my love my fate you will fade away....

my love my fate you will fade away....

my love my fate you will fade away
以后隔天与地
i love i hate i'll miss you always
我永远亦爱你
太美好的东西会走
还未爱够了你怎放手
从来不肯假想
失去你那感受
我这对脚怎黱走
从来并未练习过温柔
迟学你或已经没法接受
然后你会说我跟她分左与右
谁希罕造种手拖手
my love my fate you will fade away
再没有恋爱味
i love i hate i'll always be afraid
永远也害怕你
我要首先讲声我走
还是爱到你说请你走
如果讲一声
请照顾我感受
我最怕你讲出口
从来并未练习过温柔
迟学你或已经没法接受
然后你会说我跟她分左与右
谁希罕造种手拖手
下次开心已要靠自己
下次顶多饰演好知己
其实再次见你真需要
靠演技也要你我好心地
my love my fate you will fade away
过去当做看戏
世界当没有你
ooh......

this is a Cantonese song he put in my ipod touch.. title of the song is: "my love my fate"... it explains my feelings.. hais.. "我要首先讲声我走, 还是爱到你说请你走".. that was what i thought.. i always wanted to be one who say good bye cause i scared you dumped me.. end up i still love you till you asked me to leave.. even when i know you are showing me cold shoulder and our relationship might be gone, i still tolerated.. i still tried to please you.. try to make you happy and don't disturb you unnecessarily..

BUT.. have you thought of how would i feel? actually i feel VERY TERRIBLE, BUT i kept quiet.. cause i didn't want to lose you.. end up, you gave up way before i did.. even till that moment that you said things clear to me, i am still holding on.. till now.. one month liao, i am still holding on.. do you know? i really hope you will know.. i know "love a person necessarily need to be with that person, he happy can le"... BUT, i cant bear to let you go.. i cant ar!!

please come back.... please....................... looking at my wishlist on my blog, it reminded me of you said.. you said you will work hard and fulfill them with me one by one.. have you forgotten? Dad asked about you today.. asked me if you called me.. hais.. how heartless ar.. cause you didn't.. not even a sms.. I'm always the one who sms you.. 10days liao.. 10days didn't sms you le.. i really feel like sms-ing you, BUT, i keep controlling myself.. i hoping the day you will sms me on your own accord.. i am hoping... do you know?

to someone: thanks for treating me so nice.. i can only let you be sad now.. i dont wish to hide.. i still have feelings for him.. even though how terrible others might feel about him, i still have feelings for him.. but i really want to thank you for being so good to me.. thank you.

心要让你听见爱要让你看见....

心要让你听见爱要让你看见....

缘份让你我擦肩
没开口却有感觉
爱情最害怕犹豫
再回头只能怀念
寂寞因你而强烈
熬不过漫长午夜
天涯挡不住思念
渴望着他年他日再相见
到那天绝不再让你走过我身边
沉默的习惯愿为你改变

心要让你听见爱要让你看见
不怕承认对你有多眷恋
想你的时候
盼你能收到我的真情留言

心要让你听见爱要让你看见
问你是否愿分享每一天
把我的遗憾变成感谢

is a old song - title is: 心要让你听见.. doesnt matter whether is a old or new song.. it's the lyrics that matters.. " 不怕承认对你有多眷恋".. something i probably dare not admit.. i dare not let you know.. i dare not tell you.. cause i know you wont response to you... you will show me cold shoulder.. and i am scared you will hate me.. BUT.. from how much you understand me.. you should know i cant give up, i cant let go.. so why are you acting and giving me the impression that you dont bother? do you think that i am that STRONG to overcome all these?

was home today then late afternoon.. Went to meet 秀娟姐，阿文姐夫，天明 and Yan wei for steamboat dinner at Crystal Jade Hong Kong Cafe.. then Chorng Jan kor and Ah fang came to meet us at Iluma and 745pm for movie.. went to watch <花田喜事>, (All's Well End's Well 2010).. a NICE show i can say.. LAUGHED all the way.. super FUNNY.. 天明 laughed all the way till when he came out of the cinema, he keep coughing.. then went to have a drink, so sad, 天明 left after the movie.. hais.. so difficult to meet them then he left immediately after the movie.. i'm really HAPPY to see them after so long never see them:D

hais.. although i am out with friends, i cant help it to think of you.. everywhere also memories of you.. even my room.. every night when i turned in bed, i will remember you sleeping at the mattress below my bed... i cant help to think of you.. i would always imagine that i am back with you so as to make myself fall asleep.. sound very stupid and foolish right? but i really cant help it.. have been having terrible headache recently.. pain till i feel that the back of my head also aching.. hais. and the worse thing is - PANADOL didn't HELP AT ALL!

teach me how to get over it.. teach me...... already coming to one month liao, i am still like that... why so difficult to get over? i didn't know i love you so much till problems between us started to surface.... and do you know? do you that my heart is still beating strong because of you? can you hear it?

