REVITALISED! =D

REVITALIZED!❤❤

谁在最需要的时候轻轻拍着我肩膀
谁在最快乐的时候愿意和我分享
日子那么长
我在你身旁
见证你成长让我感到充满力量
谁能忘记过去一路走来
陪你受的伤
谁能预料未来茫茫漫长
你在何方
笑容在脸上
和你一样
大声唱
为自己鼓掌
我和你一样
一样的坚强
一样的全力以赴追逐我的梦想
哪怕会受伤
哪怕有风浪
风雨之后才会有迷人芬芳
我和你一样
一样的善良
一样为需要的人打造一个天堂
歌声是翅膀
唱出了希望
所有的付出只因爱的力量
和你一样

我们都一样
一样的坚强
一样的青春焕发金黄色的光芒
哪怕会受伤
哪怕有风浪
风雨之后才会有彩色阳光
我们都一样
一样的善良
一样为需要的人打造一个天堂
歌声是翅膀
唱出了希望
所有的付出只因爱的力量
和你一样
我们都一样

谁在最需要的时候轻轻拍着我肩膀
谁在最快乐的时候愿意和我分享
日子那么长
我在你身旁
见证你成长
永远为你鼓掌

it's been really great being posted to a pediatric ward.. LOTS of BABIES and KIDS.. though i guess it's isn't a great place to meet them.. so poor thing to see them sick, crying and feeling irritable.. but they really brighten my days and enlightened me in many ways..

like the lyrics of this song - 和你一样.. this patient of mine love this song a lot.. he can play it the whole day.. everytime i see him singing this, i really want to cry.. just don't know this sadness will arise in me.. was pretty down this semester after this BIG INCIDENT affected me so badly this year.. BUT thanks to this song, and thanks to the 2 little very ill patient i had, i found back the BURNING PASSION in me again.. i'm really GRATEFUL about this!

there are really times when i needed a shoulder to lean on.. but who was there? you used to be.. but now, within split seconds, everything changed. and i found another.. i thought he was the one, but seems like he isn't.. he wasn't there when i needed someone.. he didn't help resolve my problems but created more problems for me.. hais.. i don't know.. i am in a mess now..

i don't want to think so much.. shall focus on my studies now! jiayou jessica!

这回东窗事发了！

这回东窗事发了！

我真的不知道我今天怎么了....竟然会忘了把戒指摘下，让妈咪看见了！还大发雷霆！就有如我意料之中，妈咪是不可能接受的....第一，我跟李卓文才刚分开不久。第二，妈咪知道我一爱上一个人，我就会无法自拔，就好像她说的，我会一头栽下去。

妈咪因为李卓文的事，现在要她接受伟埒，真的比登天还难！咳！我真的好烦！我真的不知道应不应该让他知道。我知道他有权知道，可我又怕他会想这件事而做事不专心。咳！真不知道该怎么办才好！gohonzon，can you give me some wisdom and teach me what to do？

would you be there?

would you be there?

If I were blue, would you be there for me,
And whisper in my ears that's ok.
Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,
And say you love me one more time.

If I feel good, would you slow dance with me,
And touch my lips with tender loving care,
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
And never look back..

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there..

If I am away, would you still think of me,
And wished that you could hold me now.
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
All the way ...

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,
Would you swear that your love is always true,
Would you say that you always be there,
To kiss my pain away,

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,
Would you swear that your love is always true,
Would you say that you always be there,
To kiss my pain away,

Would you be there ..... for me ...

this is a song by Redwan Ali - Would you be there....

不知道怎么了..今天的我很想用中文把这篇博客日记写出来！心情最近很沉重..平时开开心心的我真的笑不出来！为了不让你担心，我也只好面带微笑。我还记得我们刚认识的时候，我总是笑得很开心，但是最近发生的事太多了，要笑也笑不出来。我知道你心情也不好，但也尽力装出一幅很开心的样子。我看了真的很难过！

最难过的事，我帮不了你什么！还总是说些让你更难过的话！真的很对不起！:( 我也只是关心你！不想你受伤害！希望你明白我的苦心！我真的很怕自己会爱你比你爱我更深。因为怕你有一天会像他一样伤害我！而那时我可能已经爱你爱得无法自拔！所以我选择把深爱的心锁在我这，对你而言可能不公平，但这是我保护自己的方式。我不能再受伤害，不能再承受任何打击了！

我很怕！怕因为你得到我的爱不费工夫，你不会珍惜我！虽然我知道你会说不会但是有时候话真的不能将在前头。当初的他也那么的爱我，也常说不会伤害我，不会让我流泪。到头来，这都成了废话，谎言，空头支票！我真的怕了！因为这些经历，我不得已要像刺猬一样，像仙人掌一样，身上长满了刺来保护自己！给我点时间，让我多了解你！给我多点时间，让我身上的伤疤淡去！放心！你没错！问题出在我身上！

谢谢你！谢谢你让我有机会磨平这道伤疤！谢谢你那么爱我！❤❤

还有“他”-谢谢伤得我那么深！真的上了一堂宝贵的课！无论如何，祝福你！

你！带走我的心跳！❤❤

你！带走我的心跳！❤❤

I know i have walked out of the past already.. THANKS to those who helped me along the way.. Ben Ben, Stella, Xueyun dajie, Medy, Ah cao, Yaya, Peishan and many many more.. without you guys.. Jess wont survive till now!❤ especially to Ben Ben! bestie, i love❤you! ha! really miss you sia! come back FASTER yeah!=D

