[ is it retribution? ]

is it retribution?

it's FRIDAY! yupz.. weekend is round the corner.. my alarm was set to 5.15am actually.. BUT.. when the alarm clock rang, i was still NOT really WILLING to wake up.. cause by thinking that it's going to be a LONG day today makes my BODY filled with NO ENERGY.. hais! cant imagine that it's a friday BUT i still have to stay in school till 10pm.. hais! what is life man? was sneezing early in the morning.. hais! i guess i really need VITAMIN C!!

first lesson of the day.. behavioural science.. Mdm Tan wanted to go through the answers for the BH test yesterday with us.. BUT.. 2 of our classmates were absent during the test.. SOOooooo.. NO CHOICE lohz.. cant go through.. didnt really want to know the answers to the questions too.. cause i'll actually know how much i roughly score... hais! it's OVER liao.. so NO POINT CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK.. do well or wont do well also like that liao.. cant turn back time to change anything.. just have to BUCK UP for end-of-module exams!! i can say that i was concentrating quite well during lesson today.. topic is "MEMORY and FORGETTING".. few more topics to go before we proceed on for REVISION for EXAMS! hais! i SCARED cause EXAMS is ROUND the CORNER.. BUT.. on the other hand.. i'm HAPPY!! cause HOLIDAYS is COMING SOON too!!!

next lesson was CN practical.. BUT.. Ms Zhao used it to teach theory instead.. we are done with all our practical skills.. only left with theory part to go.. first topic was on "types of surgery".. then was on "anaesthesia".. got a better idea of that actually.. and then it was 15minutes more to 12pm.. we arent given any break in the midst of her 2hours lesson.. and she wanted to continue to brief us on our PBL project which is taking place next week.. hais! really exhausted till i cant really concentrate.. BUT.. still forced myself to LISTEN.. this time round's topic for PBL is on community nursing.. can say EASY.. can say DIFFICULT too.. gosh! thinking of my next week schedule makes me SHIVER from HEAD to TOE..

monday - planning meeting after school
tueday - nothing at the moment
wednesday - CMS presentation
thursday - deadline for CMS written assignment and CN class test
friday - deadline for PBL project
saturday - investiture and discussion meeting
sunday - nothing at the moment

oh GOSH! i need a BREAK! so many DEADLINES to MEET!! lesson managed to finish at 12.10pm.. and i RUSHED all the way to sdc.. put down my bag and went to change into my jeans and t-shirt.. then.. i went to noobs to have my LUNCH.. was quite HUNGRY actually.. early morning when i woke up, i cleared my bowel twice and once in school.. 3 times liao.. was having diarrhoea actually.. oh man! wat a bad start of a day.. ate spagetti with nuggets!! YUM YUM! quite NICE actually.. BUT.. i still prefer PASTAMANIA's CREAMY CHICKEN!! missing it!!

then we went back to sdc to slack a bit.. and then was asked to tie ribbons for the food they are providing for the concert.. had a great time actually.. then.. at around 3.30pm, the YMCA group arrived.. all MALAYS!! i'm not RACIST lahz.. just that was kind of SHOCKED why they arent chinese in the bridge programme when actually YMCA is a CHRISTIAN association.. first game of the day - the introduction ball game.. we played that before during one of our bonding session for the yep trip.. this brings me back to the SWEET MEMORY!! i rememebered that time Tom came to ttsh to pick me up and meet Carolyn and Miaozhen at city hall.. we were LATE for the training actually.. and remembered that Tom walked into the event hall with a wafer and me with a cup of ice milo.. that time we arent together yet...

2nd game of the day - the maze game.. me and Ruifen was put in charge of the event actually.. as i was the one who gave the suggestion to this game.. had a HARD time getting them to SETTLE down.. they arent NORMAL kids.. after the game itself, i heard some of them saying that they DONT LIKE this GAME!! *heartbroken*.. hais! so, i told Shaun that i feel this game isnt a SUCCESS.. BUT.. he reassured me by saying it is a great success.. Nabil also said it's FUN.. really THANKFUL for reassuring me and comfort me.. during the toilet break, i went to Shaun and requested that i dont wish to take part in the savanger hunt game.. BUT he inisted that i must.. and asked me not to be affected by their words..

hais! i cried..and THANKS for comforting me, Junjie.. first time talking out to him my feelings.. thanks for that!! i guess i shocked many who saw me crying.. ya.. just need to relieve out.. then.. we moved on with the savenger hunt game.. i was in the same group with Jag, Amalina, Miaozhen and Nabil.. and Jag.. was commenting that my hair is very soft!! hahaz! of cause.. my mom take care of it for me since young.. and many efforts must be put in to have such soft texture.. kekez! we LOST the game.. but was FUN though the moral of the group is LOW.. i managed to find quite a number of stuff with one glimpse! the marble rock, the monkey baby, the ducky!! hahaz! i can CONFIRMED that i'm really good in finding things.. BHB.. *self-praise*

after the game, we went to wash up.. was sweating like hell.. and it's so HOT!! as in WARM lahz!! hahaz.. after wash up, we slacked awhile in the sdc before we proceeded to the ampitheatre for the concert.. the concert itself was NICE.. i can say i enjoyed it.. BUT.. at the same time, somethings just sore my eyes.. shall not mention about unhappy stuffs.. we took pictures with them after the concert.. and i saw this cute little boy with the rainy rubber shoes.. so CUTE!! i just LOVE kids! then we walked back to the sdc.. and that Shaun.. he did a pole dance performance.. and Ms Jill was disgusted.. hahaz! but it's FUNNY lahz.. i had a GREAT time lol-ing my way...

then.. here comes to DIASTER!! someone said " the person must treat drinks"... so we started running.. and.... i was knocked down by Shaun and Jag.. and hurted her left elbow.. just have some skin tear.. and some abdominal pain because i landed on my stomach.. it's OKIE.. it's an ACCIDENT.. no one wants it to happen too.. so Jag and Shaun.. stop blaming yourself!! smile=] then.. many of them actually helped me up.. i think i was too SHOCKED to react.. except crying.. think this shocked TOM too! thinking back.. it's really EMBARRASSING!! but thanks to the nursing crew - Amalina, Miaozhen and Carolyn.. my wound is taken care of.. thanks for cleaning my wound.. and we had a GREAT time taking photos at the event hall.. BUT.. i was too TIRED.. and my wound just hurts.. not in the mood..

was talking about the investiture with Suhui and Tom.. Tom asked me to represent Red Cross for the investiture cause he feels that i have the need to interact with new committee of SC.. well.. i'm just a SMALL FLY lahz.. dont want to act big like someone.. dont wish to mention names.. then he said : " if he knows me last year, then will be different.. it will be okie if i have more interaction with them".. so i said: " if i know you last year, we knows we might have a different story ending".. then.. he said: " oh.. you mean we will end up together huh?" lolx! maybe lahz.. we knows..

went home with Wuihou.. we had a GREAT time chatting.. and we went to Tampines central and got drinks at macdonalds.. so THIRSTY! then Sam came.. she PS the guys who are going for supper.. it's LATE already lahz.. went home and had a shower.. and realised that my ankle area and kneecap have bruises too.. it's OKIE.. it will RECOVER in a few days time.. BUT i think the skin tear part will be really UGLY.. oh gosh! it's a TIRING day.. cause i played hard, and even CRIED hard.. tired.. turning in.......

[ nag . nag . nag ]

nag . nag . nag

it's thursday already.. yeah yeah!!! which means friday is coming.. early morning at 8am.. we have our BH test 2 at the MLT.. the first thing when i receieved the question paper is to see what are topics that are out for the short-anwser session.. oh my god! "PERSONALITY" came out.. and i didnt study that topic.. DIE.. going to do BADLY for this paper le.. hais!

after the test itself.. Junyuan was talking to me.. about the paper content and stuff.. hais! i know you will do well.. born talent lahz huh.. a bit demoralised this term.. the more i want to do well, the worse my results are.. why? why like that? hais!! next lesson was CN practical.. today's topic was to perform DEATH PROCEDURE.. first half of the lesson, Ms Zhao gone through the theory part of the topic with us.. and.. i just remember one thing.. next week.. we are going to do PBL again!!! my goodness.. i'm going to HATE it seriously..

and during the practical part of the lesson.. many of them cannot take it.. Shiffa got emotional.. and cried actually.. i learnt something through a friend who's studying in NYP.. he said.. in nursing, you cant get EMOTIONAL that easily.. he's right.. and Daphne.. she's was really upset over her BH test.. she cant concentrate during the test as Douglas was making noises.. hais! poor her.. really dislike seeing friends cry.. cause it will affect my mood as well..

lunch at cafe2.. was eating with Citi and gang, and with Nadiah and Shiffa.. Peixuan is in my school for the career fair.. Daryl also.. BUT.. didnt get to see them.. at about 12.30pm, we went up to the indoor sports hall for the talk by SGH and National Heart Centre.. was quite moved by what the nurse.. have the urge to take up bond with SGH.. BUT.. i just feel it's too FAR from where i am staying.. and i managed to get the HR in charge for TTSH.. and after the career fair, i went to TTSH HR to submit the form.. will be waiting for the interview in early decemeber..

after which, i went to SGH to visit grandma.. she's kind of drowsy today.. maybe because of the morphine given to her.. and one more extra medication given to her.. vancomycin.. think her surgical wound area is infected.. hais! i'm so WORRIED.. it's the thing i dont wish to happen.. it's dangerous if the wound area is infected.. left for home at around 5.30pm.. and went home to rest.. my HEADACHE is back again!! going to rest.... orh orh!~

[ praying for my grandma's well-being... ]

praying for my grandma's well-being...

back to school today.. was forcing myself out of bed this morning.. BUT thank god.. class start at 10am today morning.. went out quite early today.. BUT.. i was STUCK in the traffic jam on the highway to tampines interchange.. went to meet farhan at cafe 1 and had a simple breakfast.. first lesson.. BH.. i missed out too much in just one day's time.. and... i didnt seems to be able to concentrate in class today.. maybe because the HEADACHE is REALLY KILLING ME!! and i cant take my medication in school.. if not, i will become DROWSY QUEEN..

after lesson.. ate at cafe3 today.. BUDGET.. in the midst while i was eating.. Yeow Chong called and asked if i want to join him and Nabil for lunch at cafe2.. just too BAD.. i'm eating le.. plus i cant always PS my classmates because of my yep family.. after eating, start to do some revision for BH test.. it's TOMORROW!! oh my god!