我真得很爱很爱你，李卓文！

怎么了?你累了? 说好的幸福呢?

怎么了?你累了? 说好的幸福呢?

你的回话凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这
真的痛了

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着
你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了
说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了
放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

你的回话凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这
真的痛了

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着
你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了
说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了
放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
我都还记得

你不等了
说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了
放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

i have been thinking a lot for the past one month.. why did you give me up? i remember that day when you initiated the breakup, you mentioned about you having no jobs in Singapore and said even that even if you go back to HK, how low you salary would be... is it because you afraid i will suffer with you that's why you chosen to leave me and not let me suffer with you?

is it so? i dont mind suffering with you provided you are here.. i dont mind that we are separated in terms of distance.. but at least i know our hearts are linking together.. do you understand how i feel? do you? are our hearts still linking together? do you still love me? for the past 3weeks before we broke up, i have been showing me cold shoulders.. at that point, i really felt that our relationship will be gone.. and then you started to treat me nicer.. so i thought everything will be fine if i persevere on.. BUT guess i was wrong.. cause i am the only one working hard.. and you're the one who gave up long ago..

maybe chern fern was right.. "if you gave me up first, that shows you arent someone worth to accept ever again..." and maybe she right.. "if someone doesnt treasure me enough to want to keep the relationship, there's no point waiting for the person and even if the person returns next time, it is no longer important, it's all the past..." should i start believing and telling myself this way?

i want to... BUT i really cant bear to let you go.. i really cant....................

怎么会狠心离开我?? 怎么会狠心伤害我??

怎么会狠心离开我?? 怎么会狠心伤害我??

每个孤独的晚上
就像电影的散场
身边的人都离开
不知何时有泪光
每个相爱的地方
都像回忆织的网
多少痛苦关在胸膛
谁能看出我的伤

* * * music * * *
当我松开你的手
眼泪离开眼眶后
喝下沉溺的烈酒
醒来最终要接受
当爱散落的时候
何谓天长和地久
痛苦了一生的时间
是否明白 是否足够

怎么会狠心离开我
这一切到底为什么
分不清一切都是谁的错
付出换来这种结果
怎么会狠心伤害我
可怜我爱你那么多
失去了快乐 幻灭了承诺
守住两个人的日子
一个人过

finished my last AAP2 paper today.. totally screwed up.. CMBIO paper was in the afternoon, and AAP2 paper is in the morning.. to be frank, not enough time to study.. paper wasn't that tough to be frank.. just that really have no time to revise... i think my 'A' for this paper gone to drain liao.. BUT... i feel i have tried my best.. in such a situation, i still can try my best to focus, i think i already considered strong ba?

went to try relaxing myself after the paper.. went to sing k with Jo, Sharon, Puvaneas and Chun Haw.. everything was fine till i was singing the song i listed on top... title of song is - 怎么会狠心伤害我.. i really cried.. cause it really speaks up what i feel... especially these part - “怎么会狠心离开我? 这一切到底为什么? 分不清一切都是谁的错, 付出换来这种结果... 怎么会狠心伤害我? 可怜我爱你那么多, 失去了快乐, 幻灭了承诺... 守住两个人的日子, 一个人过..........”

hais.. i seriously don't know why is it so tough this time round for me to get on my feet again.. and i know i am saddening people who really cares for me... BUT, i really cant help it. now that my exams are over, and attachment is coming, which means he is leaving for home soon.... hais.. i really miss him.. miss him a lot.. today is the 6th day i didn't text him liao.. does he misses me? already 27days since we are separated.. almost coming to one month liao.. and it seems like you have been adapting well.. and have you even bother how i am enduring all these?

do you really care? or is it you are worried that if you care, you wont be able to let go of me? i rather that you don't let go... i never want you to go... maybe... "很多事一开始可能本来就没有拥有过. 只是梦醒而已.." probably feeling this way would make me feel better.. if i keep thinking i once have it before, it will really makes me feel terrible..

went to PP youth gathering at Chevron after the k-session.. had quite a lot of fun.. know some new friends.. hope to have chance to meet them again... all those fun, will just disappear when it's over.. and i am back to square again....

