“走一步，算一步！”

“走一步，算一步！”

LIFE at school as just as I expected.. TOUGH is the really the best word I can do describe.. Dont ever think that studying in ITE is easy life.. lolx.. That will be the most stupid way to think of it.. yup.. Like I say, nursing is super stress de.. Cause it's the only uniform group course in ITE.. other students from different school like ICT(Info-Com Technology), BCT(Bio-Chemical Technology), they wear the ITE normal school uniform.. only Nursing special.. well.. All i can say is that I still ADAPTINGgggggggg... yup.. still trying to cope..

I start school everyday at 8am in the morning.. because of that, I have to wake up at 4.45am every morning.. Actually from Yishun to Tampines, I can take bus 969 to school.. but this bus, every single also packed with many passengers.. so sometimes, I cant get have the chance to board the bus.. no choice.. now, everyday since Wednesday.. I'll take mrt to AMK and take bus 24 directly to school.. It will stop near the side gate of my school.. so I have to actually walk a short distance.. though starts at 8am..... We are asked to be in class by 7.45... if u reach after 8am.. sorry to say that the classroom's door will be closed.. the teacher wants us to be early in class so that we can have the the time to mark attendance and settle down..

so.. everyday, i'll be actually be in school by 7.30am.. still have to wait for my friends.. especially Nadiah (the 1st friend i made in the class).. cause till now, she still dont know which classroom will we be at for which lesson.. after which, we will have to wait for the SUPER packed lift and get to the 6th floor.. most of our lessons are held in the 6th floor.. even our lockers are at the 6th storey.. only tutorial and combined lecture will be at MLT (multi-lecture theatre).. lockers allocation is to 1locker to 2 students..

As for me.. more different.. cause i have 1 locker to myself.. Only class leaders, student leaders have such rights.. yup.. i'm the nominated one.. now, i'm the asst.leader of my class.. CLASS C, u rocks!! actually, i know that i can do it but i didnt wanna volunteer myself.. tired already.. after being a perfect in primary school, NCO in secondary, somemore district leader in my religion.. well.. a bit sick of hearing people saying that i got leadership potential.. kekez.. but well.. end up also got nominated..

as for the leader,aini in our class... the class dont really like her actually.. she volunteered herself that's why Mdm Qian (ourt class advisor) made her the leader.. she herself actually regretted the next min after she was appointed.. cause she know clearly that the class wont listen to her...

the unhappy incident actually happened on the 1st impression is has for everyone.. she has a SUPER LOUD voice.. but i can say, if i want to be LOUD, she's jus a quarter of mine.. for those who know me.. especially my follow NCOs, cadets and teacher in charge for NPCC... they should know.. the moment i shout, the whole batch of cadets will keep super quiet till u can hear mosquito flying near your ears.. THAT's ME!! the old me i should say.. The second bad impressin happened on the second day of school.. It was during our team-building game.. we played "amazing race" actually.. Aini actually screamed and shouted at us like as though we are her cadets.. I cant really blame her though i know it's wrong to do.. She used to be in NCC (Air), a uniform group student just like me..

well.. before we even have a talk with our CA, Mdm Qian about the appointment of leaders.. I had a talk with her with Farhan, our treasurer's presence.. I pointed out what she did during the Team-building and told her my opinion and point of view on that.. I told her: "It's a really WRONG thing to treat your follow classmates like your cadets.. Since we are your classmates, we hold a same status as you be it whether u are a leader or in term of age.." I'm sure Farhan agreed to what I say.. 3rd incident.. it happened after the appointment of leaders was announced to the class.. She just want to remind the class to submit some admit stuffs.. but her tone of voice was super wrong.. even i was shocked..

the teacher actually told the class to submit the admin stuff to me.. but.. she did the reminder.. she said: " Class, remember to submit the forms to ME tomorrow"... she said submit to HER.. well.. I dont care if she did this because she's the main, i'm the co-leader.. or she did this because she want to gain credits.. I dont care about it.. but it's the tone..

many of my classmates came to speak to me about her.. No one wants to listen to her.. even her closest friends whom she hang out with.. even when she call for class committee meeting yesterday.. The treasurer, the auditor, the welfares officers dont even give a shit to it.. this is the situation now.. I also dont know what to her.. I have spoken and gave my piece of advice for twice... but it's seems that it isnt the right time, the right moment.. nothing seems to get in her head.. well.. guess.. there's nothing i can do.. “走一步，算一步吧！”

我想从新认识你！从新了解你！从新体会你的处境！

[ 我想从新认识你！从新了解你！从新体会你的处境！]

Well.. well.. It's been really quite long ago since I last blog.. hmmm.. I really feel like blogging everytime I get online.. BUT.. I'll just type e entry half way through and delete them.. I just dont know why.. MAYBE.. I just feel some things are just not meant to be shared to others.. some feelings are meant to be hidden..