Recently, something really GREAT happened to me!!❤ BUT i shall not review much here.. haha! cause i am also afraid 老天爷 will get jealous about me and take it away AGAIN! so i shall not saying much till time is ripe!=D

now having holidays... BUT.. to be frank.. never really enjoy that much.. been not well on and off.. i guess i didn't have a good rest ba.. Always running here and there... hais! i seriously need to sleep early and have a balanced diet.. Always eating irregularly.. and don't know what's wrong with me today... GIDDY WHOLE DAY le! aiyo! Saturday, and i am STUCK AT HOME? what SHIT is that?

well, this past 1 week, there's TWO HAPPIEST THINGS i did.. one is ALEX's BIRTHDAY!❤ i hope you like the SURPRISE me and Apple gave you! and hope you really like the gift i got for you!=D and another thing is - i got a NEW LOOK!! haha! new HAIRSTYLE!=D hee! although still not very used to it, but i really ❤love it! haha!

didn't expect you would comment on the photos on facebook that i posted.. BUT well, your COMMENT, your CONCERN DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL!!!!!! so, say what you want to say yup! IT WONT AFFECT ME AT ALL! and thanks to Xueyun dajie and Stella for retaliating on his words! GOOD ONE SISTERS! ha! 不愧是iron ladies gang的好姐妹！LOVE❤ you girls!=D

my NEW hairstyle!^^

其实我并不快乐.....

其实我并不快乐.....

this few weeks.. hasn't been studying much.. realized i have been playing a lot.. every weekend also go out shop.. then last weekend even went IPOH! haha! FUN FUN FUN!!!

many things happened for the past 4months.. many happened at the speed that i couldn't even react in time.. i have been doing so much to get over it.. coming out with friends, shopping, sing k, bowling.. even travel.. but i realized.. actually... i am not happy.. not truly happy.. i am just telling to put a strong stand that i am to prove to him that without him, i still can live happily.. kind of stupid rite? cause he also won't bother..

so... i sense the urgency that i need to move on.. and start studying for my common test.. results is now what i need to concentrate on.. and career is what i want.... JIAYOU le JESSICA LOH! =D

i knew it!!

i knew it!!!

went out with 秀娟姐 yesterday.. mood wasn't so good since yesterday... TERRIBLE.. really TERRIBLE.. cant describe it in words.. hais.. went to walk around to get this terrible feelings off me.. till i was on the way home, i cant take it anymore.. i text him and VENT all MY ANGER on him.. he really deserve it... cause he was the one who brought me to this state...

he DENIED!! as expected.... i just don't understand why am i still believing that he will not lie, he will not hurt me when the fact already lies there.. YES, from this moment, i would only want to believe what i see, not what i hear from you ANYMORE!!!

and medy... thanks for comforting me.. really.. without you just now.. i probably will do something to myself.. and to Ben... thanks for trying your best to comfort me.. and always trying to be there for me.. THANK YOU to all!!!=D

你让我真的很失望........

你让我真的很失望........

I always feel that one day we will be back together.. and even though that you're not going back to Hong Kong now, I know and believe that it's because your mom wish that you can try your luck to get a job here in Singapore and that they wouldn't need to pay back the money to the government.. I remembered you once said that you believe that when you go back, I will gradually forgotten about you.. and I remembered I told you that I am confident that before you go back to Hong Kong, you will find someone else already..

It was just a casual remark and I am praying hard that it wont come true.. and it came true.. You know the girl way before we broke up.. I have no idea if you have feelings for her before we ended.. But I believe this is the case.. Just like what happened between you and Pooi San... before you broke up with her, you already have feelings for me.. It's just that I aren't aware of it.. and without knowing, i became a third party.. I guess this is what happen between you and her now? whether she know or don't know, you have made her the third party between us..

How can you do this to me? so what if you all started after we break up? i am sure feelings don't develop over the night right? i guess it started during the period we are still together? don't deny it anymore.. I won't believe what you said anymore.. You betrayed the trust I had in you... How can you do this to me? What have I done wrong? why do you have to do this? I saw pictures of you going to Malaysia with her and hug her... and that time, we just broke up for only last than 2months.. you can just forget about what happened between us for the past 1 year ma? this 1 year is just a game ma?

Please be assure.. YOU WONT HAVE MY BLESSINGS!!!!!!... and not from those around us as well.. Don't even think of denying.. cause God knows what you are doing.. because of you, i don't know how to face friends from NUS RCHN.. because of you, i lost a couple of friends.. and i shall make you lose all the friends in Red cross.. go ahead and date with her.. and be prepared to face the effects you have caused.. you will have retribution for doing this to me! till now, 3months plus le... i am still trying to walk over it.. cause i know i wont be able to walk out.. what i can do is walk over it.. and i am prepared to dwell in it each time i walk over it.. but i didn't expect things will be like that...

those pictures really disgusted me.. it really.. I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

昨天会被今天明天来取代......

昨天会被今天明天来取代....