1-3pm was SIM training.. got the same thinking as Nadiah.. just DISLIKE SIM training.. was thought how to prepare a patient for operation.. BORING.. cause it's Ms Zhao's lesson i guess.. maybe because i have already set the mindset that her lessons are BORING.. so no matter how INTERESTING she tried to make it, i'll think that it's BORING..shall change my mindset of that from NOW on... CMS was released early today.. and i took the READING test i missed yesterday..

went to see Ms Jill after lesson ended.. and took the consent form for the friday event.. and went to meet Tom at tampines to let him sign.. he's on his way to Bugis to meet his brother.. while i'm on my way to sgh.. didnt visit ah ma yesterday.. feel so uneasy.. her condition is better today.. as in.. she will have some reflex on her hand.. she can grip my hand at least.. but she's on more and more TPN machines.. Insulin, Morphine, and 3 other types of medication to maintain her BP.. and on oxygen therapy also.. but.. at least i see electrolye given to her today..

saw Yeeling miao jie for the first time since the last time i see her.. she came to see ah ma too.. and had a great chat with her.. was studying outside the ICU while waiting for mom to come.. am really tired! and cannot really concentrate.. BUT i still FORCE myself.. had dinner in the hospital before going home.. and one more thing.. i must thank those friends who are really concern about my grandma.. thank you so much.. i know with all your prayers.. she will RECOVER..

off to study...

[ exhaustion stage... ]

exhaustion stage...

was sick today.. took mc for the first time in the past few months in ite.. it's was REALLY a TOUGH decision for me to make.. cause i just dont know how much i will missed!!! BUT.. i still give it a MISS.. cause i KNOW.. i need that BREAK badly!!! went to the polyclinic to see a doctor.. was there at 7.15am.. and i waited till 7.55am before i got myself registered..

then at around 8am.. i was sitting outside the doctor's room waiting for consultation.. that ass doctor.. he was sleeping in the room till 8.30am before he sees me.. someone, i was his FIRST patient of the day!! my goodness! polyclinic's doctors are terrible.. saw my preceptor when i went for attachment in july.. and saw the sisters for the polyclinic.. REALLY misses the period during attachment..

during this visit to the polyclinic.. saw two WEIRD guys keep STARING at me.. alamak! never see before GIRLS ar!! cannot stand them.. and i just knocking into them where ever i go.. even when i seen the doctor much later than them, i still knocked into them when i went to take medication.. hais!

reached home at around 9am and called tom to wake him up for school.. the blur him.. half awake still know how to ask me whether i going to school or not.. lolx! after calling him, i took my medication and went to sleep.. think my headache too SERIOUS till the doctor gave me another type of painkilllers instead of the usual panadol.. and was having running nose as well.. and this two medication will cause DROWSINESS.. so.. i turned into a DROWSY QUEEN after taking the medication.. didnt sleep really well actually.. cause Janice called and called twice.. and that IRRITATING SPECIMEN, Guosheng called twice too! *argh* i should have switched off my phone..

want to DIE also cant die in peace.. HAIS! and Yeow Chong called twice also.. he's LUCKY that i didnt SCOLD him.. just sound FRUSTRATED only.. he called caused he was ASKED to do so by that idiotic Guosheng.. just over the stupid edusave thing.. HAIS! SICK also cant REST well.. WHAT IS THIS MAN!!!!!????

slept till about 5pm before i wake up and wash up.. dear went to work.. was thinking whether he will drop by to visit me.. oh well!!! that's PURE DREAMING huh.. he went to ENJOY LIFE.. went to cafe cartal with Shaun, Shaun's girlfriend and Yeow Chong.. hais! well, as usual.. he will definitely say.. "i'm a busy man... i got work what.." he can give up his sleep for the cafe cartal BUT.. i know he wont visit me when i'm sick... unless i'm hospitalised lahz.. CHOI!! TOUCHWOOD huh.. 2years ago.. i rememeber when Hui Shan was hospitalised due to cancer.. i remembered Weimin went to visit her everyday without fail.. and i can remembered clearly that after visiting her, when i went home.. i ask daryl, my boyfriend then,. would he actually visit me everyday if i'm hospitalised.. and INDEED.. one month later.. i was HOSPITALISED.. and somemore.. first time HOSPITALISATION, i ended in the OPERATING THEATRE too.. and that's when i did my appendicitomy operation..

shall not CURSE myself.. hahaz! after washing up.. i did my evening prayers and went to study.. hais! i cant CONCENTRATE!! BUT.. i have NO CHOICE.. BH test is 2days away.. had my FIRST MEAL of the DAY.. my DINNER.. this was what i ONLY EAT.. POOR ME huh.. sick liao yet NO ONE cook me porriage.. hais! after dinner, call Nadiah also.. and checked out with her what the teacher gone through today.. and she said i missed out a lot.. hais! no choice.. FALL SICK at the WRONG TIME!! mugging!~

turning in early.. DROWSY.....

[ endurance!! ]

endurance!!

it's monday blues again! was sitting at cafe1 early in the morning to complete my CN homework.. didnt have the time and the mood to do it during the weekends.. was busy going in and out of the hospital everyday.. Shiffa was quite early today.. and was talking to her.. hais! finally i can have someone whom i can talk to.. was telling her about my grandma.. and then Nadiah came by.. thanks girls.. thanks for talking to me.. i guess you girls are really my TRUE FRIENDS.. it isnt easier to have true friends..

first lesson of the day.. CN theory.. well, everyone has some hu-ha over the CN homework.. most of them didnt do the homework or didnt complete the homework at all.. BUT.. Ms Zhao just insisted on collecting the homework.. and i was given the task to do it.. was put in a difficult spot as they are my classmates and she's my teacher.. i dont know who should i obey.. seriously dont know.. then.. after much efforts of collecting it, she returned the paper back to us.. diaoz! and wants us to mark our paper..

she herself also not sure what are the questions she has given us.. and.. we actually quite some time on infection control.. my goodness! anyway, i shall not compare.. after all, she said something really right.. teachers just act as faciliators.. whether we want to do well or not really depends on us.. and.. we should let some small little things affect our studies.. life hasnt been moving smoothly for me recently.. isnt gossiping behind people's back a bad thing? but why are there people still doing that? and even to people they treated as friends? hais! i just get a bit sadden when i came across a friend's blog who commented on another close friend of mine...

maybe they should just make things clear before commenting.. after all, we have no rights in other people's life.. we can advice.. but cant do anything more than that.. well.. was having a terrible headache since last week.. just stress and sad over grandma's hospitalisation.. have CN lecture today at MLT.. and contact time from 4-5pm.. and Ms Zhao was really kind and understanding towards my situation now.. she let me off earlier.. thanks for that.. took the mrt to sgh.. and went in to grandma..

actually to the nurses there.. she's not doing well today.. 3medications was given to her to help maintain her blood pressure.. her blood pressure was really low.. and as what my uncles told me.. grandma hasnt open her eyes for the whole day they are there.. maybe she's just TIRED? i really hope so.. and on my way back.. Meihui messaged me.. she was concern for my grandma's condition.. thanks for that.. and thanks for the encouragement.. i really need lots of endurance now!! really need.......

off to sleep.. my headache is killing me...

[ tired . tired . tired ]

tired . tired . tired

woke up at around 10plus today.. did my morning prayers and had my breakfast at home.. brother bought it for me.. thanks huh.. i'm really TIRED to even go downstairs.. then i went online to get some red cross stuff done.. then at around 2pm.. i started my "WORK".. first was to sweep the floor.. then i mopped the floor.. after which.. i took down the dried clothes and fold it.. then putting them nicely into the drawers..

it's really a humid day.. then.. i went to have my shower.. i really SMELLS after all the housework.. then.. i went to iron my clothes and stuff.. before i go out, i did my evening prayers.. i'm AFRAID that i will return home late.. went out with brother at around 4pm.. ate chicken burger and fries for lunch.. i'm really HUNGRY after sweating so much...

went on our way to see grandma.. she's so AGITATED today.. she kept struggling to get out of bed.. and see her wanting to talk but she cant.. and tried knocking away the blankets.. till her IV cannula came out.. hais! i just dont know how long this will last.. then.. i left for clementi at about 6pm.. went to cheers to get some ice-cream.. i'm really SAD.. and STRESS.. and eating ice-cream makes me feel better.. how i wish i can eat one tub now? BUT.. it doesnt seems to help MUCH.. HAIS.. GONE CASE liao..

took 147 from SGH down to Clementi.. managed to get her before 7pm.. was meeting Aunt Sherley, Aunt Suni and Yee Ling for planning meeting for this month's YWD/WD combined discussion meeting.. Really not in the mood.. and forced myself to eat too.. cause i know i cant afford to COLLAPSE at this crucial moment.. managed to finish the planning in an hour's time.. and sat down with Yee ling and Aunt Lian See.. they were really concern about my mom.. and about my grandma.. thanks for all the encouragement.. dont worry.. i'll do my BEST to keep my THINKING POSITIVE..

took mrt from clementi home.. and called Tom.. BUT.. he's having his dinner.. and while waiting for him to call back.. i fall asleep in the mrt.. i'm REALLY TIRED.. but.. till i reach home.. he didnt call.. dont know what he's BUSY with.. really WISH to TALK to HIM.. just need someone to talk to.. BUT when i called him again, he told me he's meeting tian chen.. and said i called at the wrong time.. hais! i know he sound he's joking.. BUT, to the person who hears it.. it's HURTING..

and i just need him to be there.. for this very moment.. want to find one day i'm free to go to the seaside.. or to the reservoir.. and sit down quietly to think.. want to relieve my stress.. longing for that day to come...