我不是你想像那麽勇敢.......

我不是你想像那麽勇敢...........

有时候太坚强笑容却填不满眼眶
越是想要隐藏歌声就唱的更响亮
直到入到心底最深处 oh~
你不要追问我还缺了些什麽

每个人都有梦幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最后一站 oh~
我强问我自己现在还没有个答案

我不是你想像那麽勇敢

多想让你保护能流泪一场

让我放下武装像个孩子一样

单纯的把爱情放在你心上

每个人都有梦幸福总站在最远方
心中越是渴望越是不敢伸手拥抱
谁的心是我最后一站 oh~
我强问我自己现在还没有个答案

我不是你想像总是扮演坚强
多想让你知道我也要个伴
放下讨厌武装像个孩子一样
单纯的把爱情放在你心上
我不是你想像的那麽勇敢

a nice song by 梁文音.. CMBIO paper today just over.. don't know if can do well not.. but i know... i have tried my best liao le.. so ya.. got to work hard for AAP paper tomorrow.. then going to relax! heez! ya, i am still ANGRY over that incident.. do you know that you shouldn't be blaming whoever the person who told us the incident but blame yourself for the childish actions? go REFLECT after exams are over ba.. that's all i want to say...

still misses you as usual... friends around me have been trying their best to divert my attention.. like Ben and Stella.. and thanks to Joanna.. always spend time with me.. like studying and so.. so that i can at least stay focus when i am outside.. i really dont wish to disappoint those who are concern about me.. but for now.. i can only stay in this situation.. just let me dwell into this ba.. at least now, i am still trying to motivate myself to carry on by thinking about him.. he's my hope, my only hope..

i really wish that he can know that i am still waiting.. i am still waiting for him to come back to me.. but yet, he don't know this blog of mine exists.. cause i changed my blog link liao.. i want him back yet i don't want him to worry about me but concentrate on working for his future.. how confusing it is.. hais.. why have i done wrong that the situation suddenly changes? is your love for me that little? or you think that i am not worth your love?

Dad mentioned you today again.. it's like still a daily routine that your name will never fail to be mentioned everyday.. my parents can still even remember your FIN no.. how good their memories are.. and Dad's bad at remembering names especially Chinese names.. but he still pronounce your name correctly.. he said he still consistently thought of you.. and said he dont know why but feel that one day we will get back together.. really ma? i am waiting....

even my parents are still remembering you.. do you still remember how well they treated you? sometimes they even blamed themselves and feels that they said something wrong to you that's why you become like that... they are reflecting... so are you? are you reflecting that you have made a wrong decision? or will you think that this is the best decision and for your entire life, you will not regret? i know that you have been regretting that you didnt cherish the girl you really like when you were in secondary school.. so if you really love me, why let this be your 2nd regret? or maybe i just think too highly of myself that you actually love me a lot? do you know i really loves you?

to a good friend: thanks for letting me know you care about me.. but please dont treat me so nice, cause i only have HIM in mind.. my heart has no more space to hold another person. all i can say is: i'm sorry and thanks for being so good to me..

做不成你的情人我仍感激.... 因为很爱很爱你....

做不成你的情人我仍感激.... 因为很爱很爱你....

想为你做件事
让你更快乐的事
好在你的心中
埋下我的名字
求时间趁著你
不注意的时候
悄悄地把这种子
酿成果实
我想她的确是
更适合你的女子
我太不够温柔
优雅成熟懂事
如果我退回到
好朋友的位置
你也就不再需要
为难成这样子
很爱很爱你所以愿意
舍得让你往更多幸福的地方飞去
很爱很爱你只有让你拥有爱情
我才安心
(music)
看著她走向你那幅画面多美丽
如果我会哭泣也是因为欢喜
地球上两个人
能相遇不容易
做不成你的情人我仍感激
很爱很爱你所以愿意
不牵绊你飞向幸福的地方去
很爱很爱你只有让你
拥有爱情我才安心
(music)
很爱很爱你所以愿意
不牵绊你飞向幸福的地方去
很爱很爱你只有让你
拥有爱情我才安心
很爱很爱你所以愿意
不牵绊你飞向幸福的地方去
很爱很爱你只有让你
拥有爱情我才安心

studied till almost 12 midnight yesterday and had a bad flu.. at first, wanted to come home and sleep after my paper, but don't know... cant sleep.. so decided to start studying for CMBIO.. and went to sleep at about 12 after popping in a flu tablet.. ya, that flu tablet makes me so drowsy and sleep till this morning.. thanks to the flu tablet, i can fall asleep peacefully..

