[无心伤害 ]

无心伤害

it's friday.. everything started off very smoothly.. NO CLASS today for ME.. cause.. the yep family will be hosting the SSEAYP (Sea of South East Asian Youth Program) participants who are coming to our school for a tour today.. woke up at around 5.15am today.. didnt sleep well.. was waiting for Tom to call me when he gets home.. BUT.. as usual lahz.. he will say OKIE.. but with NO ACTION done.. hais! and i fall asleep while waiting for him to call.. he's RIGHT.. he said before.. he WONT do REPORTING to his girlfriend.. whatever it is.. i just need to OPEN one EYE and CLOSE the other to MAKE my LIFE less MISERABLE.. as usual.. i'm always early.. luckily, Khai and Nabil were early too.. then.. some of my classmates came.. Shiffa, Nad and Nabilah.. we had a great time talking CRAPS.. ya.. it's Nabil AGAIN.. he made all of us laughed till stomach also aching..

and then when my classmates went up to their class, Chong, Shaun. Guosheng, Carolyn and Miaozhen came.. had my breakfast.. had a cup of ice milo with a char siew bread and cheese tart.. lolx! just have a feeling that i wont get to eat well or eat in the noon time.. after which, we went to sdc to SLACK while waiting for others to come down.. went to the washroom with Suhui and saw Joel.. alamak! he just treat us as though we are strangers.. GOSH! i cant IMAGINE i have such yep family members.. thinking back.. we arent the ONES who OUT-CASTED him.. he was e ONE who ISOLATE himself from us.. cant BLAME us then...


the particpants will only be arriving at 10am.. so, we still got some time to SLACK around.. as usual, i went online to check my mails and stuff.. suddenly, i feel kind of moody.. dont know why also.. just dont feel talking.. then.. all a sudden.. i was dragged in the picture of Tom and Shaun's agrument.. Tom paid for Shaun's girlfriend's meal yesterday.. and Shaun wanted to pay him back.. but Tom dont wants it.. then the money was passed to me.. Shaun feel that it's his girlfriend.. so, it isnt very NICE for Tom to pay for her.. TRUE.. i think if i'm a guy, i also will feel the way Shaun will feel.. BUT.. on the other hand, Tom thinks it's just a treat that dont cause much..

who knows.. the NEXT moment.. they were scolding vulgarities in front of cafe1.. ARGH!! i was so ANGRY.. early morning, people are scolding each other with me standing in the centre.. then, taking the 10dollars note.. SEE CAREFULLY!!! 10dollars note.. i walked away feeling so FRUSTRATED.. argh! it's REAL CHILDISH!! i almost wanted to cry le.. people who knows me well should know.. you cant make me ANGRY.. if not, i will also CRY.. that's why i'm called CRYBABY!! heez!

walking into LT2.. i sat beside Tom.. but i didnt talk to him at all.. WAS REALLY ANGRY.. then he asked me why my face so black.. so i told him.. if he and Shaun wants to quarrel and argue over money issue AGAIN.. DONT GO OUT together next time.. hais! then Shaun saw my face really BLACK too.. HAIS! i'm disappointed.. just dont know why.. while waiting for the participants to arrived.. we self-entertained ourselves.. taking pictures and cracking jokes.. then i was asking Suhui whether my president has given the reply to her for the investiture or not.. and Tom asked what happened.. then i actually shouted sayig.. "third party dont get involved..." i think he must be very ANGRY when i say him like that.. i DONT MEAN it.. BUT.. i just feel ANGRY over HIM.. hais!

after some powerpoint presentation of our school, we went for a tour to the SIM training centre and to the beauty therapy training centre.. this is my FIRST time stepping into the training centre for beauty therapy.. oh gosh!! it's really NICE.. and there's facial, massage, pedicure and manicure services provided for students, staff with a CHEAPER price.. GOT to TRY it some day..

then.. we went to the EVENT hall for some refreshment.. and over there, we played the slide show for our yunnan trip.. REALLY misses the time there.. and i got a bit EMOTIC when i saw the pictures.. didnt have the appetite to eat.. was having a headache actually.. and saw a voicemail message from mom.. i couldnt call out cause there isnt reception for starhub users in the event hall.. so, i borrowed Tom's phone and called mom.. i got a SHOCK of my life.. grandma is HOSPITALISED and is already in the OPERATING THEATRE when mom called me.. was trying to get my brother.. but i just couldnt get him..

my TEARS just dropped.. the PROBLEM we WORRIED so much REALLY came TRUE.. the aorta really ruptured in her body causing internal bleeding.. hais! i TRIED controlling my TEARS.. but when Chong and Suhui saw me.. and asked me what happened.. i JUST CRIED out.. thinked i really SCARE them.. Suhui, thanks me lending me a shoulder to cry on.. Tom was inside sdc with Joel, Ms Jill and Ms Jacqueline.. he didnt know what have happened.. and when he came out.. he didnt see my eyes red as well.. he was so ENGROSSED in talking about Joel.. Final conculsion.. Joel isnt paying back the money.. what the HELL is that? hais..

Rushed to the hospital.. and on the way there.. i almost FAINTED.. could see STARS turning.. hais! when i arrived.. grandma is still in the OT.. we just dont know what went wrong.. all we know is.. if she dont op, the percentage of surviving is 0%.. and if she gives the op a try, the survival rate is 20%.. hais! we waited till 6plus before she was wheeled to the SICU.. i just CANT BEAR to see her like that.. with NG tube in her nose.. tubes in her mouth.. IV drips on her hands, her neck.. on urinary catheter .. SPO2 monitoring.. BP and HR monitoring.. oxygen therapy.. and given constant blood transfusion.. the doctor spoke to us.. saying that she has lost large amount of blood during the operation.. and that it might affect the functions of her kidneys..

it just reminds me of lihua jie jie when i see the ICU setting.. I'm really SCARED.. scare that i will lose my grandma.. through this 7months in nursing course, i have already lost a friend of mine.. i dont wish to lose another loved ones.. i just dont wish to see them suffer as well.. when i held her hands, it's ICY cold.. i'm so SCARED.. till my gastric pain start to give me problem.. she cant talk.. and bearly awake.. doctor says she isnt out of danger yet.. just praying that she can PULL through this..

dear called me at 11plus.. and i'm still awake.. just cant sleep even though i'm really TIRED.. i know mom cant accept it as well.. i'm afraid she will collapsed too.. why will so many things happened just within 24hours? why? i really blame myself that i arent a qualified nurse now.. i cant do anything much for her.. all i can is to PRAY.. praying for her speedy recovery.......

was talking to Shaun online.. thanks for comforting me yup.. i told him that i didnt want Tom to know that i arent feeling well and almost fainted.. just dont wish to let him worry.. i know he's stressed himself too.. got to support himself and got to cope with his studies.. i dont wish to be his burden.. staying by my side is good enough dear.. you dont have to do much......


* i feel hurted by that friend of mine.. just hoping it's 无心伤害... can i forgive and forget?! *