[ 我怀念那些为了爱而牺牲的时光... ]

was at work yesterday.. was kind of in a mess.. but thank god i wasnt doing it with her alone.. Munirah took MC on friday.. so she was there to do replacement as well.. Ms Rafikah came to check on us at around 1plus.. was pretty tired running from team to team.. luckily the AN was on afteroon shift.. had a shower after work.. then went up to 10B to visit grandaunt for awhile..

they tied her up cause she pull out her NG tube and her IV cannula.. hais! poor her.. dont know how long is she going to stay in the hospital..

today.. woke up only at about 12plus.. REALLY REALLYvery tired.. after working 6days this week with 4days morning shift! then had my lunch and slack at home.. went over to Xueyun's place to have dinner.. she cooked spagetti! well.. not that bad.. didnt know she can cook.. lolx! then we headed to TBSC.. went to support Stella in her CFG! quite NICE i should say.. very touching.. especially the testimony sharing and i love the skit!! hahaz! really NICE..

now is my TURN to STRIVE for my CFG! people, do come down and support me! need tickets, let me know.. it's on 27th Sept, 3pm at Senja!! =] Daryl asked for 8tickets from me! really thankful that he's coming down to support me!! hahaz! got to put my heart and soul to do it well!! jiayou! remember to bring me roses when you come support me huh! hahaz! just kidding:P

went with Stella and Xueyun to harbourfront Mac for some supper and catching up.. really cherish the times we are together.. and they say i graduated from the School of STUPID.. lolx! ya.. i will promise not to be so STUPID but well, they are my memories.. memories to keep me from repeating my mistakes.......

THE IRON LADIES!! - Xueyun, Stella and me! :)


Xueyun and Stella - the pink girls!


Stella and me! - how come i look abit pale?


me and Xueyun!!

tomorrow - it's HOLIDAY!! :)

[ hit my TARGET!! ]

yesterday.. changed my afternoon shift to morning shift because mom is visiting grandaunt at the hospital.. so yup.. need to accompany her.. thank god i change shift.. managed to finish my LAST critical skill yesterday! i really had my prayers answered.. was praying to the gohonzon for the past 1 week that i would want to complete my skills by this friday.. and i MADE it! yes yes yes!

Grandaunt is now at the general ward le.. ward 10B!! and saw AN Dewi there! cant imagine she still can recognise me actually! hahaz! i kind of regret wearing my uniform after work and visit my grandma.. cause the patients thought i am the nurse in the ward.. lolx.. shall change out if i were to visit her tomorrow.. Grandaunt was a little drowsy when we went to visit her.. so i suggested that we should go grab something to eat first and let her sleep.. so, me, Mom and didi headed to Novena Square.. and i brought them to have the spagetti i ate with Sook Mun the other day..

Mom had spagetti with chicken mushroom sausage and tomato sause.. as for me and didi, we had spagetti with cream sause and pork cheese sausage.. and didi and i had bubble tea also!! then we headed back to TTSH to visit grandaunt. Grandaunt, Aunty Ling and Aunty Cassandra were there already too.. think everyone was just being concern over grandaunt's condition.. anyway, hopes she get well soon!! =]

[ one after another.... ]

on morning shift today.. had a hard time getting up early as usual.. hmmm.. but thanks to Sook Mun.. dont have to take bus early this morning.. his dad fetch us to work! thanks you:) early morning, my stomach has been giving me BIG problem.. ACHING like no body business.. hais! i just dont know what have the KFC i ate yesterday done to my body..

early morning, usual routine.. pass report then do changing with the AN.. hais! it seems that i am fated to be in Team 3.. was asked to help AN Deeva to do changing as Munirah need Ms Jay to assess her in her skills.. well, kind of FUN and enjoying to do things with her.. BUT, she get so used till she kept calling my name.. lolx! early morning.. already have some stupid things happening.. i just cant stand that BITCH! oh manz! pardon me for using that word.. BUT, i just cant tolerant her NONSENSE!

PLEASE! i dont wish to repeat myself.. before you comment about others, go REFLECT on your own! if you want to say something about, think twice huh.. cause i believe in CAUSE AND EFFECT.. and if you DARE to say, say it in my FACE! DONT GOSSIP huh! you're such a PAIN IN THE ASS!!!!! *arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!*

alright.. putting this aside.. i guess i'm quite occupied today.. still chionging to finish my skills.. finished work at 3plus today.. cause of the briefing.. then went with Sook Mun to Ward 11C to visit one of her church aunty.. then while i was walking out to Novena Square.. i saw Ah Hong Uncle.. then i recalled Aunty Ling calling me many times while i was work.. then there comes a BAD NEWS! Grandaunt is hospitalised! and it's at TTSH's NICU( Neuro Intensive Care Unit)! oh gosh!

quickly u-turn back to visit her.. she had a STROKE of the right side and affected her left side of her body.. hais! really WORRIED for her although she still can recognise us.. but doctor say she has a blood clot in her brain.. if it rupture, it will cause internal bleeding.. but if it remains there, the risk of increasing will be big.. hais.. i just hope she will be okie.. she's only 60plus!! hais..will be dropping at the ICU to visit her tomorrow again..

went to eat with Sook Mun at square 2.. ate spagetti with chicken cheese sausage.. and had a nutty chocolate donut!! love it to the MAX! eating helps me DESTRESS! hahaz! oops!! =]

friends of mine who see this post, please pray for her speedy recovery and to tide through this..

tomorrow - afternoon shift:(

[ good news are shared BUT bad news publicizes! ]

well.. 2nd day in the new ward already.. i shall say.. i'm still adapting.. and today.. we got a CP lecturer to our ward! well, it's like FINALLY! i didnt blame Mdm Yeo at all.. cause she also hold her baby until we finish our CP.. i guess the school management is the one we have to put blame on.. they are over tasking the teachers i guess.. one teacher covering here and there for 2 groups..