" Life is full of battles. Each victory is determined by the path you take and the role you play "

[ accepting the hardest fact of life and preparing for the worse ]

accepting the hardest fact of life and preparing for the worse

today is saturday.. slept till about 10.30am.. was awaken by samuel's sms.. he asked if i want to go for breakfast together.. BUT.. i'm SERIOUSLY tired and not in the mood.. hais! woke up and did my prayers.. sat down at the sofa and FORCED myself to take the breakfast.. my gastric is giving me problem.. i got no choice but to force myself to eat.. at the same time.. was watching "放羊的星星".. the show is getting more and more TOUCHING.. and REALLY FUNNY.. thanks to that.. i managed to LAUGH out LOUD.. it's relieving my HIDDEN STRESS..

intended to do my homework.. BUT, i just have NO MOOD to do it.. at around 12.30 almost 1.. i left home.. making my way to the hospital.. meeting mom at the hospital directly.. grandma is lying in the surgical icu.. we went in and see her.. and she was holding on so tight to us.. holding my mom's bag.. and trying to tell us something.. but.. she cant talk.. so, i asked her if she wants water, and she told us she wants by nodding her head.. but we cant give her.. her kidneys isnt producing urine.. if we were to give and the water goes into her lungs, she will suffer pnuemonia.. and who knows next.. we are asked to go out.. cause they are starting the dialysis for her.. oh GOSH! something i hope it wont HAPPEN had HAPPENED.. just hoping that it will be a TEMPORARY measure.. NOT a LONG TERM one..

after she started her dialysis.. we went down to have a coffee.. and i took my lunch.. almost FAINTING liao.. and my gastric isnt listening to me.. after which, we went in to see her again.. she's STRUGGLING in PAIN.. though i has never go on dialysis before.. BUT.. i know how it feels poking an external tube into your body.. it's WORSE than DYING.. when i call her, i saw her tears flowing out.. i quickly dragged my aunt out of the room.. the next moment.. my tears started to flow.. i just cant take it.. i see her struggling and frowning her eye brow.. as though she's telling me she's in pain.. and yet, i cant do anything to stop her from suffering..

then.. the doctor came to spoke to us.. telling us her condition.. she isnt out of danger yet.. and her kidneys are failing.. and she suffered a heart attack after the operation.. doctor also mentioned that they managed to stop the bleeding in the aorta.. but he dare not say that the operation is successful.. all the doctor said is he wants us to prepare for the worst.. and it really depends on her willpower to tide through this.. hais! after when the doctor spoke to us, we took turns to go in and see her again.. ah ma is dropping tears again.... we dare not stay long.. first time.. first time i see my uncles and aunts crying.. mom cried too..

i dont know what should i tell them to make them feel better.. BUT.. all we can is to pray for her to have the strong willpower and TRUST the doctors and nurses in the hospital.. they are the ones who can save her.. left home at 7plus.. really tired.. not in e mood to eat.. just had hot milo cause i was sneezing all the way..

really tired.. got to wake up early tomorrow.. sleeping soon.... i need a break..

[无心伤害 ]

无心伤害

it's friday.. everything started off very smoothly.. NO CLASS today for ME.. cause.. the yep family will be hosting the SSEAYP (Sea of South East Asian Youth Program) participants who are coming to our school for a tour today.. woke up at around 5.15am today.. didnt sleep well.. was waiting for Tom to call me when he gets home.. BUT.. as usual lahz.. he will say OKIE.. but with NO ACTION done.. hais! and i fall asleep while waiting for him to call.. he's RIGHT.. he said before.. he WONT do REPORTING to his girlfriend.. whatever it is.. i just need to OPEN one EYE and CLOSE the other to MAKE my LIFE less MISERABLE.. as usual.. i'm always early.. luckily, Khai and Nabil were early too.. then.. some of my classmates came.. Shiffa, Nad and Nabilah.. we had a great time talking CRAPS.. ya.. it's Nabil AGAIN.. he made all of us laughed till stomach also aching..

and then when my classmates went up to their class, Chong, Shaun. Guosheng, Carolyn and Miaozhen came.. had my breakfast.. had a cup of ice milo with a char siew bread and cheese tart.. lolx! just have a feeling that i wont get to eat well or eat in the noon time.. after which, we went to sdc to SLACK while waiting for others to come down.. went to the washroom with Suhui and saw Joel.. alamak! he just treat us as though we are strangers.. GOSH! i cant IMAGINE i have such yep family members.. thinking back.. we arent the ONES who OUT-CASTED him.. he was e ONE who ISOLATE himself from us.. cant BLAME us then...


the particpants will only be arriving at 10am.. so, we still got some time to SLACK around.. as usual, i went online to check my mails and stuff.. suddenly, i feel kind of moody.. dont know why also.. just dont feel talking.. then.. all a sudden.. i was dragged in the picture of Tom and Shaun's agrument.. Tom paid for Shaun's girlfriend's meal yesterday.. and Shaun wanted to pay him back.. but Tom dont wants it.. then the money was passed to me.. Shaun feel that it's his girlfriend.. so, it isnt very NICE for Tom to pay for her.. TRUE.. i think if i'm a guy, i also will feel the way Shaun will feel.. BUT.. on the other hand, Tom thinks it's just a treat that dont cause much..

who knows.. the NEXT moment.. they were scolding vulgarities in front of cafe1.. ARGH!! i was so ANGRY.. early morning, people are scolding each other with me standing in the centre.. then, taking the 10dollars note.. SEE CAREFULLY!!! 10dollars note.. i walked away feeling so FRUSTRATED.. argh! it's REAL CHILDISH!! i almost wanted to cry le.. people who knows me well should know.. you cant make me ANGRY.. if not, i will also CRY.. that's why i'm called CRYBABY!! heez!

walking into LT2.. i sat beside Tom.. but i didnt talk to him at all.. WAS REALLY ANGRY.. then he asked me why my face so black.. so i told him.. if he and Shaun wants to quarrel and argue over money issue AGAIN.. DONT GO OUT together next time.. hais! then Shaun saw my face really BLACK too.. HAIS! i'm disappointed.. just dont know why.. while waiting for the participants to arrived.. we self-entertained ourselves.. taking pictures and cracking jokes.. then i was asking Suhui whether my president has given the reply to her for the investiture or not.. and Tom asked what happened.. then i actually shouted sayig.. "third party dont get involved..." i think he must be very ANGRY when i say him like that.. i DONT MEAN it.. BUT.. i just feel ANGRY over HIM.. hais!

after some powerpoint presentation of our school, we went for a tour to the SIM training centre and to the beauty therapy training centre.. this is my FIRST time stepping into the training centre for beauty therapy.. oh gosh!! it's really NICE.. and there's facial, massage, pedicure and manicure services provided for students, staff with a CHEAPER price.. GOT to TRY it some day..

then.. we went to the EVENT hall for some refreshment.. and over there, we played the slide show for our yunnan trip.. REALLY misses the time there.. and i got a bit EMOTIC when i saw the pictures.. didnt have the appetite to eat.. was having a headache actually.. and saw a voicemail message from mom.. i couldnt call out cause there isnt reception for starhub users in the event hall.. so, i borrowed Tom's phone and called mom.. i got a SHOCK of my life.. grandma is HOSPITALISED and is already in the OPERATING THEATRE when mom called me.. was trying to get my brother.. but i just couldnt get him..

my TEARS just dropped.. the PROBLEM we WORRIED so much REALLY came TRUE.. the aorta really ruptured in her body causing internal bleeding.. hais! i TRIED controlling my TEARS.. but when Chong and Suhui saw me.. and asked me what happened.. i JUST CRIED out.. thinked i really SCARE them.. Suhui, thanks me lending me a shoulder to cry on.. Tom was inside sdc with Joel, Ms Jill and Ms Jacqueline.. he didnt know what have happened.. and when he came out.. he didnt see my eyes red as well.. he was so ENGROSSED in talking about Joel.. Final conculsion.. Joel isnt paying back the money.. what the HELL is that? hais..

Rushed to the hospital.. and on the way there.. i almost FAINTED.. could see STARS turning.. hais! when i arrived.. grandma is still in the OT.. we just dont know what went wrong.. all we know is.. if she dont op, the percentage of surviving is 0%.. and if she gives the op a try, the survival rate is 20%.. hais! we waited till 6plus before she was wheeled to the SICU.. i just CANT BEAR to see her like that.. with NG tube in her nose.. tubes in her mouth.. IV drips on her hands, her neck.. on urinary catheter .. SPO2 monitoring.. BP and HR monitoring.. oxygen therapy.. and given constant blood transfusion.. the doctor spoke to us.. saying that she has lost large amount of blood during the operation.. and that it might affect the functions of her kidneys..

it just reminds me of lihua jie jie when i see the ICU setting.. I'm really SCARED.. scare that i will lose my grandma.. through this 7months in nursing course, i have already lost a friend of mine.. i dont wish to lose another loved ones.. i just dont wish to see them suffer as well.. when i held her hands, it's ICY cold.. i'm so SCARED.. till my gastric pain start to give me problem.. she cant talk.. and bearly awake.. doctor says she isnt out of danger yet.. just praying that she can PULL through this..

dear called me at 11plus.. and i'm still awake.. just cant sleep even though i'm really TIRED.. i know mom cant accept it as well.. i'm afraid she will collapsed too.. why will so many things happened just within 24hours? why? i really blame myself that i arent a qualified nurse now.. i cant do anything much for her.. all i can is to PRAY.. praying for her speedy recovery.......

was talking to Shaun online.. thanks for comforting me yup.. i told him that i didnt want Tom to know that i arent feeling well and almost fainted.. just dont wish to let him worry.. i know he's stressed himself too.. got to support himself and got to cope with his studies.. i dont wish to be his burden.. staying by my side is good enough dear.. you dont have to do much......