言承旭:累了不要见外
把我挖起来
吐个痛快
看不惯朋友有难
谁还冷冷的围观
我的手心为你握起来
朱孝天:烦了不要见外
把我找出来
陪你负担
吴建豪:续杯咖啡的温暖
一直暖到你想开
你心情的坑洞让我来填满
朱孝天:昨天会被今天明天来取代
动心的感情不会淘汰
关心常在
全体:就算你我再热闹喧哗中走散
友情会在第一时间赶来
让跳乱的心情平躺下来
重新的呼吸简单
深深的满满的
朋友只要你被孤单压的叫不出来
我第一时间送出关怀
热热的眼神陪你看开
找回那片大自然
为着你抱紧你相信你
朱孝天:我确定
周渝民:累了不要见外
把我挖起来
吐个痛快
看不惯朋友有难
谁还冷冷的围观
我的手心为你握起来
珠孝天:烦了不要见外
把我找出来
陪你负担
续杯咖啡的温暖
一直暖到你想开
你心情的坑洞让我来填满
吴建豪:昨天会被今天明天来取代
动心的感情不会淘汰
关心常在
全体:就算你我再热闹喧哗中走散
友情会在第一时间赶来
让跳乱的心情平躺下来
重新的呼吸简单
深深的满满的
朋友只要你被孤单压的叫不出来
我第一时间送出关怀
热热的眼神陪你看开
找回那片大自然
为着你抱紧你相信你

this few days.. beside having school.. have been busy with school assignments and also attending gakkai activities.. tired but really occupied myself to the fullest.. like today, attended this ywd meeting and heard this song which i used to listen 8years back! really re-flashing my memories! heez!

had a great time doing duty with xueyun! helped to take attendance for the meeting and sell the book!=D we sold a total of 135 books!!! super 有满足感! yes, there's a lot more things i can do with my own ability and capability.. so, dont even dare to look down on me.. i shall let you 跌破眼镜！be prepared ba! haha! just came back with the meet up with one of a very long never see friend cum ex bf of mine, let's call him mr "L"... well, i guess we just cant click well that's why last time will break up.. haha! i need to sleep le.. tomorrow need to wake up at 7am for the training course!=D

心里突然觉得很不舒服！我快爆炸了！

心里突然觉得很不舒服！我快爆炸了！

started class 4 days already.. and every friday is a break! NO CLASS!! like i mentioned in my previous entry, i thought 19th april would be a terrible day for me.. but i gone through it safely...

but today.. i don't know why.. suddenly i just feel so upset.. hais.. and cried badly.. i really want to be STRONG.. i really want to..

BELIEVE in YOURSELF!=D

BELIEVE in YOURSELF!=D

didn't know where this courage came from.. i guess probably it's my IPOD TOUCH!=D yes, it's been months since i sync my ipod touch liao.. cause it has always been not my job.. i don't know much things about computer and devices.. but yesterday, i tried.. download all the songs that are used to be in my ipod one by one till this morning about 5am then i sleep.. and when i got up at 1pm this afternoon.. i continue to mingle with my ipod till i get it sync with the songs i want inside!

i didn't know how i did it.. but it's definitely, purely just TRIAL and ERROR.. i always thought, without you, there's many things i cant do.. without you, i cant stand on my own.. BUT..... the fact is that, I CAN! it's just that i didn't try hard enough to do so.. i didn't try hard enough to STAND ON MY OWN.. i got all your photos kept away from my wallet, and i removed the ring that i have been wearing for the past 1 year off my finger..

from now, i will accept that you won't be here anymore.. and we are just pure friends.. pure normal friends.. although i don't know things will be like in future, but for now.. this is what we will be.. i am trying my best not to keep in touch with you that often... and that i will NEVER and NOT let you know how terrible i am living.. i will ONLY let you know that without you, i can STAND ON MY OWN... without you, i am living just like how i was before you came into my life and made a mess of it..

i don't blame you, i won't hate you.. i do cherish and treasure those happy moments you gave me.. whether or not you cherish it or not, i am okie... but for me, i do cherish it.. and thanks for giving me a chance to learn and i will treat this relationship as a learning experience for me.. thanks.. thanks for everything.. make sure you will be HAPPY.. make sure you show me that you made a right decision by dumping me.. make sure you do....

早知今日，何必当初？

早知今日，何必当初？

well.. today got up and saw 卓文's sms.. he seems super polite till i feel like i am a stranger to him.. he asked me if i am free today for a meet up.. cause he want to get his things back from me.. just happened that i am going to Clementi for a meeting.. i suggested to him to meet at Clementi.. instead of meeting me early, he requested to meet me after my meeting..

well it's for his own convenience.. not for my sake.. met up at MOS burger then sat down and chit-chatted for an hour plus.. before we headed home in a train.. well, just pure catching up.. talking about school work and his application for job etc.. and his plans.. he seems much much happier than before.. maybe it's a good thing he let me go.. probably he feels that i won't be happy with him ba.. and he don't feel happy with me too.. well, i don't know if he's really happy.. but i would hope he is.. cause no matter what, he still holds an important place in my heart.. i want the best to be his..

i don't know what will happened to me and him in years to come.. but for now.. just pure friends.. like we were before.. and i want to walk out of this mess, and enjoy the happy moments i have now.. i don't know who is the next person who will come and make a mess of my life, but for now, i just want to concentrate of what i have now.. and cherish and treasure it, before it leaves me AGAIN..