and this morning, i can barely open my eyes.. still drowsy and my back is aching, stomach also aching.. got up at 10am and went to wash up and went to Changi airport to study with Joanna and Chun Haw.. really had fun laughing because of Chun Haw's stupid actions..

and thanks to someone who cut up my photos, my blood pressure risen till i had a bad headache just now! thanks hor.. thanks for cutting my photos when i am still ALIVE huh.. i didn't know i was DEAD that's why someone cut up my photos! ARGH! be prepare to bear the consequence for cutting my photos! DISGUSTING!

misses him badly as usual.. i really have no courage to face you.. even seeing on msn, i just can stare at the msn screen and see your status.. i dare not start a conversation with you at all.. why? hais.. mom made me cried badly yesterday because of you... everyone in the family thought i am strong.. actually, to be frank, i am not.. i just don't want anyone in the family to worry about me.. i am seriously feeling terrible although it's been almost one month that you left me.. i still cant accept the fact that you have walked out of my life..

and going to changi airport awaken my memories when i traveled to HK with you.. and the photos you lose, you make me lost my last bit of memories with you.. like what i told Ben when he lost his photos in his iphone.. he can create new memories for the photos he lost, BUT... i have no more chance to create anymore memories with you... NO MORE...

the ONLY HOPE i had have been DEPRIVED... what else am i left with? seriously NOTHING left.. hais.. was looking through the past entries of my blog when we first got close.. do you still remember? do you still remember how we struggled through the 7weeks when you were away in China?

do you still remember when you are not here and worried about me getting home late? do you still remember you came all the way just to see me for less than 1hour? do you still remember how she bu de you are when you send me home? do you still remember what i have done for you? do you still remember how we spend our days for the past 1 year?

how can you give up so easily? how can you just let go? how can you just walked out of my life? don't you remember how to try to rush into my life? don't you remember what you did for us to go so far? have you forgotten all these? HOW CAN YOU?! am i really that bad? i don't worth you enduring your days when you go back to HK? why cant you have some faith in yourself? even if you don't have faith in yourself, cant you just simply believe that i can? if i can do it, why cant you? WHY!

你最近还好吗??

你最近还好吗??

Pharmaco paper today was okie.. but i know i lost some marks in my careless eyes.. hais.. but i know definitely wont fail lahz.. still got 2 more tougher paper to come.. CMBIO and AAP2.. hais. cannot imagine how i am going to chiong.. CMBIO is on wed afternoon, and then AAP2 is on thurs morning! need to let me suffer until like that mahz? i seriously suffer a lot these 2 months liao..

even seeleng jie say i look pale and lethargic.. i really don't know what have i been doing for these whole term.. i was bounded with many other problems.. and now i am suffering for what i have done, while in the midst of overcoming my problems.. 2010, i seriously see no rainbow in front of this year ahead of me.. only 2 months passed, i am like that liao, still got 10more months to go.....

挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的话
地址写的是心底你能不能收到它
天有点冷风有点大城市宁静而喧哗
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家
问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜褃回声变得好大
有没有什麽好方法让寂寞更听话
你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念褃挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了明天还长回忆模糊但巨大
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下

问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜褃回声变得好大
有没有什麽好方法让寂寞更听话
你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念褃挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发
你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念褃挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

this song really speaks my thoughts.. can someone tell me why when someone is down, every song to her is meaningful and emotional? sometimes, by listening to the songs in the ipod touch you gave me, my tears just flow.. i have overcome the urge of wanting to sms you.. it's been few days since i last text you.. but i still cant control my tears from flowing, everyday, without fail, my tears will drop.. especially when i am alone.. either i am traveling or when getting ready to go to bed..