Today.. It's e 14th of April.. yupz.. It's 2 more days before I start school.. Got quite some stuffs done already.. like.. my new bag for school.. paid the school fees already.. hmmm.. Just have to wait till school reopens before I can get my school uniform n textbooks.. oh well.. Iit's been 2 yrs since I graduated from secondary school le.. I actually tell mom that I'm trembling in my heart... I'm quite scared actually.. to actually go back school.. well.. cant blame me also.. I never study for 2 yrs le lehz.. I REPEAT!!!! TWO YEARS!!!!!

I'm a person who takes a very long time to adapt to new environment.. those who really know me deep inside should know.. lolx.. BUT.. as what Meng Har tell me yesterday night.. she said that I must chant a lot of daimoku to have to strong life-force to face any problem when I'm studying.. I know well enough that I will have a hard time struggling.. my studies, my gakkai activities which consists of SD, Byakuren, my own district and many of the SK Alumni activities.. BUT.. I HAVE NO REGRETS AT ALL!!!! 先苦后甜嘛！！！加油了！！罗苑文，你可以的！！lolx.. must be confident.. but NOT over confident!!

yupz.. It's been 1 month plus le.. ever since I got to know that incident.. It makes me think deeper into understanding someone.. How can I make sure I'm sensitive towards how others feel but only how I feel? How can I care for someone and make sure that person will not feel uneasy about it??

SOMETIMES I'll tell myself: " Jessica Loh, You dont have to bother so much. The lesser things u know, the lesser pain u will experience. " Especially when u know many things about someone, YET... you cant do anything that will help that person.. I really question myself.. WHY?? Why let me know so much about you?? and yet.. there's nothing I can do!! I really feel very bad.. 真的感觉无助！好无奈！MAYBE.. that's my WEAKNESS ba..

Whenever someone tells me his/her problems, I'll take it as my problem.. I'll find means and ways to help.. Is it because I'm too EMOTIONAL that's why I'm always easily AFFECTED?? “ 朋友的问题就是自己的问题。” 难道这是错的想法吗？难道要见死不救才是对的吗？可能Meng Har说得对。我必须学着去冷静。在遇到朋友或是自己的问题的时候，要学着去冷静，思考，这要一来，我能帮上的忙可能会比较大，对朋友或自己造成的伤害也可能会比较少！

To change a person, it might takes a lifetime.. just like Dad.. Mom tried changing him.. BUT.. I'm sure Dad isnt happy about about it.. SO does Mom.. 妈咪也一定像我一样觉得无奈，无助吧！she's right.. Dad really needs to change in some ways.. I recalled.. when I was young, Mom will always quarrelled with Dad and cry it front of me.. SO.. from young.. I have put myself in their problems.. and think from their point of view.. MAYBE.. that's the reason why I'm more matured as compared to many whose of the same age as me ba..

I can understand wanting to change someone u love is something u will do when u love a person.. We often would want our loved ones to be the way we want them to be.. to make them perfect.. BUT... in many case, we would actually forget to listen to what our loved ones would want to say.. This is not sparing a thought for them le.. Though we might think, we want to change that person it's because this shouldnt be e way.. If we do care, we would accept the way they are now BUT definitely not forcing them to be the way we think they should be.. very EMO huh....

I have already learnt to accept the way u are now.. and hoping to know u once again!! 我想从新认识你！从新了解你！从新体会你的处境！all thanks to Meng Har.. after having a dialogue with her, she really shared a lot and makes me think through deeply.. she's right.. though I never tell her about that incident (cos i CANT).. BUT somehow.. what she said has been put to use IMMEDIATELY!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

“在每个人的生命里，除了爱情，还有恩情和责任。”I'm very thankful to my mom actually.. Dad n Mom really lots of problems even before me and my brother are born.. guess things has got worse after me and my brother are born.. BUT.. she didnt give up.. she didnt give up on us.. because of the word : 责任！it's no longer “爱情” but “责任”.. her 责任 as a mother.. that's what i'm thankful about..

“不要害怕爱人与被爱。虽然可能会碰钉子或受伤，但每段感情总会有让你开心的时候。” this para of words was published in the i-weekly. quite meaning huh.. Yupz.. I quite touched by it.. but... all u need is e word : FATE..

朋友们，学着珍惜眼前人！！