Ben going to be away for an exchange program from May- July.. and he's preparing his exams now.. even if i am not okie, i know i wont want him to worry.. so..... i will try my best to get over it.. and not do things that will hurt myself.. and school reopening on monday.. i guess i'll be probably very affected that day.. cause it's supposed to be our anniversary.. SUPPOSED TO BE... so ya.. just hope things go well.. well, i shall stay positive about it=D

真心希望你真的快乐！=D

你是因为害怕才把我推开吗？

你是因为害怕才把我推开吗？

meet up with yong ming yesterday.. it's been almost 9months plus since we last met each other.. well, it was great catching up with him.. met him at DG and from DG, we walked to Suntec.. along the way, we shared some of our nursing encounters with each other..

headed to Suntec cause there's a wider variety of food for us to choose from.. and we had Pepper Lunch!=] had my favourite Beef Pepper Rice.. then.. we continued to chat with each other.. after finishing our meals, we headed to Coffee Bean.. had a drink there.. and chit-chatted.. then, we met one of his friends.. nothing much.. just pure catching up.. and really thankful to him..

did talked some sense to me regarding me and 卓文.. cause he seen 卓文 before during last year's Vibrant blood drive.. well, many thought we are still together and will be ever lasting.. BUT.. the fact is that.. many don't know that we did have many disputes and unhappiness for the almost one year of time together.. maybe letting each other go is a relieve from all these ba.. maybe, only through this, can we be truly happy..

i don't know about him.. but to me.. it seems that he's been doing well.. and i am the ONLY ONE being AFFECTED BADLY.. i know it's not worth dwelling in it for so long but somehow rather, i just can't help it.. i really don't know what should i do to get myself out of these mess..

slept at 3am this morning.. and i couldn't wake up at 630am for the morning gongyo session at Senja.. have to A380 peishan because i can't get up.. and was struggling with my STUPID gastric pain.. so, i went back to sleep.. for the whole day.. just stayed at home and watch videos, play games etc.. and i finished watching 下一站，幸福 and 海派甜心! actually both shows also watched half way and stop a bit here and there.. it did enlightened me in some ways but it did sadden me a lot as well..

like what Ben tells me.. there's no turning back between us liao.. and i don't want to HOPE for anything.. cause i know once i HOPE, DEVASTATION will come and knock HOPE down again.. so, let's just let nature takes its course.. and most importantly now is my education and my work in future.. and i think it applies to him as well?:D 加油，李卓文！要让我的牺牲更有意义，就好好的把自己的生活打点好，努力完成你的梦想！

找不到命中注定在一起的那个人........

找不到命中注定在一起的那个人.............

找不到人说 心里的寂寞
找不到人懂 怕黑的折磨
找不到命中注定 在一起的那个人
很多人都像我 一个人过生活

爱 只有简单笔画 却比想象复杂
恨安定爱变化
我爱过几个人 也被爱过几遍
却还是没能将幸福留下
爱 是不可数的吗 为何我还相信
它不是独行侠
我在等一个人 在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行别害怕
用不完身边 泛滥的自由
开始怕孤单 是一种诅咒
羡慕我能飞的人 为何在天黑以后
还是 宁愿回到 爱情那个枷锁
告诉我爱不单行相信它

a song from the show - 海派甜心 by 罗志祥，爱不单行.. it's been days since i last updated.. got myself a laptop today!!!:D thanks for your help.. thanks for helping me look at the specs.. it took me quite some time to decide if i should buy this laptop.. cause i know it clearly in my heart that once i get this laptop, i wont have anything to do with you anymore.. i don't want this to come.. but i know i should..

i have been disappointing those who really cares for me.. especially Benjamin.. I'm really sorry.. really.. 1 more week to school reopen.. i must do something.. to help myself get over it.. but in my heart, i know it well.. i really love you.. i really don't know how to get on.. meet up with Xueyun da jie few days back.. had a great time catching up with her.. and met Cliff also.. thanks for analyzing all the problems for me.. thank you so much..

i need a break badly.. don't know why.. these 2 days i aren't feeling that well.. keep having fainting spells.. i think i need a rest badly.. hasn't been sleeping well... according to my mom, i had nightmares! well well well, i just need to rest!=D

不管我愿不愿意改变，一切都已经改变了.....

不管我愿不愿意改变，一切都已经改变了.....

it's been days since i updated.. well, my friend still trying to get over that guy.. cause he already starting to avoid her.. and there's nothing she can do.. from replying her a few times to disappearing completely now.. really PITY her! jiayou! faster get over it yup!! he's not worth your energy!

had days of fun this few days.. went to bowl with 秀娟姐 and gang on Good Friday.. and watched Clash of the Titans too! NICE SHOW=D then went to 扫墓 yesterday.. wake up super early and went to 3places.. CCK columbarium, CCK chinese cemetery and 咖啡山 at thomson there.. then went to eat at JE Zai Shun Seafood.. then headed hom..

very very tired these 2 days.. and now, i am at home resting.. keep on sneezing.. and these 2 days, my nose starts to bleed.. the wound still hurts badly.. argh! i am so BORED! 2 more weeks of holidays! going to chiong for drama shows!=]

a song by 林俊杰, 背对背拥抱

话总说不清楚 该怎么明了
一字一句像圈套
旧帐总翻不完 谁无理取闹
你的双手甩开刚好的微妙
然后战火再燃烧

我们背对背拥抱
滥用沉默在咆哮
爱情来不及变老
葬送在烽火的玩笑

我们背对背拥抱
真话兜着圈子乱乱绕
只是想让我知道
只是想让你知道 这警告
只是想让我知道
只是想让你知道 爱的警告
只是想让你知道 爱的警告

我不要一直到 形同陌路变成自找
既然可以拥抱 就不要轻易放掉

我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘...