"有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达" - it really sound like applying it to me.. so what if i still miss you? what rights do i have now to express it? know the reason why i am telling myself not to sms you? it is not because i don't miss you, but i don't know what rights do i have to miss you.. i rather suffer quietly than make you hate me because of my actions..

why did all these happened? why have i let all these happened? everyone envied how sweet we are when we were together.. why did all these happened? WHY!? letting you go wasn't my choice.. i just grant your wish, so who can grant mine?

i still miss you...

你比从前快乐?

你比从前快乐?

你不再牵着我的手
小心翼翼的将你的小指勾
泪也小心翼翼的流
有些事情你在瞒着我
你终于还是开了口
淡淡一句还是朋友
小心翼翼的将你的小指勾
泪也如刀割
我的手你不再牵着
知道分手后你不难过
你比从前快乐
那祝福的话叫我如何能够说的出口
过往的欢乐是否褪色想问你怎么舍得
不要在耳边再说你会想我

today, went to cousin's baby boy 1 year birthday.. then after that came home and study.. headache somemore diarrhea-ing... hais.. i dont know what's wrong with my body.. i guess i am stress ba.. hais.. exams please end faster.. BUT... it also means attachment is coming... and i also hope attachment can end faster.. it also means my surgery is coming.. and also means he is going back.. hais...

where are you now ar? when there be a day you will automatically look for me? and share some concern you gave to others to me can? people who regretted are back together le.. when will it be my turn? will you regret? or are you regretting?

i really miss you ar.. i really cant help it.. i really cant.. thanks for replying my sms yesterday and thanks for saying that you wont avoid me.. it really relieve my fear.. why must i always be thinking so much that i am making myself so troubled? hais!

i love you, do you know?

傻瓜....

傻瓜..............


其实他做的坏事我们都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说
其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同故作软弱撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭
傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留
傻瓜我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

first paper today started.. FON2.. seriously dont know what i studying and what i wrote on the test paper.. hais.. but i know i have tried my best to concentrate and stayed focus liao.. didnt score well i also cant turn back time liao.. can only try my best for other papers lohz..

today is the 21st day, it was meant to be our 10th month together.. am i too sensitive? why do i keep thinking that you are avoiding me? hais. what should i do? today, got a good friend from ite came to talk to me online.. well, so clever of her to feel that something is wrong with me and you.. well, bad news spreads.. anyway, i am still not prepared to many people know.. i hope i can control my emotions first..

i cant stop my tears from flowing when someone ask about you.. i really still cant control my emotions.. She encouraged me by saying she feels something good will happen to me.. will there be a case? today, saw skinny in school.. she told me she regretted breaking up with her ex. another close friend of mine is regretting about what she has done.. will there be a day you will tell me you regretted? i am still waiting......

hurt so bad.....

hurt so bad......

哭了才发现自己真的受伤了
你曾对我说你永远是我的
为了爱情我把自己的幸福都忘了
你快乐我就快乐

也许是我们彼此都太年轻了
总是特别容易沉溺在爱情里
每当我再次看到身边美丽的花火
你也离开我我还是想对你说

baby i love you so much
你走了我的心在淌血
baby you hurt me so bad
想要你回到我的世界

baby i love you so much
你给我的诺言已经瓦解
baby you hurt me so bad
只要我们都爱着无论多苦都值得
说好的你怎么么忘记了

this song is by 张敬轩 - title of this song: hurt so bad. It really explains how i feel.. do you know how i feel? do you? are you reflecting on what you have done? have you ever or even drop a tear when you left me? why have you been so heartless recently? you even ignored my smses.. yes, you can avoid me.. you can dump me.. you can ignore me.. you can even dont love me anymore.. BUT, you dont have the right to stop me from loving you...

i really bother about how you feel.. i dont want you to hate me.. i dont want you to dislike me.. have you thought of how can i survive without you? have you bother how i would feel? i guess you didnt..........

exams tomorrow.. and my preparation is in a mess.. i seriously dont know what am i doing.. can someone enlighten me? can someone just guide me in this darkness? i am sick now.. terrible headache n flu.. i need a break from everything..................

把我的梦摇醒， 宣布幸福不会来了.....

把我的梦摇醒， 宣布幸福不会来了.....