alright.. shall introduce my new CP lecturer.. she's Ms Jay.. quite NICE and pretty.. that's the FIRST IMPRESSION.. i guess there will be more to come.. just hoping to complete 75% of my skills and ALL my critical skills.. nightmares have been setting in every single night without fail.. i have been really SCARY dreams like i contracting CANCER and undergoing CHEMO.. then having dreamt of a YEP family but saw GHOSTS! oh my gosh! this just set my goose bumps arising NON-STOP!

it's been a bit MESSY in this ward.. with only 4 students per shift.. we are just like slaves being commanded to do this and do that.. i guess that's the life of a student and as a role of a staff to command.. LOLX! i shall make sure i WONT become a commander when i graduate as a nurse.. I'm SURE!

receive Calvan's sms last night.. was kind of SHOCKED.. didnt expect it. but well, what can he say? the same old words lohz.. and he called me today.. at the WRONG TIME! so i didnt pick up and he smsed me.. what again? same old shit.. well, i guess he leaving singapore means i can have a peace of my mind.. and concentrate on things that are more important..

i guess if i can put my heart and soul in my studies, i get GOOD RESULTS as rewards.. and if i put my heart and soul in my family, i'll get the WARMTH.. and if i put my heart and soul in gakkai activities, i'll get lots and lots of GOOD FORTUNE and i believe Gohonzon will plan the RIGHT ONE for me..

BUT, if i were to put my heart and soul in a relationship now, i will nelgect my studies, that will in turn makes me have POOR RESULTS.. i will neglect my family, and that's where the HORNING and NAGGING comes in.. and if i neglect my gakkai activities, my members will SUFFER, my comrades will COMPLAIN and i will DEFINITELY not have good fortune but many BAD KARMA awaiting me and there goes my RIGHT ONE! and not only that.. i guess i will end up washing my face everyday with TEARS, ACHING my head, BLEEDING my heart and LOSE my balance..

hahaz.. sound like got so many DISADVANTAGES getting in a relationship.. well.. that paragraph just came on fingers automatically when i place them on the keypad.. so many disadvantages, so why people are still in LOVE? like what Sensei said, "if you were to get into a relationship while you are studying, you will miss out a lot in life..." believe it or not, you will see it..

a good news - i got a new god-sister!!!! =] and she's my member of mine- Yue Chang.. a cute primary6 girl.. shall take a picture with her one day! :)

a funny thing to show.. my DEAREST SISTER STELLA post it in her blog! i REALLY MAKES me laugh like MAD!!! :) WahahaZ!


http://www.bustedtees.com/tom

this was the description in the webby -> "No offense or anything, Tom, its just that you've been kind of annoying lately. No, its not any one thing... its just a bunch of little things. No, I don't know why you're not in Justin's Top 8 anymore! Listen - seriously, I gotta go! "

hahaz! and CONGRATS STELLA for the SIM exhibition!! jiayou!! i'll be sending you prayers!! meet up SOON!!!!:)

tomorrow - morning shift! *dead*

[ 当我们同在一起！...... ]

couldnt sleep last night too! spent 2 hours tossing and turning on the bed!! i just feel so FRUSTRATED!!!! what has happened to me? something wrong with my body? or am i just too stress? or i slept too much recently? i dont feel that i really sleep too much for the past one week.. cause i just have a HARD time falling asleep! hais! was talking to Mom before going to bed.. and she was asking about the guy who went to watch movie with me the other day.. ya.. it's non other than Calvan lohz..

well, told Mom so frankly that i rejected him.. lolx! Mom was like: " Aiyoz, poor him.. " and was shocked to hear that Mom say she dont mind me having a boyfriend 10years older than me! OH MY TIAN!! didnt know Mom so open-minded.. well, but ultimately, it's up to me lahz.. one of the reason i rejected him also because i feel that age is the gap.. well, since Mom can accept the age gap.. who knows i can accept guys older than me by 10years next time? hahaz!

was watching this korean show last night.. quite nice.. how come real life love story not so TOUCHING? lolx! then was sms-ing 秀娟姐 while i was trying to sleep.. and she MMS 怡怡's photo to me.. so FAST liao.. she's turning one years old next month!! but i cant get to see her in real person.. just through videos and photos only.. well.. BUT, she's really grower prettier and cute-er each day! and hope i can turn 21 faster so that Mom and Dad wont worry so much about me travelling alone.. shall visit her in Ipoh one day with 秀娟姐 and 姐夫! cant wait for this day to come!! :D then i shall train her to call me 姨姨! hahaz! COOL manz!! :)



my DEAREST god niece!! - 怡怡


picture took during NDP this year:D

woke up at 7.45am this morning.. i wanted to sleep so much the moment the alarm rang.. BUT, i tell myself.. not matter what i have to attend the CFG prep meeting today.. will be teaching the children the line dance.. therefore, i have to go.. throat still not feeling that well.. but i'm still eating fried and heaty stuff like nobody's business.. breakfast was Mac's sausage mcmuffin with egg, hashbrown and a cup of ice milo!! :D

teaching the children really need lots of patience manz! they cant learnt things that fast.. BUT.. i cant deny that they are really CUTEeeeeeeee!! aiyoz! training ended at 1plus, then the committee gathered down till almost 2pm for some review and stuff.. then.. i headed to JP to get my lunch:D saw Wanqi while i was in the bus!! hor hor! caught you with a guy.. no lahz.. not boyfriend.. just friend only.. called her.. but she didnt pick up, then who knows when i went to Subway to get my sandwich.. i saw her there!! :) hahaz! then i took 174 to Bukit Batok to take 852 home..