我的梦狠狠碎 过却不会忘.....

他的轻狂留在某一节车厢
地下铁里的风比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊
对他唯一遗憾是分手那天
我 奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他轰 轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来
我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最终的荒唐

如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依 赖越多的空白
该怎么去爱

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会 忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝 望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最终的荒唐
如果还有遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停 不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

was very ILL in the morning.. had fever last night.. woke up, fever subsided but still having a BAD BAD HEADACHE and a TERRIBLE BACKACHE.. didn't have the appetite to eat at all.. but mom called me at about 4plus when she's coming home and got food for me.. i know mom will worried about me so even though i have no appetite, i still forced myself to eat..

was still pondering should i go for the meeting.. end up, i still went.. cause i have promised Pei Shan that i will meet her for dinner.. had a drink with her at BP Plaza's Wang Cafe.. then headed to Senja kaikan for meeting.. Sensei's video really enlightened me a lot!!:D "Life only makes sense when we live with a grateful mind" - this phrase is what i brought back with me after the meeting..

hands started trembling during the meeting.. really unwell.. didn't know what happened to me but i guess probably it was the bad weather that's why i am not well.. probably lack of sleep ba.. hais.. really don't want to fall sick now.. cause it's my holidays! i don't know what's wrong with me.. seems like got many things in my mind.. hais! i myself also don't know what is it..

i really want a get away! the lyrics which i copied on top is from the show "下一站幸福".. the boy in the show really SUPER CUTE! till didi who don't watched Taiwanese drama also watching this show=D the lyrics really describes my feelings.. well, my aim now is to work hard now for gakkai and my studies.. not going to think so much about love, about relationship.. i guess all these will come gradually.. let nature takes its course ba=D

DEVASTATION came and KNOCKED COURAGE down!

DEVASTATION came and KNOCKED COURAGE down!

i think the day before didn't sleep well.. that's why i am feeling SO SO TIRED.. a friend called me and told me what had happened to her.. She just broke off her boyfriend and got to know this guy.. he was really nice to her.. and gave her hope that she will be fine.. there's someone out there who would love her.. BUT, it came out to be a DREAM! the guy kissed her and then when she asked her so what's the reason behind for doing so.. the guy just told her it's a moments of trust.. nothing more than that..

hais.. i don't know if i should say this guy is an ASS? how can like that? trying to cheat my friend's feelings? now, she troubled not only because of her ex boyfriend but also with this guy doing this to her.. hais.. poor thing..

sometimes i just don't understand.. why must God give someone hope and courage and then within split seconds, then take it back? is it fair for someone who just longed for some hope? i really prayed hard she can walked out of this..

went to meet Joanna today=D just a small meet up but i really enjoyed it=] came home and now, i am feeling terrible.. having terrible headache! and I don't know.. PANADOL didn't help at all! yeah! i am going to sleep early tonight:D maybe i just lack some rest..

Maybe it's time for miracles.....Cuz I ain't giving up on love

Maybe it's time for miracles....Cuz I ain't giving up on love...

It's late at night and I can't sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile
Every kiss I can't forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
Cause I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cause I ain't giving up on love
You know that 
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cause I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us

I just want to be with you
Cuz living is so hard to do
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes

The future I cannot forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see

Cuz I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cause I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us

Baby can you feel it coming
You know I can hear it, hear it in your soul
Baby when you feel me feeling you
You know it's time...

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love

You know that

Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't, I ain't giving up on love

No I ain't giving up on us
I ain't giving up, no
Oh I ain't giving up on us

This song is by Adam Lambert - Time for Miracles=D from the movie "2012"..Went to meet a not really that 熟的 friend today.. Let's call him Mr "L".. he's kind of funny and nice guy.. talked with him on the phone from 2am to 4am this morning.. I feel kind of bad caused he has to wake up at 630am in the morning to work.. but also not completely my fault lahz.. is he call me de ma.. lolx! Really happy to know him as a friend.. Heard him sneezing so i told him, if really not well then report sick lohz.. LOLX

end up, he really went to camp then report sick.. don't know really sick or what.. still can ask me out for lunch.. i also nothing to do.. so went to meet him.. don't know where to go and the weather so unpredictable.. so went to his place.. we watched movies and had our lunch.. LOLX.. is gakkai friend, from the same religion that's why i dare to go his place.. if it's some people i know online, i won't even dare to go his place..

we watched "Final Destination 4" and "2012" together.. really had a GREAT day together=D hahaz! idiot him.. ANGRY with me then make me EMO! but he really got a way to make me laugh=] thanks friend! thanks for cheering me up! i hope you had a great day too=D left his place at 930pm.. then headed home... don't know if he really sincere to be friends with me.. cause after this meet up, he MIA le.. hais.. what ever it is.. I really thank him for cheering me up today! THANKS=D

我知道我的爱一直都会存在.........

我知道我的爱一直都会存在.....

