[ ignorance !! ]

[ ignorance!! ]

today morning.. I SIMPLY just dont feel like getting out of bed.. all I can say is.. I FORCED myself to CLIMB out of my bed sia.. I dont know how I managed to do it.. but I SUCCEEDED!! well.. as usual lohz.. same old routine.. bath liao then pray.. then tidy my precious hair and out i go for school... the moment i step out of the house, i told myself.. "jessica loh, you must be different today.. everything is gonna be alright!!"

I want to have a short nap in the bus.. but i cant.. i also dont know why.. Jessica Loh.. you sound weird today.. well.. it's okie.. nobody will cares if you are or you are not.. as usual.. reach school around 7 like that.. and waited patiently for Farhan, Nad and Shiffa to come.. had a cup of COLD milo and a bread.. FREEZE to death.. so cold after drinking the milo.. then.. we made our way to MLT... our BIOSCIENCE paper.. i'm COMING!! saw him actually.. and saw him looking my way.. Jessica loh, you just too good in pretending.. i pretended.. pretended not to see him..

oh man!!! the paper is pretty easy.. but say truthfully.. i got no confidence at all.. oh man!! DIE.. just so scared that I will fail my test.. if test fail, exams really will die.. after which.. is PIE lesson lohz.. we are given a special task.. to write positive comments to our classmates.. it seems like last day of school... how i wish this day can come faster.. *day-dreaming* well well well.. it's good to day dream once in a while huh... lolx.. we really had a great time doing it.. really have lots of great comments.. thanks guys!~

after lunch break.. was nursing studies theory... *yawn* the whole class is dozing off... after all the midnight oil yesterday.. i'm so tired.. after theory.. it's practical.. tired!!!!! saw him actually.. got detention.. last tuesday late for class.. so bad of me again.. i pretended not to see him again and pretend to be really concentrated with what the teachers are saying... oh man!!

Jessica Loh.. how can you do this?? i dont bear to.. but i cant help it.. that's e only resolute i have.. he walked past my class so many times.. and everytime.. i PRETENDED.. how long can i PRETEND?? 2 years of my life in ite?? am i going to do that?? is this gonna work?? is this gonna lessen the pain?? i really hate myself.. i really hate to pretend.. but i just cant help it!!!

went back with farhan today.. we walked to bus 10 bus stop.. so long never go back with him alone le.. always got nad tagging.. and i always throw them aside and go back with yuan.. really talk a lot with him today.. he said he saw him looking at me.. but i just pretended not to see him.. very ke wu right?? very chan ren right?? i know i am.. but i want to lessen my pain.. want to reduce the chance of getting hurt.. well.. if he really cares, i wont be in such a state now...

went see see walk walk shop shop with farhan at tampines.. and i ate mac's sundae hot fudge.. ice-cream helps me forget my worries for the moment.. it helps me reduce stress!! but how effective can this method be this time round?? it dont seems to take effect.. and has upset my stomach instead!! soon.. my taste bud will be lost.. i know it for sure.. well well well.. It's e HEALING process.........................

let my ignorance rawks on!!!!!