* i feel hurted by that friend of mine.. just hoping it's 无心伤害... can i forgive and forget?! *

[ hate the feeling of being cheated ]

hate the feeling of being cheated

had no school today.. cause it's Deepavali.. hmmm.. woke up at around 9plus.. my initial plan was to SLEEP till 10am.. but then... my whole family woke up and my dear brother is kicking his soccer ball outside my room.. and it's SO KIND of him to CLOSE my DOOR.. but i SEE NO POINT in doing this.. cause.. my bedroom's door isnt SOUND-PROVED.. so you see the point now? ultimately, he will just CREATE more NOISE.. cause the ball will knocked onto my DOOR.. and CREATE more unnecessary NOISE.. ARGH!! it's HOLIDAY and yet i cant get the PEACE i want..

so, i woke up.. SCREWED him upside down and went to wash up.. since i wake up so EARLY.. i decided to IRON my clothes for Friday SSEAYP event and iron my uniform as well.. mom's COMPLAINING again.. complaining that my IRONING skill is lousy and terrible.. lolx! i'm arent a PROFESSIONAL HOUSEWIFE after all.. though many people thinks i look like one.. " you think, i thought, we confirm? " hahaz!

meeting Chong at 11.30pm at novena.. then going down today.. that's e GOOD thing about having a friend staying on the same mrt line as you.. as least, you wont be BORED going home alone and stuff.. SERIOUSLY.. i LOVE travelling alone.. cause this is the time i'll listen to my mp3 and think through some stuff i need to REFLECT on.. and things i have to think through and analyse.. i was LATE.. cause mom was COMPLAINING AGAIN.. as usual.. on my outfit.. cause will be going back to ah gong's place later..

she wants me to look PRESENTABLE.. BUT.. i guess being there is already PRESENTABLE enough.. hahaz! then.. had a HARD TIME trying to CALL my DEAREST too.. call him at 11.10am.. BUT.. his mobile is OFF.. and his home phone NOBODY bothers to PICK it up.. then, i got NO CHOICE but to turn to Shaun.. then..... i REALISED... that.... Shaun had called him at 10.50am to WAKE him up le.. was guessing that maybe he PURPOSELY off his phone lahz.. and indeed.. my SIXTH SENSE was RIGHT!

he told Shaun himself that he PURPOSELY off his phone.. well, whatever.. you're the one who ask me to wake u up and yet you off your phone.. cant be bother.. i did tried.. so i'm not at fault if he really gone back to sleep.. on the way there.. was thinking about a number of stuff.. and guessing a number of things too.. and indeed.. my SIXTH SENSE was RIGHT!! can it NOT be RIGHT? i JUST HATE the FEELING of that.. hais! anyway.. it doesnt MATTER much.. it's just MY SELF-CENTRED mind causing TROUBLES..

many were LATE.. and i SERIOUSLY DISLIKE people with NO SENSE of TIME-CONTROL.. shall NOT find FAULT.. they might REASONS behind why they are LATE.. you shall be FORGIVEN then.. BUT.. kick that bad habit! then, we made our WAY to marina square.. the moment Tom arrived, i didnt really wanted to TALK to HIM.. just ANGRY cause he PURPOSELY off his phone.. if he's AFRAID that he will be AWAKEN a second time by ME.. at least CALL or SMS to tell ME that Shaun has woke him up already.. then i SAVE my EFFORT of CALLING him..

BUT.. he just didnt even BOTHER to do so.. then he CAME up to me and asked why i didnt want to TALK to him.. sometimes i just wonder.. am i too PETTY?? but i can FEEL that i'm much better than the "ME" few weeks ago.. at least i FEEL that the UNDERSTANDING ME is COMING BACK!! yupz.. that should be the WAY.. shall drop this subject since it's OVER!! but this isnt the ONLY issue that SPOILT my day..

NEXT.. it's RUIFEN INCIDENT.. we were all waiting for her to come.. she didnt know the way and yet she kept telling me she knows.. then.. gradually.. i found out that she dont know how to make her way to marina square long john silver.. so.. i called and guided her how to come.. when i put down the phone.. Guosheng started to comment.. saying that i shouldnt have tell her all at a goal.. she might not know her way.. i didnt know why i was SO AGITATED.. i SHOUTED back at HIM.. shall not REPEAT what i said to him.. cause i feel it's really BAD.. just know that it's a few phases of words that makes the yep family members present STARE with EYES open BIG... i can easily say that their pupils are dropping out.. lolx..

after that.. i went out to look for Ruifen.. and i managed to find her.. hais! then.. they decided to have a change in venue.. then.. here we are.. starting our scavenger hunt at city hall.. hunting from marina square to meillia walk to suntec city to convection hall then back to marina square yoshi.. ALAMAK! ended up.. i only spent about 20minutes with them for the discussion.. FEEL so BAD.. but i have no choice.. got to go off to ah gong's place.. rushed my way down to lakeside.. had some food at ah gong's place.. some buffet stuff.. and ate a piece of his birthday cake.. it's MANGO cake.. my FAVOURITE!!

seeing grandma walking even without a walking frame.. i'm so HAPPY.. able to see her growing fatter.. and eating well.. and was having a GREAT time suan-ing my cousin about his girlfriend.. cause he and his girl got a period of time seperately.. so me and my brother were happily guessing the reason behind it.. Tom went movie with Shaun, his girlfriend, Zaki and Khai.. Mom was asking me why i didnt go when she asked where Tom go.. so, i told Mom that Tom went for a movie with some of the yep family people.. and she asked why i didnt go with him.. suddenly, i just feel i dont know how to answer her question.. and i REALISED that Tom and me HAVE NOT been for a MOVIE at ALL.. oh.. how SADDENING it can be.. well, we only go on our own now.. the ONLY time we are TOGETHER will be with events with the yep family and that attendance is COMPULSORY..

and Mom dont seems to UNDERSTAND that we DONT get to SEE each other even though we are in the same school.. well.. there's nothing much i can do.. just hopes she can be more UNDERSTANDING.. and that i can be more UNDERSTANDING.. as a girlfriend.. as a daughter..

left home at about 5plus.. really TIRED.. hais! came home and read one of my friend's blog.. then i realised someone close to me has cheated me for the first time.. it's a very close friend of mine.. i trusted him a lot.. and tells him practically everything.. though it seems like it isnt anything big that he had kept away from me.. BUT.. i just feel very UNCOMFORTABLE being CHEATED.. really HATE this kind of feeling.. for friends who know me for long, you should all be clear that i always HATE people who CHEATS me.. and i always say.. " if you want to lie or bluff me something, make sure you bluff your way through and never ever give me an opportunity to find out.." i HATE. HATE that my SENSITIVITY is so STRONG.. HATE that my SIXTH SENSE is always so ACCURATE.. something just MEANT to be NOT KNOWN.. if you KNOW it, you will feel AFFECTED.. tired... sleeping soon.....

[ need a break ]

need a break

lesson was at 10am today.. YES! as what i have said.. i have a total of 14hours of sleep last night.. BUT.. i'm still having a HEADACHE!! why? SLEEP TOO MUCH liao i guess... sobx!... woke up at 7.30am.. and wash up.. left house at about 8.15am.. an took bus969.. as EXPECTED!.. i'm stuck on TPE because of the traffic jam.. couldnt sleep also.. slept too much..

received an sms from 小舅informing us about ah gong's birthday celebration tomorrow.. come again! it's tomorrow and he only inform me today! oh gosh! at it's at 12pm also.. i'm supposed to meet the yep family tomorrow at 12pm at city hall for the discussion for the ymca event next friday.. then i must show my face at my ah gong's house.. how am i going to seperate my body? cut into 2 parts? that will be a GOOD IDEA i guess if it can WORKS.. hahaz! well, i'm must going a bit NUTS!! out of my MIND..

lesson ended quite early.. instead of 5.30pm today.. we finished at around 4.45pm.. so, as tomorrow would be a PUBLIC HOLIDAY.. Nad suggested not to go home straight after school.. BUT.. to go SEE SEE, WALK WALK.. at first.. was thinking to go to TM de.. the NEAREST and the MOST CONVENIENT place for me to take bus home.. then they said then it might be too BORED.. caused we always go there.. then Shiffa suggested to go to WHITESANDS.. which we realised that Nad has never been there.. well, cant blame her.. she's staying at the extreme end of west.. and Whitesands is at the extreme east..

so, we SQUEEZED our way up the REALLY PACKED bus31.. and headed to Tanah Merah mrt.. from there.. we took the mrt to pasir ris.. saw many Ns men when we stepped out of the control station.. so was thinking whether i'll see weihan there or not.. cause he's staying at pasir ris.. BUT.. i didnt!! hais! sad! but anyway, we had a GREAT TIME looking at blouses, shoes, bags... and stuff.. how i wish i can be a MILLIONAIRE at that MOMENT!! hahaz! BUT.. SADLY.. i'm NOT lahz... hahaz!

at around 6pm.. i left pasir ris.. leaving Nad, Farhan and Shiffa.. they are going for dinner..and as for me.. i'm heading home for mom's home cooked food.. really TIRED.. the moment i board the bus, i just KNOCKED OFF.. lolx! misses mom's cooking a lot.. and i had my FAVOURITE today.. pig's stomach soup, and my favourite steamed food.. well.. it's a fulfilling meal i should say.. yup!! hahaz..

going to sleep le.. need a break badly.. but.. my tomorrow will be fully uterilised.. hais!

[ sleeping mode ]

sleeping mode

this entry was written on the 7th morning though it's supposed to be things that happened on the 6th.. you will know the reason why as you read down my entry!! hahaz!

lesson was at 8am today too.. i'm just so TIRED.. maybe because i turned in too late yesterday.. but.. still feeling with sweetness.. after struggling and going through so much.. we are in our 2nd month.. and i'm praying day by day that everything will continue to go on so smoothly..

first lesson was BH.. totally just switch off from what mdm tan is teaching.. and concentrating so much on other things like facebook, friendster and my blog!! i know this shouldnt be the same.. BUT.. that's what e-learning is all about lahz.. after which is CN practical.. and we had a great time SLACKING.. cause.. we are asked to FEED an ADULT patient.. so.. we were given some time to BUY FOOD back into our LAB.. and take turns to FEED our CLASSMATES!! hahaz! so fun! THANKS to Ms Zhao and Ms Lang.. they just UNDERSTAND so WELL.. thinking that we would need a BREAK after our phase test!! kekez!

skip lesson from 1pm to 5pm... it was CMS and SW lesson.. BUT i didnt go.. applied for AL.. at 12pm.. when lesson ended, went to see Ms Jill at SDC.. Ms Jacqueline wanted to see us.. telling us about what are the changes made to independent studies will affect us.. guess.. for those graduating in april.. really SAD that the policy changes only NOW.. hais! for me! what to do? i'm ONLY GRADUATING in year 2009.. well well well...

after which, i had lunch at the cafe1 with Shaun, Chong, Nabil, Sam, Reezal and Guo Sheng.. but they left halfway.. leaving me with Shaun and Chong.. i was happily eating my teriyaki beef when all a sudden Shaun came out with a FUNNY and STUPID trick to steal my beef.... he kept asking me to turn.. saying that Tom is here.. i knew something was up in his mind.. so i didnt turn.. but ended up.. he FORCED my head to turn.. then steal my beef.. so CUTE lohz.. if he wants to eat, he can always ask me ar.. i'll be most WILLING to SHARE my food.. kekez!

then.. at around 1plus.. Chong left for his driving lesson.. FIRST lesson!! all the best huh! then leaving me with Shaun lohz. so.. we were randomly talking my past working experience and stuff.. and waited for Tom to come till we got a bit 不耐烦!! so we went to look for him at the SDC.. and indeed.. he's there.. happily watching the video Zaki had came up.. after which, we went back to cafe1.. cause Tom hasnt take his lunch yet.. then.. while he's eating.. we started to discuss about the ymca thing we are going to do next friday..and the same time.. we do side track lahz.. hahaz! that's NORMAL!

