a pair of slippers! from Ripples!!

actually i was eyeing it last night le.. BUT, didnt want to buy it.. cause i am SAVING money for many things.. still owe Dear his bluetooth ear piece!! *oops* then we had our lunch at the food court.. didnt feel like eating.. so i ate honeydew sago.. and planning for wuihou's birthday present!!!

it's like so long since i planned someone's birthday surprise!! after which.. we went back to DB mrt control to wait for Ahui's friends.. as i say.. i really dont like people who are always late.. well.. if you have the heart to go for something or have the heart to meet that person, you wont be late.. the briefing itself was boring.. but.. was FUN.. because we self entertained ourselves!! hahaz! many things reminded us of our yunnan trip..

it indeed have happy moments where i really enjoyed.. and sad moments where i really cried.. and moments i tolerated.. and moments i just like i am suffocating.. and incidents where by i hope i was blind.. and moments i felt that my presence is important.. YUNNAN! i miss you! after the briefing.. we took pictures at the lobby area with the christmas tree.. i love every year's christmas!! cause it means my birthday is COMING!! i dont really celebrate my birthday.. but i treat it as an opportunity to gather with my close friends..

i just realised every year's birthday.. i spent it without a boyfriend.. like in 2004, was with Daryl.. but he totally FORGETTEN my birthday! so his presence didnt seems to have any impact.. in 2005, i was STUCK in a terrible relationship that i wanted to END it so much! i didnt recieved birthday gift from my boyfriend then.. was a necklace from taka jewellery.. but it wasnt a great birthday though.. but i spent it with Steph, Jiafeng, Benn and Melvin.. and last year, i spent it without a BOYFRIEND!! but with all my chingay peeps and chingay participants.. this YEAR.. it's much more SPECIAL lahz.. cause i have that SPECIAL someone in my heart!! *muacks*

back track.. after taking pictures.. we tried to CHASE Wuihou home so that we can go buy his birthday gift.. walk to Bugis from DB!! ya.. did some exercise lahz!! and i rang Xianyun up.. Promised her that we are going to meet up soon after my exams! no matter what, will keep my promise!! dont worry!! remember to spare some time for me!!=]

went to bugis street.. and shop around.. intend to buy him things he dont have.. so... we bought him BOXERS!!!! and a watch.. though it isnt expensive stuffs.. as i say.. it's the thoughts that counts!! that is what i always tell my friends.. buy presents is thoughts that counts!! not how expensive the gift is.. even if you just wish me happy birthday.. i think i would be happy enough that you remember birthday!! i still remember my last birthday gift was from Bryant.. he called me at 11.59 to sing me a song.. that's his birthday gift from me!! really TOUCHED!! even till NOW.. and remembered all the things the Chingay peeps did for me! LOVE YOU GUYS THE MOST!!

after shopping.. so TIRED and HUNGRY cause i hasnt eat for the whole day.. so, we went to Pastamania for dinner.. Papa first time eat at Pastamania.. the eating session was FUN! and i had my FAVOURITE - Creamy Chicken and shared Cream of tomato, garlic bread and sprite with Miao miao jie.. we also met a interesting waitress there.. someone they want to match make with Wuihou.. well, i dont believe in match-making.. as i say.. it takes lots of FATE to be with someone.. so, i feel.. let nature takes it course..

actually whenever i think of how me and Tom end up together.. i just feel like LAUGHING!! 打从心里笑出来!smile!=] THANKS for making a DIFFERENCE in my life! i really cherish this FATE that i have.. so, do you?

i went home after the dinner.. while, Papa, Shaun, Ziying and Yeow Chong went to toa poyah to play lan.. we actually spend 20minutes at bugis arguing whether to watch movie not.. lolx! i would want to! but got exams! my GRADES are more IMPORTANT now than anything! end up.. i still managed to go home.. TIRED!! mugging tomorrow!!

waking up early to meet itesd peeps!=]

"Freedom doesn't mean the absence of all restrictions.
It means possessing unshakable conviction in the face of any obstacle.
This is true freedom."
-Daisaku Ikeda-