[ let everything be calibrated to ZERO again! ]

[ let everything be calibrated to ZERO again! ]

just yesterday i didnt get a chance to blog.. and i'm DYING to POUR everything out already.. hahaz!!! FIRST of all, i have FINISHED my EXAMS already.. it's HOLIDAYS from this very MOMENT.. muahahaz.. yupz.. let's talk about what happened yesterday first..

MONDAY (18.06.07) - as usual ma.. wake up at 4.45am just to go school.. so PATHETIC right?? and i'm only staying at YISHUN.. not JB.. BLAME the bus 969 lohz.. if i go out too late, i wont get a chance to even board the bus.. i dont want to take cab to school.. SERIOUSLY.. DONT WANT! and i'm like so TIRED.. i simple DRAGGED myself out of the bed.. *yawn* ya.. it's NURSING STUDIES paper.. oh man!! seriously i'm NOT really that confident that i can do well after seeing the paper.. the MCQs are quite tricky.. and the short answer questions.. how much PASSION we need to get the paper done?? (o^.^o) SERIOUSLY.. A LOT!!

the paper is from 8.30am to 10.30am... rule no 1: we are not allowed to walk out of the hall for the first 30mins and last 15mins of the time .. if in the midst we finished, we can just let the lecturers know and we can walk out.. he was the FIRST person to walk out of the exam hall.. really IDOL him sia.. actually i think i finished much earlier than he do.. just DARE NOT walk out.. wahahaz.. seeing his back view. REALLY makes my HEART ACHES badly.. this time round, will i DEFINITELY GIVE UP?? can i REALLY GIVE UP??

i really dont know.. after the paper itself, Nad went home to rest.. Farhan and me headed to TM.. we went to grab a bite.. actually dont really feel like eating.. just FEEL like SLEEPING.. hahaz.. but POOR farhan.. parents went to KL.. no body at home.. so accompany him go eat.. we had long john silver at TM.. OH MAN!! SINNER!! i'm a REAL SINNER sia.. want to lose weight still eating fastfood.. *haiyoyo*

after which.. i went home and sleep.. real real tired ne!! was awaken by Nad's phone call.. and woke up to wash my uniform and iron my own clothes.. and my STUPID mom callled.. she asked me if i'm going for the planning meeting.. my dear mom, i'm having EXAM.. see again!! EXAM lehz.. haiz.. end up, i still guai guai finish my revision and headed for the meeting.. SERIOUSLY.. i dont feel like going... but i still went.. have red bean pancake and lime juice for dinner.. seriously dont feel like eating... i was quite early so i sat at the shelter near to uncle hua thong's place..

when i was about i leave the shelter.. *piang* i FELL down AGAIN.. it hurts my left ankle AGAIN.. and my right kneecap (patella).. and it's BLUE BLACK now!! real real painful.. was so afraid that i will limp to school AGAIN!! ya.. SERVE me RIGHT actually.. i was the one who OPPOSE STRONGLY that i dont want to go for the meeting.. now i went.. and Gohonzon PUNISHED me!! *sobx sobx*

our meeting ended at 9.30pm sharp.. mom and i took a cab back home... really very tired!!

TUESDAY - yupz.. I HAVE FINISHED my bioscience paper.. yupz.. SERIOUSLY speaking.. if we did study for bioscience paper, we can DEFINITELY score a distinction.. BUT somehow, got MENTAL BLOCK.. cannot really remember some of it.. i walked out of the hall at around 9plus coming to 10.. ya.. finished the paper in quite a short time..

After the paper itself, i made our way to MLT with Daphne, Joyce and Dougles.. actually walking with Nad, Shiffa and Farhan de.. end up, also dont know where they go.. and while waiting to going into MLT.. saw him.. he's just behind us (Daphne, Joyce, Dougles and me).. and that stupid Dougles.. talked so loud just to attract attention.. SAVE YOUR EFFORTS ba.. NO MATTER how HARD i tried.. he will just be HEARTLESS.. why make my LIFE so MISERABLE when i can CHOOSE to be HAPPY?? STUPID right?? in life, in many situations, there's only 2 choices.. either you CHOOSE to be HAPPY or MISERABLE.. since i already KNOW that i have a CHOICE to MAKE, why dont just CHOOSE to be HAPPY?

like what xueyun da jie say, " look FORWARD and NOT backward. you can be HAPPY AGAIN!! " true.. " The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you cant go on well in life until you let go your past failures and heartaches. " ... this is one of my favourite phase of words.. REAL TRUE right? Jessica Loh, you got almost one month before your clinical attachment.. treat this period as the HEALING PROCESS ba..

yupz.. FINALLY.. we know which hospital we are posted too!! i'm going to TTSH.. Nad to NUH.. Farhan to SGH.. and he went to CGH.. he must be very disappointed.. cause all along, he shares the same thinking as me.. to go to SGH.. and Farhan.. he also kind of disappointed.. cause he wants to go to TTSH so badly.. anyway, i'm going to MISS you guys real a LOT!! *sobx sobx*.. first week of my posting will be at Yishun polyclinic.. after that, the following 8weeks will be at TTSH.. 4weeks at surgical ward and 4 weeks at medical ward.. it's going to the TOUGEST period i'm going to FACE.. so... i REALLY need to stay POSITIVE all the time.. JIAYOU!!

1-3pm is the Red Cross Welcome Party.. yupz.. i'm in the Red Cross.. going for a CIP programme this coming friday at vivo city.. yupz.. and i'm seeing xueyun da jie and yvonne er jie this coming thursday for milkrun training at NP!!! REALLY LOOKING FORWARD to it!! it's like so long we didnt go out together le.. HAHAZ!! girls' talk TIME!!

"until the day i die.. `missingyou`" - who can this be?? let just let everything be CALIBRATED to ZERO once AGAIN!!!!!!!...........................

[ how STUPID can i go?? not any FURTHER!! ]

[ it's NOT EASY to be ME!! ]

it's NOT EASY to be ME!!

had a real early rest last night.. by 10.30pm, my whole family are all in bed.. but i turning and tossing in bed actually.. cannot sleep.. and still hoping he will sms.. i actually sms him yesterday morning to wish him all the best in his NUS competition.. but i guess this time round, he's disappointed with his performance again?? the last round.. he had a competition on the saturday after the "incident" took place.. and i sms him saying the same old words too.. and he did replied in the night telling me how he did.. but this time round, he didnt.. my instinct tell me he didnt do well..

i think and think.. and fall asleep.. woke up at 9plus today morning.. kind of early for a sunday morning huh.. dad's home.. bro too.. mom has just left home for work.. *sianz*.. going to face the two MEN at home.. Nad sms and asked if i can go out to study.. *haiz* just too bad.. I CANT!! cause mom took my farecard to top the concession for me.. if not, i will have to walk to school tomorrow!! hahaz.. i'm still on the com.. havent start studying for my nursing studies YET.. Jessica Loh, with this kind of efforts you are putting in, how well do you think you will do?? *haiz* i'm just easily distracted.. that's why i DONT WANT to STUDY at HOME!!

i'm still dwelling in the problem.. my heart is still STUCK inside.. pull me out, somebody!! if da jie see this entry of mine, she will be real disappointed that i'm still like that after she had that talk with me.. FORGET all about it, Jess.. YOU CAN DO IT DE!! JUST DO IT!! (sound like nike's advertisment).. it's NOT EASY to be ME!! SERIOUSLY..

daryl talked to yesterday on msn.. he thought he's the one who made me angry.. WAHAHAZ!! *laughing my ass out* you dont have such ability now ANYMORE.. ya.. he's my ex-boyfriend.. and he advised me not to take things so seriously in life.. he's the one who know me inside out.. i'm always SERIOUS in things i do.. ESPECIALLY those that interest me.. he said that after minus-ing the sadness, the stress, illness and stuff.. we are only left with 70years to live.. and now, we are now almost 20years old liao.. only left with 50more years.. should CHERISH the good moments..

yupz.. just blaming myself how come my fate with daryl is so SHORT?? if not, we'll still be e COUPLE everyone around envies.. SERIOUSLY.. my secondary school mates really envy me having such a nice boyfriend.. BUT.. it's all short term happiness.. let everything ends FASTER!! i NEED a BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!

[ even heros hav e right 2 bleed... ]

[ even heros hav e right 2 bleed... ]

mom's home today.. and i slept till 11am today.. didnt meet Nad and Farhan to study.. mom wants me to be home during weekends.. and it's like so boring study alone at home.. with all the unneccessary noise pollution.. and my cosy bedroom with my super comfortable bed.. *haiz*.. had breakfast and lunch together at the same time.. one shot finish it.. we had duck rice.. something which i dont really love eating.. only ate about half the plate of the rice.. just want to cut down the carbohydrate i taking in everyday.. want to look slimmer.. and prettier.. smile =]

started revision at around 1plus after i had my shower and did my morning prayers.. i also dont know how i managed to watch tv and revise at the same time.. i'm still stuck with my bioscience.. havent really start studying for my nursing studies which is on monday.. *haiz* after studying only for less than 2hours, i started to sneeze again.. i think it's because of yesterday at the hdb hub ba.. i was sneezing all the way in the room during the workshop.. and with the sick body, i travelled all the way to simei.. and from tampines i take bus home.. listen carefully.. i'm sick okie.. and yet.. i go deliver things as though i'm a postwoman..

alright.. let's talk about what happened yesterday.. it's over already!! everything has come to an END!! i went to sleep.. and sleep till almost 7pm before i wake up and have my dinner.. mom's at home.. so got to eat some home cooked food.. somehow satisified with the food i have today.. and sneezing again.. *ah choo* he having competition today at NUS.. dont know how is it.. *aiyo*.... Jessica Loh, stop bothering about him.. just feel bad that because of me, Farhan and Nad also having a change of their impression of him.. is he real like that?? or just doing this to make my heart dead?? whatever the reason or excuse is it behind what he did, he has hurted me deep enough already.. one day... one day, you will know how hurtful it is to do all these to me..

i havent do the things xueyun da jie asked me to.. cant bring myself to do it.. i just want him to remain the heartless one.. i dont hate him.. seriously.. and Nad is right.. i dont hate him at all.. *struggling with a fight inside* i know after already so many things had happened.. there isnt a need to need to know why already.. there isnt a need for any form of explaination.. but i really want to know what happened.. what is the cause behind all these.. if you want my heart to die without any regrets, tell me the reason behind it.. even if it's going to be an excuse, lie your way through and make it sound convicting to me.. and stop pinching salt on my wound.. it WONT help by being HEARTLESS.. i'm feeling NUMB inside.. the one you affected is MY FRIENDS.. my dear friends who really cares for me..

at least EXPLAIN something.. it's better this way than making me jump to conculsions.. that's what i hate to do.. i dont want to give you DEATH PENALTY without giving you the right for SELF DEFENCE.. BUT.. the worse thing is.. you dont sound as though you're guilty of anything.. you dont sound as though you really need that chance of self defending your actions.. you just cant be bother what's happening.. what EFFECTS your actions has on me.. is this what you mean NORMAL FRIENDS should behave?? if that's e case, you shouldnt have APPEAR in my life!!! let YOU be my GREATEST REGRET in 2007.......