我竟然没有调头
最残忍那一刻
静静看你走
一点都不像我
原来人会变得温柔
是透澈的懂了
爱情是流动的
不由人的
何必激动着要理由
相信你只是怕伤害我
不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得
把我的梦摇醒了
宣布幸福不会来了
用心酸微笑去原谅了
也翻越了
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了
快乐是选择

我竟然没有调头
最残忍那一刻
静静看你走
一点都不像我
原来人会变得温柔
是透澈的懂了
爱情是流动的
不由人的
何必激动着要理由
相信你只是怕伤害我
不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得
把我的梦摇醒了
宣布幸福不会来了
用心酸微笑去原谅了
也翻越了
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了
快乐是选择
我希望你幸福尽管你并不爱我
相信你只是怕伤害我
不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得
把我的梦摇醒了
宣布幸福不会来了
用心酸微笑去原谅了
也翻越了
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了
快乐是选择

yesterday was first day of cny and also valentine day.. well, a valentine day without valentine.. thinking about these period last year.. i can smile in my dreams.. seriously.. though we arent together yet last year during V day, but, i am happy for the plans you made.. the love you gave me.. i can never forget.. definitely wont be able to forget..

how are you doing now? you seems like you are adapting well.. i am still waiting.. waiting for the day you will come back......................

梦醒时分

梦醒时分...........

你说你爱了不该爱的人
你的心中满是伤痕
你说你犯了不该犯的错
心中满是悔恨
你说你尝尽了生活的苦
找不到可以相信的人
你说你感到万分沮丧
甚至开始怀疑人生
早知道伤心总是难免的
你又何苦一往情深
因为爱情总是难舍难分
何必在意那一点点温存
要知道伤心总是难免的
在每一个梦醒时分
有些事情你现在不必问
有些人你永远不必等

你说你爱了不该爱的人
你的心中满是伤痕
你说你犯了不该犯的错
心中满是悔恨
你说你尝尽了生活的苦
找不到可以相信的人
你说你感到万分沮丧
甚至开始怀疑人生
早知道伤心总是难免的
你又何苦一往情深
因为爱情总是难舍难分
何必在意那一点点温存
要知道伤心总是难免的
在每一个梦醒时分
有些事情你现在不必问
有些人你永远不必等

早知道伤心总是难免的
你又何苦一往情深
因为爱情总是难舍难分
何必在意那一点点温存
要知道伤心总是难免的
在每一个梦醒时分
有些事情你现在不必问
有些人你永远不必等

嗯嗯嗯

a song that speaks my thoughts now.. i really hope that i was not awaken from this dream.. new year eve and mom 's nagging.. she said she didn't like him from the beginning.. i was really ANGRY.. then why act as though you like him? whoever I'm with, mom's opposing... then when can i get the happiness i want? can you stop obstructing me?

I really miss him badly... and really wonder how is doing... can you give me some concern that you are showing to others? just a little will de.. i am not asking much.. hais.

[寂寞了誰在身旁 ]

寂寞了誰在身旁............................

拼命的上網　悶壞的胸口讓我
想大聲的吶喊

我努力不放　你冷淡　你讓分手就這樣
我連做夢也感覺受傷

一年過了　還是一天？　計算著慌張
計程車上的音響
我們最愛的情歌 這一刻卻重重擊破思念的心臟

夜深了我怎麼辦　
寂寞了誰在身旁
心情變得好複雜　想她　念她　恨她

一個人你害怕嗎　
細數過滿天星光
說好永遠不分開　多假 多假 多假
讓記憶長出翅膀飛翔
心放空了　寂寞好了

堅強外表下　我脆弱　情人節開始失常
別人慶祝我卻很失落

秋天過了　冬天漫長 歡愉而感傷
我們天真的勇敢
我們追求的夢想 捨不得也只能收藏旅行的時光

夜深了我怎麼辦　
寂寞了誰在身旁
心情變得好複雜　想她　念她　恨她

一個人你害怕嗎　
細數過滿天星光
說好永遠不分開　多假 多假 多假
讓記憶長出翅膀飛翔
心放空了　寂寞好了

寂寞感冒全都可以好的
愛多甜　傷多痛　都釋放


夜深了我怎麼辦　
寂寞了誰在身旁
心情變得好複雜　想她　念她　恨她

一個人你害怕嗎　
細數過滿天星光
說好永遠不分開　多假 多假 多假
讓記憶長出翅膀飛翔
沒有你 心放空了　寂寞好了

it's a song by 蔡旻佑 - 寂寞，好了. It really explains my feelings.. talked to Stella on msn.. it's seems like an awaken call.. Stella asked me if he checked on me after we ended.. suddenly, i dont know how to answer.. cause he really didnt.. i was the one being stupid to sms him and tell him how terrible i felt.. but the reply i got seems cold and heartless..

