Friday, July 24, 2009

tonsilitis, go away!!!!!!

tonsilitis, go away!!!!!

It's been almost a month since i last updated my blog.. Well, i was too BUSY fighting against my illness.. No time for friends, no time for shopping, no time for anything.. Yeah, one fine day, i wake up having extreme pain at my ear and feel my throat a little sore..

Still go ahead to work on a am shift and headed to the doctor after work.. Doctor diagnosed me as having TONSILITIS! Oh shit! When i heard it, i was like "tonsilitis?" hais.. This time sure will suffer.. It was worse than what you can think.. Having to suffer a pain 1000times worse than a sore throat.. I
didnt noe how i made it through actually.. It was a totally nightmare. Having to see 5times doctor, each time getting from bad to worse. And having to take mc yet unable to sleep throughout the night...

so bad luck.. It happened just few days before i'm on my first night shift in the ward.. Having to keep quiet and go to work despite having fever and shivering from my head to my toes. it was HELL throughout my 3days of night duty.. But i made it through but each time making my condition worse.. 2 swollen lymph nodes at the neck and 3 at the back of my head.. Extreme pain till i couldnt even lie down supine..

Having to wake up every hour to drink water to keep my throat wet and waking up to pee in the night.. Rubbing medicated oil like spraying perfume and not even able to swallow a mouth of rice.. Everyday taking soft diet, but not even able to have more than 2mouthful.. Even swallowing saliva was a torture for me.. Having to sleep with my mouth open, i knew i am suffering from obstructive sleep apnea.. Not being able to breathe properly as my tonsils are extremely swollen till it only leaves a tiny airway for the oxygen to get in.. Getting up in the night sweating and having a hard time getting back to sleep..

This goes on for 3whole weeks.. Not being able to sleep, not being able to eat.. And having 3 antibiotic changed.. Taking medicine like taking candies was my daily activities of living... Vomiting, having gastric pain, extreme headache, cracked lips are the side effects i bear after having to take the medication given..I panic.. I really do.. I set the whole family in tense situation.. Everyone worrying about me.. I really dont know how i managed to go to work.

But i made it through.. Now slightly better, can at least finish more than half share of my food and feels just like having a sore throat..but, i know.. It will come back.. Will be seeing a ENT specialist on the 4th of august and hopes it dont come back cause there will be a high chance i will be operated on.. Oh well, everyone in my family is against the idea of having to go through GA and be operated on.. Well, we shall see how bad it goes..

Just finished my 2nd round of night shift.. Will be doing night duty again.. Sianx.. But i get to rest more:) people, these are my updates recently:)

Saturday, June 27, 2009

[ can a guy and a girl be purely friends? ]

can a guy and a girl be purely friends?

it's been quite some time since my last post.. well, work is just BUSY and only BUSY.. nothing much to elaborate on as you all know, my work is highly private.. everything cannot be discussed out of the 4 walls in the ward..

well, this few days, have been thinking really hard on this topic.. i dont know why.. but just feel that some thoughts should be given to this topic.. "Can a guy and a girl be purely friends?"... my answer was YES many years back.. in fact all along, my answer was this until recently.. i dont know what's bothering me but i just see too many of my friends going beyond the line they should cross despite being in a relationship..

this turns my all along answer - a YES.. to a MAYBE NO.. We are humans, we are made of flesh and tissue.. we do have feelings unlike the animals.. and they are rules that we must abide to.. be it whether it is a law-recognised ones or a self-acknowledged ones.. sometimes we humans just cant stop nor control what our minds are thinking.. therefore it's even harder to control your feelings (heart).. just like Blood Pressure and Heart Rate, something you cant control manually..

One can simply say: " we are just friends..." this is from the mouth.. we can choose to believe, but we can choose not to.. cause it's hard to determine whether those words comes sincerely from the heart or just words to get away what you have to face... I do not know how many agrees that a guy can be friends with their ex-gfs/ female friends or a girl can be friends with their ex-bfs/ male friends..

i maybe able to accept my boyfriend having close female friends.. that word is "Maybe"... but.. to a certain extent, i cant accept my boyfriend being close friends or even keeping in contact with his ex-gfs.. yes, the word is "CANT"... cause i believe feelings cannot be control manually, like what chinese always say - 感情这种事是不可以控制的... i believe feelings has a possibility to REKINDLE.. if not, how "REKINDLE" this word comes about? like a chinese saying - 旧情复燃.. this phrase comes about because it do happens...

if you think the same way i do and your other partner is currently being good friends with the exs of his/her.. i guess to open up truthfully is the solution.. if you think you cant and yet your partner thinks "purely friends" this relationship do exist, to make it a WIN-WIN situation.. i guess letting your partner knows about it is the importance issue to avoid any misunderstandings/agruments in future..

this applies to me of cause.. if my boyfriend thinks he still hopes to be friends with his ex gfs, to be truthful and let me know is what he should do.. tell me if they sms/call one another or meeting up to catch up.. if he has close female friends, introduce them to me.. i guess this avoided unneccessary misunderstandings and ease my mind from running haywire and thinking non-stop... well, this links to the word: TRUTHFUL.. to have trust is one thing.. to achieve trust, you first of all, needs to be truthful to gain truth and gives security to your counterpart..

cause i believe in "ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY"... once you have experienced this before, no matter how hard you try, you will have fear in facing the thing again.. if you lie once, you will lie twice, thrice and it goes on.. if you have been caught lying and the other person loses trust in you, to gain it back.. it probably needs to take 1 year, 10years or probably not being able to gain it back anymore..