Xueyun was a bit too slow.. she smsed me when i just boarded the bus.. she wanted to meet me.. i could have turned back but i was too TIRED liao le! boarded the bus.. swallowed my lunch and knocked off.. took a short nap on the bus! :D now, it's raining cats and dogs! i love this weather! it's good for sleeping beauties!! =]

tomorrow, will be on afternoon shift.. will be going to a new ward - Ward 7B.. hmmm.. dont know how things will be like.. just checked my schedule and realised that i got 3days same shift as her this week! and 2days same as her next week!! OH MY TIAN!! i dont know how am i going to suffer! with only 4 students per shift.. hais! got to chant more and pray hard to finish all my skills!:D

[ 其实爱、恨往往只是在我们的一念之间！]

home today.. couldnt sleep last night.. had a really HARD time falling asleep.. kept turning on the bed for at least 2 hours.. hais! this morning.. sleep was distured by a unexpected person.. it's DARYL!! he smsed me and asked me about the Chapter Friendship Gathering SSA is having in September.. and he said his friends have invited him to attend..

taking this as a good opportunity.. i decided to tell him that i actually have intention to invite him!=] hahaz! and he said he will try telling his friends to attend!! :) didnt know it can be that easy to speak to him about it!!! really hope that he can attend the CFG with me!! :) shall start chanting and praying hard for it to happened.. woke up at 12pm.. with LOTS and LOTS of frustration.. just dont understand how come people just cant do their part and fulfill at least their own responsibility.. i'm TIRED of covering people's backside for them and PKL in everything le!! hais!!

lunch with didi.. who knows.. Mom called again at 1plus.. so we had another round of lunch! my goodness! going to FEI si liao le!! lolx.. then reached home.. tried to nap awhile BUT i just cant sleep!! i just dont know why.. got insomnia!! i really need SLEEPING PILLS!!!! :( saw this email from a friend.. feel that it's quite meaningful!! :)

爱的感觉，总是在一开始觉得很甜蜜，
总觉得多一个人陪、多一个人帮你分担，
你终於不再孤单了，至少有一个人想著你、恋著你，
不论做什么事情，
只要能一起，就是好的，
但是慢慢的，随著彼此的认识愈深，
你开始发现了对方的缺点，
於是问题一个接著一个发生，
你开始烦、累，甚至想要逃避，
有人说爱情就像在捡石头，
总想捡到一个适合自己的，
但是你又如何知道什么时候能够捡到呢？
*她适合你，那你又适合她吗?
其实，爱情就像磨石子一样，
或许刚捡到的时候，你不是那么的满意，
但是记住人是有弹性的，
很多事情是可以改变的，
只要你有心、有勇气，
与其到处去捡未知的石头，
还不如好好的将自己已经拥有的石头磨亮磨，
你开始磨了吗？

this one also quite interesting :D

如果你也正在为爱迷惘，或许下面这段话可以给你一些启示：
爱一个人，
要了解，也要开解；
要道歉，也要道谢；
要认错，也要改错；
要体贴，也要体谅；
是接受，而不是忍受；
是宽容，而不是纵容；
是支持，而不是支配；
是慰问，而不是质问；
是倾诉，而不是控诉；
是难忘，而不是遗忘；
是彼此交流，而不是凡事交代；
是为对方默默祈求， 而不是向对方诸多要求；
可以浪漫，但不要浪费；
可以随时牵手，但不要随便分手。

tomorrow- will be attending CFG Prep meeting:D

[ i broke another heart.... ]

yesterday updated too early.. so, there's many more exciting things that took place in the evening..

Calvan smsed me yesterday.. Thank god he didnt call me.. he asked if it's possible for me and him to be together.. then he ask if i like him.. well, i didnt really reject him lahz.. just tell him the truth that i only treat him as a friend.. we just know each other for less than 2 weeks, what LOVE do you think we'll have? anyway, i did lied to him.. in order to make his heart DIE, i told him i cant forget my ex boyfriend that's why i have no intention to start a new relationship..

well, that's not really true lahz.. who will bother to remember that ***! LOLX! i just used him as an EXCUSE to make my rejection more VALID! lolx! *so evil* like i said before, i dont like to be forced.. and i guess Calvan know it clearly.. i said before, " if you force me to do things i dont like, you will just make me dislike you more and will DEFINITELY be further away from me.." just like Mr "F".. he made me learnt my lesson.. like what Ben Ben told me before... even if you cherish the friendship with him, it's up to him to choose if he cherish you as a friend.. dont hestitate to lose this friend.. well, that was what i thought when i told Calvan that i only treat him as a friend..

after all, i have all along been there for him as a friend.. i even try to make things clear so as not to give him any false hope.. you have chosen this path, Calvan.. of losing a friend.. he even told me STUPID things like he wont fall for any girl anymore and will leave singapore for good.. why have you have to make things turn out this way? is it WORTHY? i guess NOT ba.. anyway, that's his decision.. i cant force him too.. but, i hope i didnt hurt him too deeper by speaking the truth! i'm looking for a LASTING relationship.. NOT one that has been built based on first sight love.. i guess understanding me deeper as a friend will helps if we were to progress further.. and what's that to hurry if you really like me? not say we'll going to die tomorrow.. hais!

well, it's DEFINITELY NOT a compliment that he's the THIRD heart i have broken this year.. first was De wei, then was Viknesh, then now Calvan.. they just make me feel that they are so desperate to have a girlfriend! Viknesh still not as bad as the other two.. at least he didnt force after trying once.. BUT.. will not having a girlfriend/ boyfriend sent the person to HELL? or will that affect your VALUE OF LIVING? i guess it WONT ba.. ultimately, they are just someone whom might brighten your days.. but i guess even without a gf / bf, friends can do the same too! just like Stella who made my day!:D

went to meet Stella yesterday at Northpoint mac.. or should say she came all the way to meet me.. and i had Chocolate Sundae to cheer up my DOWN day.. i just feel BAD despite not doing any wrong thing by speaking the truth.. we had a great time chatting and talking! seriously, not staying at home makes me feel much much better.. if not, i'll just be either watching tv, chanting, on the com or sleep! shared a lot with her and i guess we had FUN! :D

home today.. slept till almost 12 today.. had a chat with Ben Ben last night.. well, this guy.. despite being busy, he will never FAIL to suan me when he talk to me lahz.. i seriously think he forgets about this friend of his liao.. please lahz.. take some initiative to look for me can? only know how to ask me treat u makan and watch movie! hahaz! but he did cheer me up lahz although it's through suaning me.. thanks!:D i'm seriously losing my voice.. and seriously need to go to the doctor.. lolx.. lunch was with didi and mom.. well, i really hope to go out and take a breathe!