-[unforgivable sinner - you wont ever be the same . someone cries and you're to blame]-

[ somewhere over the RAINBOW!! ]

[ somewhere over the RAINBOW!! ]

it's FRIDAY!! and we dont have school today!!! yupz.. it's self study given by the nursing department.. oh no!! counting down!!! 3days more to final exams.... seriously.. we dont have much time left to revise.. yupz.. every single second is important.. BUT.. i dont really cherish it seriously.. cause i just did too many STUPID things today.. and blogging here is a waste of time.. BUT.. i have the NEED to blog.. to express my feelings now...

early morning.. i woke up at 7.45am.. my phone's alaram clock rang for quite a long time before i can hear it.. luckily, my brother didnt wake up and suffocate me because of the noise pollution i'm causing early in the morning.. yupz.. i need to wake up to meet Nad and Farhan to study and revise for our exams.. change of venue in our study again.. this time round it's at toa poyah.. cause, in the afternoon, Farhan and me supposed to attend a workshop because of the intergration camp we are attending on the 28th.. had my shower as usual and did my morning prayers too.. my stomach kind of giving me problem early in the morning.. i also dont know why.. i didnt eat anything in the morning.. the worse thing is... i didnt even take dinner last night..

well.. left home at 8.45am.. walked real slowly all the way to yishun mrt.. i'm supposed to meet Nad and Farhan at 9.30am at toa poyah mrt control.. that blur Nad and Farhan actually took the wrong mrt when wanting to tranfer at cityhall.. *diaoz* BUT.. they are just so luckily.. reach toa poyah at 9.30am SHARP!! and dont have to face the punishment of treating me lunch.. *evil laugh* we went to BK and got ourselves settled down.. want to eat so much.. BUT.. just want to wait till lunch hours at 11am.. like that can save money eating the breakfast and cut down the amount of food taken in.. *wink*

had mushroom swiss single meal at the cost of $3.95!! yupz.. it's STUDENT MEAL!! who else will have this good priority?? *evil laugh* ya.. i doing sinful thing today again.. i ate FASTFOOD!! oh man!! mugging and mugging at BK.. mug till 1plus.. and the crazy us started to pose for the camera.. wahahaz.. *kawaii ne* after which.. we left for the workshop.. i feeling *sad*.. i'm not in the same group as farhan.. oh man!! will die.. saw emo gel.. and i was so excitied that i say "EMO GEL" right in front of him.. lolx.. Nad and Farhan laughed they really got muscle cramp.. kekez.. *blur me* i didnt even realised i said it though Nad's expression changes!!! kekez.. OOPS!! a bit crappy on the things we going to do during the camp.. kind of regret why i sign up for it..

after the briefing.. i called him.. want to pass him the past year paper i have in my hands.. hoping that it can help him in his revision also.. he lied to me.. he said he's still at his training.. but actually.. he's on his way back already.. maybe in the cab with the girl again ba.. i boarded bus 8 to tampines.. the bus only travelled 10mins away from toa poyah and he messaged and said that he's at his void deck already.. what is this?? it's a LIE!!! seriously a LIE!! am i that irritating?? he asked me to throw it into his letter box.. end up he say, his letter box is locked.. i just sms and want to confirm his unit no.. cause i remember is 7th storey but he told me is 6th storey.. end up.. he used "aiya" this word in his reply.. got irritated?? feel fustrated??

cant you just feel a bit more grateful to the way i am treating you now, for more appreciative towards things i have done for you?? i am doing this and SERIOUSLY NOT asking anything in RETURN from you!!! YET, i get this kind of treatment.. haiz.. he told me to sms him when i reach.. when i was at tampines safra waiting for bus to go to simei.. We (Farhan, Nad and me) saw RAINBOW.. "somewhere over the RAINBOW"...... a full RAINBOW.. is a BLESSING in return.. BUT.. things didnt turn out good.. he sms.. saying that he's not free to meet me to take the paper and ask me to go home.. ya.. i travelled all my way from toa poyah to simei with my poor friends and you ask me to go home?? what shit is that??

he cant even spare that 2minutes to come to his void deck to take the paper.. and said if i really want to come, throw it into his corridor's window then.. he's at home.. busy somemore.. why must it be window?? why cant you even open the door?? the only CONCLUSION i can JUMP to is that you dont even want to SEE me in person.. thanks huh!! haiz.. Nad and Farhan got real ANGRY.. till Nad feel like calling him and scold him and Farhan used vulguarities on him.. he almost replied the sms on behalf of me.. luckily he didnt.. *haiz*.. i'm real DISAPPOINTED this time round.. and find myself being real real STUPID all this while!!!!

Jessica Loh, can you dont repeatedly be SO STUPID?? stop all ties with him!! you should NOT be doing things for him anymore.. just listen to Nad, to Farhan, to Xueyun, to all your friends' words.. you have ENDURED one week.. not talking to him, not doing things for him, not sms-ing him.. you SHOULD continue this way!!! haiz.. i BROKE that CHAIN.. now, everything gonna START ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

told xueyun da jie what happened.. was on the phone with her just now.. i was talking and only her breathing through out the first 15minutes.. she so DAMN ANGRY.. angry for him doing this to me.. angry with me still doing things for me.. she even commanded me to delete his pictures from my friendster, his sms from my handphone, change my msn nick to something not regarding him and dump anything that he has given me.. i just cannot be so heartless.. i cant bring myself to be like that.. those who know me for really long should know me well inside.. i'm a SUPER EMOTIONAL person.. the thing i'm afraid to do the most is to be heartless.. really........

[ mission accomplished!! ]~*

[ mission accomplished!! ]~*

it's thursday... oh man!! we are simply flooded with bioscience today.. 1st lesson was at b06-32, bioscience lab.. today revision topic.. pharmanology and muscularskeleton system.. finally.. we are at our last chapter of the bioscience 1 module.. everyone in class looked so lethargy.. tired!! yupz.. one more day of endurance.. cause.. tomorrow.. there's no school!! YES!! more time to revise on our own.. seriously.. we need the time for that..

10am to 1pm.. supposed to be PIE lesson.. BUT.. it's taken over by Ms Tan again for bioscience lesson..AGAIN.. bioscience AGAIN!! we did some questions and test paper during this session.. Ms Tan's lesson is conducted from 10am to 12pm.. BUT.. so NICE of her.. she realised us at around 11.40am for early lunch.. yupz.. i'm quite hungry.. BUT.. at the same time, i dont feel like eating.. what kind of dilenma is it?? hahaz.. had nasi lemak at cafe 1.. didnt really see him today.. only once at the locker area.. my heart aches.. never really see him smile...

saw Mdm Suppiah at cafe 1 too.. and she came up to us (Farhan, Nad, Shiffa and me) and talked to ask.. asking how's our revision and what time we are dismissing today.. she thought we are ending at 3pm. but we told her we ending at 5pm.. at she gave us that *saddening* look.. she said something must be done to it way before we begged her.. it's so NICE of her.. i simply LOVE Mdm Suppiah!!

our break ended at 1pm.. and at 1pm, we had our nursing studies at t06-17.. we are supposed to try out the PPE suit before into the hospital for attachment.. just in case we are asked to be attach to isolation ward.. yupz.. and took pictures ILLEGALLY in the nursing lab.. muahahaz.. we do have lots of fun.. ya.. it's our very last nursing studies lesson in the nursing lab.. after monday and tuesday's paper.. we'll only see each other in 3months later.. *sobx* i will miss Nad and Farhan badly.. and HIM as well...

yupz.. guess we guys wont be in the same hospital.. mayb Farhan and him will be.. ya.. we are dismissed around 2.30pm from the nursing studies lesson.. and 3-5pm's bioscience has been cancelled too!!! yeah!!!~ Thank you Mdm Suppiah and Ms Tan.. *muackz*... after lesson, me and Farhan went back together.. Nad went to meet her boyfriend.. haiz.. that guy.. Nothing to comment sia.. we waited for Nad to meet us.. so Farhan and me went to TM Mac.. ya.. and we ate sundae hot fudge, fries and apple pie.. it's sinful!!!

argh!~ cant resist the temption.. hahaz.. it's bad!! after that.. we went walking around.. and bought something that we 3 will own together.. just coloured strings.. orange and brown.. and we simply walked the whole TM.. and turn it upside down.. we even go into Toy'R Us.. kekez.. and we walked and walked to isetan.. and.. over there.. we spotted so real nice and sweet necklace.. and.. we bought a necklace for Nad.. yupz.. to cheer our dearest friend up.. recently, she's just been troubled over quarrels after quarrels with her boyfriend..

yupz.. Nad is overjoyed.. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!! YES!! our efforts didnt go to waste.. Nad was really touched and cheered up.. but i'm not.. saw him online just now.. "imfallingforyou.onceagain.[imissyou]".. who's the girl?? Jessica Loh, stop assuming anything.. dont think too much.. me, Nad and Farhan studying tomorrow before we go the intergration camp's workshop.. and.. i cant resist my urge of wanting to ask him.. and.. i talked to him online.. haiz.. 1 week.. it's been a week since i last talked to him.. just cant resist that long.. Jessica, you're real weak..

haiz.. he cant make it.. got archery training for his NUS competition on saturday.. real worried for him.. scared that he got no time to study.. but.. i think he can make it de.. *no worries* he isnt showing that much coldness to me.. at least i feel better ya.. but i really want to know who's the girl he refering to.. just want to know..