even if you fear to tell after you lied, my advice would be... before you are being caught red-handed, turn in yourself (自首) ba.. the price you have to pay might be lesser than being caught red-handed.. how the other party reacts is their wish.. but, do your part by turning in.. i'm sure the person will forgive you.. it will takes time for the trust to come back again, long or short depends on your luck then.. the trust level might not be the same before, but it will return to as perfect as it can be i guess.. if you dont wish to face it or dare not face it, never ever try doing thing behind your party's back..

i dont know how you (those reading this entry now) may feel.. but i definitely would not wish to catch my other partner red-handed, doing things beyond his limit.. i will be ANGRY, but i guess the SADDNESS level would be higher.. my heart will bleed but i still hope to hear the truth no matter how hard it can be to be accepted.. how i react is my choice, but bein truthful is your responsibility..

and to those who are still close friends with your exs or have opposite sex close friends, if you are a clever person.. when your ex is contacting you behind his/her partner's back, as a person with a red heart (not black heart), you should tell him/her off that he/she shouldnt be doing so behind his/her partner's back... it isnt far to the other party.. same applies to those having close opposite sex friends... before things get out of hand, give a peace of mind to that person doing things behind his/her partner's back..

that's what i want to share today.. hahaz! dont know what's wrong with me.. maybe i just seen too much of this kind of things that i fear it happens on me? ha! i hope not ba.. do share your thoughts, be it whether you agree or not on my taggy board:) take care people!!!=]

Sunday, June 07, 2009

[ stepping into the working university..... ]

stepping into the working university.....

started work OFFICIALLY on 11th may.. it's been almost a month liao.. actually, today is my 1st month at work liao.. like super fast lohz.. finished 3 weeks of orientation and back to my ward.. for those who dont know.. i am actually working at TTSH now, and at an A class ward actually.. collegues are quite friendly, sisters are nice too..

number of patients i take care compared to C class ward is lesser.. but quite stressful as A class patients are paying class, more demanding in some ways.. but i guess Sister is quite happy with me? cause got patient mention and compliment me.. and got a patient give a teddy bear to me:) she said that as a new staff, it is something very GOOD:) hahaz! to be able to be recognised in your work is VERY important.. although i feel that provided if my patients get well and goes home, this is something more more IMPORTANT than anything else:)

mood is bad recently.. didnt really sleep well because of the shift work and the stress i am on now.. hais.. dont know how my preceptor will grade me, i only has 3months to complete all my checklist if i wish to move on to NP.. how stressful is it... hais.. but what to do? i have chosen this route myself.. work is really tough.. every step walked has to be really careful.. cause patient's safety all lies in your hands.. if you do something wrong, that's it liao..

anyway, i longed for my day off or rest day now.. not to go anywhere.. BUT.. just to sleep in later and sleep more..... all i need now is rest............ just rest will do......

Saturday, April 25, 2009

[ HAPPY 21st birthday STELLA! ]

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY Stella!


H-A-P-P-Y

B-D-A-Y

S-T-E-L-L-A


Qisheng, Elvin, Zhuo Wen, me, Stella & Xueyun:)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6!:)


the IRON LADIES!:)


Posing for the camera...


advertising for Pokka Green Tea!:)

Wishing upon a star......

Moody.....

Underground love? hahaz!


Caught in action...


the Blue balls....


acting CUTE:)


US again...


acting feminine and macho...


PEACE!!!!!=]


the girls...


Family Portrait


our cheeks!:)

Our mischief @ Sakae


our creation....


Advertising for drinks!:)


the steljessically sisters....



Happy birthday!

@ Sakae...


the handover of the 21st birthday gift!=]


the chain from Mintmark:)

Hope Stella LOVES the present! happy birthday my Steljessically sister!! may you be HAPPY always!!=]

Sunday, April 19, 2009

[ the day the story begins.... ]

the day the story begins....

woke up quite early today.. to be exact... actually didnt really sleep at all.. hahaz! but then, dont know why.. i just dont feel tired at all.. woke up wash up and went home.. went home to put down my stuff and headed to Sim Lim Square with Dear.. Dear got me a hello kitty DS cover.. love it!:) then headed down to Bugis.. had our breakfast, lunch cum dinner there.. Had Yoshi with Dear.. really SUPER HUNGRY lohz..

after eating, headed down to PS to meet Ronald with Dear.. after which, headed down to Paragon then to Taka.. shop shop around.. had a cup of Starbucks with Dear at Wisma.. then he saw one of his classmates.. was shopping around hopping to get something that belongs to both of us.. went to many shops but didnt managed to eye on any..

then at the same time, was looking around for Stella's gift.. dont really know what to get for her.. cause it's a 21st birthday present.. must be something unique and special that she will remember that it's from a bunch of great friends!:) legs damn TIRING.. walked too much.. last stop was Shaw Tower then we headed home..

Dear starting school tomorrow.. therefore need to be home early.. Dear coughing very badly.. feel so bad that he's out the whole day with me.... Thanks for keeping up to your promise.. i hope this is a good start for the story... may it last forever......