hais! we had totally NO IDEA what YOUTH AT RISK is all about.. so, remembering Stanley kor is working at ymca.. i gave him a call.. it's been SO LONG i hasnt hear his voice!! oh ya.. a short intro of who he is.. he's my senior in NPCC when i was in secondary school.. he's the CI (Cadet Inspector) in charge of my squad when i was in secondary 1 and 2.. ya.. was quite CLOSE with him when i was in secondary school.. and i got really LOTS of RUMOURS with him when he was taking our squad.. ya.. and i got SMALL crush for him too lahz! shall not denied that.. BUT.. now, he's my god brother.. and i TREAT him like my ELDER BROTHER!! and it's been years we didnt see each other!! hahaz! anyway, he's a NICE guy lahz! always there to help me when i was in my cca.. cause i everytime got gastric pain, he was the one who cares for me a lot.. then one of THOSE who always DRAGGED me into my CCA room to take MILO and MEDICATION.. really love lots moments in npcc!!

okie.. back track.. then.. we came out with a number of games also.. then.. Tom started talking about his hairy hand.. saying that one of the picture he took shows his hand.. and when he sees that picture.. he sees how HAIRY his hand is.. so FUNNY lohz.. makes me and Shaun laughed till our ORGANS are OUT!! who knows what happened next?? saw Jamal.. and he was saying that his girlfriend is still ANGRY with him.. hmmm.. PITY him!! he's a NICE guy with NO TEMPER.. but, his girlfriend.. hais! then Shaun's girlfriend came.. then Shaun started to intro me and Tom to her.. and who knows.. she knows who we are before Shaun said anything.. my goodness! she knows so clearly who are we.. then his girlfriend even 报料 that Shaun said before that Tom is very HAIRY!! lolx! SO FUNNY lohz!

after which, i left school.. and went to yishun polyclinic for my Hep B third jab.. after the jab.. i went home.. shower and sleep.. from 5pm all the way to 7th oct (this morning) 7.30am.. see the reason why my entry for yesterday was typed today morning? hahaz! anyway, i also dont know why i'm so TIRED!!

[ our 2nd month ]

our 2nd month

yupz.. today is 5th nov!! and it's our 2nd month.. guess this was one of the reason why i was so energetic today!! early morning when i woke up.. i saw dear's sms.. didnt expect he will send sms to me before i sent it to him.. yupz! HAPPY 2months dear..

as usual.. class is at 8am.. we had our every first period with Ms Zhao.. CN theory.. oh man! i just feel like sleeping.. only slept 5hours last night.. and i keep waking up.. i think i'm suffering from insomnia.. i gets more and more moody lesson after lesson.. and thinking that it's kind of SAD that we cant spend our 2nd month today.. BUT.. i didnt BLAME him at all.. cause he's actually having SC meeting..

lesson at MLT from 2pm to 4pm.. then went to take the sponsorship form from junyuan.. then.. i just dont know why.. we started to talk about Guosheng again.. somehow, our subject of conversation just cant let Guosheng out.. alamak! get kind of SICK of it.. but guess that's when we know we got the same thoughts towards some stuffs.. lolx! but thanks for printing me the form.. your efforts are appreciated!

after lesson.. went to meet Chong.. cause need to see Ms Jill to get the excuse letter for this friday's event.. after which.. went to look for tom at the sc room.. was complaining that he cant give up his meeting because it's a special day.. lolx! dont say that i'm unreasonable.. i didnt BLAME you at all.. jus making fun of you.. after which.. went on my way to century square to take bro's handphone.. and while walking out of the school gate.. i heard someone calling me.. oh gosh! guess who is it? the person i'm scared to see..... guosheng.. i guess me and chong would hope it isnt HIM..

then he start to ask.. where we are heading to.. and he's like so UNHAPPY that me and Chong now very good friends.. ya.. JEALOUS?! but WHO GIVES A DAMN!!?? hahaz! he wanted to accompany us to tampines so much.. and so LUCKY.. i managed to SHAKE him OFF.. hais! stress sia!

then.. i headed to century square.. oh gosh! there's almost 20people ahead of my queue number.. thanks to my bro lohz!! spoilt kid.. cant settle his own things on his own.. hais! then.. Dear called.. saying that his meeting is done.. and wants to come and meet me for dinner.. all a sudden.. the disappointment stage are filled with HOPE.. hahaz! at least a dinner is better than nothing.. and he even agreed to go for the camp in decemeber!! smile=]

we went to fish & co actually.. and i had my seafood platter!!!!! been so time away since i last eat fish & co.. think the last time was in april on melvin's birthday.. anyway. thanks DEAR for all these!! after the dinner itself, while walking up the escalator.. Dear was saying that it seems so fast.. and it's already our 2nd month already!! and he also said we kept quarrelling.. lolx! i also dont wish to ar.. he just dont know how many times i cried because of our agrument.. haiS!

after the dinner, we set off to take his new specs! then.. here comes my mom's HORNING.. horning me HOME! hais.. she just SPOILT my MOOD.. after taking my specs.. i went home.. ya.. on my own.. didnt want him to send either.. it's too far liao.....

going to sleep le.. tomorrow is going to be a longggggggg day!...

[ raya with yep family ]

raya with yep family

woke up quite early today.. 8.30am!! and it's sunday somemore!! alamak! why is my life so TOUGH?? hahaz! no lahz.. it's because i'm going out that's why i'm giving up my sleep.. something more different from other people.. when i want to go out, to avoid any nagging or scolding.. i just need to make an EXTRA EFFORT to PLEASE my MOM!! and what i did this time round is to HELP her do some HOUSEHOLD CHORES.. and i SWEEP and MOP the FLOOR!! and it's kind of like PATHETIC to do household chores as early as 8.30am.. if i can guai guai stay at home.. i might not need to xi sheng so much.. but anyway, i guess all these are WORTHWHILE..

after mopping the floor, i had my shower.. and then when i walked into my room.. my dearest handphone rang.. and it's from yeow chong.. they have finished their csc event at bishan park.. and asking if i'm ready to meet them up at bishan j8.. alamak! i just finished my shower.. havent do my morning prayers.. havent dress up yet.. and everyone is rushing me.. and that KIND-HEARTED chong almost dumped me with that sickening person.. SO GOOD FRIEND of HIM.. hahaz! but luckily he didnt.. if not, he will become 108pieces.. lolx!

i quickly put down the phone and went to prepare myself.. managed to get out of my house before 11am.. and reached j8 at around 11.20am.. suhui, guosheng, shaun and yeow chong were sitting at the food court.. so i went up to look for them.. the moment i stepped into the foodcourt.. i just feel that it's so SMOKY!! and makes me feel so SMELLY.. cause i just had my SHOWER!! alamak! there's goes the fragrant smell of my hair.. SOBX!

after sitting there for a while.. we went out of the foodcourt and went into mini toons.. shaun just cant stand me and suhui.. cause mini toons is so like a girls' paradise.. hahaz! and chong saw something interesting.. something like a light bulb.. and he accidentally dropped it.. luckily it's made of plastic material.. shaun just dragged me away when chong dropped the light bulb thing.. it's kind of LOUD.. and so paiseh!! hahaz!

suhui went in and bought a comb.. while the rest of us just walked around.. then we saw some cute designs of ash-tray.. like "NO SEX" stuff and that.. lolx! and it reminds us of my dearest.. hahaz! diaoz.. then we went into a shop beside the mini toons.. it's a shop that sells christian books and stuffs.. we were happily searching for the meaning of our names.. Jessica - means a blessed one.. and shaun.. he's so happy saying that shaun means - a gift from heaven or something.. lolx! suhui cant join us in the raya session.. she got driving lesson.. and here is shaun again.. giving advice and talking about his TP again.. hahaz! he's just still HAPPY over it!!

after which, we went to take bus88.. and we are to actually drop at shaun's girlfriend's house bus-stop.. so.. with his look filled with sympathy.. lolx! he asked if we could allow him to go up to his girlfriend's place for a while.. yupz! we are NICE PEOPLE.. of cause we will ALLOW!! lolx! he say he needs maybe around 20minutes.. but he came down after 10minutes.. that's fast!! and he gave us that HYPER look again!! and happily saying that his BATTERY is RECHARGED!! i like his way of doing things.. cause though it's just a 10minutes meet up.. he's still so thankful and grateful about it.. and didnt take things for granted at all.. lolx! while walking back to the bus-stop.. we saw bus93 coming!!!!!..... oh man! then.. our first reaction is to......... RUN!!!!!!!! oh man!!!! like so long never run liao.. then i'm wearing my dolly shoes and RUN!! alamak! so torturing!!

and shaun.. keep suan-ing me that i'm like princess.. eating japanese pearl rice and drinking distilled water and stuff.. and when i walked out of the sun.. he will asked if i need an umbrella.. feel so PAISEH!! through-out the journey, i didnt wanted to talk.. as usual lahz.. that guosheng made me so ANGRY.. time and again DISCOURAGING me to take up the sponsorship.. WHAT's the PROBLEM with YOU? dont EVER have the MINDSET that EVERYONE is SO NAIVE and ONLY YOU knows EVERYTHING.. i kept quiet through out the journey and think shaun and chong knows me WELL....

we reached eunos mrt station quite early.. it's only 12.30pm.. and we are meeting them at 1pm.. so.. our first station.. SWEETTALK bubble tea.. as usual.. i had peppermint milk tea.. and shaun had milk tea with small pearls.. he was drinking and playing with the pearls.. saying that he will stuff his mouth with the small pearls and when tom come, he will give him a pearl war!! lolx! end up, he actually kept his pearls in his mouth for 15minutes till he cannot take it anymore... lolx! cause tom is LATE!! as usual lahz huh.. hahaz!

but cant blame him also.. he worked till today morning.. so poor thing! on the way to nabil house.. journey through out was FUN.. nabil was happily tricking amalina that jamal's bike break down and that zaki and khai is not coming.. and innocent amalina actually believe him.. lolx! then we sat at nabil's house that bus-top and patiently waited for "jamal" to come.. but actually.. we are waiting for zaki and khairul.. we reached nabil place at around 2plus.. and we had some cute cute cakes and some dishes prepared by her mom.. NICE NICE!!