almost get something forgetten.. Shakinah and Hazwan both dreamt of me last night!! and it's all bad dreams!! Shakinah dreamt that i had a road accident.. and Hazwan dreamt that i got a fight with him.. it leaves me with the scary feeling the whole day after hearing it from them.. *paranoid* it's just so scary.. alright!! i'm tired!! off to sleep! *orh orh*

[ love you so... ]

[ love you so.... ]

i dont have enough SLEEP.. seriously... yupz.. slept around 11.30pm yesterday.. and i know i will die in class.. cause it's going to be a long day for me... having meeting tonight again at TBSC.. want to catch a sleep on the bus.. but i just cant.. i also dont know why... beside "unforgivable sinner".. got in love with another song by Natalie.. the name of the song is "love you so"... it's a song sent by him.. yupz.. know the reason why i bother to listen?? i dont really love english song that much actually.. but he was the one recommended it..

first lesson of the day.. BIOSCIENCE.. oh man!! what did Ms Tan teached today?? yes!! chain of infection AGAIN.. well.. i'm tired of it.. the whole class was real restless when she repeated her lesson AGAIN and AGAIN.. *yawn* i just feel like dozing off in her class.. but i know.. it's basic respect for the teacher to pay attention.. and FULL ATTENTION..

after bioscience.. went to the locker and take books.. saw him.. real embarrassing.. and i pretended again that i never see him.. well, well, well.. Jessica Loh, how long can you pretend?? haiz.. i dont want it TOO!!

supposed to be nursing studies practical.. but is used for SIM training instead.. Nad just fear to attend SIM training after being scolded the other round by one of the lecturer for SIM training, Mr Tan.. and so unlucky of Aishah today.. she spoke in malay and was screwed upside down today by Mr.Tan.. and that lecturer actually used vulguarities on her.. *bloody hell*.. dun sound nice if it comes out from a lecturer's mouth right?? yupz.. and someone spoilt my mood by asking me to shut up today.. yes.. it's the same old person whom i said "leave your comments to yourself" that day.. i dont want to mention names.. it's not that nice.. leave some face for that thick-skinned person..

after lunch.. we have nursing studies again.. Mdm Qian did the revision for us for our exams.. everyone is so tired and restless.. ya.. it's really tiring.. bio, nursing, nursing then bio again.. real no life.. just repeating the routine everyday.. 3-5pm.. bioscience extra lesson.. finally.. Ms tan is teaching something new.. infection control.. but we actually learnt that in nursing studies also.. that's why this topic is a bit sick to many people le.. yupz.. she gave us early dismissal.. and we regain our freedom at 4pm..

went back with dougles again.. we went to Boon Lay's Jurong Point's ToyR'us to buy the cards on human body de.. after which.. i bought a pancake and old chang kee for dinner.. sound so pathetic not eating a right meal yupz?? but it's also fattening lahz.. old chang kee's food is oily.. and pancake is flour.. after which.. i took bus 30 to TBSC.. passing by the place i used to stay.. Clementi West.. yupz.. our old flat was sold to my uncle actually about 9years again.. and dad bought the flat in Yishun.. the one in which we are staying in now.. but we didnt moved up to Yishun as my uncle was away working in foreign countries.. now that he's back, we returned his flat back to him..

time flies.. i'm been staying in Yishun for more than 1year.. okie.. i can say that i'm adapting quite well.. but mom just dont love this flat at all.. now.. the flat in Clementi West.. Uncle has sold it too.. haiz.. just love the days i'm staying there.. the shops are near.. and we can easily grab hold of bubble tea anytime we want.. it isnt as fang bian staying at yishun.. no wet market here.. no hawker also... the nearest is at chong pang.. i'm a more old-fashioned person.. i DONT xi xin yan jiu... so.. many times, i'm at a loss.. especially coming with relationship..

the ywd leaders meeting tonight is real fulfilling.. many meaningful things were shared.. a song written by GD Ong was also sang.. the title is "ALONE".. alone yet not alone.. u're never alone.. with gohonzon, friends and sisters all around.. live like a SUN, girls!! we arent the MOON that needs the aid of sunlight to SHINE.. we are SUN that brighten up everyone's heart.. real true.. girls out there!! be strong like a SUN!!

managed to catch up with lots of my good friends.. stephanie goh, stephanie lam, ching ching, yi mun, many many more.. and it's so sweet of siyi to wait for me after the meeting.. just wanting to have a word with me.. thanks sweetie!! it's so nice of you!! *hugz*.. yupz.. dont worry!! i'm okie.. just dont want to make myself sound so pathetic and pitiful.. share cab with 3 of my other friends back home.. it's already 11pm when i reached home..real real tired..

[ if you're weak and have strong friends, you will never fail. if you're strong and have weak friends, your mind will be sway ]

[ unforgivable sinner!! ]

[ unforgivable sinner!! ]

it's another day of school today.. Han bought me and Nad sandwiches for breakfast.. thanks Han... though i dont really feel like eating.. but because i know you and Nad really cares for me.. so eat and live for your sake.. starting off the day is the bioscience combined lecture at the MLT.. ya.. heard his voice early morning outside the lecture hall.. when i crying and thinking with Nad and Farhan's company.. i just pretend.. Nad held my hands tight.. and pad on my shoulder.. telling me to be strong.. i cant.. cant stop thinking.. cant stop crying.. especially when i'm alone.. especially when i'm school.. my heart just sanks...

today lecture was conducted by Ms Doris Lim.. one of my favourite teacher.. she's just so pretty.. i just feel bad.. and so uncomfortable.. after crying.. i hate the feeling of having headache.. Red cross also had a powerpoint presentation after our lecture ended.. they actually shows us a slide show.. playing the song : superman.. i almost flood MLT because of that.. when they actually played the song.. when you're sad, the thing you cant do is to listen to music.. all songs will all a sudden turn you emotional and tears will be flowing like tap water...

after bioscience combined lecture.. okie it's bioscience again.. it supposed to be PIE lesson de.. but because it's revision week.. all PIE and SW lessons are taken over either by Ms Tan or Mdm Qian for revision.. i just miss PIE lesson.. i really miss attending Ms Hazel Tay's lesson.. simply love her... you have lightened up class C's life.. i guess it's easy to meet such a great teacher right?? that's real good fortune... ya.. bioscience extra lesson was conducted in PIE classroom.. and it's real BORING.. cause Ms Tan is repeating and repeating on microbiology.. chain of infection.. i close my eyes also can write liao..

but it's her efforts.. cause Hafiz been sick for quite long.. and he missed the lessons.. it's the benefit of the doubt.. well.. she's right.. i want the whole JN0704C to graduate together.. i dont wish to see anyone being left behind.. everyone look so stressed.. especially those who really want to do well.. after lunch was nursing studies theory.. while waiting for Mdm Qian to come.. Hazel recommended this song by Lene Marlin... name of the song is unforgivable sinner.. it's a real nice song.. for those who want to listen.. can tag me.. and i'll send you a softcopy of it.. got the saddening feeling again.. how many times must it arise in a day?? countless.....

3-5pm.. nursing studies practical.. we were asked to don 3M mask.. those used during SARS period.. quite fun actually.. and got an easy dimissal.. yupz.. finally.. on monday somemore.. but i dont get to go home early.. yupz.. i'm going for a meeting.. at jurong kaikan.. so.. me and dougles actually took mrt together.. we walked to simei and took mrt.. along the way.. poor him.. listen to all my grumbles.. now.. i reall know who are my true.. i really have a great bunch of friends.. thanks for being there for me always.. dougles is right.. sometimes we just have to be more cautious with who we make friends with..

BUT.... i'm the STUPID type.. i think everyone i meet will be the greatest people on earth.. and believe innocently that everyone has a good heart.. especially my friends.. BUT.. i was wrong.. and it's been many incidents that proved that my thinking is wrong.. HOWEVER.. i just cant make myself to believe it.. i believe in treating everyone with a true heart.. not even doubting his/her motive of making friends with me.. i'm sure that friends i met dont come into my life coincidentally.. we are destined to be friends.. and cherish every single of them..

ya.. meet shirley at boon lay for dinner before we go for the meeting.. yupz.. i had Long John Silver for dinner.. OH MAN!!! it's so fattening.. well.. going to cut down my food for tomorrow after eating so much oily food today.. haiz.. sinful!! *sobx sobx* ya.. we chatted and ate our dinner.. i know it's not a good habit.. cause later our larynx never close then we will get choke.. cause the food goes into out airway.. wahahaz.. bioscience revision in my blog.. heez=]

was pretty tired but still managed to conquer over my sansho shima and come for the meeting.. saw many friends when i was at the lobby area in the centre.. yupz.. most excitied to see xueyun da jie.. yeah.. she said i really slim down a bit.. and ask me to jiayou!! YES!! i will de!! dont worry.. that's one of my short term goal! saw auntie nancy, auntie sherley too.. all of them are real happy to see me.. after MIA-ing for more than 2 months i guess.. wahahaz.. yup.. and i went for the meeting in nursing uniform.. all of them commented that i looked great in that.. thanks for all the compliments!!

after the meeting, mom and dad suggested to take a cab home.. yupz.. at reach home at 10pm sharp.. real tired.. tomorrow is another long day.. *yawn*

[ illusion filled my life!! ]

[ illusion filled my life!! ]

sunday again.. a bit sianz of the routinue of monday to sunday.. then sunday to another monday.. yupz.. seriously sick.. sick of the routine type of life.. cant it be a bit more flexible?? yupz.. starting from tomorrow.. it's revision week.. Jessica Loh, endure through the one more pathetic week and you will get to REST!!

just had my breakfast.. i know it's quite late huh.. but that's normal on sundays.. i usually sleep till at least 10plus.. my eyes need to rest real a lot nowadays.. during weekdays.. i'll sleep as early as 9pm.. ya.. i cry a lot.. and that's why last time people used to call me crybaby.. and that's why my eyes are tired.. plus all the lectures and stuff.. it's exhausting!! tomorrow onwards, no more PIE class, no more SW as well.. so......... it's all on nursing studies and bioscience.. i will go crazy i think.. continue mugging..

