[ 我能接受失败但我不能接受放弃！]

我能接受失败但我不能接受放弃！

supposed to attend the PP chap daimokukai today.. BUT, i didnt go.. yesterday afternoon.. way before the sd nationwide meeting starts, i have terrible headache till this morning.. the painkillers didnt seems to help at all.. HAIS! and felt so GUILTY that i missed my meeting.. Xueyun dajie called me as she thought i'll be going for the meeting.. and she called to plan meeting me after the meeting.. BUT, who knows.. i didnt go..

slept from 10plus till 1pm today.. i think i almost suffer from overdose of sleep.. BUT, i'm still having headache.. watched "斗牛,要不要" yesterday.. from the show, i realised a lot of things.. and have think through a lot.. know the reason why i LOVE to watch ROMANCE dramas so much le ma? cause i will think through a lot.. and XIANG TONG lots of things.. REALLY NICE!! but i missed quite a lot episodes in between already.. cause like every weekend, i'll be out for cca or gakkai activities.. today, Woanlan and Medy will be BACK!! but not Hooi ying.. *sad sad*.. didnt eat much for my lunch.. feel quite HUNGRY! but when i see the food, i just lost my appetite.. i also dont know why.. just NO APPETITE..

still as TIRED despite sleeping so much today.. received Nad's sms regarding Ramlan's birthday celebration.. BUT, i cant go.. Mom's home tomorrow.. and need to attend Ah peng's dad funeral wake.. hais! i still dont know why the reason why his dad passed away. and another thing.. i am thinking to keep it from mom and go and donate blood on tuesday.. cause Xueling's friend friend's dad really need AB+ blood for platelets transfusion.. i just hope i can help him..

was eating dinner just now halfway.. and received Daphne's phone call.. POOR girl.. she lost her handphone.. think drop on the taxi or something.. didnt know what else i can do but just help her to call the taxis company hoping that they can retrieve back her handphone.. just hope that her handphone can be retrieve back.. cause i know the lost of contacts is the mafan part..

another song to intro - S.H.E's 爱来过

我看不开也放不开
因为我曾见过爱情真的盛开
我要等待一直等待
等那一个夜晚从回忆回来
当你拥抱着我那一瞬间
我像飞到空中
而当我缓缓降落我
不再是我我有了梦我在梦中

爱来过来得那么美那么凶
欢呼着从我生命狠狠辗过
连遗憾也都不争气的
珍惜成笑容
爱来过让我完整过
幸福过怎么能轻易就放它走
我不想解脱我只怕错过
我就是要等你回来爱我

ho……hu……iye iye…

寂寞喧哗我不害怕
因为我只听得见对你的牵挂
世界很大会容得下
我这小小傻傻顽固的信仰
你有没有过承诺我已忘了
那已不重要了
反正我都会守候在梦中守候
我最唯一最美的梦
我就是要等你回来

爱来过来得那么美那么凶
欢呼着从我生命狠狠辗过
连遗憾也都不争气的
珍惜成笑容
爱来过让我完整过
幸福过怎么能轻易就放它走
我不想解脱我只怕错过
我就是要等你回来爱我

如果需要动用奇迹来召唤回你
就让泪蒸发下成雪花
和我一起在爱中被融化

爱来过来得那么美那么凶
欢呼着从我生命狠狠辗过
连遗憾也都不争气的
珍惜成笑容
爱来过让我完整过
幸福过怎么能轻易就放它走
我不想解脱我只怕错过
我就是要等你回来爱我

爱来过让我完整过(让我)幸福过
爱来过让我完整过让我幸福过


P.S. HAPPY FATHERS' DAY!!! =]

[ 河水不会逆流，我对你的感觉也不会回头...]

河水不会逆流，我对你的感觉也不会回头....

woke up at 5.40am this morning.. really very TIRED.. BUT, got no choice cause today is the World's Donors Day.. woke up, showered and called Nadiah.. she almost over-slept.. and thanks to her.. she helped me to make sure everyone was awake.. thanks a lot Nad! i took mrt to AMK.. and from AMK, i took 138 to the zoo.. it took more than 30minutes to go from the AMK to the zoo.. some of them were LATE.. and 2 of the volunteers didnt even pick up my phonecall.. hais! shall not mention about these sad moments..

was given a briefing by Perry.. in the morning, ITE side will be doing ushering.. Students were asked to pair up.. and me and Sakinah were asked to be the Team leader.. the weather was really WARM.. the walking of up and down.. through to and from the entrance to the pavillion.. makes me SWEAT like nobody business.. saw many friends of mine there.. Peisiang, Penny, Bryant and one of my secondary school senior, Bevan.. and Ben Ben and JJ.. that JJ.. BLIND de.. i kept waving but it took him so long to see me..

very very TIRED.. and very very HUNGRY.. cab down to Yishun and bought my lunch there.. Mac AGAIN! i have been eating mac as my meals for 3days liao!! board 969.. really PACKED and really WARM.. till i also very FRUSTRATED.. and keep receiving phone calls from my volunteers.. till i a bit irritated.. cause i left liao.. then i didnt know anything, so i cant help.. and the bus was crowded.. and i'm really really TIRED.. i didnt manage to pick up Daphne's call.. and cause her to be hungry.. i felt bad.. so sorry Daphne.. didnt mean to miss your call.. hais.. didnt have a proper lunch also.. was very very HUNGRY but.. didnt have the appetite to eat.. just feel very very TIRED..

reached HQ at about 1.30pm.. had a cup of milo with them and started practicing for the performance.. we did many rounds of practice just to make the performance perfect.. i can tell that everyone is trying so HARD to make the performance a great success.. and today.. got to see the true face of Jiahao.. hahaz! someone i should be grateful too.. the performance is okie, though a bit screwed up BUT everyone is HAPPY and feel RELIEVED.. and today.. it's a significant day in my life.. it's my appointment as a CIC.. i am going to embark on a NEW MISSION today.. i dont know what's will happen tomorrow and in future.. BUT, i will try my best to fulfill my role!=]

in the midst of the meeting, received quite a number of phone call and stuff.. from the volunteers and from Ben Ben also.. complaining they are receiving the award yet got no enough seats for them.. also received a phone call from Xueling that her friend's friend dad is diagnosed with leukemia and need platelets transfusion now.. and the blood group is AB+ which is my blood group.. i must get well to donate blood and hopes my HB is back to normal.. another news is one of our district ymd's dad just passed away.. need to attend the wake..

today.. it's a MIXTURE of feelings.. EXTREME happy and EXTREME sad.. whenever i think of this issue, it really makes me really UPSET.. hais! get ME out of this mess please!! hais!! will you turn and look at me?

a nice song to share.. by S.H.E - 你最近还好吗

挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的话
地址写的是心底
你能不能收到它
天有点冷风有点大
城市宁静而喧哗
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家
问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜里回声变得好大
有没有什么好方法
让寂寞更听话
你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发
有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候
比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了明天还长
回忆模糊但巨大
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下
问自己习惯了吗...

plans tomorrow - PP chapter diamokukai cum preparation for Chap GM

P.S. - HAPPY BIRTHDAY peixuan!! =]

[ can i tell YOU how i feel? ]

can i tell YOU how i feel?