Saturday, April 18, 2009

[ the STELJESSICALLY FAMILY REUNION...... ]

the STELJESSICALLY FAMILY REUNION.....

woke up quite EARLY today and cant sleep last night.. hahaz! yeah, i must be too EXCITED liao.. No choice.. he's coming back manz... went to meet Stella at TPY.. wanted to eat LJS, who knows LJS close down liao.. then went to eat Mac instead.. hais.. cant finished the food.. too EARLY for a meal... wanted to get a place to sit down and study in the Library.. BUT.... exams period, too many people mugging liao..

then went to walk around.. seriously, i cant stand the weather recently.. TOO WARM liao le! its 34Degree C today!:) the Steljessically sisters almost become ROASTED PIGS! went to get his bedsheet and comforter for him.. then we continue walking around AIMLESSLY.. ha! the KEYWORD is AIMLESSLY.. we really dont know what we want to do and where can we go.. so decided to walk into HDB Hub and enjoy the aircon.. then Stella suggested to go dye hair.. she just want to sit down and wait for people to serve her.. ha! too bad you dont have long nails.. if not, we can do pedicure and manicure..


took 155 to Aljunied.. wanted to do it at Ben's mom's place de.. but Ben cant get her.. so decided to try the home salon Stella' grandma recommended... managed to get to the place at 3plus.. and decided on the colour.. Middle brown.. dont want it too BOOM-BLASTIC.. if not, mom will chop me off:) 45bucks for me, and 35bucks for Stella.. quite worth i think.. but my hair too blacky liao.. so colour looks a bit not like Stella's....

went to Stella's grandma's place and then watched tv while waiting for Qisheng to pick us up.. he came at about 745pm.. and we headed to the Airport.. really dont know how to thank them for sacrificing because of me..headed to T3.. the Stejessically family reunion is CRAZY!! taking pictures in the basement carparks.. taking pictures on escalators.. ha! and commenting that aircon is BEST invention.. heez!

went to Xin Wang HK Cafe.. and saw Aunty helen with Yue chang and uncle.. so coincidental!!:) queue for quite some time.. and gotten a seat but quite WARM.. saw many CUTE BABIES today!:) we each ordered different food.. see pic pic for reference.. ha!:)



stella, me and qisheng!=]


qisheng, me and stella in his car!=]


me with my chessy spagetti with pork chop!


stella's dumpling and cha siew noodles and HK milk tea!


qisheng with his curry ramen and the book!=]


see the reflection?


PEACE!=]


qisheng with his dream, aston martin


pose for the car=]


me, qisheng and stella!=


the steljessically family!:)


Pi tui!=X
in short, you just need to know, we had FUN!!!!=]

Friday, April 17, 2009

[ 我爱你不是只是在刹那之间....... ]

我爱你不是只是在刹那之间........

been days since i last updated my blog.. didn't go anyway there actually.. went to meet a OLD OLD friend yesterday.. yeah.. a BEST BEST FRIEND since my secondary school days.. it's XIANYUN!=] initially, we are meeting at 11am.. end up, she say she cant rush there in time.. so changed to 12.30pm.. but her blur friend here misread the sms.. i saw it as 12pm! diaoz!!

wanted to have our brunch at Lucky plaza de.. but couldn't find the place.. too LONG never go there liao le.. therefore, headed to Far East instead.. i ordered my FAVOURITE Ayam Penyet with rice and a cup of Cherry Soda with milk.. Xianyun had grilled chicken with rice and the same drink as me.. price has gone up and food standard seems to drop...

after eating, went to shop shop at Taka and had our lemonade drink from Aunt Annie.. then i saw this thing that i have been looking for.. a handphone chain that Hanxi also has one from Japan.. yes! i saw it in Taka:) got one for myself.. just want to play play with it when i am BORED.. went to Kinokuniya to see if his comic is in sale.. then wanted to leave Taka liao then called Mom and she requested me to get some books for her from Kinokuniya.. oh man! went up again lohz.. no choice..

Xianyun has to go to Funan to do her laptop.. so we parted at Orchard.. what a pity! didnt get to take pics! she has passed to me my last year birthday present and a Me to You birthday card.. yeah! you know me well.. i only LOVE "Me to you" bear cards.. and the gift was from Xi An.. it's a Hello Kitty keyboard... went to mom's workplace to look for her.. and told her that i need to stay out on saturday.. at first, she didnt allow.. BUT.... i still managed to convince her!=] heez!! happy happy.... and thanks Stella for your help! you know what i mean:)

went to look for Mama and Aunty Ling while waiting for mom to knock off from work.. Aunty Ling betrayed me.. told Mama about HIM.. and Mama really like interrogating me.. BUT... i know she's supporting me!:) just like my past relationships.. Parents are the ones OPPOSING like MAD.. but Mama was the one who supported me!:) Mom came to meet me and we had chicken rice for dinner.. doesnt seems well after taking dinner.. just hope i'll be okie when he's back.....

today, stayed home.. went to Chong Pang for breakfast with mom and didi... and then stayed home whole day.. cause the next 2 days i'll not be home:) mom cooked dinner today.. and after so LONG..... whole family sat down and have dinner together.. Dad very irritating.. complaining about the food.. Didi very noisy.. but i really CHERISH this chance to eat together... will be sleeping early tonight... cause meeting Stella in the meeting.. and qisheng in the nitez!!!=]

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

[ STAY AWAY FROM ME! ]

STAY AWAY FROM ME!

sleep was disturbed today by Ms Chow' calls... 6 missed calls and 4-5 smses.. haiyo.. damn irritating lohz.. maybe i should off my phone i am sleeping or something.. so, i give up trying to silent the phone and went to wash up.. had my brunch while i watch tv..

am staying home to rest as i still dont feel that well.. went to nap at about 2plus.. then comes phone calls again.. Mom called.. then Daphne called as well.. then Dad called to ask stupid things also.. GIVE UP! and wake up and did some household chores for mom.. sweep and mop the floor.. i like so long never do this for mom liao.. really sweat like mad...

but i felt better after sweating it out and had a shower.. didi slept till 630pm then wake up.. got dinner for didi and myself and came home again... watched tv while eating my dinner.. hais.. so BORED!!!!!! didnt talk much to him either.. cause he went out and after which, he came home and packed his stuff as he's leaving for Tianjin tomorrow again.. so, wont be able to talk to him tomorrow as he need to travel overnight on train again.. hais..