couldnt finish my breakfast.. my favourite fishball gui tiao.. i only managed to finish half a bowl of it.. ya.. my appetite is getting from bad to worse.. i can dont eat yet i go to the toilet.. as like i can dont drink yet i still can urinate.. Jessica Loh's immune system is just so different from the rest.. something is wrong.. ya.. just dont feel like eating.. not that i'm wont get hungry.. sometimes i'll get really hungry that my stomach makes noise.. but when i bought the food, after one mouth or two of it, i just feel like puking naturally.. i also dont know what went wrong.. is it because i got the mindset in my sub conscious mind that i want to loss weight??

i have no idea.. no idea of what's happening around me.. blockage somehow... tomorrow and tuesday.. got meeting to attend somemore.. haiz.. i'll be real tired.. cause school only ends at 5pm.. i have no chance to go back and take a shower and change my uniform out.. just have to go straight from school.. and it's in the west area somemore.. sure die.. predicting i'll be only home after 11pm.. oh man!! how to do revision like that?? as for wednesday and thursday, i'll end school at 5pm as well..

it's no longer like secondary school.. i skipped 3 weeks of school just to study for my o'level.. end up.. the results still sucks like dont know what.. it's because of relationship.. mom is right.. i should have listen to you.. relationship turns my life upside down.. and filled my life with illusion.. stop DAY-DREAMING le Jessica Loh.. you have enough of all these shit!! what you want is ETERNAL HAPPINESS.. NOT SHORT-TERM HAPPINESS.. dont get satisfied so easily over all the SHORT-TERM HAPPINESS.. it will makes you go HAY-WIRED...

ya.. when you fall, learn the pain and stand on your feets again.. I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET.. REGRET for your ENTIRE LIFE.. and i'm going to leave my hands off your life.. it's got nothing to do with me.. PEACE.. is all i asked for.. just so simple.. i'm just a SIMPLE girl who's asking for a SIMPLE LIFE!! no more WEEPING.. no more TEARING.. no more CRYING.. soon.. my blood will clot.. and no more BLEEDING... "HEAL the world, make it a better day, for you and for me and the entire human race..." just a sudden.. thought of this song by MICHAEL JACKSON..

yupz.. i'm going for a shower now.. and start my mugging!!!! *mugging*

just finished watching "wei xiao pasta".. i cried.. so touching!! yupz.. true love is forever not smooth sailing.. it will haunt your entire life.. making you really exhausted and tired.. STOP all the unneccsary nonsense!! i want to CONCENTRATEeeeeeeeeeeee.........


[ GIVING UP doesnt mean you're WEAK. it only means that you're STRONG enough to LET GO!! ]

just wanna do some copyright stuff.. saw this from a friend's blog.. he feels how i am feeling now.......

Why have you changed so much?
Where is the "you" that i've first knew ?
Who are you now?
When will you really be at your happiest?
What can i do now?
How will our future be?
perhaps for me, i could only look back.
always thinking of the things we did together.
why we cried together
why we laugh together.
it is very disheartening to know that the one you loved,
has somehow perished?
i could still feel ur touch,
remember the words u said.
But how much are u for me?
maybe thanks for ur cold shoulder all these while?
the saddest feeling is that u know even if u are dead today,
she wont even know or bother to know.
because no matter what u have done for her,
they are all taken for granted and forgotten.
saddening right?? i admire his courage.. he dared to write out how he feel.. this is how i am feeling now......
harbour happy thoughts than to think of how to be happy.
Being happy and Being contented is two different Thing.
Many of us are happy yet uncontented.
and when ure uncontented, ur happiness is not fully manifested.
when ure contented, happiness comes flowing like water.
we often look and search too far and neglect about the ones around us.
"when you love someone too deeply theres bound to be agony. "
these are all written by the same friend of mine..... really true right?

[ let e BRAIN do e THINKING, NOT e HEART ANYMORE!! ]

[ let e BRAIN do e THINKING, NOT e HEART ANYMORE!! ]~*

saturday... yupz.. weekends has come.. which means the next weekdays will come soon.. *sobx* wakey quite early today.. i set my alarm to 9am.. but woke up many times.. first was because mom woke up at 5.15 for work.. second round was because dad woke up for work.. then comes the third time.. didi woke up at 8am for his soccer training.. yupz.. after all, i'm just trying to say it's NOISE POLLUTION that wakes me up.. was already fully awake at 8.30am.. though i just feel like lying down till 9am..

then... i brushed my teeth as usual.. rationale people?? it's to make sure my mouth and teeth stay clean and fresh.. hahaz.. sound like nursing studies test question.. heez.. my mood is quite good actually AT FIRST.. but i just love making myself sadden by things i'm not supposed to hear.. and not supposed to see.. yupz.. sadden because i'm just want to find out what happened to what he said yesterday.. sound chim.. but it's okie.. it's for me to know NOT for you to find out.. it's her.. i knew it.. i just dont want my instinct to make the conclusion for me.. but.. true enough.. my instinct is RIGHT..

i cried.. cried really badly in front of the computer... and luckily.. no one is at home.. if not, i'll end up undergoing investigation by my parents and brother.. i sms Nad immediately.. i told her.. i just feel like killing myself.. for being such a fool.. for comforting and encouraging him when he actually worries and got affected so much about the incident that happens.. end up, the person is her.. you made her angry by doing something wrong.. and worried so much how she's feeling.. yupz.. true.. you must be concern for your friends whom you cherish.. the EXTRAs... just let it be transparent then...

Jessica Loh, why must you make youself sound so PITIFUL?? why must you make yourself sound so STUPID?? where's the IGNORANCE you should have?? Nad, you're right!! i should have listen to you... and stop all the things i'm doing for him.. and stop all the unneccessary concern for him.. cause.. it's not worthwhile.. it's not being appreciated..

hmmm... after which.. i left house with that saddening feeling to meet ramlan and fara for the project work.. supposed to meet at 11am at Jurong East mrt control.. and i'm like 20mins early.. ramlan reached 10mins later than me.. and fara.. she's late.. for more than 30mins.. end up.. ramlan and me went JE Entertainment Centre's Mac to eat.. i want to eat big breakfast so badly.. but.. too bad.. ramlan got the last share.. so.. i ate Mcspicy meal instead.. like so long never eat it liao.. always eat Mcnuggets meal..

at 11.30am.. our dear fara finally appear.. so the 3 of us went to JE library instead.. cause Nad, Farhan, Hazwan, Rahmah, Izzah and Siti small is there.. went to catch some fun.. and that cute fara.. she smuggled coke into library.. wahahaz.. end up, we cant do anything.. cause fara's laptop cant read my cd.. i stored all the information in Microsoft Word Processor.. and it's like not all laptop has that program.. haiz.. what a waste of the trip..

they went to have long john.. and again.. as usual.. Nad and Farhan have to listen to my grumbles.. getting sick of it huh.. ears bleeding everyday.. i also very sianz.. *tired* ... went to queue up with Farhan to buy food for Nad and himself..Farhan asked me a question.. "have you thought of asking him if he really likes you?" well. i thought of actually.. but i dont think it's neccessary now already.. he's the one who let me go.. so be it ba!! and Nad... quarrelled with her boyfriend again.. what the hell!! got such a good girlfriend still dont know how to cherish.. are you sure you own a brain??

haiz.. i'm really sadden to see Nad emo.. i guess Farhan feel the same as well?? we took 51 to Ayer Rajah CC for the interact club's CIP.. yupz.. i just tagged along for fun.. we are late.. cause waited for Izzah and small Siti to buy things.. while waiting patiently for the bus to come.. Vin called Hazwan.. and that stupid Hazwan told Vin that our bus broke down.. wahahaz.. think Vin only born yesterday.. will believe his words.. STUPID.. it just takes us not more than 10mins to reach our destination.. and we are late..

yupz.. Izzah and Fara tagged along too.. just for the fun of it.. our first job - to give out flyers to neighbouring estate.. Farhan, Nad and Hazwan were given the honour.. but i just tagged along.. kpo kpo a bit.. luckily i went with them.. mostly the eldery people are chinese spoken.. so i saved them!! hahaz.. after which i also dont know how i managed to spend the 4hours time in that cc.. just do some carrying of chairs at the end of the eye screening session, and attended talks.. and gossip a bit here and there.. and crazy us (Farhan, Nad, Hazwan and me) start taking pictures here and there..

i kind of dislike the treasury of the Interact club.. she sound bossy.. yupz.. but quite friendly actually.. luckily i'm out there with my classmates.. if i'm alone at home, i also dont know what will i do to hurt myself.. and that will another STUPID thing... after the CIP session was over, me, Nad and Farhan went to beach road.. Farhan wants to get a pair of new shoes for school.. and my naggy mom called again.. horning me again as usual.. well.. Nad and me got the same thinking.. we arent young anymore moms.... at least be glad that we dont crave for drugs, we dont smoke and we dont got clubbing.. just a bunch of cute sweet girls who love some shopping and sharing of secrets.. hahaz.. be grateful for that moms!!!

after that.. we walked to bugis.. in the midst of walking.. we chatted our way through.. i told Nad and Han.. i want to SLIM DOWN.. i've been saying that for so long.. it's time for REAL ACTION.. yupz.. i want to make those heartless idiots regret.. regret for all the things you have done to turn me into the me today.. reassure.. you will regret for your entire life!! *evil laugh*

i want to take a bus home from there.. and thanks Farhan and Nad.. it's so sweet of u guys to wait for the bus with me!!LOVE YOU GUYS the MOST!! yupz.. so much unnecessary events happened today.. and we end up not getting any time and chance to study.. and.. i'll be locked at home during weekends.. yee!! it's GROUND at home.. tomorrow.. i'll stay home to study.. *guai guai* a bit..

yupz.. want to get online just now to send Fara the information for the project.. and my hands get itchy.. went to look at his msn nick.. ya.. it got me sadden AGAIN.. i'm just easily AFFECTED.. "iloveyoursmile".. that was his msn nick.. he used to say this to me.. i want to bluff myself that it's refering to me.. but somehow.. I CANT do it!! my instinct tells me.. it's HER again.. ya.. my love rival.. thanks for taking him away from me.. maybe what xueyun da jie say is right.. gohonzon just gave you a hint before you guys even progress to another stage.. he's not your MR RIGHT.. that's what da jie says.. yupz.. i should listen to her.. let my brain do the thinking and not my heart anymore..

from tonight onwards.. i'm going to work towards my goal.. study well.. and SLIM DOWN.. my short term goal.. I'm COMING!!! off the sleep.. my eyes are tired...........