didi's out to celebrate Peiyi's birthday.. and i'm home alone with Mom.. it just awaken my guilty conscience when i'm alone at home with her.. hais! shall not think about the bad things.. Stella is out in SIM to talk about the exhibition.. hopes everything turns out good for her! jiayou le lala sister! :D make it HAPPEN okie! =]

seeing so many close friends being attached makes me so JEALOUS! how come they can have so much good fortunate to meet with the right guy? and what should i be doing? well, let's put this subject and pray about it ba.. will be back in TTSH next monday at a new ward 7B.. got to readapt again and build rapport with the staff! i just hate it! :(


P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEIYI!!! :D

[ when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.... ]

woke up at 12pm this morning.. as usual lohz.. i cant sleep last night.. kept coughing and coughing.. was thinking whether i should go to the doctor.. just scare that i wont be able to recover before i start attachment again next week.. hais!

mood a little DOWN today.. maybe because i'm not feeling well ba.. still thinking how to talk to Dad about the incident.. like what Eunice advised me.. i have been praying for this incident to be resolved.. just hope that Dad can feel the happiness in this family once again.. also praying that i can a good chance to talk to Calvan before the feelings of his get deeper.. hais! i just dont know what's wrong with my life.. the person i like, dont like me... BUT.. the person i dont like, like me like mad! haiyo! i am going CRAZY soon!

Mom always say "Being loved is a form of happiness" (被爱是幸福的) but... i dont agree to this.. i feel that if you are loved by someone you love, that's HAPPINESS!! but if you are loved by someone you dont love or cant love, it's SUFFERING! cause the person love you like mad yet you have to hurt that person's feelings.. well, love cannot be forced.. this is one thing very clear cut..

got to go get some rest:D feeling lethargic!:)


P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEELENG JIE and SAKINAH!! :D

[ change change change!! ]

wake up really early today.. at 9am.. actually not very early lahz.. BUT, it's holidays.. so it's considered early lahz.. woke up, did my morning prayers and then had my shower.. have to wake up because Mom has booked for me to go for facial appointment today:D

hahaz.. after so long not taking good care of my skin.. now worrying like hell.. hoping to look prettier.. hehez! hope it's not too late:D very very TIRED so i left home right after i finished the facial.. i'm almost losing my voice liao! hais.. i HATE to cough! :( oh ya.. almost forgetten about this incident.. was on the train from JE to Clementi.. then i heard this very familiar voice.. then i turned.. saw one of my IMH patient!! oh my TIAN! so SCARY!! my goodness! cant imagine i will meet my patients on the train!

Calvan called me yesterday.. as usual.. he tried confessing.. BUT i pretended.. so i smsed him yesterday night.. hoping to explain my stand now.. who knows.. his phone got problem so he didnt recieve the sms! hais! i'm just wondering is God on my side? sms failure at the critical period.. i hope he didnt lie about not recieving the sms.. hais! just hope i will have another chance to make clear to him again!:D

going for dinner:)


P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNN!! :)

[ a little affected..... ]

early morning.. woke up, feeling really really TIRED.. just dont feel like waking up.. didnt sleep well last night.. maybe because i'm having flu and sore throat.. so i didnt sleep well last night.. kept sneezing and coughing.. woke up, showered and did my morning prayers.. then i had my breakfast while waiting for didi to call.. didi called at about 2pm.. so i changed out and went to meet him at PS..

despite feeling a little feverish, i still went on to meet didi.. went round PS to search for a proper gift for her girlfriend's birthday.. then after much seeing and looking around, we decided to get a pair of couple rings with engraving on top.. saw the puzzle pendant.. really LIKE it like mad.. so NICE! then went to grab a bite at LJS.. had combo 1 and clam chowder soup.. feel much better after taking some hot soup..

after which, went round PS to shop while waiting for the collection of the rings.. feel like changing my phone again.. getting a bit sick of using touch screen phone.. lolx.. if Mom hears me, she will kill me manz! lolx.. then Stella smsed me and said her cousin cancelled the tuition with her.. so, she can meet me for dinner.. well, this IRON LADY sister of mine.. i just dont know how to thank her.. ever since ***'s incident last year, she has been always there for me.. listening to my grumble, comforting and encouraging me.. thanks a lot STELLA..

after having dinner at Toa Poyah, we headed to AMK Hub hoping to catch a movie.. end up, the timing didnt seems to suit our timing.. so we decided to walk around.. happened to be on the phone with a long time never see friend.. and found out some shocking news.. didnt expect that *** is attached for about 2months liao.. hais.. what to do.. BUT, sad to say.. i'm a little AFFECTED when i heard about it.. Stella, i know you going to slap me! lolx.. but, just a little affected only..

looking through her blog.. i realised she really loves him a lot.. i'm not that evil.. although i curse and swear in front of others, but deep down my heart, i'm seriously praying for your happiness.. though we cant be together and even when we are together, we didnt look a perfect match, i still hope you can find your the other half that can makes you forget about the unhappy past and look forward.. please be XING FU! though she look a bit childish, but i guess she can give you the happiness ba.. must treat people nicer worz.. jiayou le my past!~
Stella MADE MY DAY again today! thanks for the card lala!!! really gan dong till i almost cry.. thanks once again! got to go and rest!!:D