sleep at about 2am this morning again.. and was awaken by Sakinah's phone call.. well, it's just so NICE to sleep in today.. cause, it's raining cats and dogs at my place.. Mom was commenting that i am a LADY BOSS.. so BUSY.. wake up only on the phone liao.. initial plan was to go to Chong Pang for breakfast today with Mom and didi.. BUT, i woke up too late, so is didi.. end up, we just settle our stomach at the coffeeshop near by..

my whole body just ACHES.. i just feel that my vetebral column is CRACKING.. too TIRED i guess.. and having HEADACHES that never stops coming.. reached home, showered and went online to settle some red cross stuff.. suddenly thought of Woanlan, Hooi ying and Medy... i guess they are enjoying themselves at Genting ba.. Hahaz! finished up all the necessary things i need to do.. then went to changed and get ready for my meeting.. meeting with Itesd supposed to be at 7.30pm.. but i was EARLY.. so that the stupid 969 wont be that crowded.. dinner was Mac's chesseburger meal with fries and ice milo..

while eating dinner, Ben Ben called and chatted with me.. was discussing about going to makan together next week.. and that guy.. will never fails to IRRITATE me.. lolx.. was thankful that he cheered up mood up.. was having headache and my mood was bad today.. but after talking to him, i really felt much better.. meeting starts at 7.30pm, me, Colin, Qiao Er and Meihui chanted for about 10minutes while waiting for the rest to come..

Quite pathetic.. only got 3ywds today - me, Qiao Er and Meihui.. Ymds are - Colin, Weiming, Weizhong, Kelvin and Victor.. our item - was to sing a song rewrite by Colin.. really thankful about it.. sad sad, Colin and Meihui leaving ITESD le.. Colin will be going to NYPSD and Meihui to RPSD.. but, there will be 2 new IICs coming to ITESD.. the ywd is Eunice.. and the ymd.. still dont know who is he..

after the training, i went home with Victor.. and saw Melvin(tan) and Siyi at Tampines interchange.. took 969 from tampines interchange.. had a great chat with Victor.. hahaz! got to go and sleep le..

plans tomorrow -
1. World's Donors Day at the zoo frpm 8-6pm (will be going half-day only)
2. SD nationwide meeting from 3-5pm




*not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you just cant see the pain someone is feeling.. *

[ i dont know how long the STRUGGLE might last... ]

i dont know how long the STRUGGLE might last...

saw this and it REMINDS me of MEDY!! hahaz! his SHY SHY expression and he love doing this.. poking his fingers when he's SHY! hahaz!

back to what i did today.. woke up at 6.55am today.. have a bet with Ben Ben.. cause so coincidentally, both of us are supposed to wake up at 7am today.. and so, i set my alarm clock 5minutes early just to WIN him!! hahaz! we are supposed to call if we wake up.. BUT, he didnt.. so i just sms him.. and till about 8am then he replied.. he still insisted he won cause he woke up earlier.. BUT, i just sensed that he LIED!! cheater YOU!

took 851 to SGH.. ya.. i promised 阿公 that i'll accompany him for his ENT appointment today.. although i only managed to sleep like at 2am this morning.. and feeling really TIRED today, i still fulfill my promise.. saw 四舅母there also.. she went for a check-up.. 阿公 was okie after the appointment.. just some old problem of his.. went to have 田鸡粥 with 小舅，阿公 and Sumsia at Chinatown.. i just want to make my brother JEALOUS!.. headed to 阿公's house after the makan session..

supposed to meet Mrs Tay at 2pm.. end up, she sms to say that she got some errands to run.. therefore, we changed our appointment time to 3pm.. then supposed to meet Xueyun at 1pm.. end up, or should say as usual.. she's LATE!!.. and we were LATE for the meeting.. Xueyun was hungry.. so at Tampines interchange, she got herself a double cheese-burger meal, and i got myself a Mcnuggets student meal.. i know and can predict i will have no time for dinner later..

reached SK.. only Mrs Tay, Ms Tay and Mrs Khoo are around.. and Huiling came too.. to look for Mrs Khoo.. meeting lasted us till about 6plus.. supposed to attend Eunice/Jialiang's grandma's wake.. end up.. got not time.. have to rush back to Boon lay for my I/C meeting at 8pm.. didnt know so much things have been happening to lala (stella) and Xueyun recently.. i just cant believe what i am hearing.. BUT, well.. life still have to goes on no matter what has happened.. Xueyun was indecisive whether to go for her NDP training not.. and she went after much consideration.. we took mrt from Tampines.. and she alighted at Tanah Merah..

after she alighted.. i closed my eyes to catch a nap.. i'm really TIRED.. was LATE.. 8pm at i'm still at Boon Lay.. was wondering how come Ben Ben didnt sms me.. so i sms him.. that guy.. so ping ming.. still working OT.. ALAMAK!! my stomach was PROTESTING!! really HUNGRY! my metabolic rate is just so HIGH recently.. saw Betsee on the bus.. she's late as well.. the meeting was more on the updates of the activities in the coming 3months.. and i'm dozing off during the meeting.. so i ate the mint chocolate Mrs Tay given me to keep myself awake..

after the meeting, Wan Xiang told us to write down the names of the people we would want to shakubuku.. i wrote Daryl's name down.. and Hooi Ying.. hoping that Hooi Ying can be more active in district side.. and really hope she can transfer to my district to join me.. took 172 to CCK.. and there's an IDIOTIC guy who elbow-ed me!! IRRIATATING lohz!! and it really HURTs.. SIANZ! today, the NTU set off to Genting le!! i just feel SAD that i cant go!!

on the way to CCK.. Ben Ben called.. and told me the question he want to ask me.. just so LAME lohz! it wont WORKS on ME, Ben Ben.. but we shall TEST it on some other people one day.. he was like so TIRED after his OT.. but so KIND of him to insist that i should call him to tell him i'm home.. at least he knows i am safe.. thanks ben ben..

told Xueyun about the 2 YOUs, just updating her the situation NOW.. i just dont know.. and i dont know how long this kind of situation will last.. i just dont know what am i doing.. hais! i just dont wish to talk about it seriously...

plans tomorrow - ITESD meet up tomorrow at HQ, 730pm

so.. i shall SLEEP late tomorrow..

[ there's a struggle between YOU and YOU... ]

there's a struggle between YOU and YOU...

set my alarm clock to 10am this morning.. BUT.. everyday without fail.. people will wake me up with their sms.. and this morning.. it's Ben Ben!! he woke up to work and sms at the same time.. he thought i'll be sleeping.. YES.. i am.. BUT in order to make him less guilty that he woke me up.. i lied saying that i'm awake already.. then after sms-ing for awhile, i went back to sleep.. then just before i go into my lala land... Stella sms me!! oh gosh! cant sleep this time!! got to get this solved before it's too late..

yup.. after making phone calls.. problem is solved.. and my plans for tomorrow changes again.. shall say it later.. since i'm awaken, i went to brush my teeth and get myself ready to set off to meet Meng Har for lunch.. took 969 to Tampines.. and there's this guy.. board the bus at the stop as me.. and took 293 also.. but he didnt alight with me this time.. Ben Ben called and ask about some opinion about some stuff..