few more days to go.. and he's going to be back!!:) my mood kind of swinging today.. hais.. i also dont know why.. but i am definitely not pms-ing..... just mood swing:( and i really hate when i have mood swing........................................ Argh!.........................

so, stay away from me... it's a request.. cause you wont want to see Jessica turned nasty and BOOM in front of you........... for people who seen it, you know how is it right? HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT! i HATE MOOD SWING!!!!=X i just feel so TERRIBLE.. want to cry, the tears also cant come out.. ask me describe i also dont know what's wrong with me... hais.. i feel so TERRIBLE now! i want to SCREAM, want to SHOUT!!! want to LET IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 13, 2009

[ 我喜欢你爱我的心..... ]

我喜欢你爱我的心.....

headache has been my companion for the past few days.. hais.. i think because of that, my mood and tolerance level has been decreasing rapidly.. yeah, i get irritated by things very often.. especially when i am talking and people are disturbing me with some added background jokes which i never think it's funny.. maybe if you said it once, it's FUNNY.. but when you keep repeating it, it's IRRITATING and ANNOYING..

well, 我只是在发牢骚.. like i said mood and tolerance level is decreasing rapidly recently... so just ignore what i have typed above.. just hope it will get better before your return.. cause i would never want to lose my temper on you.. headache is killing me these few days.. i am serious... and the adapter gave me BIG BIG problem.. but thank god i managed to get a replacement today.. if not, i'll be damn sad cause i cant talk to him..

was FORCED and BULLIED to go home to get the lappy and the spoilt adapter so as to make sure i can get the right one.. DAMN! the weather almost KILLED me! so PAIN till i almost FAINTED!!!:( nap awhile but still arent getting any better.. and my sleep has always been AFFECTED by external environment and phone calls.. hais.. Mdm Qian and Ms Chow called today.. Mdm Qian called and discussed about the blood drive committee issue.. well, i just speak my part...

just registered for my graduation ceremony today.. Dad's not coming! WTH! say got WORK, all bull shit! anyway, i dont need you to come too.. Mom going with me and HIM!:) i think he's HAPPY right?=] but feel bad cause he needs to skip school.. will be resting early today.. cause mom and didi also quarrel.. i am tasked to hide the adapter.. hais.. ONE MORE WEEK to go!=]

a old song by 陈洁仪 - 喜欢你

喜欢你
给我你的外衣
让我像躲在你身体里
喜欢你

借我你的梳子
让我用柔软头发吻你
喜欢你
车窗上的雾气
彷佛是你的爱在呼吸
喜欢你
那微笑的眼睛
连日落也看作唇印

我喜欢这样跟着你
随便你带我到哪里
你的脸
慢慢贴近
明天也慢慢地慢慢清晰
我喜欢你爱我的心

轻触我每根手指感应
我知道
它在诉说着你承诺言语
(music)

喜欢你
车窗上的雾气
彷佛是你的爱在呼吸
喜欢你
那微笑的眼睛
连日落也看作唇印

我喜欢这样跟着你
随便你带我到哪里
你的脸
慢慢贴近
明天也慢慢地慢慢清晰我喜欢你爱我的心
轻触我每根手指感应
我知道
它在诉说着你承诺言语
(music)

我喜欢这样跟着你
随便你带我到哪里
你的脸
慢慢贴近
明天也慢慢地慢慢清晰我喜欢你爱我的心
轻触我每根手指感应
我知道
它在诉说着你承诺言语


我喜欢这样跟着你
随便你带我到哪里
你的脸
慢慢贴近
明天也慢慢地慢慢清晰我喜欢你爱我的心
轻触我每根手指感应
我知道
它在诉说着你承诺言语

我知道
它在诉说着你承诺言语

Saturday, April 11, 2009

[ 谁愿意有勇气不顾一切付出真心? ]

谁愿意有勇气不顾一切付出真心?

woke up EXTREMELY EARLY today.. that's what i feel.. cause today, it's a SATURDAY! yeah, set my alarm clock to 8.45am.. but then.. i woke up like 8.30am.. then 赖床 a bit before i get up to wash up at 9am.. then went to get Nasi lemak for breakfast and headed to Stella's place.. yeah.. we have to continue our MISSION...

got to Stella's place.. so coincidentally, her mom's home.. we finished our breakfast.. actually cant finished it.. and went to Singtel shop with Stella.. yeah.. to get her birthday present - iphone! oh my tian! i want a PHONE as birthday present too! E71 please!=] hahaz! i would love the person who get me the phone man!! hahaz!

then, went back to continue to complete our MISSION.. managed to get it almost done at about 1.30pm.. then went to develop some picture and went to get Stella's new hp's protective sheet and get my bubble tea.. took 143 straight down to SYC.. wah, can FAINT lohz! the bus makes me want to VOMIT.. and the weather is BAD today! 34deg C.. me and stella almost FAINTED! then because of the jerking movement of the bus, suddenly, i just got HEADACHE and feel COLD after stepping into an air-conditioned bus from the sunny environment outside..

reached SYC at 3.15pm then received sms from Qisheng that he's not coming.. hais.. it's okie.. CIC training today was good.. especially the video.. suddenly, it started to rain cats and dogs... so COLD lohz.. after the meeting, headed home.. today, wont be able to talk to HIM as he's on his way travelling to Shanghai... shall sleep today too.. cause also a bit TIRED!:)

tomorrow, still deciding whether i should attend the study meeting not.. really VERY VERY TIRED and not well.. hais.. think maybe because i never sleep well last night ba.. hais! yeah.. i am going to sleep.. dozing off in front of the computer liao.. *yawn*


my StelJessically sister, Stella!=]

Friday, April 10, 2009

[ where do i stand? ]

where do i stand?