[ what is true love? ]

today is my FIRST day of my holiday.. well, because of the JCI in TTSH, my group has to be put on holiday and replace it from 6th-10th oct.. sianz lohz.. one week before i start school, i have to go back to replace.. but... i'll be going to 8B! one of my FAVOURITE ward in TTSH.. i think the staff there might not recognise me liao.. but the sister can!! :D

slept till 10plus then wake up liao.. i think if not because mom's home, i'll sleep till 12pm i guess.. hahaz! woke up and did my morning prayers then went downstairs to have brunch with mom.. and went to buy some groceries also.. the weather is so WARM! till i feel that i got heat stroke! lolx! i almost fainted i guess cause i can feel that i am feeling giddy.. back home.. it's the usual routine to take a cool shower and turn on my computer.. hasnt been checking my inbox..

then after which, i decided to take a short nap since it's raining cats and dogs.. and it has been made to be a perfect weather to sleep:D BUT.. i just dont know why.. i couldnt sleep actually.. end up sms-ing on my bed.. sms Xianyun.. sms Calvan.. feel so BAD disturbing him while he's at work.. well, i guess i am the person he has special feelings towards.. BUT..... i have chosen to pretend that i dont know.. cause i really dont wish to get into a relationship that i dont have confidence at all.. i hope this one that comes will last till marriage... so.. that's the reason why i am choosing it so WISELY..

after waking up, got myself a hot cup of milo cause the weather is too COLD.. i very mafan right? one minute too HOT, one minute too COLD.. then had a shower and did my evening prayers.. after which, left home to meet Eunice at TSC.. at Tampines, went to grab my dinner and saw Melvin (tang).. been quite some time since i last talked to him.. when we on board 67, suddenly, the sky start pouring.. thank god it's just heavy drizzling.. not downpour.. if not, we'll be dead! all because of Mom's mouth lohz.. say i never bring umbrella.. then i end up in the rain.. i guess getting myself drenched had made my flu WORSE!... my mucous flow like nobody's business!

chanted with Eunice for about an hour and we started our dialogue.. well, i really appreciated that so many people are so CONCERN over my family matters.. thanks a lot guys.. i guess after talking to Eunice.. i have a bigger heart to face this problem.. i just hope everything will be over soon...

read this from SSA times issue 337 - Dim Sum for the Heart.. and i just feel like sharing this to everyone..


title of the write-up : " What is True Love?"

True love is not one person clinging to another; it can only be fostered between two strong people secured in their individuality. A shallow person will have only shallow relationships. Rather than becoming so love-struck it seems only the two of you exist, it is much healthier to continue making efforts to improve and develop yourself while learning from those aspects of your partner that you respect and admire.

The renowned author. Antoine de Saint-Exupery wrote, "Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people looking ahead together in the same direction." Relationships last longer when both partners share similar values and beliefs..

True Love is not about doing whatever the other person wants or pretending you are something you are not. Someone who genuinely loves you will not insist that you do anything against your will or embroil you in some unwholesome activity. Without respect, no relationship will last very long nor can two people bring out the best in each other.

Men should be extremely courteous and caring towards women, respecting them and doing utmost to support them. The responsibility of men is to become strong enough, compassionate enough an adult enough to care about their lifelong happiness of their partner. For men who strive to cultivate this quality, it is also an expression of true love.

No matter how much you may appear to be enjoying yourself now or how serious you think you are about your relationship, if you allow your love life to consume your time and energy at the expense of your growth, then you are just playing a game. And if you are always playing games, then your life will be just that, a game.

(Adapted from The Way of Youth by Daisaku Ikeda)

[ dont be prisoners of the past... ]

woke up at 9.30am this morning.. feeling really lethargic.. but no choice.. have to get myself ready for the discussion meeting.. woke up, showered and did my morning prayers.. then headed to Clementi to meet Hooi Ying for lunch.. had western food and sugarcane juice.. was raining while we had our lunch at the market.. was early.. managed to reach the discussion meeting place early and way before the rest..

today discussion meeting.. quite slack.. cause never share anything much.. most of the time was used for group dialogue.. and i think i am not in the right life condition to encourage anyone and stuff.. hais.. got a scolding from Chee Cheng.. i think his mood also not good.. but thanks for always giving in to me.. i really appreciate it a lot.. hais.. i'm really down today.. just feel like hiding in my pillow and cry it all out.. i cant talk about this to many people.. not even to my trusty 4division and my dearest YMD, Chee Cheng.. i can just keep quiet and talked to those i trust.. IRON ladies power.. give me some... hais!

Calvan tried calling me but i didnt want to pick up his call.. i'm so sorry. i'm seriously not in the mood to talk about anything now.. and hope you only treat me as a friend.. cause what i really bother now is the BIG ISSUE, my studies, my cca, my soka activities.. nothing else now.. guess i have to stay away from him for the moment..

back home.. very tired and went to nap.. dad's birthday today.. didnt really celebrate with him.. facing him was the BIGGEST challenge already.. i guess i still can control my emotions when i talked to him.. just hope i wont burst out...

That's the way it is - Celion Dion

I can read your mind and I know your story
I see what you're going through
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you

Don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find a way, yeah

So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow'
Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

That's the way it is
That's the way it is, babe
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

heard this song through the video made by NTU RCHN for the VB drive.. it's my memories too.. and through that event, i know really many GREAT people like Woanlan, Ben Ben, Medy, Hooi Ying.. especially Woanlan and Ben Ben.. they will never fail to stay by my side when i really need them.. Thanks a lot.. Not forgetting the IRON LADIES - Stella and Xueyun.. my ITESD IIC - Ann Nee and Eunice.. thanks a lot people.. i will stay strong..