he even said things like "i am going back, probably after some time, when i am not around, you will gradually forgotten about me.. " we know it well.. i will be the one being forgotten by you easily.. cause... it seems like now.. you already forgotten about me.. and how stupid i am still hoping that you will know that i am still waiting for you.......

although i know you will be spending time with your friend(s) during reunion dinner.. i also hope i can know who is that person.. is it someone your eye candy now? i really hope is not... i am concern of your well-being.. so are you also? what am i still hoping for? when i tell you i am going for surgery, are you worried for me? do you bother about me? do you still love me? or your love for me already evaporated way before we ended? tell me.. tell me... please tell me...............................

我等你..........

我等你..........

不做考虑也没半点犹豫
我就说了这一句我等你
你眼中闪过了一些讶异
更多的是怀疑所以你可以离去

不相信你还会回心转意

是我任性才决定要等你

我眼中的泪没掉过一滴

只是随你背影慢慢倒流进心里(心底)


我等你半年为期


逾期就狠狠把你忘记

不只伤心的还包括一切甜蜜
你应该已经和她公开在一起


要等你要证明自己


我可以纵容你在心底


也可以当你只是路过的人而已
爱到痛之极才需要一段等你的限期来遗忘自己

went kbox today with my classmates.. Joanna, Sharon, Jinwee, Valarie, Helen, Huimin, Chun Haw and Kah Sing.. didnt know if it's a way to relax or an awaken call from my emo feelings again.. really hope he is here now.. i got so much to worry. and does he knows? exams - must really catch up.. i cant i can lose 5marks from my test paper just because i never see the question! not because i dont know the answer! ARGH! angry lehz..

then is my CA.. this time round is CF lehz, not CI.. i wan ka Ash! aiyoz.. she's so NICE! going to a medical ward - cardio and respiratory, my strength.. hope can do well for the CA and for the CA assignment and most important, want to finish up my skills.. CA will start on 1st march and end on 19th march.. then 20th march's morning, this poor girl going for surgery liao.. kind of WORRIED actually.. LA will be given, which means throughout the entire surgery, i am going to be DAMN AWAKE! oh gosh.. i think jabbing the LA itself will kill me liao.. think it's going to be SUPER PAIN!

BUT..... i seriously have no choice.. and then you're going home liao.. Mom's angry with you.. i tried speaking up for you, but didnt seems to help.. she just feel that her girl is so POOR THING, cause got dumped... hais! retribution! last time dumped many guys, now my turn.. i really hope you will know.. i am still waiting.. Jo and her bf broke up, and now after 2months, she regretting, so are you? or will you? Will there be a day you will regret leaving me? 我的痛，你懂吗？我流过的泪，你曾看见吗？我忍的痛，你又懂多少？although i have found out many terrible things you did to me, although i also dumb dumb go dig out many, i have never thought of leaving you.. the word is NEVER...

you really left me because you cant stand the feeling i am not there when you go back to HK ma? or because of a new eye candy where have you been after school? what are you doing? trying ways to get close to her ma? or are you avoiding me? do you know how hurting it can be to avoid someone who really love you? what did i do wrong? can you please tell me?

缘份说走就走，不会有征兆。

缘份说走就走，不会有征兆。

I used to count the number of days we have been together.. and now, i have started counting the number of days since we became strangers.. today is the 11th day already.. everyday still seems to be a dream.. a dream i wish i didnt wake up from..

during these period last year, we were walking into each other's life gradually.. the feelings developed.. and i really feel blessed.. cause everyday, i wake up with someone to lean on, someone cares about me.. someone bothers about my feelings.. BUT now, it's a different story.. i saw friends of yours tagging you on facebook.. and see how you are enjoying yourself during the Airshow.. have you seen those photos my friends tagged me?

was i really that happy? am i really putting on a true smile? to be frank, i dont know it myself either.. i cant differentiate now if i did it just because i dont want those who cares about me to worry about me or am i really happy with this ending.. Dad knows about it already.. he seems okie with it, and encourages me a lot.. As for mom, it's as usual, she's filled with anger.. cause she feels her daughter loses out as a girl.. Even harry boy was shocked that this was what had happened to us...