went to HQ to look for her.. and saw Jih yang.. chatted with him for awhile.. and went to Carnation room to look for Meng Har.. chanted for awhile and we set off for lunch.. went to have western food.. and we had chicken chop... and ice lemon tea.. QUITE NICE.. and i had a great time chatting with Meng Har.. must say Sorry to Ben Ben.. cause he called me TWICE and i didnt know about it.. too engrossed in the dialogue..she's really someone i can learnt a lot from.. then.. after the dialogue with her, i called Nad..

and went to meet Farhan, Daphne and her at Tampines.. Daphne was late ( i said this not to make you guilty).. lolx.. and Nad and Daphne went to take the passport photo.. which they need for the YEP form.. and i saw Ah mui.. really look a MOM now.. lolx!! hahaz! then we took 31 to school.. on the way, poor Daphne's feet was being STEPPED on.. i think the ah ma dont mean it lahz!! hahaz! we were LATE.. and Ramlan was giving the cheeky face.. and Farhan as usual was EMO..

called Mdm Heng.. and she was a bit UNHAPPY when she heard that Nad and Sya need her recommendation.. well, i EXPECTED it.. HAIS! but Farhan comment that her shoes makes her look taller make me feel like LAUGHING!! went to look for Ms Chow.. suddenly, all of them want to go to hainan.. guess the chance of being ALL selected is LOW? hmmm, not spilling cold water.. but, plus Sakinah, there's 7of them in our class.. guess maybe some should go to Cambodia.. BUT, as what Nad say, cambodia's living condition is really BAD..

i still HOPE for the BEST for them.. i want my clinque to experience i have experienced already.. to get away from home and be free for 15days!! hahaz! how i wish i can go AGAIN!! after leaving school, we went to TM mall.. shop around and stuff.. and there's a CRAZY MAN who kept following us!! OH! thank god he didnt tag along all the way.. if not, i'll make sure 999 comes to TM mall!! hahaz!! went to grab a notebook from Popular.. and so kaisu of Daphne.. she bought TWO!! oh GOSH! i'll be DEAD if she see this.. she will say "ni wan liao... " hahaz!!

went to Art Box and see see look look.. and the HELLO KITTY file caught my attention!! seriously, wanting to get it!! at about 5.45pm we left.. Nad they all supposed to meet Farhan they all at Tanah Merah station.. end up, they decided to drop at Raffles place to meet them.. and when they alight.. i saw Yvonne Er jie.. was kind of surprised to meet her on the Mrt.. chatted with her on the train.. and till i reached Clementi, Ben Ben called.. he told me what Medy tells him..

ya.. then he told me his conclusion was to listen to what Medy tells him.. then he said something like shouldnt have asked me.. ya, so i said: " dont tell me next time then.. i will reject your call if you call me.." it was just IDIOTIC.. and was telling him about my concern not to get involved between him and his girlfriend.. hais! it's troubling me.. cause i'm afraid that i have get him into unneccessary misunderstanding.. hope you understand Ben Ben..

met Wendy, Huiqian and Xueling for dinner at JE today.. felt so HAPPY today.. cause this is the FIRST homevisit i have done ever since i have been transferred to this district.. i just feel so HAPPY that i have at least did ONE dialogue session and know my own members better.. reached home around 10pm.. really very TIRED till i dozed off in the mrt just now..

plans tomorrow - morning: accompanying ah gong for his medical appointment
afternoon: meeting at SK
night: PP chapter I/C meeting at jurong kaikan

i can predict how TIRED i will be....

[i know i have let go of the PAST.. the PAST between *** and me.... ]

i know i have let go of the PAST.. the PAST between *** and me...

yesterday.. a joke happened before i went to bed.. before i go to sleep.. was trying to clear some sms from my inbox.. and then when wanting to delete one of Medy's sms.. my phone rang.. and i rejected the call.. i thought it was my mistake that i called him accidentally.. but the actual fact is.. Medy called me!! hahaz! i'm really a BLUR QUEEN manz! how can my phone be ringing if i'm the one calling out? lolx.. so i called him back using my home phone.. then i realised it was my mistake.. i rejected his call accidentally..

i guess it was really KIND and NICE of him.. he called me to ask me to join him and the rest for movie tonight.. BUT.. i cant.. cause they are watching at 8.45pm and i got to accompany ah gong for his medical check up tomorrow.. so yup.. woke up at about 12pm today.. was having a terrible headache.. so, i have chosen to stay home and REST.. and conserve my energy.. wanted to have spring chicken for brunch.. BUT, the stall didnt open.. then decided to walk a bit further to get mixed veggies rice.. then, when i reached there, realised that there isnt much of a choice..

so decided to eat the Xin hua's 卤面 while i get didi fried rice.. then i went home.. watched tv and stuff.. seriously, i cant sleep anymore.. after sleeping for about 12 hours.. maybe my headache is because of overdose of sleep.. was blogging while i received Daphne's call.. she told me the result of the appointment and stuff.. shall not revealed what is it all about.. BUT, anyway, Daphne.. dont worry alright? it's a SIN!! *我没有！* catch the JOKE? yes, only our CLINQUE knows!! Jessica's FAVOURITE phase!! hahaz!

just sms 小舅 just not long ago.. and he told me he made a mistake.. Ah gong's appointment is NOT tomorrow but THURSDAY!! aRGH! if i know, i would go for the movie with Medy they all.. well, i guess i cant go also lahz.. having such a terrible headache that is really killing me!! i'm going to sleep early.. plans for tomorrow..

meeting Meng Har 12.30pm at HQ for lunch.. meeting Clinque in school at 2.30pm.. and Dialogue with Wendy, Huiqian and Xueling at 7pm at JE.. i'm running from place to place.. i need ENERGY!! hahaz! =]


it's been 5months and 9days.. and guess.. YOU are almost ERASED from my memory.. not seeing YOU for the past 5months was a CORRECT CHOICE.. cause i know YOU cant treat me as a friend anymore.. life has been tough not because YOU are not around with me.. but because i was TRYING to get YOU out of my mind.. 6months of deadline is coming soon.. and i know i will FORGET about YOU totally.. i do admit we did have happy moments.. BUT, i'll NEVER FORGET the hell period YOU have given me.. what makes YOU think that i deserve this kind of treatment from YOU? dont YOU think it's UNFAIR for ME? have YOU spare a thought for ME that i'll be really HURT? i guess YOU dont.. or maybe YOU did without me knowing.. i seriously need to get YOU out of my mind...


how sad it is.... and this was what happened..