over at nabil's house.. we were still happily talking about the past incidents that happened in yunnan.. it's really unforgettable!! after at around 3plus.. we set off to amalina's place at toa poyah.. GREAT! it's near my place.. we took bus8 from nabil's house to toa poyah central.. through out the journey.. some were talking.. amalina is studying.. and some of us were sleeping.. dear was sleeping also.. think he's really TIRED after working over night.. hais! think i should start PLANNING my TIME and go back to WORK...

at the interchange, we took bus 235 to her place.. actually her place is just 2 bus stops away from the interchange.. but she TRICKED us!! it's a feeder bus so it actually goes one round and goes back to the interchange.. she LEARNED really FAST!! hahaz! the moment she opened the door of her place.. i feel it's so NICE!! her bedroom ESPECIALLY.. i want a QUEEN SIZE BED too!! we ate some nice biscuits.. drank F&N orange.. and watch the starhub cable tv.. on a ang moh girl's 16th birthday party.. her GIFT is a BMW!!! oh man!! that's so like SPOILT lohz.. but anyway, amalina's mom cooked for us too.. lontong, fried chicken wings, prawns with beef, sotong... etc.. and amalina's cousin is soooooooo CUTE!! i just love her..

then nabil was talking about asking khai to get marry first.. then someone said tom should be the first in the yep family.. then he said so loudly that he got no intention to get marry.. then all a sudden... all the eyes are on me!! then nabil said.. jess, you can throw away liao.. HAIS!! i just hope his perception of getting married will change as times passes by..

we left amalina's place at around 7plus.. then we went to toa poyah central.. then the guys actually find ways to let guosheng go home.. and then when tom saw that i'm still around.. he said: " why you still here? the plan we had was to make you and guosheng go home... " OH MAN!! i was so ANGRY at the moment.. tomorrow 2nd month today still must make my BLOOD BOIL!!! ARGH! as usual lahz.. after making me angry.. then he will find ways to make me smile again lohz.. now i know this quote is really TRUE!! .... "The person who makes you cry is usually the person who makes you smile...."

we went to the hdb hub and settled down at the coffee bean... and i had my favourite!! pure chocolate ice blended! we talked from topics to topics.. not leaving guosheng as one of the topics.. kind of sick to always talk about him.. cause it will reminds me how he made my BLOOD BOILED! argh! at around 9.. i went off.. kind of ANGRY actually.. shall not say what had happened.. and my mom called and NAG again!! as usual lahz.. her favourite pasttime is to HORN me HOME..

i'm tired le.. turning in early.. tomorrow is 5th NOV!! kekez =]

[ *甜甜圈* ]

*甜甜圈*

haiS! cant imagine that it's a SATURDAY yet i have to wake up at 5.30am to go SCHOOL! oh my goodness! i'm just too TIRED!! been dragging myself out of my cosy bed this few days!! oh gosh! how i wish i can have a proper sleep..

early morning.. had my shower and did my morning prayers.. really praying hard that i can do well in this phase test.. and around 6.15am, i step out of the house and went on my way.. really TIRED.. the FIRST thing i did was to SLEEP when i boarded the bus.. then on the bus to school, i saw MDM QIAN!! kekez! she's was encouraging me and ask me not to be so NERVOUS for the phase test.. ALAMAK! how can i not be nervous? and must thanks mdm qian also.. she treated me breakfast!! thank you so much..

after that, i went up the lockers area and sat down to do some last minute revision and eat my yummy bread.. our waiting area is at the t06-23.. and the phase test for our class is at t06-20.. was praying really hard in my heart.. and it was so NICE of Fara to crack jokes to distract our attention.. hahaz! thank you so much! it was really FAST!! 9am and it's my turn already.. i'm really very NERVOUS.. till i forgotten that i must tell the patient what i am doing before i go and collect my requisites!! alamak! luckily when i was collecting the requistes i can remember what steps i missed.. so lucky.. and it's so NICE of the teacher to allow me to repeat this step again..

it tooks me about 15minutes to finish the whole procedure.. much faster than many others.. and then.. i waited for Nadiah, Farhan, Ramlan and Shiffa to finish the phase test.. while waiting for them, i sat at the lockers area and talked to junyuan.. was talking about the hospital bonding thing again.. hais! i also dont know should i take up the bond or not.. and worried very much that i cant do well..

after which.. me, shiffa and farhan went to tampines mac to have our breakfast.. i'm really making myself confused.. i wanted so badly to lose weight.. and i managed to lose 1kg in this one week.. guess the one kg lost is gain because of the sausage mcmuffin with egg meal.. alamak! after the breakfast, i went home and sleep.. supposed to do something for mom.. but now, she settled on her own liao.. so, i can go sleep PEACEFULLY!! hahaz! but so sorry to joyce.. must dump her alone to study cause i need to do things for my mom.. end up, didnt help her also..

slept till 3.30pm before i wake up.. need to wash up and do my evening prayers.. meeting xue ling at bukit panjang plaza for 6pm.. dinner at cafe cartal.. i didnt eat anything much cause mom cooked dinner at home.. so got to rush home later for my dinner.. was discussing and talking about my transfer from my district to her district.. and getting information about my new members over at her district.. kind of stress over the transfer.. jus afraid that i cant cope with it.. doesnt seems to be putting in efforts in my studies in this term.. i seems to be distracted.. i also dont know what's the course.. but i can be definite that it's not relationship.. maybe because i'm psychologically and physiologically TIRED??

hasnt been sleeping well.. and that's e reason why i'm always craving for afternoon naps.. well, must do something to it liao.. as in to my studies.. shall chant and come out for soka activities more.. i know i'm slacking and sleeping for too LONG...... i dont want to disappoint my family and my friends who are putting high hope on me.. and well, must really thank my soka friends who gave me lots of encouragement from the moment i have decided to come back to school.. thanks guys! dinner was chicken soup mian xian!! one of my favourite! you just cant find anything nicer than my own mom's cooking.. bloated now!

going to sleep le.. meeting with yep family tomorrow! raya i'm coming!!!!!~

[ drowsy queen ]

drowsy queen

early morning.. woke up at 5am as usual.. didnt really sleep yesterday.. slept quite late at around 12am like that.. was on the phone with dear yesterday and he said he will call me back.. end up.. i waited for his call till i fall asleep.. bad right? never call but never inform.. then i also stupid stupid also wait for him to call..

early morning.. call him at 7am to wake him up for school.. that's e privilege of staying so near the school.. 7am i already reach school liao le.. but he still can relax and wake up and shower.. first lesson was behavioural science at com lab.. and i sms him.. but he didnt reply.. so i was telling nad that he must have skip school today.. and indeed.. i guess correctly.. he's having a headache and skip school today.. must be have slept late yesterday again.. also good lahz.. today's timetable and he's working at 6pm.. it will be good if he can sleep more..

during behavioural science lesson.. mdm tan was telling us that babies who are not breast feed when they are young will have the tendency of feeling insecure when they grow up.. hahaz! true.. now i know why i will feel insecure so easily le.. cause i'm not being breast feed when i was a baby! hahaz! interesting thing that i have found out.. CN lesson was as usual.. to practice on insertion of NG tube and and feeding.. i did tried once to practice today..

i feel that i have did better compared to yesterday.. but i kept forgetting to do handrub before and after procedure and forget to put down the cotside when i'm serving the patient.. aiyoz.. infection control fail ar! i just hope that i wont be so nervous tomorrow and can score well..cause i know i wont do well in the behavioural science test liao le.. ms zhao got high expectation on me.. she feels that i can do well.. i dont wish to disappoint her.. dont wish to disappoint mrs tang and mdm emily ng too! and wants badly to prove my parents wrong.. i want them to feel proud that even though i'm attached.. i still can do well in my studies..

and poor him.. because of me, he really working very hard.. 5days a week.. hais! see him like that i also xin tong cause i know he dont have the time to rest and sleep well.. must be very stressful like that.. somemore he only left with one more sem in school le.. and he's graduating.. sobx! actually this is the part i worry a lot.. i scare when he step out of the working society.. it will be more difficult for us to meet up.. and i'm afraid he will find me too childish cause i'm still schooling.. well.. shall not worry much.. just want to cherish NOW!

came home after i sent my brother's handphone for repair.. and had my shower and skipped my lunch.. cause i'm just pure LAZY and wants to SLEEP badly.. plus i want to LOSE WEIGHT! that's e crucial point.. hahaz! really like drowsy queen like that.. went to bed and woke up at 4plus to ring dear up.. first thing when he feel my voice.. he know i'm sleeping liao.. really tired.. and went back to sleep again! till about 6.30 when melvin called and woke me up.. he was asking if i'm meeting siyi or not.. cause it's her birthday today!! and ying hui's too! happy birthday sister! and my dearest daughter, yinghui..

after waking up, i was sneezing all the way.. feeling so terrible now.. and tomorrow is phase test! oh man! praying hard to do well! wish me all the best! smile=]

get to go liao.. still must iron my own uniform! take care my dear friends!

[ appreciating those around me, and remembering those who have left me ]

appreciating those around me, and remembering those who have left me

hmmm.. it's my blood drive today.. and was really busy yesterday running from place to place.. early morning, 8am.. we had our first behaviour science test at the MLT.. oh man! i guess i wont do well though me and shiffa have both guess one topic for the short answer questions.. but, i didnt really have the time to revise and study.. hais! guess i'm going to do badly for my very test in this new term.. hais! this is going to be something that will demoralised me.. hais!

shall not talk about that.. after the test.. we went back to the nursing lab for our clinical nursing practical.. and i actually get ms zhao to assess my NG tube insertion before i go for the blood drive volunteer at 11am.. well, i'm not really that confident.. and i'm really tired.. didnt have the time to really sleep and rest well.. i think i really disappointed ms zhao in terms of my performance during the NG tube insertion.. hais! well, i have made the conviction that i will buck up and do well in this term.. wont want to disappoint my parents as well..

and something happy to share.. i feel i have did quite well in my independent studies module.. so happy! and the blood drive.. i must really thank JN0704C classmates of mine and my YEP FAMILY!!.. thanks for coming to support me and the blood drive.. let's thank the YEP family one by one..