那天我扬起帆
想看看未知的海
心里很多话想说说不出来
虽然我脸上看不出来
天空一样蔚蓝 却换了多少云彩
那时的 你让我幸福百分百
是否为我等待
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say goodbye
我 痛说不出来
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱 都在
站在你的门外 我却幸福在徘徊
心里很多话想说说不出来
但我想你一定都明白
时间过的好快
想念却不曾更改
现在的你是否幸福百分 百
我应该怎么猜
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say goodbye
我痛说不 出来
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱 都在
我知道我的爱一直都会存 在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say goodbye
我痛说不出来
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐 都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱 都在
爱一直存在

had my check up done yesterday.. everything is normal.. just that left side the nostril not healing as fast as that of on the right side.. and the breathing on right side has improved, but left side de remain unchanged.. but doctor says everything is fine.. just need some time.. went to visit 姨婆 also.. really SAD to see her like that.. ever since she discharged from the hospital after her episode of stroke, didn't have the time to go visit her.. really UPSET to hear that she's finding ways to end her life.. i really understand how she feels being immobile, and toileting and hygiene all needed others help..

I guess family's support is very important.. just like me.. if not because of friends, I wouldn't be able to be here to type this entry anymore.. I really must thank them.. especially to Ben.. and Stella and Chern Fern.. I am really GRATEFUL for what you people had done for me.. really thankful.. beside saying thank you, I really don't know what else can I say to repay my gratitude to you guys.. thanks!

went to meet Ying Lin today.. should say first time meeting her.. and we had dinner together and we watched Soka Youth Musical today! really NICE lohz.. I am really glad she invited me for the show.. saw many friends too!:D through this show, it really enlighten me a lot..

I really hope one day he will know that I really care about him and that he would work double hard for his future so as to make sacrificing me worthwhile..

＂你要加油！我会每天替你祈祷！祈求你会很健康！请你一定要为了你的梦想努力奋斗！这样牺牲我，牺牲我们的爱才会有价值，有意义！我会默默的支持你．这是我唯一能替你做的．＂

where did you go?

where did you go?

曾看着同星空 闲聊吹风 看日出多心动
曾每日缠一起 傻傻讲起 能爱到下世纪
怎麽你俘虏这个心 却抽身退隐 不再亲近
独自苦等 仍然空等 难藏泪印

看着 电话中短讯
听着 录音的口讯
昨天的你哪天再接近

Tell me where did u go?
心声都不可细诉
Oh tell me baby where did u hide?
辛苦都未被谅 解
Where did u go?
数数多久不碰到
我 在每夜 彻夜狂想
Where did u go?
而这夜月光中 再见影纵 再献花多感动
而似蜜甜的心 明明开心 为何又骤降温
怎 麽你一下子抱紧 却一下子转身 不再亲近
独自苦等 仍然空等 难藏泪印

看着 电话中短讯
听着 录音的口讯
昨天的 你哪天再接近

Tell me where did u go?
心声都不可细诉
Oh tell me baby where did u hide?
辛苦都未被谅 解
Where did u go?
数数多久不碰到
我 在每夜 彻夜狂想...

Where did u go? Where did u go?
怎会当这刻我需要你 你却没在我身边
Where did u go? Where did u go?
这秒钟很挂牵 你却不可感觉到
Where did u go?!

nice song by G.E.M.. he was the one who introduce this song to love.. i start to realize i really love listening to Cantonese songs.. this song really meaningful..

been feeling very tired these few days.. these 2 days appetite not good.. cant really eat.. like only eat few mouthful.. don't know why.. been very emotional.. hais.. but i am trying.. trying to walk out of the "blue" moments.. i think mom can sense that i aren't really happy these few days.. she's trying her best not to leave me at home alone.. cause i will 胡思乱想... hais..

i really need a getaway badly.. need to restructure my plans and straighten my thinking..cause i know i cant dwell in this forever..

你离开我连一句话都不说....

你离开我连一句话都不说.........

爱的故事有很多
你一定听过
她们说
最美的爱情像湖泊
美的忍不住停留
而任性的风
吹过了
却飘下一片片叶落
放开手往北方走
留下伤心的树独自忍受
你离开我连一句话都不说
只默默看着今晚天空星光闪烁
看今夜的流星
划过了天际
笑我的心
我无法再冷静
请你要倾听
你是我的唯一
我不愿去相信
我们之间
隔着海洋的距离
我的爱
已融化在空气里

this is a song by 范逸臣 - "Love story"...

sometimes I really find it hard to find someone to talk to me.. probably it's time for me for stand alone.. to keep things to myself.. I know everyone has their own things to do.. so i don't blame anyone.. after all, friends can't always be there for me too.. They got their own problems, own things to settle too..

I can only depend on myself.. to walk out of this... to go through this.. All of you have already done a lot for me.. especially Ben.. I'm really grateful that you have tried your best to help me.. Like what I told you on Saturday... negativity is all in one's mind.. Only I, myself can save myself out of these mess I am in.. be it what others do, or advise.. whether I can do it or not, only depends if I want it..

I almost achieved it the other time.. I will try again.. to walk out of it.. no matter how hard, I will try.. no matter how tough, I know I must go through this.. I really COURAGE.. I really need.....