[ going all out for kosen-rufu.... ]

going all out for kosen-rufu....

today.. woke up at about 9plus.. and went online to check email and stuff.. i must say that i am really TIRED after chatting till midnight with Jiahao the other day and waking up so EARLY for dialogue yesterday.. i really slept the moment i got on the bus yesterday.. i dont know where did my energy come from yesterday for me to tahan through the study meeting.. and that i can even concentrate on learning what was being shared by Aunty Mun Kin..

well, my plans for today.. was to meet Mdm Qian at ttsh.. so, i went breakfast with didi and mom.. had laksa today.. then came home, had a shower and changed out to meet Mdm Qian.. went to Ward 11B to look for Mdm Qian.. and saw that "scary" one was on duty as well.. He came over to me and shake hand with me.. Then he said: "oh Jessica, why are you here?" i was like.... "ehhhh... meet Mdm Qian..." and Mdm Qian.. was so BAD.. try making me embarrassed and ask him if he miss me.. ALAMAK!! and the WORSE thing is he answered YES to Mdm Qian's question... ARGH!!!!

wanted to look for Huiwen and Rosaline at the same time de.. BUT, they are both on afternoon shift.. so, got choice, next time ba.. then, i was thinking to meet Darren to take my super belated birthday present.. But, he said he want to go study.. and i just feel that it's meaningless to go see him study..lolx.. so i headed home for Mr Bean's pancakes for didi and mom.. not forgetting to get it for myself and drank the Pearly Bandung Soya Milk as well.. miss it so much.. i used to drink it often when i have attachment.. took 851 home and after eating the pancakes with mom and didi.. i was SO TIRED and i went to sleep..

until... Stella called.. and woke me up.. some plans are up between some of us.. it isnt meant to be shared now.. so Keep In View of what's happening.. then at about 5pm.. i left home.. to meet Cliff for dinner at 7pm before attending our planning meeting at Aunty Helen's place at 7.30pm.. FINALLY, for the FIRST time, Cliff is EARLY for our date for dinner.. hahaz! that's like something that can only happen once in a blue moon.. hahaz! i'll be DEAD if he see this! hahaz!

Ben Ben called and spoke to me.. i just happened to pass by his house and sms him.. and that guy.. keep asking me not to spy on him!! hahaz! dont worry Ben.. if i were to spy on you, i wont be so STUPID to tell you right? hahaz! after putting down the phone call with ben ben, we did some daimoku while waiting for xiang hua to come.. and then when she came, we did our evening gongyo.. then at about 8.10pm.. we start our planning.. hmmm.. not forgetting to tell them that i have taken up the CIC role.. then we came into the planning.. in the midst of planning, we did respective division updates of my members as well.. and mentioning Hooi Ying's name.. i started to MISS her so MUCH!! hahaz! the meeting ended at about 9.30pm.. Xianghua drove Cliff and Aunty Xiuzhen home.. and Mr Ang and i took buses from opposite sides.. i headed to Harbourfront to take 855..

called Stephanie (lam) and chatted with her for awhile.. not forgetting to share my good news of taking up the CIC role!=] and suddenly.. Ben Ben came into my mind.. ha! not that i miss him okie! i must state it clearly.. just that suddenly the moments i spent at Harbourfront just came into my mind.. the jokes we created.. and our bus!! 855!! hahaz!! how much jokes were created between me and Ben Ben.. COUNTLESS seriously.. my NEW-FOUND BEST BUDDY!! he really shared very bits of my happiness and sorrow as well.. thanks for everything Ben Ben!!

supposed to accompany Daphne for her O&G appointment tomorrow.. but she sms and said that her cell leader is going with her.. so yup.. i'll stay home to rest..

just reached home.. and going to wash up.. got to go sleep after that.. no plans for tomorrow YET...


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MRS TAY!! *muacks*

[ the day i found my new mission... ]

the day i found my new mission...

i was on the phone with one of the ITESD CIC, Jiahao yesterday from 10.30pm all the way till 1am.. i seriously dont know him by person.. He just called to ask how come i have been missing from the Milkrun training.. and guess we have the fate to meet ba.. can talk that long.. i guess it's the first time i can talk to a stranger for so long on the phone.. i guess before you come become friends, you must be strangers with someone first..

then.. i went on to write out some guidances till about 3am then i went to sleep.. and woke up at 7.45am this morning.. really very very TIRED.. meet Ann Nee at Yishun mrt and we headed to Mac first.. as usual, Meihui is LATE.. waited for Meihui to come and we went to buy our breakfast first.. then came another ywd.. i dont know what's her position in SD but just know that her name is Mabel..

I seriously didnt know what's their motive behind this dialogue.. just feel that maybe it's something to do well my withdrawl from Milkrun.. bought our breakfast.. i had Big Breakfast and ice milo.. Mabel and Ann Nee ate the Mcgriddles and Meihui ate the Egg Muffin.. then while eating.. we started our dialogue... they started off with asking me how am i doing and stuff.. bla bla bla.. but that's not all.. then they VOICE out their main MOTIVE.. it's to actually ask me to take up the role of CIC..

I hestiated for a moment.. and when Mabel starts to talk.. i cried.. and cried really BADLY.. cause i just feel that all these while, i have been under lots of STRESS.. some visible one.. and some invisible ones.. they didnt want forced me to give me an answer.. and wants me to go back and think carefully, and pray for an answer.. then.. we headed seperate way after the dialogue..

i took 852 to Bukit batok and went to walk around West mall since it's still early.. then i too 157 to the study meeting place.. was still early so waiting for Cliff under the block.. when he came, i told him about the CIC role i might be accepting.. and he really gave me lots of advices.. thanks for being there for me.. and helping me so much along the way.. and i sms Xueyun as well and seek for her advice.. and of cause not forgetting telling Jiahao about it.. and on my way home after the study meeting, i have made the decision to accept the role..

people, you gonna see Jessica Loh MISSING IN ACTION more!! hahaz! cause i'm going to be SUPER DUPER BUSY! starting from today!!.... didnt hear from Ben Ben for two days.. think he's enjoying doing his exercise.. i have lots to update him!! and Woanlan.. suddenly misses her.. she's back in malaysia.. cant wait for her to come back.. was asking Hooiying if she's attending the Nationwide SD meeting on the 14th.. and she felt sad reminding me that she going Genting with the rest.. i'm sad that i cant join them.. and they are sad that i cant join them as well.. SAD SAD!!

tired.. i need to sleep EARLY tonight..

progammes for tomorrow - going to meet Mdm Qian at ttsh to pass her the certs.. tomorrow night, planning for discussion meeting!!

[ i know the reason behind your words.... ]

i know the reason behind your words....

woke up quite EARLY today despite being a saturday.. have to be at the Bloodbank by 10.45am to meet my volunteers for the World's Donors Day briefing.. it's was raining cats and dogs.. and guess.. it was a good exuse that many people were LATE or to not even attend the brieifing.. seriously, i felt so disappointed when i have reminded people about the briefing.. and yet.. there's some who said that i didnt..

even if my sms didnt get to you.. i'm very SURE that i have told who ever i asked to volunteer that there will be a COMPULSORY briefing on the 7th which is TODAY.. to me, i felt that i have been ACCUSED! that's why i'm so disappointed, upset and angry over it.. i dont know why after doing so much, yet my innocence cannot be proven.. but i know my CONSCIENCE is CLEAR.. gohonzon knows everything i did.. be it whether you like it or not, so be it.. i dont give a S***...

to speak the truth.. for those who's in the same intake as me, i guess the World's Donors Day will be your LAST red cross activity.. cause the internal blood drive which will be in Novemeber.. beside committee members, there is NO WAY that the section head will allow Mdm Qian to take you guys out from in campus.. even if it's just ONE day.. the affection to your studies is BIG.. as you all know that we only have 7weeks in campus..

after the briefing finished, we decided to head down to Orchard for some makan and shopping.. we went to an Indo eating place called Restro Surabaya.. and i ate Nasi ayam penyet.. suddenly reminds me of Medy.. lolx.. so i sms him and told him about it.. we shall go together when you come back from Genting okie? hahaz!

after the makan session, some of us went seperate way.. Fara, Hadi and Sakinah went to buy birthday present for Aishah Ali.. Daphne left home.. Siti small went to meet her friend.. and Izzah went to meet her boyfriend.. leaving me with Nad, Ramlan and Sya.. Ramlan suggested to go to Centrepoint.. we wanted to look for a place to sit down at Mac cafe.. but it was too crowded.. waited for Sufiyah to come.. and we decided to go back to Lucky plaza Mac.. over there, i ate my favourite sundae hot fudge with fries.. hahaz! so long never eat it this way..

we just chill and chit-chat and took pictures.. then Sufiyah left after awhile.. Nad suggested to shop at Far East.. just some window shopping.. but my hands are itchy.. really feel like buying something to make myself HAPPY.. mom called and asked why i arent home.. and it totally spoilt my mood of wanting to shop..hais.. headed home after that..

i'm on the phone now.. got to go..

plan's tomorrow - dialogue with Ann Nee and Meihui in the morning.. afternoon, district study meeting..