[ Maria ave Maria!! ]

[ Maria ave Maria!! ]

it's friday.. counting down.. 9 more days to final exams.. oh no!! Jessica Loh, you're running of time!! ya.. i slept at 11plus yesterday.. and today morning.. i'm just like a zombie.. i'm so TIRED.. physically and psychiologically... had our nursing studies at lab 29 today.. and got to know our nursing studies combined results for phase test 1, class test 1 and phase test 2... i got 76.. it's an B... just 4marks away from A.. so.. i just need to put in MORE efforts in my final year to attain an A.. can de!! u can do it, Jess!!

influenced by 200 pounds beauty.. practically everyone in my class are now crazy over the song : "Maria"... everywhere you go.. you will hear people singing : "Maria ave Maria....." *addicted*... hohoho.. thanks to me.. bluetooth here bluetooth there.. my mood is spoilt today.. and almost everyday without fail.. what the hell??!?? and this time round.. by a close friend.. i dont want to mention names.. it's not nice.. a bunch of us were late for lesson after the 10mins break given by Mdm Qian.. and that asshole say : "cher, punish them lahz".. and i shouted across the class: " keep your comments to yourself..." for the first time, i have such reaction.. Mdm Qian actually stared at me with that shocking look..

really disappointed.. that phrase of words come out from someone i'm quite close to.. what's wrong with your brain?? yupz.. sometimes, the way you speaks tells others how mature you are.. bloody shit!!!!! well.. i'm in a bad mood.. pms-ing.... ARGH!~ my nerves just tighten so easily nowadays.. i cant control my temper, my emotions.. my world is upside down now!!!!

after which.. it's bioscience lesson.. Ms Tan went through the test paper with us.. ya.. at that very moment, i'm still telling myself.. how did i got an A?? so ridiculous!!! my hands are itchy.. really feel like sms-ing him.. but.. i held back... just trying not to be so soft-hearted.. but i cant help.. to worry.. and to think of his well-being.. went back together with hazel today.. finally got someone go to tampines with me.. this whole week.. i go back everyday alone sia.. cause.. Nad and Farhan got their interact club things on.. well.. had a great talk with Hazel.. she's really nice.. well.. our subject just cant be lack of that "problem".. as usual lahz huh..

went home quite early today.. mom bought me sushi.. *yum yum*... after which.. i got my hair dried and went to sleep.. *oink* just tired.. lack of sleep.. *yawn* .. wakey.. and saw him online.. didnt want to talk to him actually.. but saw his msn nick.. was pretty worried.. and TALKED to him.. yupz.. just want him to live happily.. something about archery happened again.. ya.. he will just get worked up over archery stuff only.. and he made his close friend angry.. might be her.. who knows?!?

you're worried and hope that friend of yours wont be angry anymore.. when you do this to me, when you hurted me, have you spare a thought for me?? do you even remembered what you said and what you promised?? "i wont want to hurt you... if you're sad, i'll be the first to cry..etc".. this is all bull shit now.. it's just a blank cheque that will never meet.. i'm crying.. tears flow not only from my eyes.. but from my heart.. do you know it??

well.. i'm just too SOFT-HEARTED.. i know it clearly.. that can be a strength as well as a weakness.. that's why i easily bullied.. even pinwen also say that.. so does him.. but.. somehow, human beings are just too forgetful.. and tends to give lots of empty promises.. well.. i'm in my lala land.. with all the empty promises surrounded..

how come i forgive people so easily?? even when they stabbed me deep into my heart.. the person who got my heart melted was the one who make it bleed profusely now.. i want to pick myself up once again.. but along this way.. i tripped and fall badly.. especially this time round.. i never want my life to be disturbed.. want to concentrate fully.. but.. you came into my simple life.. and get my frozen heart melted.. and thanks to you.. i do enjoy short term happiness..but now.. my life is no longer peaceful.. many distraction and disturbance... till i think it's getting out of my hands, out of my control.. thanks huh..

holidays... please come faster.. after which.. i wont see you.. till 3months later.. and i'll miss my classmates i guess.. cause.. my best buds wont be in e same hospital attachment as me i guess... haiz.. well.. BREAK is all i need!!! let me SCREAM and SHOUT!!!~

[ hakuna matata!!! ]

[ hakuna matata!!! ]

it's thursday.. yupz.. so fast.. 1 week coming to an end le.. and.. countdowning to my exams..

early morning waking up.. saw Hazel's sms.. ya.. she told me she saw yuan yesterday near her house.. this sick guy was absent from school but he went for archery shoot.. somemore till 10plus still outside.. i really asked Hazel lots of questions about him.. till Hazel gets curious and feel weird how come i dont know anything about him and what's happening to him.. ya.. i told Hazel that both of us arent really on talking term now.. just even worse than hi-and-bye friends.. things are getting out of hands.. haiz..

Hazel really gets very worked up towards the way he treats me.. everyone around me keep saying that he's heartless.. and say that i did so much things for him yet what i get in return it's this kind of treatment.. well.. it's okie.. i dont ask for any return when i help anyone.. sound so noble right?? but painful de is myself.. it's okie.. i still think that his well-being is the most important.. more important than anything.. he happy think i'll live happier too..

early morning.. something just turn my mood upside down... yupz.. imagine you have put in your heart and soul to help someone copy notes when the person is absent.. it's okie not to say thank you.. but please.. dont say anything that hurts someone's feelings.. yupz.. that was what i faced.. thanks huh.. make myself sound as though i'm the biggest FOOL on earth..

hmmm.. today.. we simply flood ourselves with bioscience.. Ms Tan continued her lessons on microbiology.. yupz.. i just cannot concentrate after the early morning incident.. was talking to Farhan in the midst of Ms Tan's lesson when Ms Tan was explaining the "card game" to the class.. i weeped all of a sudden... and so unluckily.. Ms Tan saw it.. she came to me and asked if i'm okie.. i told her i'm alright.. that's the only limit i can say.. i am definitely not okie..

after bioscience lesson.. we have our very last PIE lesson with Ms Hazel Tay.. and........ we watched 200pounds beauty!!!! ya.. it's a korean movie with english subtitles.. pretty funny.. it really cheers up my mood at first.. but as it goes by.. it become more saddening.. and i cried.. cried really badly.. ya.. close friends of mine should know that i'm the super emotional type.. i cried not just because the movie is touching lahz.. but because it really sound like me..

the main actor really makes the main actress so upset.. she really did lots of things because of him.. he was her point of living.. without him, her life will just be like plain water.. tasteless and meaningless.. because of him, she MIA for a year just for the plastic surgery.. touching huh!! havent watch it?? better go rent the disc.. you will have NO REGRETS!!! "Hakuna Matata" was the quote inside Lion King.. and it's the main actress Kang Hanna's favourite in the movie also.. It means no worries for the rest of the days.. cute right??

my eyes are really red.. and i think i shocked the whole class with my emotional side of me.. ya.. i'm still adapting to the problem... before i left the class, Ms Tay came up to me.. and asked if i'm okie.. ya.. all i can say is that i'm okie.. and she gave me a hug.. thanks for that Ms Tay.. you're really a nice teacher.. had thousand island chicken rice today.. as usual.. cannot finish the food.. and i simply dont taste anything while eating it.. yupz.. i just cant control my emotions.. i cant help.. i do feel pressurized too..

last friday.. when the incident takes place.. i almost feel like looking for Mdm Qian and tell her i want to atreat from the course.. so stupid of me to think this way right?? those friends who see this, i know you guys feel like killing me.. but i cant help by thinking negatively!!!

3-5pm.. we had another bioscience lesson again.. ya.. thursday is all bioscience lesson.. Ms Tan told us our bioscience test 2 results.. she asked us one by one to go take a look at the marks.. yupz.. this time round i did slightly better than the first test.. first test was 38.5/50.. it's a B.. now is 40/50.. an A.. hahaz.. say truthfully.. for those have saw my previous entries of my blog.. you guys should know i cannot concentrate that day when i was studying for the bioscience test 2.. lolx.. this is call heng.. i can pass and get A somemore.. actually when i first saw the test script.. i got no confidence at all.. just blind my way through based on memory.. and praying very hard that i can pass.. YES!!! I MADE IT!!

tired.. really tired.. didnt see him around during ITE Care session.. think he's out for competition or something ba.. he wont be in school tomorrow also.. having his outpatient appointment after the collapse incident in school.. well.. just praying hard that he will be okie.. am talking to Xueyun now.. she knew what happened to me and him liao.. and she's cursing and scolding like dont know what.. sorry da jie.. because of me, you create kou ye.. bad karma huh... er jie also know part of it liao.. well.. what to do?? bad news spread faster than good ones..

i think i really got lots of people to thank.. xueyun da jie, yvonne er jie, eunice jie jie, carys, willie, pinwen, siyi..... and from school side.. Nad, Farhan, Vin, Hazel.. thanks guys.. thanks for comforting me when i really need to.. thanks a lot.. because of you guys, i'll work harder!!! JIAYOU!~

[ black and white ]

black and white

well.. it's wednesday.. so fast.. about 8weeks has passed.. yupz.. and i'm gonna be having my revision week next week to prepare myself for my exams.. yupz.. it's this sickening big word that turn my life upside down.. EXAMS... well.. i know it's time i do something to my studies.. i'm been doing quite well in my theory test paper.. but arent really do that well in my practical.. especially during my second phase test which took place last tuesday.. yeah.. i was sick.. and quite sick till my class advisor also chasing me home..

but what's e point of crying over spilled milk?? it's meaningless, Jessica Loh.. i was having a terrible backache after the hyper-pyrexia.. and was having cold sweat.. and all these come just to "right" time.. in the midst of my test.. well.. let's not talk about it.. now is time to have some rescue work.. yupz... rescue work.. need to do my VERY VERY BEST in my exam so that i can pull up my GPA.. YES.. I WANT AN "A" PLEASE.............. will it just drop from sky?? dont day-dream le, Ms Loh.. it's not gonna happen...