[自己的路要靠自己走.....]

woke up at 6.45am this morning.. have set my alarm clock to 6.30am but i just cant wake up! maybe because today is SATURDAY ba.. plus.. i'm on afternoon shift yesterday.. so FAST.. finished my surgical posting at Ward 12C le.. will be having one week holiday next week due to JCI and then.. will be going to 7B for my medical ward posting.. will be going to Geriatric ward manz! die!! i hope it's not going to be as bored at AMK posting..

managed to wake up at 6.45am and went to shower.. prayed and left home for school.. have to attend the Red Cross Main Com FIRST meeting in school today.. i guess it's gonna be a FUN day to meet our future successors and lots and lots of UPDATES to SQUEEZE into our little brain.. got myself Mac's breakfast upon reaching Tampines Interchange.. just too HUNGRY! NO MORE hypocount and insulin girl for one week.. actually it's FUN that we are completant in our skills and the staffs trust us to do it for them without any supervision.. i just LOVE the feeling of being trusted and appreciated! :D

met up with Victor and Sakinah at Cafe 1.. will be expecting some of them cant turn up and wont turn up for the following events as well.. i just dont know.. will they feel GOOD sitting in the position and not doing anything? i guess if it's me, i wont feel GOOD AT ALL! please lahz.. do something before we graduated can? at least we are setting a good example for our successors and juniors to come.. i dont wish that my juniors will go through the period i went through with Sakinah.. everything trial and error.. falling down and getting up on our own with no proper guidance.. that isnt the way of passing on..

meeting started at 9plus.. with some late and some didnt turned up last minute.. well, meeting still goes on despite all those who cant be bother.. many many ideas are proposed.. and i hope all of them can be finalized.. it's gonna be lots of fun!! Blood Drive coming in this November.. proposal still not up yet.. and it's going to be my LAST event before i graduated it in March next year.. i just hope it will be as fun as VB drive with Ntu:D

meeting finished at 12plus.. called Stella and went to meet her.. took mrt to Harbourfront and we had a simple lunch there.. after which, we headed to SYC for the CIC training.. meeting started at 2.30 with us doing evening gongyo and some daimoku.. my mood is really DOWN.. after quarrelling with my asshole brother who came making a NUISANCE of himself and trying to make my family fall apart.. YOU ASS! :X

saw many familiar faces at the training.. saw Yvonne jie.. she said i look very LC.. " Low Life Condition".. oh my TIAN! words have been written on my face.. ya.. seriously i am lahz.. even Jiahao also ask me to smile.. i cant hold it anymore till Ann Nee asked me am i really okie.. i want to say.. i want to say it out LOUD that i am NOT OKIE.. but i cant do it in front of everyone.. it must be kept a secret only between those whom i trust.. i really very XIN KU!

dinner was with Meihui and Ann Nee.. thanks for talking to me and making me feel better.. at least i can forget it for the moment.. Calvan called me.. asking me if i free to go watch fireworks and have dinner.. sorry ar.. i seriously NOT in the mood.. but thanks for being there for me as a friend, bro! :D

got to go rest.. i'm TIRED mentally and physically...


Tomorrow - Discussion meeting, lunch with Hooi Ying

[ face the reality, face the fact... ]

face the reality, face the fact...

it's been few days since i last update.. well, i'm just too TIRED and too LAZY to update.. cause i know once i turn on the computer and log on to my blogger.. i will feel like talking about that incident.. and i really wish i can bring out some happy things on my blog..

Monday - was on PH today.. stayed at home cause i was really TIRED.. feel so bad that i fly Calvan aeroplane.. he took leave on purpose for me and yet i didnt go out with him.. just NOT in the MOOD to do anything.. so stayed at home.. slack around and took afternoon nap as well.. cause i'm just too TIRED after crying SO MUCH yesterday...

Tuesday - on afternoon shift today.. couldnt sleep well last night.. i think maybe because i slept too much yesterday and at the same time too troubled ba.. didnt have much happening.. was just blindly chiong-ing skills like mad.. Woanlan sms me also.. thanks for all your concern girl!! you have been a great support to me!! thanks a lot! :D

Wednesday - on morning shift today.. really really TIRED.. but thinking of going to watch movie after work makes me more ENERGETIC! chiong skills like mad.. running here and there.. and Mdm Syamalla came.. and told us that if we cant complete our critical skills and attain 75% of our skills, we'll fail our posting! gosh manz! this is a real threaten manz! finished work at 3pm, and had my shower in the hospital.. then went to meet Calvan.. he supposed to pick me at ttsh but his car broke down.. end up, have to go by public transport.. headed to Toa Poyah for some food and left for PS.. went to walk around and had our dinner at Sakae Sushi.. eat very very little.. for the first time, my appetite is so BAD even though i'm eating my favourite food.. went to watch "Money not enough 2".. super TOUCHING!! and NICE!! and reminds me of my ah ma and my mom.. well.. i'm just too EMO lahz.. and talked to Ben Ben too.. thanks for listening to my grumble and trying to divert my attention to other things.. thanks a lot!! :D

Today - WORSE day of all among the 2 weeks in 12C! been very very BUSY since early morning.. bed making, bathe patients, do dressings, hypocount, insulin injection.... till i only have my break at 1pm!!!! my gosh!! lolx.. really HUNGRY but thank god didnt faint lahz huh.. i just dont know why.. usually this kind of situation, i will go hypo.. but this time didnt.. prayers enough lahz huh!! hahaz.. waited for Amanda to finish work at 4pm.. then went to out patient pharmacy and stroll one round.. get some medication and stuff.. then headed home.. really TIRED now..

it's been FOUR days already.. and things arent getting better i guess.. i have been so AFRAID to stay at home nowadays.. i just dont know why.. maybe i just feel like running away from the fact ba.. hais! just hope this can be resolved soon..

