失恋无罪

[ 失恋无罪 ]

你说我对你紧紧跟随
你觉得疲惫
你一句话就逼我撤退

没想到你说最近选择
一个人睡
我忍住眼泪我尊重眼泪

孤独万岁 失恋无罪
谁保证一觉醒来有人陪
我对於人性早有预备
还不算太黑

独身万岁 失恋无罪
爱不够爱你的人才受罪
用过去悲伤换来自由
难道不珍贵
一个人崩溃
不是在犯罪

你说我对你紧紧跟随
你觉得疲惫
你一句话就逼我撤退

没想到你说最近选择
一个人睡
我忍住眼泪我尊重眼泪

孤独万岁 失恋无罪
谁保证一觉醒来有人陪
我对於人性早有预备
还不算太黑

独身万岁失恋无罪
爱不够爱你的人才受罪
用过去悲伤换来自由
难道不珍贵
一个人崩溃不是在犯罪
一个人崩溃并不是在犯罪

孤独万岁失恋无罪
谁保证一觉醒来有人陪
我对於人性早有预备
还不算太黑

独身万岁失恋无罪
爱不够爱你的人才受罪
用过去悲伤换来自由
难道不珍贵
一个人崩溃并不是在犯罪
一个人崩溃并不是在犯罪

this is how i feel now.. i want to look on the bright side of life.. but can i? when you text me this morning and say u got something you want to tell me, i already know this is going to be the result.. like what stella says, this kind of thing, girls are very sensitive.. 6th sense works then.. i didnt want to cry.. i didnt want to let you see how weak i am.. but i cant help it as it just flows.. you said it isnt my fault.. it's because you're going back hongkong so you didnt want to waste my time..

how true is this reason? can i believe and trust you? can i? you say you cant stand the feeling that i am not going to be with you when you go back... can i believe this reason? can i? 我好难受你知道吗？when you made this decision, have you thought of how would i feel? how do you know i can adapt and accept the decision made? why must you always be the one who made the decision? WHY? why make me suffer when you made this decision? why cant you be my heartless? why do you still want to care? why do you still say i can call or sms you? WHY!

now.. i am halfway hanging there.... i cant let go, i cant hold on... teach me what to do can? CAN? i still love you......... i still do...............

[ why am i still holding on tight? ]

why am i still holding on tight?

i wake up everyday feeling more and more tired.. more and more stressed.. i dont know what i should i do to go on... friends tell me i'm stupid.. and i know i am really one.. BUT do everyone really know how i feel? i feel TERRIBLE, feel HORRIBLE.. few months ago, a friend did such things to his gf too.. when he console this problem to me, i encouraged him to let her go... dont hurt her anymore..

NOW... i know badly how it feel... how is it like to be betray.. how is it like to be dump.. how is it like when your world changes over the night... you will never know how is it like until you experienced it yourself.. is it my retribution? retribution for breaking others' heart when they truly love me?

now that i have set my heart on someone i really love.. this is what has happened to me... why? why do i like all these started? i know it well.. i know it when i first know you... i know how playboy you can be... why did i allow myself to step in? i thought you're the one who will ease the pain i had from the previous i love... it did for the first few months.. however, these few weeks, the pain sum up day by day..

why do you have to do all these for me? because you're going back to HK? or because you're taking revenge on what i did to you? or because what my parents said about you? where are all the promises you made? where are all the happy moments you used to give me? you said before.. you are willing to give in even if i cant give in.. you are willing cause you really love me... you said you are hoping for our big day to come.. to get married and have many children.. where are all these promises?

why are saying things like "possible?" or you dont know how future things will be like? why leave it to fate to decide? where's your fighting spirit to get what you believe you want? why are giving up? why....................... you said before, if i cry, you will too... do you know how much tears i have dropped? do you know how much pain you have caused?

why am i still holding on tight? cause i know i really love you! it's not a habit... it's really love.. i dont know how much hurt i have caused to you unknowingly.. but i said before umpteen times that i am sorry if i had.. i am trying my best to give you the private space you need.. the trust and understanding you wanted... BUT, have you spare a thought for me? have you thought how devastating i am? how much i hope to see you, or even just a call or sms from you? why are showing me cold shoulder? what do you want me to do? you want to see me die ma?