Carolyn - thanks for donating your blood and supporting the red cross fund raising!
Miao Zhen - thanks for donating your blood!
Jun Jie - thanks for dropping by to give me moral support though you cant donate blood!
Amalina - thanks for picking up your courage to come forward and donate your blood and support the red cross fund raising as well!
Sam - thanks for donating your blood for the first time and support the fund raising as well!
Guo Sheng - thanks for trying and donated your blood for the first time!
Yeow Chong - thanks for dropping by to give me moral support and thanks for saving my stomach!
Shaun - thanks for rushing down in a cab after your TP and even kept your stomach empty. and thanks for picking up your courage to donate your blood for the first time!
Dear - thanks for giving up your sleep and come down to donate your blood. and thanks for asking the yep family to come and support me as well!
Su Hui - thanks for dropping by to give me the moral support and spreading the news for me!
Jamal - thanks for dropping by to give me the moral support and thanks for that hug!
Nabil - thanks for dropping by to give me moral support!

JN0704C - thanks everyone for donating and trying to donate!! Nad, Farhan and Shiffa especially! so happy you guys came! too many people.. cant really rememeber who donated.

Junyuan - thanks for trying to donate when you arent feeling that well! got lots of opportunity next time!
Ashiqa - thanks for coming to donate your blood!
Elli - thanks for trying to donate your blood!

after all, i feel really happy yesterday.. especially when my yep family members came down to support me! love you guys a lot.. and i really have a great time eating dinner with Shaun, Dear, Chong and GS.. thanks for everything guys! and... i'm really happy to see Shaun "back to normal" again.. and congrats for passing your TP! smile=]

and suddenly.. while typing this entry.. i thought of li hua jie jie.. hais! i'm going to start to learn to appreciate those around me more.. and remembering those who have left me.. and.. as what people always say.. i'm a person who gets contented very easily.. dear friends, am i? tag me for your response!

[ irresponsible ]

irresponsible

i dont know why things i hear or see will easily get on to my nerves and makes me really agitated over it.. just get to hear that one of my friend quarrelled with her girlfriend.. and another friend has some misunderstanding with her boyfriend.. and MAIN REASON was another 3rd PARTY!! my goodness! how can you not be agitated when you hear these? and really pity those who suffers are girls..

guys.. let me analyse this from a girl's point of view.. when your girl get to know about you being close with another girl, first reaction is usually that they will keep it to themselves first.. BUT..... that doesnt mean that they are not JEALOUS over it!! it's just that JEALOUSY is a in-plosive kind of reaction.. it takes time for them to explose.. BUT.. never TEST it!! cause you wont know that they will explose anytime without giving signal..

BUT somehow, in the two cases mentioned above.. the guys have tested their girl's tolerance and patience level.. yes, you can try making them jealous and let them feel your importance.. BUT, never overdo it.. cause you wont know that you will be the ONE SUFFERING in the END..

be it whether your relationship happened to have a 3rd party or not.. i feel that it's a responsiblity concern thing.. know your limits of being close to a girl if you have a girlfriend already.. so what you just treat her only as a good friend.. you wont know that FEELINGS will DEVELOP even in cases that you think that it's IMPOSSIBLE.. well, nothing in your life is IMPOSSIBLE.. split up the word ... it's spell I'M POSSIBLE!!!!! get the word?

why makes things so COMPLEX when love is actually a SIMPLE thing if both parties are responsible?? it takes two hands to clap.. so, it also means it will takes 2 person to make the relationship get going.. if you really cherish the other party, never take the bet of trying to make another party jealous.. YOU WILL SUFFER!

just one word of advice.. NEVER PLAY WITH FIRE.. you wont know when you will be burned to death.. and... NEVER EVER BECOME A 3RD PARTY.. heard of CAUSE and EFFECT ma? dont wish to be bear the consequences? then dont cause it to happen.....

hais! cherish one another's presence.. dont ever take things for granted!!

[ random me..... ]

random me

i dont know what i should blog.. or maybe how i should i get my blog going.. maybe it's because there's too many things happening.. i dont know what should i say and what i should not say.. when you do something, people will comment.. when you dont do something, people will still comment.. when you did something you feel it's right, people will comment.. when you did something wrong, people will also comment.. then can you tell me, should i do or should not i do?

doesnt i have the basic human rights of doing things i love without your comments? why must people be so CONCERN about my problems?? and give comments not to me personally but to others? cant i have the choice to do things i like? cant i make friends and be close to them cause i'm just feel comfortable with them? why must i bother how people feel when they bother about how i feel? do you know how HURTING it can be when people gives comments about you behind your back? i'm being nice therefore i say give comments.. if you put it in a bad way, that's gossiping.. so what if you have a sense of concern inside? i dont give a damn!....

hais! complain complain complain.... i jus realised i kept complaining recently.. and receive complains from people too.. why cant all these SHIT come to an end? i just feel like breaking down already! and who can i turn to? i dare not turn to YOU.. you should know who you are if you're reading my entry...

i dont want you to feel that i'm a burden to you.. but when i dont pour out, i just feel that i'm feeling really very 痛苦 inside.. sorry if i have taken up lots of your time and make you really busy because of this extra committment.. i know you really have no time of your own.. and really tired cause you have to work, to study, still got school activites, your family, your friends and me.. this must have tired you a lot.. i'm SORRY.. maybe you're right! i should learn to be more INDEPENDENT.. and not to depend on you solemnly.. i always have the thinking that.. with you around, i can have lesser troubles, lesser problems.. and a chance not to be always be acting so strong and courageous in front of everyone.. 我也有软弱的一面.. why must people always have the perception that i'm a strong girl? can i dont be one?

wo heng lei... i dont know how should i carry on? can i stop crying myself to sleep?

i just need a break.. and hopes deeply that i'm a mute, deaf and blind now.. so that i can be isolated away from this world...

i'm just being random.. dont bother to bother.. i just need to vent out this STRESS! hais!

[ spring cleaning ]

spring cleaning

it's SATURDAY again!! yes!! but sound... it will be sunday and back to monday again.. hais! ren sheng zhen bei ai ar!! yes! i got my dream fulfilled finally le..

i slept till 12.30pm today actually.. was on the phone with my friend yesterday night till 12am plus.. happy chatting on some stuffs.. and worrying about some stuff too.. well.. hope is going to be over soon..

woke up at 12.30pm and have my brunch (breakfast and lunch) with didi.. actually i intend to sleep till maybe 2pm? hahaz! but my brother woke up and ask me what i want to eat.. so i woke up, brush my teeth and did my morning prayers before i have my food.. while eating, we watched a cartoon show " bleach".. hmmm.. not a bad show.. ultimately.. i have no intention to watch it de.. i have no choice cause he's watching.. so i just have to watch lohz..

at 1pm.. we watched the show "fang yang de xing xing".. then about 2pm.. i decided to spring clean my room.. and dump things that i dont want.. i just cant stand the untidiness in my room.. ultimately.. i'm a NEAT person.. it's just that recently, i got the time to do it.. so i just spend it wisely to spring clean my room so that i have a better environment to study and revise my work.. it's always nice to be stuck in my own cosy room when it's neat.. heez!

i spent about 2hours cleaning, packing my stuff.. finally!! it's NEAT again! after which.. i had my shower and decided to rest awhile on the sofa.. then.. mom complained that she's hungry and ask me to go buy dinner.. while buying things, tom called.. he's on his way out to celebrate kenneth's birthday.. so BORED! i cant imagine that it's a saturday.. and i'm at HOME! even mom is surprise that i'm at home.. cause it's a weekend.. she thought that i would be out with tom.. so irony! when i'm out, she will complain that i'm always going out.. and when i'm not out with tom, she will keep asking why i didnt go out with him..

aiyoyoz! well.. tomorrow.. i'll be going out with nadiah and farhan to study and revise our work.. 7more weeks to exams.. time waits for no man! my aim for this term is to score a 4point for my gpa!! praying hard.. and trying my best to cope with my studies, my gakkai activities, my family and of cause to spend time with my dearest boyfriend!! ultimately.. he's the one who is more busy.. so.. many a times.. i just have to compromise with his timing.. and many cases.. it will be ended up stucking at his house.. he's dating his bed.. and i dated his computer instead.. well.. shall not talk about it.. if not, it will sound as though i'm complaining liao..

i'm going to study le.. all the best for those who's having their o'level and a'level!! jiayou le friends! GAMBATTE ne!!!!!!! =]

[ is everything okie? ]

is everything okie?

life isnt always as smooth as we think.. it's been one week since i started school.. well.. the time-table is quite terrible in some ways..

mon - 8.00am to 5.00pm
tues - 8.00am to 5.00pm
wed - 10.00am to 5.30pm
thurs - 8.00am to 5.00pm
fri - 8.00am to 12.00pm

for wednesday wise.. dont be too happy when you see that school starts at 10am.. this will be the first week thing only.. my CA just mentioned today that she has booked the lab next wednesday morning to conduct CN (Clinical Nursing) practical extra lesson for us.. oh! that's so WELL-PLANNED!! hais! and on friday.. an early dismissal from school means there will be a high chance that you will be INFORMED to stay back from extra lesson.. see the word?? it's INFORMED not ASKED worz.. see the difference people!! hais.. wat to do?!? ultimately, nursing was my choice of study.. nobody forces me to take up nursing actually..

been quite busy recently over meetings.. and gatherings.. monday.. there was a prayer session but i didnt attend as i have a yep family gathering in school! then tuesday was a holiday for all ite as the ite won an international recognised award.. i would hope that it will be a day i can stay home and sleep till i wake up naturally.. but ultimately, there wasnt such a chance!! we have a yep family hari raya gathering.. we actually went to khairul's, zaki's and jamal's place.. and then after which.. the 8 of us (shaun, yeowchong, wuihou, guosheng, tom, miaozhen, carolyn and me) actually went to cenileisure for a k-session!! ya.. i was really sick.. having sore throat and coughing badly..

but... i jus want to GO!! hahaz! the session lasted for 3hours but i was COMMANDED home.. so no choice but to leave early.. well, expectedly, my VOICE got WORSE!! wed.. i meet up with xueyun IMMEDIATELY after school for dinner at bukit panjang plaza before we actually attend the leaders' study meeting at senja.. we had long john silver.. YES! i know it's FASTFOOD.. and my VOICE got really BAD till xueyun cant really HEAR what i SAY.. hais! serve me right lahz! it was raining and i'm really feeling very sleeply through the whole meeting.. i feel that nothing has really gone into my mind.. hais! sound so pointless attending the meeting..

thursday.. i'm supposed to have a planning meeting at uncle hua thong's place.. BUT.. i didnt go!! wasnt feeling that well.. and my throat hurts!! tom actually forbided me from talking.. you cant even stay by my side 24hours/7days.. how will you know if i got talk?? hahaz! i went home early hoping to get into bed early.. but.. eneded up, i spent hours at the computer.. then on tv programmes.. then on food.. end up i got no choice but to only go to bed at 10pm.. i'm really full and feel bloated because of the heavy dinner i took..

it's friday today.. slept slightly better today.. but.... i just feel it isnt sufficient enough to get back the amount of sleep i lost.. never mind.. tomorrow is SATURDAY!! and i'm going to use it wisely.. to do my revision, my homework and to sleep!! yes!! and it's grandpa's cataracts operation today.. hoping everything will be okie!~

life isnt as smooth.. REALLY!! ups and downs.. happy and sad.. fear and angry.. everything is making me feeling suffocated... and feels so not simple as before.. someone.. enlighten me please!!

