[ tired.. i need a break ]

tired.. i need a break ..

haiz.. 2dae got sd cic mtg.. n i attended though i not a cic in sd.. hmmm.. quite tired 2dae.. shld sae quite tired tis past few daes.. as my work r piling up.. n was super busi wif my gakkai activities oso.. jus finished wif my ssa district family dae.. n guess wat.. we hit e target we set.. yeah.. super happi.. n thankie 4 all e leaders who came 2 support mi.. after e mtg itself on 20th which is last sundae.. went 2 soka rites.. in other words went 2 attend a funeral wake.. it's a WD mber in my district.. she jus passed away at e age of 90.. wow.. old rite?? actuall my mood was badly tat da.. i onli noe of e news on e sundae mornin itself.. n.. on e other hand, i mus make sure i'm happily facing my new frenz in e ssa family dae in e afternoon.. haiz.. tis is e 1st funeral wake i attended as e status of a leader.. realli upset..

now.. my concentration is on e musical byakuren mbers supposed 2 put up durin our sept byakuren mtg in sept.. onli left wif abt 2 weeks b4 e actual performance.. n then at e same time.. yr end soka kindergarten alumni concert oso goin in2 e preparation period le.. oh no.. will b super busi.. actuall was sick 4 abt 2 weeks le.. i veri stubborn.. noe i sore throat badly yet it took mi 1 wk later 2 then consult e doc.. by then, i alread lost my voice.. jus managed 2 recover my voice onli..but still havin flu n sore throat..

though i'm sick, i still continue 2 attend my gakkai activities as per normal.. till mondae, was pretti bad.. mayb i shld sae is gd fortune ba.. boss ask mi go hm rest n gave mi half dae leave.. n tuesdae itself, i was on mc.. went 2 consult doc e 2nd time.. actuall i shld b still on medication de.. i didnt take actuall.. cos takin e medi makes mi drowzy.. so i insist not 2 take.. tat's y i arent recovering fast.. e road of kosen-rufu has no resting.. so i mus jiayou.. n then my work.. quite a lot.. cos my director on mc cos he terribly sick..

2dae attended e sd cic mtg.. actuall i not cic lahz.. but attended it wif xueyun.. was hopin 2 c him.. but once again.. i dropped 2 world of hell.. *misery* .. haiz.. it's okie.. every sat n sun.. one dae at least mus chiong 3 sessions.. hopin from mtg 2 another mtg 2 concert events 2 homevisit.. veri tired ar.. i need a break badly.. jus hope i can slp 1 wk dun wakey.. lolx.. tink i'll b paralysis after tat.. lolx..

i'm working on others' happiness n let mine b found eventually

[i'm working on others' happiness n let mine be found eventually]

tis few daes been veri busi.. every dae is chiong-ing 4 my work.. my work is piling up.. n it jus gets taller n taller on my desk.. jus like fridae.. i got planning mtg at 8pm at bukit batok.. guess wat.. i onli managed 2 leave my work place at paya lebar at 7pm.. oh no.. luckily tat dae my admin manager cum sales personel goin hm early.. if not, i tink i 8pm oso dun need 2 go back.. haiz.. jus like yester.. i planned 2 work till 2pm n chiong 2 tbsc 4 e sd nationwide mtg de.. but office pple goin back early.. i left my work place ard 1.15plus ba.. oh no.. got lotsa work haven finish yet.. die lahz tis time round.. mondae sure got lotsa stuff 2 finish..

was pretti fun yester during e mtg actuall.. got lotsa sd seniors shared their testimony.. got mani cic n iic graduated oso.. got sum newly appointed ones oso.. was quite happi 4 them oso.. though i dun realli hav any institue.. but attending nrpsd de wif xueyun.. but xueyun has 2 leave early.. sobx.. luckily still lay leng ard.. was hopin 2 c him.. till e end of e mtg.. i tot it will b a disappointing dae 2 mi.. wanna sae gd bye 2 yvonne, caifeng n soo shan they all.. then when i turn round facing e exit door of e main hall.. i catch a glimpse of a person's back who realli look like him.. end up they sae take grp photos.. once again.. tat person disappear in front of mi.. after e photo taking, i left tbsc wif soo shan.. at e lobby area.. saw one of my close sista.. i dun realli feel e close-ness wif her anymore..

tat's wat how mi after she was attached.. tat's wat i hate 2 c oso.. i noe having a bf 2 mani gers is e most impt thingy in life.. but dun u need frenz n close frenz ard too?? last time.. when i was deeply in life in my sec sch life.. i oso tink e same way.. tink back.. i realli feel tat tat's a veri stupid way of thinking.. oops.. shld sae foolish.. i'm realli naive last time.. love is not everythingy.. jus like i once quote from sensei's guidance : " love is not 2 pple gazing at each other but 2 pple lookin ahead in e same direction ".. i can live out a bf's love.. but i noe there's lotsa frenz loving n caring 4 mi.. tat's enough le..