as usual.. all lesson today was on nursing studies.. 8am - 10am, we had SIM training.. ya.. bad mouth of me and Nad.. we were saying that we havent been chosen to be the nurse before.. so.. so LUCKY of us.. both of us got our WISH granted!!!! haiz.. but it wasnt a good turn out.. i practically screw everything.. Nad oso.. the teacher even shouted at her.. she was just so upset and angry over it!! but what to do?? luckily, she cheered up after a while.. if not, me and Farhan sure become EMO kids..

after which.. from 10am to 12pm.. it was nursing studies theory.. poor Mdm Qian waited for the class to set in SLOWLY as we were dismissed 10minutes late from class and waited for them to cat walk in SLOWLY.. then.. here comes her scolding.. well.. i tink somehow we need that to be waken up with our purpose of coming into this course.. yesterday.. 7students were absented from class.. and 1 return home after attending 2hrs lesson.. cos she vomited.. among 7students who are absent.. many were good friends.. and i think many of them had menstruction and had menstrual cramps.. so they didnt go for doctor consultation.. just have panadol and stay home to rest..

somehow.. this is the most ridiculous excuse you can ever heard of.. menstrual cramp.. what so big deal about it?? girls have it every month.. i agreed to the fullest to what Mdm Qian had said.. she said: "Everytime you have your period and develop menstrual cramp, you must take MC to rest.. Are you going to do that when you go for attachment?? Are you going to do that when you become an enrolled nurse?? then who's gonna take care my patients??" i think she really sound rationale and reasonable huh.. it's not a big deal.. just learn how to prevent it.. or at least reduce the pain.. drink less cold drinks.. take less spicy or sour food.. eat panadol maybe before your period gonna come.. or simply apply hot pain to your abdominal areas to reduce the pain..

well.. well.. well.. BWG!! after our break.. we had combined lecture for nursing studies at the MLT.. didnt see yuan around.. and found out later that he was sick.. hmm.. what's e least i can do?? help him copy notes lohz.. his classmates are just so inconsiderate bunch of people.. they dont care how people who absent can cope with lessons they missed.. all they care is whether they themselves can promote to a higher level, whether they can do well in their studies or not.. yes.. i know it's not my problem.. he isnt my classmate.. just a normal friend.. but he's my peer study friend.. so, i wont allow myself to dump my friend when i myself can cope with my studies.. i want to help.. help as much as i can.. and that's me!!

after which.. was PE lesson.. oh.. should say SW (sports and wellness).. sound more high-class... wahahaz(o^.^o).. i'm supposed to retake my NAFA test today de.. but.. seeing my condition now.. i dont really want to worsen it.. my injuried leg is still swollen!! after 3weeks.... and my turn lohz.. having stomach cramp.. and backache.. i didnt bring the appropriate shoe wear also.. so... the teacher didnt let me take the 2.4km run!!! YES YES YES!!! luckily dont need to run..

Nad accompany me to go buy water.. and i drank cold milo.. feel like dying faster.. got stomach cramp still taking cold drinks.. really deserve to die faster.. but who cares!?! the weather is hot.. and i'm WARM!! hahaz.. and was having some causal talk with Nad.. somehow our topic always revolve around that "problem".. and Nad actually commented that it's really heartless.. haiz.. wat to do??!?? i just have to face it and gradually accept it.. meanwhile.. let me be the emo kid!!!!!

well.. some things just cannot be forced.. we just have to understand this simple logic.. i think i'm still surviving and coping on it.. yupz.. i'm still ALIVE.. that's what my friends should be happy about.. the bubbly jessica never die.. just having a hard time.. my life is now black and white!! someone!!! please get it COLOURED!!!!

went home straight after the SW lesson ended.. yupz.. mom's home today.. i had a cold shower today.. not really because the weather is hot.. i just want to waken my brain cells with the cold feeling.. yes!! please dont be dead!! all my brain cells seems to be dying after the cells in my heart died last week.. die die die.. soon.. i'll be a dead person huh.. CANNOT!! i know very clearly i mustnt let this happen.. AWAKEN ME PLEASE!!~

" What's the point of going to sleep when there's no point in waking up??"

[ ignorance !! ]

[ ignorance!! ]

today morning.. I SIMPLY just dont feel like getting out of bed.. all I can say is.. I FORCED myself to CLIMB out of my bed sia.. I dont know how I managed to do it.. but I SUCCEEDED!! well.. as usual lohz.. same old routine.. bath liao then pray.. then tidy my precious hair and out i go for school... the moment i step out of the house, i told myself.. "jessica loh, you must be different today.. everything is gonna be alright!!"

I want to have a short nap in the bus.. but i cant.. i also dont know why.. Jessica Loh.. you sound weird today.. well.. it's okie.. nobody will cares if you are or you are not.. as usual.. reach school around 7 like that.. and waited patiently for Farhan, Nad and Shiffa to come.. had a cup of COLD milo and a bread.. FREEZE to death.. so cold after drinking the milo.. then.. we made our way to MLT... our BIOSCIENCE paper.. i'm COMING!! saw him actually.. and saw him looking my way.. Jessica loh, you just too good in pretending.. i pretended.. pretended not to see him..

oh man!!! the paper is pretty easy.. but say truthfully.. i got no confidence at all.. oh man!! DIE.. just so scared that I will fail my test.. if test fail, exams really will die.. after which.. is PIE lesson lohz.. we are given a special task.. to write positive comments to our classmates.. it seems like last day of school... how i wish this day can come faster.. *day-dreaming* well well well.. it's good to day dream once in a while huh... lolx.. we really had a great time doing it.. really have lots of great comments.. thanks guys!~

after lunch break.. was nursing studies theory... *yawn* the whole class is dozing off... after all the midnight oil yesterday.. i'm so tired.. after theory.. it's practical.. tired!!!!! saw him actually.. got detention.. last tuesday late for class.. so bad of me again.. i pretended not to see him again and pretend to be really concentrated with what the teachers are saying... oh man!!

Jessica Loh.. how can you do this?? i dont bear to.. but i cant help it.. that's e only resolute i have.. he walked past my class so many times.. and everytime.. i PRETENDED.. how long can i PRETEND?? 2 years of my life in ite?? am i going to do that?? is this gonna work?? is this gonna lessen the pain?? i really hate myself.. i really hate to pretend.. but i just cant help it!!!

went back with farhan today.. we walked to bus 10 bus stop.. so long never go back with him alone le.. always got nad tagging.. and i always throw them aside and go back with yuan.. really talk a lot with him today.. he said he saw him looking at me.. but i just pretended not to see him.. very ke wu right?? very chan ren right?? i know i am.. but i want to lessen my pain.. want to reduce the chance of getting hurt.. well.. if he really cares, i wont be in such a state now...

went see see walk walk shop shop with farhan at tampines.. and i ate mac's sundae hot fudge.. ice-cream helps me forget my worries for the moment.. it helps me reduce stress!! but how effective can this method be this time round?? it dont seems to take effect.. and has upset my stomach instead!! soon.. my taste bud will be lost.. i know it for sure.. well well well.. It's e HEALING process.........................

let my ignorance rawks on!!!!!

[ blockage!! ]

[ blockage!! ]

I had a quarrel with mom today morning.. well.. I dont mean it anyway.. I got the last and most important test right before I have my exams.. and that's my BIOSCIENCE test 2.. haiz.. she just need my help to do some housework for her.. and that's to sweep and mop the floor.. but I told her to ask my brother to do it instead.. He isnt studying and is lazying at home.. guess he should be of the greatest help right?? yupz.. Mom is seriously angry with me now.. but who cares!!!!?? now my studies is important.. I dont want anything to obstruct me now.. I dont want to get distracted.. that's so simple.. Just a small request of mine..

SOOOOooooo.. She said seriously to me that she will lock me at home during the weekend.. She will STOP me from going to study with my friends.. She will BLOCK all my financial needs during the weekend.. IT'S OKIE!!! Jessica Loh can survive without FOOD!!! Nothing is gonna STOP my feet from stepping out of the house.. I just cant concentrate with the 4 walls in my room.. And with the noise pollution ( my dearest DAD and my CUTE-est YOUNGER BROTHER ) at home.. especially on sundays.. haiz..

SOMEONE please SAVE me!! I'm just another pitiful girl!! A person whom doesnt weigh anything in anybody's heart!!!

After praying and after mom left home for work.. I finally can get some peace.. yupz.. I was caught red-handed opening the handphone bill yesterday night and hide it under my mom's piles of bills.. my bill was 70plus last month.. and she actually nagged me the whole night.. well.. my mom sings real great opera yeah!! luckily dad save me!! but he nagged at me with another topic.. one topic that he nagged for one week already.. and that's to be more active in my religion activities.. haiz.. i'm jus plain lazy!! LAZYGER ROCKS!!


I simply cant concentrate.. after all the quarrels and noise pollution irritating my mind.. my opera-singing mom isnt home.. but my naggy dad and gay-ish brother are home!! thanks huh!! after my breakfast.. i watched "wei xiao pasta" while studying.. at 3pm.. i start to get myself locked in the room.. yupz.. HOPING that i can concentrate.. but dont seems to.. went downstairs to buy my favourite wafer!! yupz.. i'm not really hungry actually.. just want to take a breathe downstairs and as usual, my mouth itchy.. feel like munching on something.. I have a craving for ICE-CREAM.. just too lazy to walk.. cause the mama shop opposite my block is closed.. and i dont really want to walk that long..

hmmm.. i have developed a bad habit this 2weeks.. everytime i buy food.. i'll feel like eating it a lot.. but when i bought it.. i'll feel like puking when i even have the first bite only.. haiz.. i guess it's nothing good huh.. Mom finished work.. and called home to ask what we want for dinner.. i told didi to tell her i dont feel like eating.. she thinks i'm angry with her being unreasonable.. yupz!!! mom is really unreasonable.. but i'm not really angry with her.. at the moment is she shout at me, i'm really angry.. but after 10minutes, my angry xiao liao.. i just dont feel like eating..

but.. stubborn daughter got a stubborn mom.. she bought me lao shu fen.. with veggies and chicken wing.. as usual.. the first thing i'll do is to pick out the beansprouts.. hahaz... and i ate mouth by mouth.. with UNWILLINGNESS!!! dad saw me eating.. he know i'm forced to eat.. how i wish my stomach is a zip.. can open and close to throw my food in.. then i dont have to chew and swallow liao.. so easy huh.. convenience.. i managed to squeeze in half the packet of it.. hmmm.. miracle do happen!! hahaz..

after which.. continue to mug on my bioscience.. "you drive me crazy!!" aiyoz.. BLOCKAGE!! i just cannot concentrate.. nad!!! save me!! you should be the one who know the reason behind it!! why?? why does this happen at this moment?? please.. please dont affect my exams!!!!!