is that what you really want to see? if you really love me, can you sit down and have a talk with me? can you give me a chance to let everything be like the same like it used to be? i will forgive and forget what had happened... please.. please dont take away what is mine.... please..........

a song i really love - 遇到

你身上专属的陌生味道
是我确认你存在的目标
不用来回张望来知道
竟是我们相隔着一个街角
这么久了,我还是可以感到感觉
你到底对我多重要
不会被天黑天亮打扰
你每一次的温柔我都想炫耀
你和我绕了这么一圈才遇到
我比谁都更明白你的重要
这么久了我就决定了
决定了你的手我握了不会放掉
你和我绕了这么一圈才遇到
我答应自己不再庸人自扰
因为我有的我自己知道
只要你的肩膀永远让我靠
你身上专属的陌生味道
是我确认你存在的目标
不用来回张望来知道
竟是我们相隔着一个街角
这么久了,我还是可以感到感觉
你到底对我多重要
不会被天黑天亮打扰
你每一次的温柔我都想炫耀
我们绕了这么一圈才遇到
我比谁都更明白你的重要
这么久了我就决定了
决定了你的手我握了不会放掉
我们绕了这么一圈才遇到
我答应自己不再庸人自扰
因为我有的我自己知道
只要你的肩膀永远让我靠
这么久了我就决定了
决定了你的手我握了不会放掉
我们绕了这么一圈才遇到
我答应自己不再庸人自扰
因为我有的我自己知道
只要你的肩膀永远让我靠

[ do you know how much i love you? ]

do you know how much I LOVE YOU?

things are becoming more complicated.. you know it well how much hurt i got from my previous relationship.. if you did this to me because of what i did it to you on 1st jan.. would it be unfair for me? you know it well what you have did to me but i have never say it out.. cause i dont want to lose you.. i just keep telling myself that you hide from me cause you know i am sensitive and you dont want to start a fight..

i have been trying my best to be more understanding and more patient.. but you arent giving me any chance.. i saw you remove our picture from your wallet...and you say your finger become smaller and afraid the ring will drop out, so you're wearing it at your index finger.. you dont have to spell out.. i know it clearly.. the moment you start eyeing on rings to buy.. i know you're going all out to remove this ring..

do you know how devastated my heart is at that moment? if not because you wants me to take part in a competition for you and i need to check your FIN no.. i wont know that you have removed all the photos from the wallet... i didnt meant to check on you BUT i think God is too kind and also cruel to me.. let me know all these so that i wont have fat hope... but cruel to me because this truth is very devastating... because you know i am trusting you more doesnt mean you can do all these to me..

do you know at that moment i just feel like jumping down? i didnt do it not because i dare not.. but because i am afraid i wont die so easily.. i am depressed.. really depressed...

[ pain threshold real HIGH!!! ]

pain threshold real HIGH!!!

back in school already for a 2weeks attachment.. a brand new year.. many activities of daily livings have been changed 360degree.. things i never thought of happened just in a blink of my eyes.. it's been 9months plus since me & my bf have been together.. really really HAPPY for the past few months.. though we might argue, quarrel, but.... we never fail to talk things out and clear the air..

for the past relationship i had, i have never experience such happiness before.. being able to go on a holiday with him.. staying out with him.. with him sleeping in the same room as me and we talked till we fall asleep.. these feelings, these moments... i will never forget it..

BUT recently, conversation between us lessen a lot.. we dont meet everyday.. just probably twice a week or so.. even when we meet, we dont talk much.. what's going on? have you changed? or is it me? i have been blaming myself for all these.. probably because of what i did to you on the first day of the year.. i will never forget this incident.. i dont know if you have forgiven me not. or just forgive but couldnt forget..

i know i shouldnt do this.. now.. you dont trust me anymore.. you dont have to spell it out.. but i can sense it.. is it because i am too sensitive? or am i just depressed? i want things to be like before.. cause i know, in few months time, you're going back home.. i dont know how will it be like not being able to see you even once a week.. BUT.. i keep telling myself.. i must stay strong, i must fight for what i believe is my happiness..

BUT.. how long can i hold on like this? i have so much fear in me.. so much things i want to say BUT i just cant.. i know you're frustrated over your future, i really dare not add on anymore burden to you.. who i can say it to? only here probably..