had a better sleep last night.. think i am just too TIRED le.. i just hope the days of having to come online everyday and chat will just ends faster cause somehow, it's really tiring.. and causing me to have stiff neck and backaches sitting in front of the computer for hours.. and mom nags, dad irritates and brother disturbing.. i am more on the conservative side.. still prefer the traditional way of using phone to call! and lie on my cosy bed!:) heez!=] yeah.. ONE more WEEK to go! ENDURE... This is the 6th week liao, can tahan de!=]

woke up today at almost 11 i guess.. yeah, i deliberately did that as i dont wish to see my dad's face first thing in the morning on a public holiday.. yeah, didnt know why, but that's was my NATURAL reaction.. and i had a bad dream last night though i slept well.. dreamt that i talked back to my dad and he actually slapped me.. LOLX!:P guess i am really a BAD daughter.. yeah, i shall not deny the fact that i always talked back with my dad.. looking at adults's point of view, it's talking back.. looking at youngsters's perception, we are just reasoning our way out.. Dont u agree?:)

left home at about 12pm, headed to TPY to meet Stella.. had Tom Yum Mian Xian today.. the weather so WARM! so we decided to head to Mac and enjoy the AIRCON.. like what Stella said, till date, she still thinks that aircon is the GREATEST INVENTION on EARTH! hahaz! i TOTALLY AGREE! especially on a sunny day of 32deg C today... sat down, got myself Chocolate sundae and a cup of coke.. and we started our MISSION.. yeah.. this MISSION will be REVEAL soon.. once the MISSION is ACCOMPLISHED:) heez.. 敬请期待吧!then it started raining cats and dogs.. oh well, this speaks well of the phrase - 天有不测之风云!

yeah, this rain cause my mood SWING.. cause i am SNEEZING in mac.. and it rains cats and dogs and the staff from Mac came to tell us that we arent allow to study during peak hours and on PH days.. yeah.. the whole 2nd storey are FILLED WITH STUDENTS studying! RIDICULOUS! end up, these 2 POOR GIRLS has to cross over to HDB hub across the rain.. hais.. POOR THING! if i am sick, i shall THANK the staff from Mac!

got to her place.. and continued our mission.. i think we really had a GREAT GREAT time!!:) heez. then left her place at 6.10pm.. didnt wanted to attend the planning actually.. but Cliff makes me really TURNED OFF today.. but thank god the planning was a fruitful one with the join in of Chin Heng and Zhiwei.. i guess Zhiwei still need to open up more.. too quiet liao..

will be doing a skit during this month's discussion meeting.. yeah, director is of cause Cliff lahz.. and he ARROWED me as one of the main character.. yeah, he FOREVER arrowing me.. no matter when, he always BULLY me!=X had mac for dinner today.. i hardly turn up late for planning or discussion meeting de.. and i seriously DISLIKE people who are LATE for meeting.. cause i feel that they wont think it's important, that's why they are late..

headed home at 9plus.. planning starts at 7pm worz.. still end so late.. can you imagine it starting at 8? it would probably ends at 10plus.. will have another rehearsal in 2 weeks time to run through the script.. on the way back, really TIRED! and having headache.. think i lack rest this few days... one night of good sleep is NOT ESSENTIAL and NOT ENOUGH to MAKE UP those NIGHTS OF BAD SLEEP! ha! yeah.. i need MORE MORE and MORE good sleep!=]

i guess i wont be able to sleep early today.. cause i have yet to talk to HIM much yet.. just got connected and SANSHO SHIMA attack.. Dont ask me what is the meaning of that phrase.. cause i wont say.. only friends from gakkai knows!=] and the WORSE thing is tomorrow he's going to travel to Shanghai from Beijing.. and will be a overnight train.. hais... cant blame him.. his friend needs HIM more than i do now..

seems to be enlighten with wisdom recently.. cause even Medy says i am philosophical in my words recently.. ha! i guess it's good.. means i getting more WISE! heez!=] anyway, i am REALLY BORED now.... and TIRED at the same time.... i want to SLEEP!:P

will be meeting Stella tomorrow, and also Qisheng to attend the CIC training!:)



"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."
p.s. i just realised that when i am upset, i love to put my font colour in GREY!

Thursday, April 09, 2009

[ 你不是真正的快乐... ]

你不是真正的快乐...

woke up at 9am today.. VERY VERY TIRED.. yesterday, was really worried for a friend till i only managed to fall asleep at about 2am.. woke up, got myself prepared and left home.. got you tiao and grape juice for breakfast.. then headed to take mrt to Clementi.. from clementi, took 154 to SIM to meet Stella...

meet Stella then went to NP Makan Place to eat.. had Subway melt at Subway.. then saw a ex chingay participant.. then reminds us of our chingay days!:) although the participants somehow makes me go crazy, cry every training, but i really MISS those times!:) dancing for hours, facing the mirror.. dancing over and over again.. then go supper.. eat Jih Yang's ai xin dinner.. hahaz... misses those times a lot!=]


my SWEETEST chingay comrades!!!=]
(from left: Melvin, Trey, Willie, Dixon, Darrell, Bryant, Yong Sheng, Penny, May, Xueyun, Liyan, Stephanie, Eunice, Gina, me and Stella!) missing in action, Kevin and Jih Yang....