[ emo kid ]~*

[ emo kid ]~*

emo kid... i'm just being a emotional freak recently.. i dont know what went wrong with me actually.. i know i cant carry on like that.. but i just cant help myself up.. i just cant stop being like that.. where has the happy-go-lucky jessica gone to?? where has the cheerful jessica gone to?? where?? somebody please call her back can?? why??

was chanting in front of the gohonzon just now.. was praying hard that i can stop thinking of what has happened.. but i just cant.. i cant stuck my ears with music.. my tears will start flowing out.. i cried.. cried in front of the gohonzon.. how?? how am i going to accept this?? why has things turn out to be like that?? it isnt the way i want it to be!! how come things just cant go the way i want it to be???

i thought my life in ite will just be gone in 2 years time peacefully and quietly.. i want to keep a low profile.. but somehow.. i didnt make it through.. thank you.. thank you for coming into my life.. but somehow.. my life is upside down now.. i have lost the energy to stand on my feets once again.. people.. leave me alone for the moment.. i want the peaceful side of me now.. please dont force me to smile.. please dont force me to laugh.. please dont think of cheering me up... it wont helps.. i just want to stay quiet.. and think through thoroughly..

PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

(( e dae has finally came ))

(( e dae has finally came ))

I got back my results for my nursing studies test...yupz.. was quite a gd news actually.. i got 42.5/50.. it's a A.. hahaz.. I got a B tat time 4 my bioscience.. and now a A for my nursing studies.. hmmm.. It's like 2 years since I have the chance to study and mugging really hard into books for my test and exams le.. It feel so good all a sudden.. Though it can be quite stress at times.. BUT.. I know I'm enjoying the process of it.. hahaz... That's all about good news..

I just feel WEIRD this whole week.... My LIFE has been in a MESS.. I dont know what wrong with me too!! (=.=!?) It's just not the normal "Jessica Loh" everyone used to know.. well.. Monday blues.. BUT.. i think i "BLUES" throughout the whole week.... what kind of shit is this?? let's start off the entry on MONDAY ba.. well..

MONDAY - the day started off quite moody.. it's MONDAY blues.. yuan simply ignored me sia.. ARGH!~ It's driving me really crazy!!! first lesson was bioscience combined lecture.. early morning at MLT.. we didnt really talk actually... I also dont know why.. I simply cant get it figured out.. I had lessons till 5pm.. as for him, it's till 3pm actually.. but he got extra training for phase test from 5pm to 6pm like that.. so i waited for him to finish.. he finally voiced out what had happened to him.. he's mood swinging.. due to archery..

yupz.. as usual lahz.. It's archery.. that's e cause of everything.. sometimes I also dont know what I should do.. I dont know anything about archery.. It really makes me difficult to encourage him.. I have to be double careful with my words as well.. sound TEDIOUS huh.. what to do?? that's my fate lahz.. after he dismissed.. we walked to simei east point.. he has to get his PIE project done on tuesday.. so accompany him go NTUC to get the necessary stuffs.. yupz.. he's making cheese cake.. *yum yum* sound nice huh!?!? hahaz(>o<)..

after which.. we went to munch house for our dinner.. poor him.. I'm sick that's why he need to make things go my way.. can only eat things i can eat.. cause i cant eat fast food.. *sobx* on our way there.. we saw a group of nursing students.. hmm.. i caught them RED-HANDED.. yupz.. RED-HANDED!!! they SMOKE in UNIFORM.. BUT.. i have chosen to pretend not to see... i know it's not right to protect them like this.. but i just dont want to get myself in trouble.. they SAW me.. if they didnt.. the second day, they sure die a hard life..

after our dinner.. yuan sent me to the bus-stop.. this time round.. i really very obedient.. never miss any bus then i board liao.. cause i'm late.. it's already 7plus 8 already.. die.. if i gets home later than mom.. then die liao.. i just hope after that, yuan's feelings will get better.. just hoping.. *praying* oh shit!! so unlucky of me.. mom got home just 2 steps before me.. when i was already in the lift to my flat, she called.. ARGH~ she's really ANGRY with my behaviour.. cause i'm sick.. YET... i never guai guai come home earlier... haiz!

TUESDAY - the day where all the frustration starts to rise.. do you think waiting for your loved ones is a WASTE of TIME?? ya.. someone DID.. i cant imagine you will think this way.. well.. after all.. it's just my ILLUSION.. hmmm.. sorry for those who dont understand what i'm trying to write.. i'm just trying to VOICE out without people knowing the exact meaning behind it.. it's really HEART BREAKING for the person who hears that huh?? i PITY that person's ears.. OUCH!~ it SIMPLY HURTS!! i can understand how that person feel.. i think i will want to get my heart FREEZE then.. NUMB it!! lessons supposed to end at 3pm.. but got bioscience extra lesson till 5pm..

i'm super tired.. and having the terrible backache almost have taken my life away.. i turned pale during the phase test... i simply cannot CONCENTRATE.. Mdm Lam should be really really disappointed with my performance.. yupz.. I KNOW.. I know i SCREWED my phase test 2.. Mdm Qian saw my face turning hot and red.. yupz.. I'm running a FEVER.. after all the BUILD IN FRUSTRATION and SADNESS.. my temperature rise like rocket.. she wants me to go home and rest well.. but i insisted that i dont want to.. just dont want to miss lessons.. exams is round the corner!!

WEDNESDAY - it was just another TERRIBLE day.. but with early dismissal... early morning.. Mdm Qian saw me at cafe 1 and she came towards me.. she requested to see my mindmap on bioscience.. well.. she seems to hear people praising my mindmap.. lolx(>o<).. what a joke.. i dont think it's that great actually.. hahaz! but i didnt bring.. no bioscience lesson on wednesday actually.. during nursing studies the combined lecture at MLT.. a girl from class D asked if i'm jessica.. lolx.. she commented that i'm well-known.. WELL-KNOWN??!?? (=.=!?) question mark huh.. after which.. we had our SW class.. lolx.. half the class didnt bring PE attire.. and those who brought didnt bother to get change.. we begged.. begged for teacher for early dismissal.. well.. my terrible day just ended like that.. with all my sms-es all ignored.. thanks huh!!


THURSDAY - this is the only day of the week i dont have to feel so stress.. ya.. cause it's a holiday.. i dont have to go school.. and dont have to crack my little head to cheer him up... that's really tiring.. i'm not a mom.. went to study with farhan and nad.. and it rains!!! somehow.. the sky is pitying this little girl.. with her heart and soul all wound out.. i ate ice-cream with a packet of milo after that.. ice-cream helps to cheer my day.. as for milo.. i just hope i'll get diarrhoea and get to skip school tomorrow.. but somehow.. my stomach works normally then.. we went to support hafiz in his jamming performance at the west coast bowl. it's like so long i never step foot there.. *memories back-flow*

BUT.. so embarrassing of me.. i didnt get to stay till he perform.. what a miss!! i have to go for a hair cut.. actually.. it was meant to be cutting of my liu hai only.. but mom insist that i should trim my hair as well.. okie.. let things go your way this time round mom.. i have cut my 3000 fan nan si!!! ya.. it's pretty short i can say... 3inches of my hair gone.. just imagine dear friends!!!! hahaz.. kind of REGRET actually.. not the hair not nice.. but i think i look WEIRD.. my hair hasnt been that short ever since i start working.. i always have long hairs.. tat's my TRADEMARK since kindergarten.. hahaz.. SO PROUD of me.. *wink*

FRIDAY - the healing process.. everything has come to an end.. FINALLY... nad and farhan.. ur ears will stop bleeding because of my grumble!! FINALLY huh.. BUT my heart really aches.. my face changed colour.. just like chameleon.. i cant really smile.. ya.. Jessica Loh's TRADEMARK SMILE is GONE!!!! it's gonna be LOST forever this time round.. It melted many people's heart.. but i will choose not to smile.. this way will helps to LESSEN my PAIN.. ICE-CREAM.. i ate ice-cream again.. BUT.. it seems like i'm TOO MUCH IN PAIN.. i dont feel that the ICE-CREAM is WORKING on me.. i dont feel HAPPY after eating. I DONT!! why?!? why will the thing you feared the most comes faster than expected?? how long a WOUND takes to HEAL?? guys.. stop pinching salt onto my WOUND!!

[ it's been tough on you... and tough on me.. ]

[ it's been tough on you... and tough on me.. ]

it's been tough on you for the past few weeks.. from fever/flu to stomach flu to over exertation to virus infection.. i know it's tough on you.. really tough on you.. 5days of school.. yuan wasnt in school from monday to thursday.. he was down from fever.. got virus infection.. he simply physically and mentally weak now.. i guess he really feel pressurized.. i just dont understand why that guys usually wont feel comfortable talking to their loved ones their problems.. is it because they are afraid to lose face?? isnt it better to talk someone who understand you the best your problems?? why is it so important whether you will lose face or not??

recently.. he seems to very cold to me.. very cold at times.. that yuan i know dont seems to be one i know at first.. his sms is short and dont really want to talk to me at times.. is it because you think you're a burden to me?? or everything i can think of is only my wild guessing?? wo ye heng tong ku!! do you know that??

i was down from fever yesterday.. i'm supposed to go school for the meet-e-parents session.. end up.. i didnt go.. my fever rise from 38.3deg C to almost 40deg C.. i almost feel tat i'm dying le.. mayb i jus over exert myself too much recently ba.. plus inadquate amount of rest.. well.. i'm jus tired..

- will there be a day i will lose my smile ?? -

[ i lost e "bet" !!! ]

[ i lost e "bet" !!! ]

ahhhh.... a week have just passed... test after test.. i'm getting a bit tired.. *exhausted* well.. bear with it!!!!! i tolerant!!!!! *TOLERANCE*... let's have a progress report on e past 1 week.. it's really happening....