时间把你我变成了回 忆，还是把我变成了你的回忆？

时间把你我变成了回 忆，还是把我变成了你的回忆？

I don't know what can I say now or do now.. cause no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do.. everything is not going to be the same anymore.. Maybe I should be GRATEFUL, at least you bother to crack your brain and think of lies to make up.. probably you still bother how I will feel.. probably you still don't wish to see me get hurt.. that's why you have chosen not to tell me the truth... BUT..... if you know me well enough, you would know I would want to know the truth.. How am i going to face it is my CHOICE.. you shouldn't be the one making decision for me..

You might not want to get hurt that's why you have chosen to lie.. BUT now, do you think I would feel any better when I know you lied? what I think is it what you are thinking? or am I just being sensitive? Can I still believe that you didn't make up lies? Can i still believe what you say? Can I?? I'm SORRY BEN.. SORRY that i have let you worried the whole night.. I didn't meant to break down.. I am trying my best to control my emotions, my thinking, my tears... BUT, it's really getting out of control and beyond my control...

I really don't wish to see my friends, my parents worried about me.. I am trying my best.. I thought I have did it already.. BUT, now... I am back to square again.. I don't wish to see my friends hating him.. cause till now... i still really LOVE him.. he did hurt me a lot, be it is now or during our relationship.. BUT, he had given me lots of joy, lots of happy moments, lots of memories... because of him, I have become stronger.. because of him, I have tried to do things i have never tried.. because of him, I got many dreams fulfilled..

I really feel it's a PITY.. that we didn't make it till the end.. we won't get married and have babies like what we've been saying.. that Hong Kong trip is the FIRST time we are traveling together and the ONLY time we would fly again.. I am grateful that we have made it for the trip, if not, it would be like what you said.. we wont have chance to travel together anymore... this relationship would be a REGRET in my life.. no matter what I do, there will be a scar FOREVER in my life.. even if I have let go of this, I think I wont have the courage to love again.. cause I really don't wish to get hurt anymore..

I always thought that if I have put in my heart and soul to love someone, he will do the same.. if I don't do anything to hurt him, he won't hurt me too.. BUT.. what had happened proved my belief WRONG.. teach me how to carry on please.. till now, I am still trying my best to help you in what ever ways I can.. why am I still doing so? cause I want you to know, i really care.. Be it as a boyfriend or as a friend.. you really STANDS an IMPORTANT place in my heart.. and because of you, I cant place anyone in anymore.. do you know how terrible i am going through now? it's WORSE than DYING..............

sooner or later, you would remove the link of the photos of yours with me right? maybe you're right.. memories are all in my mind, in my heart.. i don't need all these material stuffs just to remember what had happened.. BUT what you did would made me think that you don't cherish them at all.. do you know that? I won't blame you.. I cherish those moments doesn't mean you have to do so too.. I cant force you.. i really feel very terrible now.. i am lost.......

i dont have the right to know anymore...

i don't have the right to know anymore....

maybe Joanna is wrong.. you wont regret.. you WOULD BE GLAD that you made this decision.. if not, you wouldn't have the freedom you want.. you wouldn't be able to travel on your own with your friends.. who is the one controlling who? i think it's you who controlled my freedom.. BUT.. you probably think that i am the one controlling you..

telling me that you are at home everyday to save money are ALL LIES.. telling me that we should be friends because you are returning to HK are ALL LIES.. telling me that you cant stand the feeling that i am not going to be around when you are going back are ALL LIES.. telling me you don't want to waste my time are ALL LIES...

almost 2 months back, i believe it all to make myself feel better, to get over it faster.. BUT now.. you have proved it one by one that these are ALL LIES, ALL EXCUSES!!! you are living HAPPILY everyday WITHOUT ME.. you saved up just for this one week trip.. you aren't returning to HK at all!

how do you want me to believe you when you are proving to me that what you said before are ALL LIES? how can you bare to hurt me? if you have chosen to lie to me in the first time, hoping that you don't wish to hurt me by telling me the truth... why prove it now that you lied? why do you want to stay here? can you please leave this land and let me have a peace of mind?

you didn't even bother how i feel since the day you left me.. even when it's cny, you didn't bother to wish me.. even when i am going for surgery, you didn't ask how am i.. BUT when others asked if you showed me concern, i am even silly enough to make up stories for you.. just to let others feel that you're not a bad guy after all.. why am i being so stupid?

why do i have to bother how you feel when you don't bother about mine? do you know i still cry everyday? do you know i still think of you even little things like having a meal? do you know i am still trying to help you in whatever ways i can? even things like looking your job, i tried my best to help you too.. BUT have you been truthfully grateful? did you said 'thank you' for the sake of saying it or did it really come from your heart?

and you are down, i even comforted you.. did you even appreciate it? or try to act as though you're okie for the sake of getting away from me? you give me up because of your future, but you aren't putting in efforts to tell me and convinced me that you are working hard for your dreams.. how to make giving me up worthy then? maybe you just don't love me that deep as you think.. it's ALL LIES... LIES to make yourself look better, LIES to make yourself feel good..

after all, did all those LIES make you feel good, ONLY YOU knows it.. don't wait till the day I'm gone, then you start to regret... it's TOO LATE then...

how to let you know that i need you?

how to let you know that i need you?