at e bus stop outside shell petrol kisok.. i saw him.. was quite happi actuall.. n my bus came.. i boarded e bus.. yet he didnt notice mi.. so sad.. n didnt hav e courage 2 call him oso.. was even more upset when i saw him not realli happi n feelin a bit down.. heartbroken.. but i'm praying 4 his absolute happiness everydae.. " You must be happy worz.. I'm praying earnestly for you.. "
thankie for waking mi up 2 my senses.. after seeing u yester.. i realised tat i should not be hopin 2 find my happiness so selflessly.. buy workin hard on others' happiness n let mine be found eventually.. jus like when we practice.. we mus practice 4 oneself n 4 others..

took a small test on chinese fortune thingy de.. n tat's how i'm being described..

[ Your life is represented by the garden full of rich soil with a devoted spirit, so you like to help people without asking for anything in return. You keep your word and you like kind and determined people. You look like an easy-going person but you are actually quite determined. It's hard to tell what's on your mind and you tend to keep a low profile.]

jus feel tat it's realli describe mi well.. i help pple n wont ask anythingy in return.. i do keep my words.. hahaz.. n as 4 relationship.. tat's wat they sae abt mi..

[ In your relationship, you are mutually loving and respectful of each other. Your love is full of romance and happiness. In romance, according to our analysis, you are easily attracted to someone you admire in your heart, but you often end up empty-handed because you are too shy to go after him. Generally speaking, men do not have deep first impression of you, so they need time to discover your inner beauty. You, however, tend to like a person at the first sight, but not after a period of time. Therefore, if you are still waiting for a good romance, try to show your inner beauty by doing more activities, establishing better habits, and socializing with more people. This way you can express your inner beauty naturally all the time, which makes your romance go more smoothly. In the journey of life, your romantic or marriage partner might be introduced by relatives and friends, or through matchmaking. You tend to be inexperienced in love, unable to express yourself, and do not know how to actively pursue someone without being too sticky or giving up easily. You have opportunities but are afraid to get hurt, so eventually it is not easy for you to have the spark of love. If you are still seeking your love partner don't rush because someone nearby likes you, so as long as you sincerely give a little hint, the happiness is right beside you.]

i'm tat kinda of timid person 2wards love.. n tat's true.. n i alwaz believe in 1st sight love a lot.. mayb bcos of my horoscope - sagittarius ba.. hahaz.. n i'm alwaz afraid 2 get hurt.. and n as 4 wealth.. they sae i noe how 2 make money but not gd in saving.. yup.. tat's true.. i not stingy type of person.. i'll spend wat i hav 2 spend even when i finacially tight.. lolx.. 1st one mus improve.. so i'm savin money now.. kekez..

P.S. A little of LOVE n COURAGE is all i ask from u..

勇敢的幸福

勇敢的幸福

yester.. was a bad dae 4 mi.. i was havin a bad flu n gastric pain.. yet i was forced 2 work till 8plus.. customer last min fax their sketch of e cutters they wanna order over.. so i was forced by my sales personel 2 stay back 2 draw.. then they oso sae wan straight fluting or spiral de.. end up.. from e customer's sketch, i feel is straight fluting de, so i draw straight de.. end up.. finished liao e sales personel sae is spiral fluting de.. i'm like so tired le lohz.. cant i b granted a break??

but hearin lotsa bad feed back abt mi from my senior.. pple tink tat i'm e one who stole 2 ricebowl of my senior, n make boss transfer him 2 another department.. i dunoe any inner news oso.. i'm innocent.. yet.. pple love 2 back stab n gossip behind my back.. it's okie.. i can endure all these.. but i jus wanna cry out when i ever tot of tat.. mani a times, it isnt my falut, but i'm alwaz e one who get all those stupid scoldings n 2 bear all e mistakes n responsiblity i dun hav 2..

mayb i'm young ba.. nian qing jiu shi ben qian.. pple envy.. no choice.. but i'm tired.. how i wish i can fulfill my dream of goin back 2 school.. i wanna fulfill my ambition.. i alwaz believe in tryin.. cos i noe if i try, there's a glimpse of chance of succeedin.. so i try.. try 2 make engineering design as my ambition.. i try 2 make tis my dream.. i need tat courage.. 2 b xin fu..

i alwaz tink u r e one i can turn 2.. is u who came in2 my mind when i almost burst out in2 tears yester while workin.. is u who makes mi hold back my tears.. 2 at least struggle on wif a glimpse of courage tat i hav.. but whenever i feel like calling u or sms-ing u.. my hands trembled wif fear.. i'm jus afraid of rejection from u.. i noe.. wo xin zi du ming tat i'll nv b e one who comes across ur mind be it when u r upset or filled wif joy.. i noe.. u dun hav 2 explain.. but.. i jus cant stop tinking of u.. i jus cant tellin myself not 2 love u or care 4 u.. u're e one who pick mi up when i fall badly.. u're e one who opens e door 2 happiness 4 mi.. if not of u, i'll nv b able e door of happiness is open 4 u.. plz brin mi along.. plz wait 4 mi at e finishing line.. dun worry.. though i'm far behind.. i'll catch up wif u................................