MONDAY - hmmm.. early morning.. we had our very 1st bioscience test in e MLT... can u imagine that i dreamt of the questions?? lolx.. i just dreamt a little.. dreamt that i must study on my functions of skeletal system.. i dreamt about the examples of long bones..and e questions really came out.. oh man!!! i got a shocked of my entire life.. well.. this paper is considered quite an easy paper.. if i never do well, oh man!!! i'll go knock the wall... Junyuan ended school at 3pm.. so he went home before me.. i had my lessons till 5pm.. well.. he wants to come meet me for dinner.. but he had a terrible headache.. so he stayed at home instead... and then.... i had a terrible incident.. as usual.. bus31 is forever packed.. so i'll always spend some time to walk to another bus stop nearby to take bus10..

well.. monday blues huh.. monday is the start of the day.. yet a terrible day for me.. because.. all my buddies have interact club lohz.. Nad, Farhan, Shiffa and Ramlan... somemore that Mr.Tan end school so early.. end up... I will have to go back alone lohz.. no choice!!!! *sobx* oh man!!! i was happily sitting alone in the upper deck of the bus.. and happily giving way to those who wants to get down first.. and sadly.. "hao ren mei hao bao" ((good people never have good outcome))..... i templed down two steps.. oh man!! so embarrassing.. luckily never fall down.. just aching and my leg into an elephant leg in spilt seconds!!! luckily Junyuan not around.. if not, it will be more EMBARRASSING sia.. it's very embarrassing to fall in front of a guy or in front of someone you like.. GIRLS out there!!! AGREED?!?

i just dare not rub.. i scare it will get worse.. so all i did was to limp all the way home.. and told him what happened.. thanks for volunteering to rub for me.. but i think i'll cry sia.. wahahaz...

TUESDAY - well.. my leg was pretty swollen and red.. but.. i limped all the way to school.. it took me 15mins to walk to the bus-stop instead of the usual 5mins.. big different huh.. no choice.. and i know clearly tat Junyuan will feel like killing me.. cause I have already promised him that if my leg still swell, i'll go see a doctor and stay home to rest.. yup.. i know clearly that i will get a scolding.. so the clever me actually think through how to fight back.. hahaz.. my reason will be "i hurted my leg, but my brain"... kekez.. how stupid it can be.. no choice lahz.. i dont want to miss any of the lessons if possible.. cause it will never be easy to get replacement lessons.. Mdm Qian was shocked to see me limping all the way to her office early morning when she called upon requesting to see me.. the first thing she said was to ask me go home rest.. but insisted on staying in school..

i have wasted so much energy to limp all the way to school.. it will not be worthwhile if i'm going to limp all the way home again right?? luckily he will be only school at 9am.. and i'll only see him only during lunch hours at 12pm.. lolx.. it will delay the time i gonna get scolding from him.. i msg him and told him i limped all e way in school.. clever move.. let him voice out his anger through sms before getting scolding face to face.. lolx.. i know clearly you wont bear to scold me de.. hahaz(0^.^o).. yupz.. he actually asked me how much it cost to take cab from school to my place.. i know clearly in my heart that he's planning to give me money to take cab home cause he cant send me home because his lessons ends at 6pm..

true enough... when he saw me during lunch hours, the first thing he did was to stuff money into my hand.. i didnt take.. the money was passed here and there and i struggled more than 10mins just to make him keep his money.. i said before.. i'm not a materialised girl... i dont need you to spend money on me de.. thanks for being so SWEET.. yupz.. so he became my walking stick during lunch.. so that Nad can rest.. tired you guys le.. *muackz* he got back his bioscience results also.. he got a A.. *fainted* ... die.. we got a bet between us.. if he do better than i did, he will have to punish.. same for me.. vice versa.. and the person who do badly will have to accept any punishment given by the person who do well.. just pray hard i can do well...

Jenny came to my house today.. cause Dad bought some health products from her.. had a talk with her.. and actually explain to her to stages of pressure ulcer when she show me some pictures of her cilents.. well.. Jenny is my collengue cum soulmate in my office... she knows lots of my stories.. after Dad came back.. i went back into my room... was on the phone with Junyuan.. we actually talked till 11plus like that.. he was simply too happy that he got an A for his bioscience.. and happily waiting to punish me.. *sobx* bad boy right?? somemore can tell me "nan ren bu huai nu ren bu ai" ((men dont be bad women dont love))... what logic sia!?! (=.=!?)

WEDNESDAY - well.. we had nafa today.. early morning.. i just saw someone i wouldnt want to see.. spoilt my mood..... they had a 2.4km run.. and something shocking happened... he had muscle cramp on both side of his legs.. and immediately.. he sat down causing his metabolism to drop.. the PE teacher actually instruct me to go buy 100Plus for him.. but then... when i returned.. he was already unconscious.. he cant bear the pain and he fainted.. *SHOCKED* i really got a shocked of my entire life.. goaty rang Mdm Quek.. and she came down with Mdm Qian.. while Mdm Quek try to call his mother, the ambulance and get to BP set...

Mdm Qian held his acupunture point under his nose.. wheread i'm holding on to the acupunture point at his hand.. i'm so scared.. he simply does not have any hand grip and his hands are freezing cold.. his eye balls involuntaryly rolling up.. can u imagine how scary it can be?? i held my back my tears.. i'm afraid that if he wakes up and see me cry, he will be worried.. Farhan and Nad were the ones supporting me.. asking me to be strong.. everything will be fine.. Do you still remember the horrifying question last saturday?? I'm so scared.. so scared that the question you ask will come true.. luckily... before the ambulance even arrive, Junyuan was awake already...

after he left.. my tears just involuntarily flowed out.. i cried.. telling Nad that if any thing really happened to him, i guess i will not have the courage to stay on his nursing anymore.. luckily.. he still know that i will worried and ring me immediately when he reaches the hospital.. thank you gohonzon.. while holding his hand, i prayed.. i chanted in my heart.. luckily nothing happened to you.. if not, what will happened to me ar? in the evening.. he slipped out of the house.. he insist on accompanying me to the doctor.. he knows clearly that if he dont go with me, i'll never go to the doctor.. thanks a lot.. when i see him, i just feel like hugging and telling him, "you really scare me..." but.. i cant.. cause i'm in the uniform.. representing the nurses.. so must be jian dian a bit... hahaz... yupz.. was quite painful going down the stairs.. see him so exhausted liao still must pei this gong zhu go see doctor.. i really feel so ashamed of myself.. heart aches as well.. no matter what.. please promise me to be there.. never leave me alone ar!!!!

THURDAY - oh well.. he didnt come school today.. his mom insist that he should rest at home for another day.. oh well.. it's thursday again.. for the past 3 weeks.. he has been missing his lessons on thursday.. thursday is e longest day of the whole week.. and so coincidentally.. he misses lessons every thursday.. i also dont know how i managed to survive without him in school.. especially when it's a long day... well.. we only got a period of bioscience in the morning followed by PIE.. after which.. at 3pm.. we have the "meet-the-principal" session.. so we have to miss our bioscience lesson..

after which.. from 5pm to 6pm.. it's ITE Cares.. oh well... it's a session that many will think that it's a waste of time... hahaz.. what ever it is.. it's part of our school time.. no choice.. we have no other alternatives to choose from.. heez.. well.. we almost had a quarrel.. he feels that everyone around him is worried for him.. giving him lots of pressure..asking him not to do this.. not to do that.. i know you dont meant to be so fustrated.. it's okie to pour out your frustration to me.. i guess you will feel better this way.. well.. i guess sometimes crying is a good way of releasing stress.. at least that's what i will do.. when i'm angry n really angry, i'll cry.. when i'm upset, i cry too.. and... i'll force myself to finish a tub of ice-cream.. ya.. i know it's fattening.. but it's a good way.. sometimes.. if i'm at home.. i do housework like mopping the floor.. those things that needs to exert lots of energy.. it's a way to release anger too..

FRIDAY - yupz.. today.. was a crucial day for me and many of those in our class.. we got back our bioscience results.. i got 38.5/50.. yupz.. it's a B.. i wanna aim for an A actually.. jus few more marks needed to achieve an A.. well.. it's my careless mistake.. shiffa, nad and farhan did quite well too.. but ramlan didnt make it.. well.. junyuan got even better results than me.. he got an A actually.. so.. i actually lost the "bet".. now.. he should be thinking of how to punish me i guess.. that's the bet between us actually... well well well... ren ming for this time.. kekez... *hugz*

[ i feel so contented!! ]

[ i feel so contented!!]

well.. 4weeks of school has passed.. many things happened.. from small things to BIG things.. from sad things to SWEET things.. ITE life is really filled with lots of excitement.. sometimes i'll get hypotension n sometimes HYPERTENSION.. well.. I just dont know how to put them in words.. well.. all i can say is.. I'm in a GREAT class.. JN0704C, I LOVE YOU!!

we got a change in class leader actually.. Aini has stepped down her post.. and now, Vin is our new class leader.. the rest of the committee members still remains.. I hope with a new class leader, things will get better.. I hope so!!!! well.. I jus gone through my very first phase test on tuesday.. well... good news to share i guess.. I PASSED!!! kekez.. the top student in my class is a GUY.. oh man! kind of disgrace lahz.. cant imagine we girls cant do better.. well.. He's Hadi actually.. Mdm Qian feel so proud of him.. cause he actually joined us another 1week later.. yet, he can do so well!! I'm proud of you too!! hahaz...

well.. tomorrow is our very first Bioscience test.. hmmm.. why am i still online?? i should be mugging on my bioscience huh... i'm having a bad flu actually.. well.. i did studied.. but it's yesterday.. lolx.. i went to study with Junyuan yesterday.. Nad, Shiffa, Farhan and Ramlan are all in school for their Interact club camp.. so left with me and Junyuan to study lohz...

feel quite weird at first.. a bit paiseh also.. hahaz.. but it has been a great experience studying with him.. both of us just feel like dozing off at Mac.. but luckily still managed to study from 3plus to 7pm like that.. he's kind of sad actually.. cos he cant get into the archery competition.. i also dont know how to comfort him.. feel so useless.. haiz.. but luckily he didnt emo through out.. if not, i wont know how to handle the situation.. dont worry Junyuan.. be it what happened, remember, I'll be by your side to suppport you.. "Believe in yourself, cause i Believe in you".... JIAYOU!!!

off to study!!