[ wo deng ni ]

我等你

不做考虑也没半点犹豫
我就说了这一句我等你
你眼中闪过了一些压抑
更多的是怀疑
所以你可以离去
不相信你还会回心转意
是我任性才决定要等你
我眼中的泪没掉过一滴
只是随你背影
慢慢倒流进心里
我等你
半年为期
逾期就狠狠把你
忘记不止是伤心的还包括一切甜蜜
要等你
要证明自己我可以纵容你在心底
也可以当你只是路过的人
而已慢慢倒流进心里底
哦~~~~~~~
你应该已经和她公开在一起

just a nice song to share.. it's by guang liang.....

[ coughing my way out.... ]

coughing my way out....

well.. it's the 6th day since i came back from yunnan le.. well, life still go on as usual.. and on monday, i'm starting a new term again!! oh man!! today.. i woke up quite early actually.. around 10plus.. i was awaken already.. why?? cause i have to meet priscilla and meihui at admiralty.. so i woke up to chant and get myself wash up.. after doing all the neccessary stuffs.. as usual lohz.. and that's to on my computer.. check my email and stuff..

it's really boring through out this whole week.. hasnt been talking with tom on e phone for quite some time le.. everytime talk half way.. he will say he will call back later.. but ended up, he wont lahz.. he's busy working and i'm busy sleeping.. everything i practically do nothing much except to sleep if i got the time to.. till i got a new nick from guosheng.. drowsy queen.. well.. no choice also.. i wasnt feeling that well since i'm back from yunnan.. still coughing and sneezing.. but luckily, the insect bites are recovering.. it really makes me so UGLY when i'm on the return trip back to singapore.. i just look so UGLY in the pictures..

misses the time in yunnan.. though there's some unhappy moments that has really shattern my heart at times, but everything is worthwhile with the memories i have brought back with me.. i realised i'm still coughing till today.. hasnt been taking my medication regularly.. and has been eating western food and kfc for the past few days.. well, my voice really s**cks now!! aiyoz!! so nan ting lohz!!

was thinking this few days what should be done in order to maintain and strengthing my relationship with him.. i also dont know what should be done actually.. the journey has been travelling for 1month and 8days.. and it's still going on.. he's someone who dont easily expresses his feelings and thoughts.. and i'm a person who thinks a lot about many things.. sometimes, to a certain extent, things that he dont take it seriously.. i'll take it seriously.. maybe that's the reason why my heart shatters much more often than others do?? maybe that's the reason why my tears flows much more often than others do??

i just a peaceful and simple life with you...... grant me this!!!!!

[ happy bdae my dear!! ]

happy bdae my dear!!

it's sept11... a very important day in the life of the US people.. BUT.. it's also a very important day in my life.. it's TOM's birthday!!

back in school for sim training today..i can say.. i'm really tired actually.. my eyes doesnt seems to be opening.. and in the rooms where our sim training senario are conducted, it's REALLY REALLY very cold.. luckily, i got my trusty jacket with me.. lolx! BUT, i was hoping he's THERE!! kekez.. cause, after i wear my trusty jacket, i still feel cold actually!!

saw many of my classmates today.. joyce, farhan, fara, aisha, izfa, citi....... it's izfa's birthday today too!! happy birthday to you too!! and saw mdm qian too!! i went over to hug her!! miss her so muchhhhhh..... i had role playing today too!! i was REALLY scared when i was out there handling the manikin... at the same time, i realised i wont fear when i'm handling real patients.. something must be wrong somewhere.. lolx.. me and joyce had lunch together at cafe1.. we had nasi lemak together.. as usual, i cant finish the rice.. just managed to stuff in the fillet and the chicken wing.. lolx.. i know you gonna scold me for eating so little.. lolx!

after the sim training itself, joyce accompanied me to the swimming pool's washroom for a shower.. thanks joyce!! love you lots!! ya, i'm supposed to meet tom for dinner with his parents tonight.. oh man!! i'm so SCARED!! i'm REALLY afriad that his parents wont like me.. hais!! but before that, i went to look for ms jill to submit my consent form!! yup!! i'm under 21!! and i really proud of it!! hahaz! called miao2.. SC having a birthday celebration for him!!

was pretty embarrassing when i'm there at cafe1 with him.. cause... i'm the only NON-SC members.. hahaz!! and think many people can see through our relation liao le.. fei bi xun chang!! we had a chocolate cake from bengawan solo... oh man!! the cream is real thick.. and i can imagined how much fats i'm taking in.. oh gosh!! cant blame... i'm REALLY TRYING to LOSE WEIGHT!! if i maintain my figure till before i get married, think i wont look nice in my wedding gown.. kekez.. and i'll be like really auntie when i get pregnant.. hahaz! think too much liao.. BUT, it's every girls' cinderalla wish to be pretty ar!!.... it's natural de...

after the celebration with SC members, tom drove miao2 and one of his SC friend to tampines.. there after, we headed to his place.. think at that very moment, i was having hypertension ba... really so scared!! and the first i saw when i stepped in his place is his mom.. it's just like heart attack.. there after was his younger brother and his dad.. we cut a cake at his place before we set off for our dinner..

we actually had yu tou lu.. and it was really a great achievement for me to finish up my bowl of rice.. even tom's mom was shocked.. lolx.. great achievement.. after the dinner itself, tom drove his parents and brother home.. actually i dont really want to go back that early, but.... tom's having exam tomorrow morning at 11am.. so no choice.. he havent finish his revision yet.. and i have a part to play.. it's my fault actually.. for the past 1 week, i have been spending a lot of time with him going out and on the phone.. so, i was the culprit who eats up his time.. just praying really hard for him that he can do well in his paper.. loveyoulots!

[ useless me....... ]

useless me.......

it's as usual routine.. woke up at 4.45am.. brushed my teeth.. and had my shower!! did my morning prayers.. and waited for my dearest hair to dry before i can bun it up.. ya.. my rebonded hair is gone case NOW!! less than 1yr then ko ya liao le.. was pretty tired actually.. as i have said, i'm always out.. didnt really have the time to rest..

counting down to my yunnan trip.. 2more weeks to go.. really feel so excitied and really looking forward to the trip.. caused i'll be there with someone special.. the person who gave me hope once.. let's describe that person.. he's a guy who thinks that he's the nicest guy on earth.. but true enough, he's really a nice guy.. he's someone who can go all out for things he wants with lots of CONFIDENT.. he's someone who can give me the secure feeling i need.. and what am i to him?? can you describe me??

was out in the ward today.. not really that busy but have a great time chatting with my patients.. one of my patients' sister say she will miss me if i finished my attachment at ttsh.. or after her sister discharged.. she said i'm cheerful and really helpful.. with all words, my hardwork and sweat all this while is worthy!! thanks for giving me the trust in the nursing care i'm giving.. even some of the staff nurses are real nice.. irma, rita, dewi, serina, huiping.... i'll miss you guys!!

i'm left with a more week with my attachment.. one more critical skill to complete.. and it determines my life and death.. ashiqa took my height and weight today.. shall not review what's my weight.. all i want to say is: i lost ONE kg!! sound like a GREAT ACHIEVEMENT.. lolx. but he isnt that happy.. he took it as his fault.. saying that ever since i know him, i hasnt been eating well and stomach not feeling well.. and he feels that he didnt take gd care of me.. it isnt the case lahz.. aiyoyoz.. stop blaming yourself yupz.. hugs!

you're the one i'm looking for....

[ true happiness... there you are... ]

true happiness... there you are...

too many things have been taking place recently.. i didnt really have the time to take a breath.. seriously no time.. i'm sorry that i have been missing in action for quite some time.. sorry for those who still reads my blog but i didnt update actually.. hahaz! grandma has been hospitalised for almost one and a half month liao le.. and i have not been visiting her for the past 2weeks.. too much commitments all a sudden and mom didnt really want me to run from hospital to hospital everyday..

plus.. for those who dont know.. i'm going to YUNNAN on the 23rd of sept.. i guess it will be difficult if you people want to send me off.. cause my flight is 8.10am in the morning.. and i have to be at the airport at 6am.. all a sudden.. i just feel so great.. though many things do happened to me.. oh ya.. daryl and me are seperated liao.. it was quite some times again liao.. well, i didnt cry.. shocking?? i think xianyun will be shocked to see that huh.. cause i will always sound like a crybaby.. but towards this incident this time, i didnt cry.. i guess more or less, i'm prepared for this outcome ba..

and gohonzon has given me another hope again.. a hope that makes me being able to see some bright days in my life.. though i dont know how far this hope will go, one thing i can be very assure, i will not wept again.. yes.. and hope is with me to yunnan to.. how good can things be to go on a trip with some hope with you?? sound so chim.. never mind guys.. you will know it some days..

been going out quite often recently.. just came back from a red cross camp last weekend.. and made many great friends.. mei leng, lee koon, fair yii, xiaobai, yu hang.. all 5 of them are from different red cross chapters from me.. it's a bless in disguise huh... BUT.. i hurt my dear hand.. sobx! it's all because of the musical hu-la hook game.. i actually went for acupunture on monday.. and i recovered.. thanks tom! thanks for accompanying me to the sensei.. and so coincidentally, his buddy is from soka.. and his buddy's girlfriend is someone i know.. okie.. it sounds complex yup??

hahaz.. never mind! i have not been resting well recently.. no enough sleep and stuff.. and my appetite arent really that good too.. stomach always upset and i'm having sore throat too.. tom's been nagging me to the doctor.. seriously, i know i'm okie.. so dont worry yup! mom's birthday on the 6th.. bought a cake from bengawan solo.. it's a coffee cake.. it's a gift from him actually.. thank you so much!! hugs!

all i want to say is: i'm enjoying my life now!! with no regrets!

``you wont forsake me right??``