BUSY BUSY BUSY.........


i finally knew the reason why you believe this way.. it's all JEALOUSY...

[ i'm really SORRY.. i didnt mean it.. ]

i'm really SORRY... i didnt mean it..


YESTERDAY.. something BIG happened!! just before i'm going to sleep.. i was just happily talking to my friend when i received a phone call from "E"... i was SHOCKED that i got her in deep ship.. hais! i didnt know that my unconscious words can meant such BIG IMPACT to her..

HAIS.. i didnt know what to do.. and was like crying like mad.. it's been quite some time since i burst out in tears in my own room.. i just feel bad.. feel LOST suddenly.. suddenly ben ben strike my mind and i sms him.. but he was with his girl.. so i just have to keep quiet regarding what have happened.. i actually cry myself to sleep last night.. woke up this morning with both eyes SWOLLEN!! i didnt expect is that "J" is such a person.. WHY do you have to STEP ON others to climb up higher? WHY? i look upon you as a person i can learn a lot from.. BUT, it turns out like that.. HAIS! really disappointed..

mom's finally talking to me last night.. exams are over then she's okie.. when i'm having my exams she treated me this way.. hais! brunch with mom at the coffeeshop.. then went over to the bookshop to buy some stuffs.. Ben ben called.. hais.. feel so BAD.. yesterday he was with the girlfriend then i sms him.. just hope that i didnt get into trouble.. sometimes i just feel that maybe i should stay away from him.. i just dont wish to affect him and his girlfriend.. just dont wish to cause any unneccessary trouble for him..

got home and it was almost 1pm. then i went to prepare myself to go school.. workshop was from 2.30 to 5.30pm.. kind of interesting.. but i still feel uneasy to speak in front of people i'm not close with.. lolx! one day of holiday was BURST.. dinner was at yishun with mom and didi.. ate hotplate beancurd, jie lan, tom yam soup and tian ju.. NICE NICE.. then went to Northpoint to shop shop.. didi bought a pants from OP and i got a new bag! didi also got 2 polo tee-shirts from Giodarno..

then headed home.. today.. while wanting to find a notebook.. i happened to see my old diary book.. it was my diary book when i wrote when i was daryl.. saw many unhappiness i wrote when i was daryl.. miss him suddenly=]

[ END of TORTURE....]

END of TORTURE....

today! was the LAST day of our TORTURE!! cause BIO paper is OVER! FIRST time in my life.. i studied till 2am in the morning.. was having a BAD headache.. BUT, i still forced myself to COMPLETE my past-year papers before i let myself off to lala land.. I guess i have been TOO STRESSFUL recently that i experienced NUMBNESS of my fingers and can feel the pain it has caused to me..

exams was from 2.30pm-4.30pm.. managed to finish the paper an hour before time and i left the hall.. well, it's really a RELIEVE for me.. then.. comes the CP briefing.. my NEW cp group - ttsh2 and my NEW cp teacher, Mdm Mayvin Yeo.. Amanda and me were being selected by the teacher to be the leaders of the group.. HAIS! something that i didnt want to.. and our 1st 2weeks of attachment will be at KK hospital!!

BABIES, i'm coming.. it's quite SCARY to bathe babies.. and especially premature babies.. i CANT IMAGINE how my mom bathe me when i was just like a KITTEN.. hahaz! then.. the following 2weeks will be at IMH!! omg! i cant imagine my NIGHTMARE comes so EARLY! i was expecting that i'm going to IMH in 2.2.. but.. who knows.. hais! then will be back in ttsh only in early aug.. 3weeks at surgical ward 12C and 2weeks at medical.. the group will be seperated in medical ward.. either to 7B or 7D.. and ttsh4 is going back to 12D.. so SAD! was thinking that i stayed on in the same group.. i can go back there and work with huiwen!!

sad sad.. holidays starts today.. tomorrow, will be back in school for workshop.. one day of my holiday is BURNT!

to my dearest friends..

My CLINQUE - thanks for your help when i need it!!

Hooiying - thanks for sending my guidances everyday to encourage to study...

Ben Ben - Thanks for calling me and smsing me to encourage me not to give up and lend me a listening ear when i need it!

Woanlan - Thanks for your wishes! dont forget i'll be there for you when you need me!

Medy - thanks for wishing all the best for my exams!

Cliff - thanks for your understanding and tolerance when i cant attend the mtgs! You're my BEST comrade!

Huiqian - Thanks for your understanding and efforts to update me when i miss my mtgs..

got to go...

[ PCA paper.... ]

PCA paper..

woke up at 9am this morning.. saw mom's home.. she's on afternoon shift.. as usual.. she's still IGNORING my presence.. well, what can i say? just keep quiet and do my own things lohz.. brush up, showered, prayed and continue doing some revision before meeting my clinque in school at 12pm.. left home at about 10.40.. Ben ben called me this morning.. asking if i'm feeling better..

well, woke up.. and having miagraine.. was feeling that one side of my head is like collapsing.. i didnt have such BAD headache recently.. HAIS! it's STRESS.. told ben ben about the problem.. suddenly, felt so RELIEVED after telling someone.. hais! at least got someone to share my problem.. i will SUFFOCATE if i dont say it out.. it's like only 11plus when i reached tampines.. and went to buy mchicken meal.. just feel like eating and drinking coke..

waited for them at cafe1.. was quite packed.. so when small, daphne and shiffa came, we went to cafe2.. saw nad and sya coming together.. and FISHMONGER.. hais! her presence makes me UNCOMFORTABLE.. was revising at cafe2.. not forgetting to entertain ourselves too.. went into the hall at about 1.50pm.. getting ready for PCA paper.. this time taking our exams with year1's and paramedic course students.. about 600students in the indoor sports hall.. COOL..

exams started at about 2.40pm.. it took me only an hour plus to finish the paper.. i seriously not really confident with this paper.. BUT, since i have a CHOICE.. i have chosen to stay POSITIVE.. after all, i tried my BEST already! just wait till 3weeks later for the results! left at about 4 and went STRAIGHT home.. my HEADACHE is KILLING me!! tomorrow is Bio paper.. and after that, it' s CP briefing.. i just dont wish tomorrow's cp briefing to come.. i'm prepared for the worse.. to re-adapt again.. the friends, the teacher, the environment, the ward.. i missed working with HUIWEN, CANDY and ROSALINE! miss them lots! miss ward12D!!!

got to study BIO paper already.. one more day to ENDURE........

