went to visit ah ma today.. and she's having high fever.. and sleeping through out.. doctor spoke to me and mom and me.. and told us that we must be mentally prepared that grandma will leave us within this few days.. mom just cant accept it and she even scolded the doctor.. well, i do cant accept.. but i understand.. and the doctor mentioned that they wont rescusitate her if her heartbeat were to stop..
i dont know whether to let her LIVE is right.. or let her LEAVE is right.. BUT, i just dont want her to suffer.. she's on really strong medication and high amount of oxygen through her trachestomy..
after visiting her, we went home.. and continue to chant for her.. i know gohonzon will plan the best outcome for her.. i'm LOST myself too! dont know who to talk to.. so many things on my mind.. kind of feel like i am a wild sheep abandoned on the mountain.. leaving to die.. hais! everyone's out for camp.. sad me....
When your determination changes,
everything will begin to move in the direction you desire.
The moment you resolve to be victorious,
every nerve and fiber in your being will immediately orient itself toward your success.
On the other hand,
if you think,
"This is never going to work out,"
then at that instant every cell in your being will be deflated and give up the fight.
Then everything really will move in the direction of failure.
-Daisaku Ikeda-
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