LAST DAY of attachment today!!:) heez! VERY VERY TIRED but VERY VERY HAPPY TODAY!:) did very well for exams too!:) unexpectedly well!=] and did very well for my CA too!

luckily and thank god that my results are not affected because of the incident... hais.. i did well to prove that i can do it.. to want my friends to hate him lesser.. i dont want my friends to feel that he's the one who cause me to do so badly..

although these period has been really tough for me, i still persevere on.. and i have proven that i can do it!! dont know why today.. hasnt been feeling that well.. got gastric pain in the morning.. that after that got headache.. after a nap it didnt help much either.. hais! how am i going to face tomorrow's surgery? i know mom kind of worried that i going for operation.. BUT, i dont know why.. i dont worry at all.. probably because this year, i have gone through even more terrible thing than an operation..

had a quarrel with mom few days back and had some dispute with one of my attachment friend.. end up, i'm so upset and depressed.. and thanks for comforting me when i told you.. and thanks for telling that if i got anything i can tell you.. and that if i need you, can let you know.. BUT how to tell you? what rights do i have to tell you that i need you? in what position can i stand?

i really MISS YOU............

你做了选择, 对的, 错的.... 我只能承认, 心是痛的....

你做了选择, 对的, 错的.... 我只能承认, 心是痛的....

你做了选择对的错的
我只能承认心是痛的
怀疑你舍得我被伤的那么深
就放声哭了何必再强忍

我没有选择我不再完整
原来最后的吻如此冰冷
你只能默认我要被割舍
眼看着你走了

如果这不是结局如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信你就是唯一
如果你听到这里如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情我难以抗拒
如果这就是爱情本来就不公平
你不需要讲理我可以离去
如果我成全了你如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清是我证明我爱你

灰色的天空无法猜透
多余的眼泪无法挽留
什么都牵动感觉真的好脆弱
被呵护的人原来不是我

我不要你走我不想放手
却又不能够奢求同情的温柔
你可以自由我愿意承受
把昨天留给我

last time before i sleep.. was feeling so TERRIBLE.. hide in my room and cried.. and Mom saw it.. hais.. she was so worried.. Dad too.. I'm sorry.. it's my fault for letting those people who love and care about me worried about me.. I'm sorry.. really SORRY..... i really LOVE him.. really don't know how to let go...

was on morning shift today.. VERY VERY BUSY.. till i also very GIDDY and got a terrible HEADACHE.. hais.. one person cover 3 cubicle. patient go for angio.. patient refused diet.. change diaper.. drain urine..3 patients on hourly parameters.. collect urine.. CIC.. wah.. almost fainted in the ward lohz..

no appetite to eat today.. breakfast didnt finish.. lunch also never finish.. even one cup of drink also cant finish.. what happened to me? now watch show.. the actor's name is 卓文! what the hell? even watch show also will hear his name!! somemore is not only same 发音.. also same word - 卓文 exactly.. hais! how to forget? like that how to forget? Dad spoke to 秀娟姐 today.. sorry to make you worried..

miss you badly:(

容忍的人其实并不笨, 只是宁可对自己残忍................

容忍的人其实并不笨, 只是宁可对自己残忍.....


那一扇车门
关出我们的裂痕
一声就震断了回头的路程
爱无法均分
以后就留给你们
也许用伤害结束爱才更动人
容忍的人其实并不笨
只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温
祝福就给你下一个人
你是好人也是个坏人
对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
这点痛我还能忍
我是好人也是个坏人
分得够狠你才有借口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人

容忍的人其实并不笨
只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温
祝福就给你下一个人
你是好人也是个坏人
对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
这点痛我还能忍
我是好人也是个坏人
分得够狠你才有借口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人
三个人从不对等
总有个人必须牺牲
那永恒就等他带你完成
你是好人也是个坏人
对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
这点痛我还能忍
我是好人也是个坏人
分得够狠你才有借口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人
宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人

many days never update liao.. yesterday went out with 秀娟姐，阿文姐夫，阿强，天明，周亭，Sim, Michelle and her husband... went to Bugis to meet jie first then went to shop around and jie got herself a new mobile phone.. then went to have KFC for dinner.. and went to Party World KTV! really HAD a great 4 hours singing! snatching remote controls so as not to allow people to cut songs! hahaz! 4 hours seriously not enough.. i dont mind sing whole night! ha!!

then we went supper at Mustafa and went to shop at mustafa!:D after which, cab home with Sim and 天明.. reached home at 4am this morning, shower and went to sleep.. sleep till 11am then dont know why cant sleep liao.. hais.. must be weather too warm and i am so worried about the meet up with you..

received his text at almost 2pm asking me if i can meet him at 43opm.. yesterday when i received his sms, my mood totally changed.. Lee Cheuk Man, you really a pro.. one sms from you can change my happy mood to a terrible one.. when i was on the way to bugis, my tears just cant stop flowing.. one month plus liao.. my mood still fluctuating around you.. how good, how bad also because of you...

met up with him just now at Yishun mrt.. saw he already removed the ring liao.. and saw a new chain he got.. is a pair de ma? someone owned another same one with you ma? did you see me still wearing the ring you gave me? what's the use of wearing it when you are around not going to be around? thanks for trying to start a conversation with me... i am really grateful.. to be frank, i dont hate you at all..

and that you told me you're not in good health recently, i really worried.. please.. dont let me worry for you okie? i guess this short meet up to return each others things would most probably be the LAST time i see you ba.. my heart really aches.. aches badly..........take care my love...............