when we started, we did have blessings from friends around right? so why did all these happened? have you changed and I didnt realised? or is there a new eye candy that caused the change? was it true that this is the ending because you cant stand the feeling i am not going to be around when you go back to HK? or is it because there is a new eye candy? are you that stupid to give up someone you already had to someone you are trying to pursue? is there a new eye candy that you really want to make HER your FUTURE that's you want to make ME your PAST?

have you forgotten how did we got together? have you forgotten what you promised? have you forgotten what you said? why did all these turned into an EMPTY CHEQUE over the night? do you know i still bother about you? do you i still ponder what will you be doing now? do you know i still will worry if you ate well? do you know i still worry if you slept well? BUT.... what am i now in your heart? that kind of friends who are almost equivalent to strangers? do you still bother if i ate well? do you still bother if i slept well? do you bother if it's dangerous that i am staying out late?

how long will i take for this wound to heal and leave a scar in me? can i move on? can i still believe in love? can i still have the right to love someone else? what is my motivation now? what can be my motivation? or am i going to walk through this lifetime aimlessly?

who can give me the answers to my worries? i am SCARED.. i dont know how to walk alone..............

你能分清楚爱和喜欢吗？

你能分清楚爱和喜欢吗？

喜歡和愛咫尺千里。當你喜歡一個人時，你想和他在一起，因為他會帶給你快樂；
離開後，你會想念，想著想著就會笑，然後繼續你平靜的生活，並期待著與他再一次重逢。
當你愛一個人時，你想和他在一起，那是一種牽腸掛肚的捨不得，怕他受委屈，怕他不能好好照顧自己；
離開後，你也會想念，想著想著歎一口氣，'不知他現在過的怎樣？'
然後你繼續你平靜的生活，希望他早日回到你身邊。
你喜歡的人在你眼中是天使，無所不能，他總會滿足你的任性的要求。
你愛的人在你眼中是孩子，傻傻的，你不期望他做出什麼'好事'來，只一味縱容他那些讓人哭笑不得的舉動。
你會希望你喜歡的人陪著你，然而你心中想的可能是你愛的人；
你會希望陪在你愛的人身邊，看他在你面前睡得如此安逸甜美毫不設防的樣子，你會微笑，會覺得好幸福。
你喜歡的人傷害了你，你會生氣，並且一定要讓他哄著騙著逗你笑你才原諒他；
你愛的人傷害了你，你只會獨自傷心，因為你怕對他大吼大叫會嚇著他，你憂傷地微笑著，看著他的眼睛，
一旦發現他的眼裡流露出歉意和悔恨，你會立即心疼地摟他在懷裡，那一刻，你也是幸福的。
你可以同時喜歡很多人，你會希望和很多人在一起，
但也許很多年後你才發現，原來你愛的就只有那麼一個，就那麼一個，
怎麼都不會變，你以為把他忘記了，其實只是忙的沒空想起而已，
對於你喜歡的人，你關注的是他的優點；
對於你愛的人，你關注的是他的缺點，並且，那些缺點如果無關原則的話，它們在你眼裡是可愛的，獨一無二的。
喜歡和愛其實只有一紙之隔，任何愛都從喜歡開始，當有天你突然發現，你喜歡的那個人在你眼中不再完美，
而他的瑕疵正如月中的桂影一般讓你更加依依不捨，你會覺得與他光彩照人的一面相比，
你更願意看他在你面前無助的表情，不知道是不是應該祝賀你，總之，你的感情昇華了
——

仰慕不是愛，甚至不是喜歡，當你對一個人只有仰慕之情時，你們在一起便失去了和諧。
有人說愛一個人很累，的確是，因為你想為他承擔，可是愛與喜歡相比最大的魅力就在於，
當你和愛的人在一起時，你的感覺就像回家了！

普通朋友

[ 普通朋友 ]

等待我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱
我猜你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊
多无奈
我愿意改变 what can i do
重新再来一遍 just give me change
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能放手
但你说爱
i only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
so i 我不能只是be your friend
i just can't be your friend
o no 不能做普通朋友

4th day liao.. Dont know why am i still dwelling into it. BUT i really help it.. many doubts, many questions.. many uncertainty.. i want to ask, i really want to.. BUT in what position should i asked all these questions? will you find me irritating? will you end up hating me?

is your love for me just so weak? so weak till you cant overcome all these obstacles with me? why do all these to me? do you know how much i need you? do you know i am really living in a stage of hell? someone, please teach me what to do......