loiter at SIM and NP.. and saw my secondary school friends, Peixuan and Michelle too! really HAPPY to see them!!=] and Peixuan so CUTE, thought i cant recognise her.. hahaz! HOW can that happen? heez!:P and ya, TODAY, we had a BIG BIG MISSION!!:) heez... shall keep it a secret.. went to collect my enrolment package and i think NP got mixed up that i am a 3years student.. but actually i am applying for a 2.5years course.. so shall wait for their call on monday.. mom hopes they dont call.. she wants me work and go study in oct.. earn some money for my lappy and pda first.. hais.. and i want my holiday too.. one month more lohz.. still havent enjoy with HIM yet:(

headed to Vivo Daiso when everything is done.. help mom get some stuff and continue our MISSION too.. after which, headed home... really very very TIRED.. on my way home, got dinner too.. doesnt seems to be able to finish my food.. hais! and also.. received a SUPER UNEXPECTED call today.. from a secondary school DISGUSTING senior.. hahaz! and i think that Red Cross Digusting man also in singapore now.. *SS! ha!:)

saw Hazwan tagging me this photo in facebook.. yeah.. i love this hairstyle too!=] and i remember how SHOCKED my classmates were seeing me like that in dress and heels too! hahaz!=]


Hazwan and me!=]

very TIRED today.. and didnt talk much to HIM today.. he busy chionging his log book.. but i am HAPPY.. cause counting down to HIS RETURN!=] heez! this whole week like las with Stella.. will be meeting her tomorrow AGAIN!:) heez! i want to sleep liao.. *yawn* think because past few days never sleep well that's why like that... hais.. sleep, i need MORE sleep!=]

P.S. I LOVE YOU!:P

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

[ it takes COURAGE to become HAPPY.... ]

it takes COURAGE to become HAPPY....

woke up at 10plus this morning.. hais.. was so frustrated that i got scolded for nothing yesterday.. what kind of rubbish is that?! what did i do wrong that i deserve this kind of treatment? i really hope to grow up and move out of this place.. have my own family and stay away from all these nonsense...

woke up, washed up and prayed.. then went to get breakfast.. saw SN Germaine near my place.. hahaz! didnt know she stay so near me!:) i dont really know if NP is really the correct choice.. cause if i were to choose NYP, i will start in 20th april and then will graduate half a year earlier.. dont even have to see performance first then determine whether hospital will continue to sponsor me.. HR told me today that if the hospital do not wish to sponsor me, i can still apply for study leave and finish my poly..

seriously, i dont mind being bonded for 4 and a half years.. after all, i want a job and needs a job!:) and it's something i am passionate about.. wanted to nap awhile but just cant sleep.. so woke up and came online.. went to wash up at about 3plus and left home at about 4.30 to meet Stella at Toa Payoh at 5pm.. went to TPY, and went to have our dinner.. had herbal 羊肉面线.. and after dinner, went to buy bubble tea.. went to Popular to get some stuff and a close friend smsed..

am really SAD to hear what he said.. i shall not reveal what this close friend said.. cause i dont know how many people knows about his condition.. but dont worry.. Stella and me are sending prayers to you.. then chatted a lot of things.. like i always said.. Stella never fails to make me feel better when i am down.. Thanks Sister!:) was too engrossed in our conversation and too many people smsed me till i slipped off my mind that i have seen his sms and never reply.. and i think he got a bit upset? or very upset? hais.. i really didnt mean it...

came home and forgotten to sms him before i go shower.. hais.. again.. yes, again.. and came home.. msn got problem cause didi installed the new version msn.. and i think he got upset as well.. hais.. i seriously dont know what did i do wrong.. came home and Cliff smsed me.. saying about Aunty Helen's husband hospitalised and Aunty Julie's condition has worsen.. 3 bad news in a day.. and today two friends came talking to me about their problem.. one even says he want to end his life.. hais.. seems to be a BAD day today..

BUT.. i still choose to remain POSITIVE and will be earnestly praying for them as well!:) the following encouragement is dedicated to them!=]

Hardships make us strong. Problems give birth to wisdom. Sorrows cultivate compassion. Those who have suffered the most will become the happiest.
No matter what happens, NEVER GIVE UP SO EASILY! FIGHT ON PEOPLE!:) Jiayou!^-^

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

[ Hope transforms pessimism into optimism.... ]

Hope transforms pessimism into optimism 希望变换悲观成乐观....

woke up at 11plus this morning.. hais.. i couldnt sleep last night.. went ot bed at 2plus.. then 3plus ben smsed me and disturb.. anyway, i also not asleep yet.. then i toss and turn on the bed till 5plus then i managed to fall asleep.. hais.. i also dont know why.. old wound area in pain, then headache and feel a bit giddy too.. i can even feel my own heart palpitations.. i also dont know what happened..

washed up, prayed and went to get my brunch.. had fishball kway teow and nuggets.. but cant finish.. dont know why.. just dont feel like eating.. then i sat at the sofa and watched tv.. till i cant take it so went to take panadol and went to sleep.. but slept than 1 hour then i wake up le.. hais.. my headache isnt getting any better.. watched tv till 630pm then went to Yishun Central to get my dinner..

had Subway melt, chips and coke for dinner.. then continue to watch tv till about 8pm then i got online.. first thing is to check facebook lohz.. hais.. the thing that upset me the very moment i got online.. hais! i know Stella will feel like poking me.. cause she says she poke emo kids.. smsed Ben.. 算你还够朋友.. know your friend going crazy then call me..

i think i cant hide things from HIM too.. have no choice also must tell him.. actually, it's not his fault lahz.. it's my fault.. worry too much.. cause i just CANT STAND people's 小动作!aiyoz.. Ben say i too free.. think too much cause holiday now.. LOLX.. hao, i shall not think so much! just drank Chicken essence.. hope i will feel better after drinking it.. will sleep early today since HE say he want to sleep early today.. and i am trying my best not to think about all those things.. cause i know HE dont wish to see me upset or affected also.. and i know Stella also dont want me to be unhappy too! stay optimistic!:) that's the Jess... the positive and happy-go-lucky girl!=]