[ the intention of leaving is STRONG... ]

the intention of leaving is STRONG...

woke up at 9plus today.. feeling really TIRED.. cause i have caught a flu last night! sianz! and i woke up having a TERRIBLE HEADACHE.. was still thinking whether to go over to Daphne's place.. and i went after considering.. cause i NEED to study PCA.. and i know if i were to study alone at home, i will sure slack and go sleep.. cause it's just so DRY when i thought of the teacher and how much things i dont understand..

just before i left my house, it started to rain cats and dogs.. and i got no choice.. but to bring umbrella.. while on my way there.. Ben ben sms me asking if i'm feeling better.. hais! and he scold me.. say how can a nurse dont know how to take care of herself.. hais.. wanted to find someone to talk to regarding what happened yesterday.. BUT, i dont know who to turn to.. intend to tell Ben Ben but i dare not trouble him that much..

i'm in a dilenma.. and i dont know why i deserve such treatment.. i realised i did many things. and you did nothing.. and yet.. seems like you always love gaining the credit last minute.. making me feel so worthless.. i'm thankful that i still have people around me who appreciate my efforts.. but, your actions makes me start to think.. are you a friend or an enemy? do you know what's your role is not? can you make things clear yourself? i know as a friend to you, i should understand you better cause you trust me.. but, who can understand how i feel? HAIS!

had headache, ate 2panadols, vitamin C and iron tablet.. and forced daphne to eat her medication as well..back to revision.. did quite a number of mcq questions at Daphne's place.. and we bought lunch from the coffeeshop near her place.. Small had beehoon goreng and carrot juice, i had fried kway teow and f&n orange, Daphne had fried xia mian and apple juice.. after lunch, back to revision.. we started to side track.. daphne on the phone with friend.. me and small using the computer.. but.. after awhile, everything was back to normal..

at about 5plus6.. we start to slack.. Small getting ready for her date.. me and daphne do revison while watching tv... hahaz! left Daphne's place at about 7pm.. took 854 home.. and i stood all the way.. cause it's peak hours and the bus is so PACK.. the worse thing i'm having a TERRIBLE HEADACHE..



the mess on daphne's bed AGAIN!


evidence that we did studied...


the mess on daphne's computer table...

got to continue doing my PCA past year paper.. it's killing me...

[ you're so UNREASONABLE.... ]

you're so UNREASONABLE....

woke up at 8.45am this morning.. to get ready to go to Daphne's place to study.. i got NO CHOICE but to lie to my mom.. she's just being so UNREASONABLE.. what's WRONG with studying with my friends? they need help and i need help too! will u be able to help me if i stay at home? i dont think so right? i woke up and mom just give me a UNHAPPY face.. so be it ba.. i cant do anything since you're ignoring my presence..

took bus854 to Daphne's place.. and on the way there.. Ben Ben sms me.. poor him.. got to eat porriage everyday just because of the wisdom tooth extraction.. daphne was so KIND.. she picked me up and the busstop.. although she didnt cross over.. HAHAZ! guess many people skipped school today.. i can imagine Aini is the only one in class! lolx! that will so FUNNY!!

ate nasi lemak at daphne's place.. seriously.. we had a GREAT time.. she just cant stand me and his brother when our phone keep ringing.. siti small joined us at about 12plus.. can you imagine 3girls rioting in her room? lolx! at about 3plus, we went to hougang point to buy kfc.. ya.. our super late lunch.. small is just like nad.. eat chilli not eat chicken.. i just dont know how much jokes we created at her place..

not forgetting that i called Shiffa today.. everyone is having their own problem.. and so coincidentally.. Shiffa, Daphne and me, 3 of us have a quarrel with our MOMs! MOMs can be UNREASONABLE and acts like a KID at times.. HAIS! i dont know if i will also be like that when i become a mother myself.. i hope NOT! finished my bioscience revision today.. starting on pca revision later.. BUT, my lala land kept calling for me..

Ben ben called.. i must be really THANKFUL for him.. i guess he really encouraged me a lot! thank you much buddy!! and not forgetting Hooi ying who sent me guidances!! thank you so much.. and.. Woanlan and Medy who wish me all the best for my exams.. you guys must jiayou.. results is out on the 5th.. be it good or bad.. share it with me.. cause i want to be part of your sorrow and your happiness alright?

some EVIDENCE to our mugging today...



the MESS on daphne's bed...


the MESS on our study table..


Daphne, Siti small and Me... I LOVE this PIC!


wishing for good results? YES! DEFINITELY!





last one before we go off!!!!

got to go MUGGING.....

[ slacken.... ]

slacken...

woke up today at 9.15am this morning.. was really TIRED after sleeping only at almost 1am this morning.. feel so BAD.. actually was sms Daphne halfway through and i fall ASLEEP! feel so BAD! sorry DAPHNE! well, everyone is facing their own problem despite being busy with our revision for exams.. it really triggers us not to be able to concentrate fully..

had a quarrel with MOM.. one that is not face to face.. BUT, silently.. SILENT KILLER kills! when i was home yesterday, she was asleep.. and today when i woke up, she left home for work already.. but one thing i can assure is.. i got to wash my own clothes! hais! sometimes i just wish that we can have hostel to stay.. and i seriously wont even come home even during holidays.. then when i can have all the FREEDOM i want and do whatever things i like.. i just feel that not seeing them everyone will stop me from quarrelling with them, will not neglect them as much and will cherish them more often.. but on the other hand, i'm afraid i will miss home.. what a dilenma situation..

packet lunch for Nad and Sya.. we ate Old Chang Kee's chicken wings, Banquet's Indo food, Fried kway teow and carrot cake.. then after eating, we started to study.. today studying over at Nad's place are me, Sya, Siti small, Farhan and Sya's friend.. cannot really concentrate at Nad's place today.. was just too NOISY with all the loud music and stuff.. so i got no choice BUT to put on my mp3.. left Nad's place at 4pm.. cause she got to go for a friend's gathering..

left with Sya, Sya's friend, Siti small and Farhan to Jurong Point.. then slack at Long John Silver.. Sya and Sya's friend left.. leaving me, Farhan and Siti small.. ate some finger food at Long John.. and went to walk around after that.. meet Medy at about 6pm.. and went to have dinner at Mos Burger.. ate the new product - Shrimp Cutlet Burger with fries and Milk tea.. then Medy ate the same thing except drinking Coffee blend or something.. cant remember what's the drink..

meet Medy to pass him the Ntu drive posters.. just happened i'm at Jurong Point so dont want to waste the opportunity.. after dinner, i took bus 174 to bukit batok and changed to bus852.. really TIRED.. never really study AT ALL today.. hais! worry.. counting down.. 2more plus day to Pca paper.. and i'm still stuck at bioscience.. havent even start pca paper YET.. S**T! tired..

suddenly, today got many friends talked to me on msn.. Woanlan, Yanya, Reezal, Daphne... and Woanlan came to ask me about my msn nick.. Yanya and Reezal too.. lolx.. and that Woanlan.. keep teasing me!! but, it really takes my stress away for the moment.. let me forget all the unhappy moments for the moment.. thanks WOANLAN!! :)

saw one of my soka friend married... and 2 friends attached.. see their pictures with their loved ones, just feel so SWEET.. so ENVY! i longed for one too!! well, let's not think about this.. exams FIRST!! =]

[ the mugging session starts TODAY! ]

the mugging session starts TODAY!