[ 2broken hearts, one broken family... ]

woke up at 10plus today.. seeing that nobody is awake and mom's not home.. i went to clarify the bad news didi told me last night.. i went to peep on Dad's mobile phone.. i know that's bad.. but i keep telling myself that i dont want it to be the truth.. BUT, somehow, i cant bluff myself anymore.. TRUTH is the TRUTH.. cant DENY it anymore and BLUFF myself.. know that only me and didi know about this.. and me being the ELDEST in the family.. it has given me lots of stress.. here am i going to graduate and facing s much stress over my attachment.. and didi's exams are round the corner.. i just hope it wont affect our grades..

i just CANT STOP my tears flowing.. i cried in the toilet.. and in front of the Gohonzon.. i really dont know what to do.. i have never have the thought that this kind of thing will happened to my family.. mom has suffered so many years.. i just dont know what will happened if she knows about this.. what will be the decision from her? and what will happened to this family who is already not happy? can i forgive Dad? i think my answer will be a straight clear-cut.. a NO!

i think i will never forget about this incident and forgive him.. CANNOT FORGIVE and CANNOT FORGET.. it really brokes my heart so DEEPLY that i have been crying for at least 3hours.. till my eyes are all red and swollen.. but i must thank Calvan for talking to me and Xueyun for coming down all the way to meet me at my place.. and not forgetting Stella who tried to talk to me.. thanks a lot peeps!! now.. i guess i have to chant really hard to talk things out with Dad before Mom finds out about this..

after Grandma's passing, mom hasnt been really active in gakkai activities.. and i think her life force level isnt that high.. i just hope if she will to know this incident, i hope she can accept it and make the correct decision.. Mom, dont worry.. didi and me will stand by you!

[ NDP'08! ]

woke up at 9plus today.. feeling SUPER TIRED and dont feel a sense that i want to go for the NDP duty.. but still, forced myself to wake up.. managed to reach HQ before 12pm.. changed and had lunch.. then we headed to Marina.. the weather today was much much better than last saturday.. thank god manz! if not, i'll become shao zhu again!

was arranged to be in Team 2 today with Nancy and our leader, Calvan.. the funny guy who kept asking me to take the walkie.. lolx! and so coincidentally, at the stairs at Stairway 2, Nancy saw her daughter's taekuodo instructor, Uncle Jason.. first few hours was just plain chatting and getting to know each other better! :D was tease by Calvan like mad.. keep asking me to be his girlfriend.. Oh my Tian! i really blushed like dont know how many times.. and he teased me about Eddie too! poor Eddie.. got dragged in for nothing.. got to know a SN from TTSH too.. and so coincidentally she's from 12B and i'm now at 12C! hahaz! hope to see you in TTSH, Manru!! :D

and got to know one of the Cheer leader, Januari.. she's from NP Nursing.. something common with me and Nancy.. had fun drinking milo.. Eddie so kind, brought it up for us.. so SAD Sakinah missed out so much FUN! dinner was KFC.. plain YUCKY i should say.. very the NOT NICE.. and saw YWD Chief, Li hui too! she's like so SHOCKED to see me there.. and not forgetting my classmate, Ramlan!! took many pictures.. but all at different cameras.. some with Christopher, some with Eddie, some with Calvan.. shall upload those i have first:D

it rains this year during NDP.. and because of that, i met a young little stubborn girl who refused to wear the poncho.. but she' s CUTE:D thank god the rain didnt affect the performance.. the participants are still as HIGH! was a tired day.. but had lots of FUN.. maybe because i was being TEASED lahz huh.. then saw Xueyun and took pictures with her too:D and took pictures with Huda Ali and Michelle Chong too =] it's just so FUN! got to wait till next year for NDP to come again:)


Januari and me! :D


me and Nancy :)


Calvan and me~


me and the little girl :P


she's so CUTE!

got home.. and didi told me a shocking news right in front of the Gohonzon.. i just held on to my tears.. shall get this clarify.. got to go sleep liao.. my eyes simply cant open anymore..

[ 回忆只会让人重复受伤害.... ]

supposed to be on pm shift today.. but because of the "thank you" dinner for VB at NTU today.. have to change shift and work on morning.. it was a day of MISERY for me i should say.. cause all my buddies are working in the pm shift and i'm working with people i cant really work with in the morning.. first thing in the morning, and people are making my BP go high up and my PR HIGH! it was a fresh new day with people coming late for work.. and complaining and grumbling over their assigned duty.. cant you just SHUT your ASS up and just work?

after which, things turned out a bit better.. work well with this SN of mine today.. he's Ivan.. somehow rather, after working with male SN in IMH.. i start to realise that i can work better with male SN rather than female ones.. cause they tends to gossip and become irritated easily.. did bed making with my SN and then pushed patient for shower.. this ah gong is just so CUTE!! i was supposed to shower for him.. but when i got him into the shower room, another patient who wanted to shower needs help to cover his dressings. so i told the ah gong to wait awhile.. 2minutes later when i return, he is already showering inside the toilet and lock the door somemore!! lolx! thank god nothing bad happened to me.. if not, i shall be liable for it..

back to the cubicle.. i told SN Ivan that i can help in doing some wound dressings.. so he told me the patients whom need dressings and review before they are discharge today.. thinking that i can choose one out of the 3 patients.. i went to the preparation room to get my requisites ready.. end up, i did all 3 dressings.. one being a really tough one with the patient's wound filled with blood and the wound look super DIGUSTING!! i really SWEAT like mad.. but, i didnt suffer alone, SN Ivan also.. but thanks a lot to him.. managed to finish the wound dressings by around 10.30.. and headed to kopitium with Carol for our makan..

just have some dessert and rushed back to the ward for my hypocount.. cant believe that i only had 10minutes break! but it's all WORTHWHILE for my skills.. then teacher assess my hypocount and left for her own ward.. helped to finish all the male cubicle's hypocount actually.. i'm quite sure that i am completant now! lolx.. and did many off plug and stuff today.. cause it's FRIDAY, and lots of patients are discharging.. it was a running about day today for me! and i really contented to be filled with work till i got no time for my break! TIRED but SATISFIED!

get to see Sister Yeo and Sister Lai do casting for one patient today.. really PRO sia! although it's not the first time i'm seeing it, but, i just feel that it's so LI HAI! finished work at 3pm.. and happened that one patient got Urine FEME specimen.. so passed it to Ivan and i headed home.. he's so CUTE, complaining to me that he also want to go home! lolx.. too BAD!