P.S. A little of LOVE n COURAGE is all i ask from u..

[[ my heart is bleeding - guess i NEVER be e one in ur heart]]

[[ my heart is bleeding - guess i NEVER be e one in ur heart]]

My heart bleeds when i tot of u.. mom sae sumthingy 2 mi tat dae.. she sae " bei ai shi xin fu de".. but i simply dun agree.. if e person who loves u deeply yet u dun hav any special feeling 2wards tis person, then u will b equally nan shou.. n i alwaz faced in such a situation.. e person who loves mi wang wang is not e person i love.. e person whom i love deeply simply dun ever bother 2 look at mi.. ai shi bu shi hen tong ku nen??

i start 2 feel tat pple ard mi arent appreciating my efforts.. i done so much.. yet.. i tink they dun feel grateful but presurrized ba.. pin wen.. guess u r realli my lucky star, my best listener.. he is my soka ex school mate.. he is as old as mi.. so lucky of mi though we arent from e same class, we'll able 2 meet one another after we graduated 13yrs from soka kinder.. bcos of his words, he realli makes mi feel tat i'm a person pple can give great respect 2..but cannot alwaz ba zhan u later she complain.. kekez..

realli veri stressful tis few weeks, my slp everydae gets lesser n lesser.. n i'm alwaz woken up by nightmares.. sumtimes.. i'm jus terrified.. n my religion stuff.. in aug.. i actuall did my 1st byakuren duty on a super impt event.. n tat's e ltg.. n i'm in charge 2 help out in e award presentation.. while i was holdin on 2 e cetificate 4 GD Ong give out.. he smiles at mi.. heart simple melted.. seems like how tough n busi tat dae can b.. everthingy is enlightened.. n one of e in charge, melvin.. mani gakkai pple shld noe him ba.. he's e chorographer 4 yr 2001 youth ndp.. actuall got tok 2 him b4 last time.. but guess he cannot rmb..he oso thankie mi 4 my efforts.. sobx.. almost gan dong till drop teard..

jus bein appointed as a district leader on e 4th of aug.. busi preparing my ssa family dae discussion meetin as well as workin on hard 4 e yr end concert..guess i realli tat chiong type.. every week end is gakkai activities.. on sat.. usuall after work will atend meetin in e afternoon then hop 2 another place 4 another meetin.. jus like last sundae.. after work, i went 2 e plannin 2 at sk.. n hop 2 clementi 4 homevisit.. then sundae oso.. usually i'll attend mornin gongyo session at e kaikan then go 4 another meetin in e afternoon n another in e nitez.. so sorrie xianyun tat i'm pretti busi tis period tat i hav no time 2 shop wif u.. sorrie!!

my work.. is givin mi probz..i jus dunoe how 2 de-stress now.. n those gossipers in my company makes mi feel tat i'm workin meaninglessly.. how i wish dun need 2 work but onli strive 4 kosen rufu.. n i'm tinkin of goin back 2 studies.. jus like all my frenz.. realli envy them studyin in poly 2 accomplish their ambition.. but i'm afraid tis will actuall increase e burden of my finanical needs at hm.. i dun mind suffering jus 2 let my younger bro complete his education n gets in a gd uni..

of cos.. xueyun.. u oso done a great part encouragin mi.. u 2 will alwaz be one listening 2 my grumble, sharin my sorrows n happiness.. if not 4 u 2.. i'll hav given up durin tis period le.. realli thankie a lot.. down wif a bad flu n hav been continously havin gastric pain 4 e past few days.. mayb i jus too stress up.. but i realli accomplish sumthingy gd yester.. i managed 2 invite 2 of my new frenz 4 e public lecture yester.. guess they realli hav a deeper faith in out religion.. great yeah!!! hor hor hor.. at least tat's sumthingy gd i can share wif now..

as 4 him.. haiz..wat u promise.. u nv do.. i'm realli disappointed when i saw sumthingy on other pple's blog.. i noe.. i'm nv important 2 u.. ya rite.. u r jus a fren.. a pu tong peng you.. wat rights do i hav 2 ba zhan u?? wat rights do i hav 2 obstruct u attaining eternal happiness?? hav been listening veri deeply in S.H.E. "bu zhou ni de peng you".. tat's how i feel.. can i not b ur fren?? can i?? i nv love envyin pple bein so loving n happi.. i nv love tis kinda of feelin.. when will it b my turn?? i do hav lotsa frenz.. i hav been workin hard 4 pple ard mi 2 b happi n 2 attain eternal happiness.. gohonzon.. will mine be comin??


P.S. A little of LOVE n COURAGE is all i ask 4 from u..