[ the girls! ]


[ farhan, ramlan, me, sya, daffy, nad, small & sufiyan! ]


[ the PERFECT pic! ]

woke up at 9am today.. feeling really TIRED and WEAK-WILLED to get out of bed.. BUT, i FORCED myself to.. cause i know i have to study and mug on my revision for exams.. left home at about 10am.. headed to Nad's place at boon lay.. and when i reached cck, i start to realise that the sky is getting darker and darker.. then who knows when i reach Chinese Garden, it started to rain cats and dogs..

then poor Nad.. have to come fetch me from boon lay despite raining so BIG.. so when we met up, we went to Banquet to buy lunch.. i ate indo food and nad had chicken rice.. then we also headed to NTUC to buy some tibits and drinks for them! poor 2 girls.. have to carry SO MANY things and walking under the rain..

reached Nad's place.. was already soaking from the bottom.. totally drained.. ate lunch first and started studying while waiting for others to call.. all of them coincidentally came at the same timing.. and it saved lots of our efforts of making many trips.. studied with Nad, Daffy, Siti small, Ramlan, Farhan, Sya and Sufiyan..

was kind of NOISY at times.. cause BIG group there's a HIGH tendency of side-tracking.. most of them was chionging for their PCA.. and i was sitting at the table myself doing my Bio with mp3 on.. studied until 9plus.. and we took lots of pics before we head home.. Mom called and HORN at me.. well, she's just being UNREASONABLE and acts like a KID at times..

Supposed to meet Medy today to pass him the posters.. but because i studied till too late so i didnt sms him.. he called me at 9plus and i was taking pictures with my clinque.. so i told him i'll call him back in 2minutes time.. BUT.. it took me 20minutes to return his call.. FEEL so BAD when he told me he waited for my sms till he fall asleep.. saying that he was waiting for my sms from 2plus until 6 like that then he fall asleep.. i only sms him when it was like almost 7 or 7plus.. HAIS! so SORRY MEDY! my apology!!....

very TIRED! going to sleep!!...

[ you are such an IRRITATING SPECIMEN!!! ]

you are such an IRRITATING SPECIMEN!!!

today.. was the "self declared" last day in school.. the official day is on monday.. BUT.. from today.. there's at least 10people who are absent from class.. had a revision session with Mrs Tang today during Bioscience.. took picture with Mrs Tang today too! =]


JR0704C with Mrs Tang....

and some EDUCATED BARBARIANs actually TRIGGERS my CLINQUE..

STOP being so HYPOCRITE.. and i'm SORRY to DECLARE that you dont belongs to our CLINQUE.. it's OKIE to be sooooooooo UNGRATEFUL after getting so much help from us! heard of "CAUSE and EFFECT"? it will bear the effect of what you caused.. STOP DREAMING that you will get any help from US anymore.. if others want to help you, it's okie.. BUT, i can say is DONT EXPECT any help from ME! YOU're the WORSE person i ever see.... GO AWAY and stay out of my SIGHT!... i just hate people do not appreciate things...

share something HAPPY.. ate at Popeye T1 today with Nad, Daffy, Han, Lan, Shif, Small, Sya, Izzah and Rahmah... had a great session today!!

Will miss them BADLY!...

took pic with Ms Yeo and Mdm Heng too!

tomorrow.. going study with Nad, Daphne, Farhan and Rahmah.....

[ 相逢恨晚.... ]

相逢恨晚.....

The NTU Blood Drive have came to AN END.. BUT... Through this event, I have learnt a lot and grown a lot.. Not forgetting that i have made lots of GREAT FRIENDS... Medy, Woanlan, Simin, Ferry, Ben Ben, Hooi Ying, JJ, Sin ling... Really thankful for what you guys have given me..

Many things have been troubling me recently.. beside the school work, projects, tests and cca.. it is "this problem".. I'm thankful that i have met YOU.. cause when i am with YOU, i realised that my life is always filled with laughters and happiness.. and that i can feel myself SMILING deep from my heart..

BUT i know i have to stay away from YOU before the feelings gets deeper.. this period, our friendship really strengthen a lot and got more and more closer.. Maybe it's just the emptiness in me that i longed for someone's love ba.. it really breaks my heart when YOU always try match-making me with someone else.. God, please dont let this feeling be revealed.. Being your friend is good enough....


“爱情是自私的。而自私让人变得丑陋，也让人变得心狠手辣。而我却因为不想介入你和她之间选择退出。或许你们会觉得我想让人觉得我伟大，所以才选择退出。我何尝不想坦然地去爱，去努力争取属于自己的爱情。错就错在我们相遇的太迟，有缘无份吧。退出是唯一的办法，就因为我不想伤害她，也就只有这样才能以朋友的身份把你留在我身边。”

someone teach me what to do.....

[ my special thanks! ]

my special thanks!


TO ALL NTU VB COMMITTEE...

I do not know what to say.. just have a sudden loss of words upon reading the email Woanlan have sent out to all.. I must really thank all of us for making me feel WELCOME despite that this event itself beings to NTU.. and making me feel so PROUD that we contributed to the success of this event..

Woanlan - Thank you for getting me involved in this event. Without you, i wont know great people from NTU.. And thanks for giving up your comfortable bed to sleep when i need a place to shelter for.. even though it's just ONE night, i know how terrible it is sleeping on the hard floor when it rains.. And thanks for making sure that i am doing okie and that i am not neglected.. i'll never forget YOU, sister! =]

Medy - Thanks for your kindness for showing me around during my one night stay in NTU and letting me so welcome.. Your words on sunday CONTRIBUTED to my tears that day! i'm really TOUCHED by your words.. it really makes me feel that my hardwork and sacrifices all this while is paid off! and thanks for all the jokes you said! it really makes me SMILE from my heart!

Ferry (Mr RUBBISH) - Thanks for all the updates sent to me when i'm not able to involved in the planning.. Without your emails, i guess i know NONE about the drive.. though I really developed a FEAR seeing your email!! hahaz! =) BUT thanks for all the laughters and jokes you created! it really BRIGHTENS my days...

Simin - my IMPRESSION of you only started from Awareness Day.. cause the emails were always from Ferry.. BUT, i will never YOU! i cant believe i'm older than you! thanks for taking care of my volunteers especially during the Awareness Day at DB.. really thankful ALOT! =] i wont forget how i tease you and *****! hahaz! and thanks for the hug when i cried!

