[ it's NOT EASY to be ME!! ]

it's NOT EASY to be ME!!

had a real early rest last night.. by 10.30pm, my whole family are all in bed.. but i turning and tossing in bed actually.. cannot sleep.. and still hoping he will sms.. i actually sms him yesterday morning to wish him all the best in his NUS competition.. but i guess this time round, he's disappointed with his performance again?? the last round.. he had a competition on the saturday after the "incident" took place.. and i sms him saying the same old words too.. and he did replied in the night telling me how he did.. but this time round, he didnt.. my instinct tell me he didnt do well..

i think and think.. and fall asleep.. woke up at 9plus today morning.. kind of early for a sunday morning huh.. dad's home.. bro too.. mom has just left home for work.. *sianz*.. going to face the two MEN at home.. Nad sms and asked if i can go out to study.. *haiz* just too bad.. I CANT!! cause mom took my farecard to top the concession for me.. if not, i will have to walk to school tomorrow!! hahaz.. i'm still on the com.. havent start studying for my nursing studies YET.. Jessica Loh, with this kind of efforts you are putting in, how well do you think you will do?? *haiz* i'm just easily distracted.. that's why i DONT WANT to STUDY at HOME!!

i'm still dwelling in the problem.. my heart is still STUCK inside.. pull me out, somebody!! if da jie see this entry of mine, she will be real disappointed that i'm still like that after she had that talk with me.. FORGET all about it, Jess.. YOU CAN DO IT DE!! JUST DO IT!! (sound like nike's advertisment).. it's NOT EASY to be ME!! SERIOUSLY..

daryl talked to yesterday on msn.. he thought he's the one who made me angry.. WAHAHAZ!! *laughing my ass out* you dont have such ability now ANYMORE.. ya.. he's my ex-boyfriend.. and he advised me not to take things so seriously in life.. he's the one who know me inside out.. i'm always SERIOUS in things i do.. ESPECIALLY those that interest me.. he said that after minus-ing the sadness, the stress, illness and stuff.. we are only left with 70years to live.. and now, we are now almost 20years old liao.. only left with 50more years.. should CHERISH the good moments..

yupz.. just blaming myself how come my fate with daryl is so SHORT?? if not, we'll still be e COUPLE everyone around envies.. SERIOUSLY.. my secondary school mates really envy me having such a nice boyfriend.. BUT.. it's all short term happiness.. let everything ends FASTER!! i NEED a BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!