Hope transforms pessimism into optimism. Hope is invincible. Hope changes everything. It changes winter into summer, darkness into dawn, descent into ascent, barrenness into creativity, agony into joy. Hope is the sun. It is light. It is passion. It is the fundamental force for life's blossoming.
-Daisaku Ikeda-

Monday, April 06, 2009

[ 爱会让我坚强,让我哭泣,让我不懂我自己.... ]

爱会让我坚强,让我哭泣,让我不懂我自己....

was awaken by mom's tv sound and didi's handphone ringtone.. aiyoz.. both of them at home.. sleep also cannot sleep in peace.. hais.. woke up at 11am then went to wash up, prayed and went to have brunch with mom and didi.. had mixed vege rice then accompany mom to settle some phone bills.. and bought some stuff back.. The weather is really WEIRD.. one minute is so SUNNY, next minute, it's raining cats and dogs...

thank god me and mom got home just in time.. went to wash up again and came online.. was kind of tired.. Miaozhen called me and asked me out.. but i turned her down.. cause i'm feeling a bit tired and yet to recover from that allergy reaction.. though my face like not very swollen liao.. but still feel a bit sickly..

went to nap awhile then wake up and watch tv.. mom really makes me so HEADACHE today! hais.. thank god Stella saved me by asking me out.. went out to meet her at Khatib after my dinner at home.. got ourselves bubble tea and went to some places to sit down.. Stella also got each of us a t-shirt from Outfitters.. the t-shirt writes: "Sisters Forever, Men Whatever".. hahaz! interesting t-shirt.. sat down and talked many things.. well, stella will never fail to talk some sense into this sister of hers.. everyone i will also forget, DEFINITELY wont forget you!=]

only get home just before mom is going to bed.. just IN TIME.. thank god 逃过一劫! hahaz.. will be sleeping early today.. dont know.. am having a terrible HEADACHE.. 有不祥的征兆.. hais.. it's worrying me.. going to sleep soon......


Material wealth does not necessarily make for happiness. Nor does fame. Hope is life's greatest treasure. A life without hope is bleak and gray. If you have no hope, create some.
-Daisaku Ikeda-

Sunday, April 05, 2009

[ Everything depends on what is in our hearts......... ]

Everything depends on what is in our hearts......

slept at almost 2am this morning and woke up at 2pm this afternoon!! :) hahaz.. you can see how TIRED i am these few days and how LAZY Jessica can get during the holidays.. hahaz! cant blame lahz.. today, early morning only then it start raining liao.. therefore, my mind doesnt seems to be able to wake up..

wake up at 2pm, showered and went to pray.. then went to get my brunch.. had half spring chicken with fries, coke and got myself watermelon juice also.. also didnt know what to eat cause choice of food is limited on sundays over at my house area.. and i am too lazy to go to central for a meal..

came home and watched tv.. just lying on the sofa and dont wish to move at all.. HE's out for shopping.. so didnt want to disturb him.. want to let him enjoy a bit.. feeling not that well today.. since last night, kept having the nausea feeling lohz.. hais.. feel so uncomfortable.. went to meet Mom at 7pm at yishun central.. mom look at me looking so lethargic and tired.. didnt know why.. just dont have to energy...

had ramen at the japanese foodcourt.. oh well, i still LOVE Ajisen's:) mom had the same thinking too!=] then bought some sushi home as well.. still feeling a little not well.. is it because HE's not well too? i should be HAPPY these few days ar.. get good results, get into poly.. what else to hope for? just hope he's coming back soon! and celebrate my joy with me.. and also hope friends around me are doing well and enjoying life too!=]

these few days, has been thinking a lot.. i feel that RC really brought many people's lives together.. some from strangers to friends, from friends to couples.. and some sadly from couples to total strangers again.. many a times, the situation from couples to total strangers would be MUCH MUCH WORSE than before they become friends.. same for gakkai as well.. i guess it's a NORM to see this in a human organisation.. where ever you go, if there's human beings, there bounds to be situations like this happening.. I just feel that for a person to know another person, this kind of fate never comes easy.. therefore, no matter what, CHERISH it!:)

also thought of another issue.. kind of feel that it would be good that people who are attached to keep a distance from the opposite sex.. just for example, if you're a guy and you're attached, maybe to a certain extent, you should stay away from other girls.. though you might not feel anything towards those girls.. but that doesnt mean they might not develop a feeling toward you in the later day to come.. or the girl might not feel anything for you.. same goes if you're a girl and you're attached.. nowadays, i really feel that FEELINGS this kind of thing, really CANT CONTROL.. friends around me already show me a good REAL LIFE EXAMPLE liao.. and i think i have enough of SHOCK recently le.. hais.....

and if a relationship has comes to an end because of whatever reason.. NO POINT DWELLING into it.. and comes out with all the 小动作.. it wont helps AT ALL! it will only makes the possibility of from couples to friends DROPPED to NEGATIVE! in other words, actually there's a chance to be friends after breaking up.. but because of all your 小动作, you pushed that person further away from you and in turn become TOTAL STRANGER.. that feeling is really SCARY! dont want this to happen, then stop all your 小动作 le.. wake up and MOVE ON ba..

i am a 过来人 myself.. i know how it feels of guys 一脚踏两船, guys 移情别恋 or simply just say better to be friends, or NO FEELINGS liao this kind of words.. i am a girl, i know how it feels.. BUT what can i do? CRY all day long? CURSE and SWEAR at HIM? 绝食抗议? it WONT WORKS at all! NOBODY will pity you if you do all these.. you can do all these for half a year, one year even your entire life.... he wont come back means he wont come back.. what you should do is BE STRONG, MOVE ON, and LEAD EVEN BETTER LIFE.. and think that you guys just dont have the fate.. it's okie to meet MANY WRONG ONES, cause i believe it will make YOU CHERISH THE RIGHT ONE EVEN MORE when you really meet him.. so girls out there, jiayou le! you have all my SUPPORT!=]