Ben Ben - though we only know each other during the 2nd training, hmmm.. and thanks for saying i looked FIERCE! BUT, i guess our FRIENDSHIP really strengthen in such a short time.. I myself also cant believe it.. Thanks for all the laughter and jokes! it really BRIGHTENS my days! especially how we missed the stops when we went home and the joke about forgetting the poster! and how you tease me over the special someone! i will remember you! i know you will! cause i'm your FOC consultant! and guess you will remember me! after getting scolding from me especially when you are sick.. Really thankful for your concern when i was unwell.. and making sure my safety when i return home late! you're my BEST bud! =]

Calvin - Thanks for taking care of my volunteers especially during the Awareness Day at DB! thanks for guiding them along when i was not around and making sure they ate! thank you so much!!! =]

JJ - thanks for all the laughters you created! especially over the chickenpox vaccination and the barney car! hahaz! and thanks for being so encouraging during the drive asking us to JIAYOU! =]

Hooi ying - thanks for picking up from Woanlan's place! and the flying kisses! you contributed to my laughter! and thanks for the hug when i cried!! =]

Sin Ling - Thanks for keeping me occupied at the registration booth! i wont forget the jokes we had!! =]

It's through this drive that i have experienced a lot and learnt really a lot.. Although i'm sad to know that my results have dropped due to the committment in this event, BUT.. i seriously did not regret involving.. cause what i GAINED was far MORE than what i contributed.. the Friendship.. the experience.. the laughters.. the happy moments.. i will NEVER forget this! for those people i really dont know well.. I must still say a BIG 'THANK YOU' to all of you! cause you guys did a part in adding on colours to my life..

Feel kind of LOST this few days.. maybe because TOO FREE? hahaz! a sudden loss of direction because this drive have come to an end.. BUT, this friendship with NTU will NEVER end.....

[ waiting for someone to fulfill my heart..... ]

waiting for someone to fulfill my heart.....

today.. have went to the doctor and rested at home.. was really very busy for the past 1 week.. everyday after school will be meeting with either Ms Chow or Mdm Qian.. earliest i can go home is like 8pm.. then when i come home, will be dumping my homework aside and do my red cross things first.. Mom has been really unhappy with me.. BUT, i got NO CHOICE! just can pray that she can understand me that i am doing this because of my future.. and i know she knows me well.. she knows i love to help people, love to make a difference in others' lives.. that's why i have chosen red cross as my cca..

FRIDAY - was excuse from class at 4pm.. went home to shower and get my things packed up.. cause there will be a pre-drive meeting and after which, i'll stay overnight at Woanlan's hostel.. met Ben Ben at 7.30pm at Boon Lay.. and then we took 179 from Boon Lay Interchange to NTU.. my FIRST time visiting NTU.. to me, it's a total UNFAMILIAR place.. and that Ben Ben.. SUPER IRRITATING.. know that i very TIMID still tease and scare me despite that he's really SICK.. the meeting took us about 2hours.. although it's a really important and meant to be serious meeting, we didnt forget about cracking jokes and releasing our LAUGHING gas! hahaz!

Ben Ben had offered a bed for me in his room.. BUT, he didnt bring his lappy.. and i got to arrange the shift for my ITE volunteers.. so, i didnt go over to his place.. and that guy.. Ms Chan offered him a ride, so he dumped me in Woanlan's hands.. Medy suggested to go for supper cause i havent take my dinner too.. so, Medy, Woanlan, Ferry and JJ brought me for dinner.. asking 2others along too.. we had supper at a coffeeshop.. the few of them.. sometimes, they really makes my BLOOD BOILS when they mentioned about the special "someone"!! but i know they were just joking! =] OMG!~ after supper, they brought me for EXERCISE! to Nanyang House.. it was indeed a FUN night.. just so SAD that Ben Ben cant join us! sobx!(T.T)

back into Woanlan's room, i had a shower and started to do up the list for the manpower allocation tomorrow.. only managed to finish everything at 3am.. and i woke up at 6am to prepare myself for the blood drive.. Really very TIRED..


SATURAY - was a REALLY long day.. early morning.. my BLOOD boils non-stop.. trying to settle the volunteers.. briefing them what to do.. the liase with NTU side.. and yet.. despite my information of reporting time was clear.. i still have more than half the strength was LATE!.. didnt had the time to have lunch.. after settling my volunteers' food and stuff.. i went to help out with the registration side.. so was PRETTY busy.. really had GASTRIC PAIN till i cannot take it.. and no choice.. got to forsake the blood donation and take the antacid..

last donor of the day was at around 7.20pm.. managed to clear up the place at around 8pm.. and had a debrief session.. 1st day results was GOOD.. had 280plus donors.. with 170plus 1st time donors.. it was really a PAID OFF for us to have such results on the 1st day.. dinner was at vivo city.. really very TIRED.. home with Ben Ben.. but halfway through, his gf boarded the bus.. so.. didnt really talk much with him on the way home.. BUT.. he was really KIND.. so TIRED liao reach home still sms and ask me to rest well..

SUNDAY - the last day of the Blood Drive event.. was really ANGRY in the morning.. cause many volunteers didnt turn up and didnt bother to even call me.. i was really thinking.. how can you be a nurse when you are so IRRESPONSIBLE? well.. think back.. i felt that i have no rights to judge them.. as different people have different perception and have different thinking regarding things they do.. i might think it's important, but others didnt have to agree with you.. started off with a bad day.. everyone in the main com knows that we are expecting a late NIGHT today.. with the packing up and debriefing and stuff..

and somehow.. my will power of going to class tomorrow is really LOW.. i arent feeling that well.. after the gastric pain strike me yesterday.. i feel much weaker and feel really lethargic.. thanks to Isabella.. i look really NICE today.. although Ben Ben say i look like a CHINA GIRL and kept asking me to behave like my age.. lolx.. I just DONT CARE! i just LOVE the HAIRSTYLE!... had lunch with my volunteers today.. well.. though i have a bad start in the morning.. people around me will always find a way to make me laugh.. especially Ben Ben.. and people like Woanlan, Medy, Ferry, JJ and Simin.. their funny actions will really BRIGHTEN my days..

the counter was open for registration at around 11plus.. the first 3hours was really BAD.. only had 80donors.. and everyone started to PANIC that we cant HIT our target.. BUT.. i just tell Ben Ben and Medy that i STRONGLY believe that we can HIT our target this time round.. cause i did pray for the success of this event.. was really TIRED at about 4plus.. and Ben Ben triggers me at the wrong timing.. and because of what he said.. the past few hours was HELL to him.. cause i practically IGNORED him when he tried to make me talked to him and stuff.. that's the consquence he has to bear for making me ANGRY.. after packing up, saw Ben Ben feeling really not well, so i went to talk to him..

we managed to hit our TARGET!! yeah yeah! and it really NICE to see the heart of life filled up! briefing started at 8plus.. and it drags and drags and drags...... everyone started shooting one another.... pointing their fingers at each other and finding faults.. it's really SADDENING that the event ended this way.. Ben Ben and me just couldnt take it.. and when Medy speaks.. i cried.. really broke down... when he mentioned about what i did for this event.. i dont feel that i have done much.. seriously.. but i know i sacrified a lot of my personal time.. even during weekends.. i'm doing red cross thing..

skipping school.. falling ill.. staying over at NTU.. bla bla bla... feel so TOUCHED over what he said.. and felt that my hardwork all this while have been paid off.. just because i know people do appreciated my efforts.. and thanks to Ben Ben.. thanks for giving me a pat.. and being there for me as a friend.. listening to my grumbles and shared my happiness.. and thanks medy for that hug when you saw me crying!!

me and Ben Ben went home together.. cause the rest are heading back to hostel to eat.. so left with me and Ben Ben only.. we took taxi to Yishun and ate at S11.. it's more like a supper than dinner.. then he walked me home from yishun central.. thank god that he sent me home.. cause we actually meet with a siao siao person under my block.. managed to get home at 12am.... tired..

going to sleep already.......