went to buy some makan and headed to take 851.. reached home around 4plus.. and had my shower and did my evening prayers.. went out and around 5plus.. was terribly late.. so sorry Sakinah! have to make you wait.. and she totally forgotten about her first aid baju! oh my tian!!!! then headed to Boon Lay.. Ben Ben was late.. but can forgive.. cause he came out purposely from NTU to come to Boon Lay just to fetch me and Sakinah.. thanks so much Ben Ben! dont say no rewards.. Sakinah gave you the pokky strawberry! hahaz!

reached the Yunnan Corner at NTU.. feel a bit WEIRD after not seeing them for quite some time.. they are still as friendly and funky.. took pictures with them.. and had dinner with them.. didnt know why i didnt have the appetite to eat.. and thanks Ms Chan, for your marcorni!! really NICE.. and we watched olympics opening together.. left home at about 9plus, when Medy, Ben Ben, Woanlan went for movie at JP.. headed to Sakinah's place to take the baju.. and she sent me by her bike back to CCK! oh my TIAN! my FIRST time taking bike!!! it's COOL but a bit SCARY!! hahaz!! but a nice experience:D

got to go sleep.. Ndp duty tomorrow!! :D


the prisoners' pic! lolx! :D


Medy, Sakinah, me, Woanlan, Ben Ben and JJ!! :P

[ 为了我们的爱，你努力过吗? ]

very TIRED this few days.. didnt update for a few days le..

Sunday - been sleeping at home for almost the whole day! i was just a PIG of the day! sleep eat and sleep!! hahaz.. but i am still very TIRED!!

Monday - back to school for SIM training.. very TIRED.. but not as tired as working in the ward.. met with lots of teachers in school! and i did role play! tried to give neubliser! hahaz.. for the FIRST time sia! and was slightly late from break! end up, got punished to stay back 30minutes to clean up the SIM centre.. Puteri, Huda and me went to clean the computer lab instead.. super DIRTY sia! i had a backache because of that..

Tuesday - back in TTSH for the first day and it's my first day in Ward 12C.. a total stranger place to me! but i guess i cope well despite being a bit blur and messy in the morning.. on the morning shift.. did some bed bath with the HCA and changing with Puteri.. then did IV with teacher and hypocount too! :D a good start.. just hope everyday can be like that so that we can complete our skills in time:)

today.. morning shift.. super super tired after having so many days of morning shift.. managed to do some skills today.. hypocount, insulin, off plug.. will be on afternoon shift tomorrow.. can get to sleep me.. Mr "F" has been pestering me for the past 2 days.. sms and ask me out.. and telling me all the mushy things... *YEEEeeeeee* anyway, shall not be affected by him.. shall concentrate to do well in my CP.. gambatte jess! :D


just thought of YOU recently.. hasnt been talking much to YOU recently.. and wondering how you doing.. hope you didnt forget me.. MISS you muchhhh....

[ ndp first aid duty! :) ]

ite first aiders with Ms Tham and Ms Chow!


the first aid team! :D


Sakinah, Victor and me!


us again!

pictures speaks a million words! :D .. TIRED doing duty but enjoyed the process of cracking jokes while on the way to Marina.. and the fun and laughter we created.. hahaz! few hours of duty.. safe and sound! no causlty.. and i finished watching the whole ndp show!! hahaz! really NICE! especially the Black Knights! i just love the heart shape they created!! :) love it love it!

lunch was from Food Industries and dinner by Pizza Hut..but somebody just turned me off.. he's one of our senior, and his name is Wei Liang.. he just scolded us for no reason and chase us back to our duty when we are having break! what e hell? are all guys by the name of "Wei Liang" all FON? Full Of Nonsense! hahaz! WHATEVER lahz! *talk to my hand* :P

after the duty finished, we went back to HQ.. and headed to Plaza Singapura to have our supper! had Mac as our supper.. everyone went to upsize our meal so as to get the Olypmics cup.. chatted and ate till super HAPPY.. we were still planning to have Sakura next time.. managed to get home by 12am.. TIRED.. will be resting at home tomorrow! *sleep*


the heart shape created by the Black Knights! *cool*

[ last day in IMH... ]

today... we are celebrating our last day in IMH with the patients and of course NURSES' Day! managed to sleep around 1am this morning and woke up at 3.30am just to prepare the sandwiches for the patients.. really TIRED but i still forced myself to do it.. cause i really want to make them happy:D

working with Roderick, Ban Khiang, Marilen, Glenda and Santhi today.. early morning.. they were teasing me like mad.. cause i knocked myself yesterday and got a bit swollen and bruise.. they were like asking me if i need them to write incident report.. lolx! i just cant STOP laughing!!!! hahaz!

as usual was morning medication round, follow by some light exercise then was breakfast time.. after which, we sat down to play with patients, chit-chat with patients etc.. then at about 9am, we went into the pantry to prepare the food for the patients.. made milo, lay out the sandwiches, jellies and waited for quite some time before we served it to the patients.. there's a kind uncle who came to cut hair for the patients.. after the hair-cut, they just look much much FRESHER and CLEANER!! hahaz!

after the hair-cut, we served the food to the patients.. i just feel that even if the staff are not around, we are able to handle the patients on our own!! :D after making their stomach filled, we went for our break.. as usual, i just cant work with Ms "L".. i just dont understand why she is SO LAZY and so RUDE! just cant work with her.. plus she's extremely SELFISH! :X shall not talk about her.. spoilt my mood.. back from break, we sang songs to them.. and played games with them.. and fed ah gong for the LAST time.. SOBX!(T.T)

finished work at 3pm.. showered and finish our ice-cream that we bought.. *sad sad*.. Zhenyu today off, so didnt see him.. headed to Junction 8 with Sook Mun after work.. went to shop shop and had subway sandwiches with her.. NICE NICE.. been some time since i last eat the sandwiches from Subway.. chatted with her lots of stuff.. really enjoyed the shopping trip to the FULLEST!! although we are really TIRED, but i still enjoy the trip:D



me and etri :D


me and munirah (gosh, i looked FAT!)


the sandwiches and jellies *yum yum*

tomorrow - will be going for NDP first aid! :D