Everything depends on what is in our hearts. If we decide to ourselves that something is impossible, then, consistent with our minds in thinking so, even something that is possible for us will become impossible. On the other hand, if we have the confidence that we can definitely do something, then we are already one step closer to achieving it in reality.
-Daisaku Ikeda-

Saturday, April 04, 2009

[ I just want to be HAPPY always!.... ]

i just want to be HAPPY always!....

slept quite early yesterday as HE isnt quite well.. and woke up at 12plus today.. sleep was disturbed many many times.. Ben Ben smsed me this morning at 5plus.. then HE smsed me at 9plus.. then Aunty Helen smsing me at 10plus.. 12plus wake up, went to wash up and went to get my brunch..

had mixed vegetables rice and watermelon juice.. then buy fish crackers and longan red date drink also.. just in case i am angry then i can eat.. came back home.. watched tv and had my brunch.. then came online when didi wakes up.. felt so bad that i have to turn Stella down.. cant be out today after mom scolded me last night.. has to stick my butt at home today.. plus i havent fully recover.. Yesterday going out is already 破戒 liao le.. cause my face is still swollen..

stayed home today.. went to nap awhile just now but i felt even MORE TIRED when i wake up.. 1hr plus of nap was a total NOT IN PEACE one.. cause nearby there's a malay wedding.. then Ben ben sms me too.. hais..

didnt know why but at times, i am really AFRAID that you will be unhappy.. afraid that you will be sad.. cause i know the one who dont wish me to get hurt is YOU.. so i would not want to hurt you as well.. i am afraid that you wont tell me when you're not happy.. i am afraid that you wont tell me when you're sad.. so no matter what, please dont be unhappy, please dont be sad..anything not happy, anything sad, please tell me.. please dont keep it to yourself alright?:) YOU know i LOVE you the most right?=] miss you lots!^-^

mom bought dinner home.. had chicken rice.. dont know why.. just dont feel like eating and got the nausea feeling.. just feel like vomiting.. hais.. hate that feeling lohz.. didnt know why.. after i wake up liao i feel even more uncomfortable.. hais.. tonight must sleep really well.. hasnt been sleeping that well for the past few days!:( Ben say i 相思病 too serious liao.. hahaz!:) 2 more weeks only.. and i'll be FINE!=]


What is your True Fear?
Your Result: Being Alone

While you may act like you don't care on the outside, on the inside your biggest fear is being alone. You can be quite shy and reserved. You feel like a lot of times people don't really see the real you. You're afraid that no one will really truly love you, and that you will be alone for the rest of your life. On the inside you are great person, so just remember that and don't let your shy nature get the best of you! If you don't want to be a lone then you need to make an effort to be with someone. Show the people that you care about that you really love them, and chances are someone will always be there, even if you think they won't.

Losing Someone
Where Your life is Going
Commitment
Death
Disappointment
Looked down on
What is your True Fear?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz


P.S. Sorry Daphne, cant be there to celebrate with you. Hope you enjoy ur party!:) Meet up soon!!=]

Friday, April 03, 2009

[ 再美的童话也会失去感觉吗?]

再美的童话也会失去感觉吗?

woke up today feeling kind of restless.. hais.. what to do? cause today is the day that determine my life and death.. know why? because today is the day my poly application would be out.. Ben Ben called me.. but really dont feel like stepping out of the house until i see my application results... log in at 2pm and check the results! heart pumping like mad lohz!!=X BUTtttttt...... i am being accepted! accepted by Ngee Ann poly.. will start school in the 2nd semester in October!!

recieved many phone calls.. from Daphne, from Sook Mun and smses from many others.. wanted to share this piece of great news from HIM first de.. but he didnt pick up my call.. so called mom, dad and didi lohz.. and sms Stella and Xueyun too!:) wanted to sms Ann Nee to tell her but who knows, when i am on my way out, saw her at the mrt station:) Went to meet Ben Ben at AMK and headed to IMH for some survey.. then after the survey.. headed to City hall.. went to Suntec and Marina Square to shop for some stuff..

kind of tired maybe because i am not well.. in the morning when i was going to take my medicine, i got choked on the bitterness and vomited the medicine.. hais! 好难受喔! suddenly the fear of taking medicine just comes back!:( went walking around for hours and headed for dinner at Swensens! thanks for the treat buddy!! it's been a long time since we met up.. yeah, dont know when will be the next time we'll meet up but i know we just love storing up what we want to update each other and the "bombing effect"! ha! am i right buddy?:) dont always shock me! i will have HEART ATTACK one day man!

headed home in bus 857 and Ben cabbed to JP... really very tired but dare not sleep in the bus cause bus pass by Little india area and HE's not with me.. not safe.. LOLX! came home feeling really tired and mom scolded me for being out everyday this whole week.. so, i think tomorrow, most probably i will be stuck at home:( got many stuff these 2weeks:) and my dream NOW - E71 handphone!!:) and HE's going to be back in 2weeks plus time! heez!=]

today, extremely TIRED.. would most probably sleep early today!:) HE's sick today.. really makes me so WORRIED.. how i wish i can be there with you! Sobx(T.T) get well SOON worz!

take a look!:)


the pair of shoes i really LOVE now! got it from TPY


the purple blouse



the black blouse - pattern not obvious, too dark.


the coach wristlet=]


the grey little jacket!:)


the heart-shaped pendant with chain


my old watch, just got the battery changed!=]

P.S. NP, here i come!:)