[ CN paper! ]

CN paper!

woke up today at 5am.. i practically just dragged myself out of my bed lahz.. slept at 11plus yesterday and no choice.. got to wake up early for my CN paper.. paper started at 8.30am.. and by 9.45am.. i left the exam hall... got to go home and have a good rest before i start mugging for my BHS paper tomorrow.. tomorrow got to be a long day.. after the BHS paper is briefing for Clinical posting and have to meet some of the Yep family people to get them to write Wuihou's birthday card..

sleep till 3plus before i wake up to study for BHS.. BLOCKAGE.. nothing seems to get into my mind.. was looking through and doing the questions from the objectives of each topics.. and looking through last year sept and dec past year paper.. i am guessing the topics for the short answer questions.. seeing which are the HOT topics.. but i know i cant choose the topics to study... if the topics i chose never come out, then i'll DIE flat.. talking about today CN paper.. i know i will lose some marks le.. the confirmed ones.. didnt study much on first aid and mass casualties.. and mcq.. one question came out.. i just guess the answer.. BUT.. worse still.. i guess the wrong answer.. 2marks gone!!

heartache.. cause i always aim to do well in the mcq to secure my marks.. i know short answer questions arent that easy to score well.. shall not cry over spilled milk.. concentrate on BHS first.. and tomorrow.. it's another important day.. our 3months today!! dont know if he still can remember.. well, shall not think too much about that.. EXAMS is my priority now!

plans for my post exams celebration..

Thurday - interview in the morning, meeting Jenny, Xiu Juan jie and Anna jie for dinner!
Friday - meeting Chingay peeps for dinner for Marina Square
Saturday - No plans yet!
Sunday - itesd prayer mtg in the morning

continue to MUG!! HOLIDAYs is ROUND the CORNER!! woohoo!=]

The important thing is to take that first step.

Bravely overcoming one small fear gives you the courage to take on the next.

-Daisaku Ikeda-

[ going crazy!!! ]

going crazy!!!

woke up quite EARLY today.. though i slept at almost 2am this morning.. was already awaken at 10am.. cause when i sleep.. i'll just dreamt that i seriously have no time to waste! must STUDY!!! CN paper is TOMORROW!! oh gosh!! had my breakfast and lunch at the same time.. SAVE money and SAVE time!! then i started to revise on my BHS first.. got to finish the worksheets first before i start to revise my CN..

and halfway through my revision.. mom called.. and NAG.. what should can she say? instead of asking me to revise my work and be more CONCERN about my exams.. she asked me to DO HOUSEWORK!! she wants me to mop and sweep the floor!! i got NO SPARE time to waste.. yet, she cant be UNDERSTANDING!! bro is ROTTING at home and playing computer at home.. why cant you get him to do it? just because i am girl means i have to do all these? yes, i know you're TIRED that you need to work and cope with housework as well! but isnt that a responsibility a married woman should have?

when i dont do well in my studies, you blame me for being not concentrated.. you pushed that blame to my boyfriend.. saying that i cant concentrate because i have a boyfriend.. BUT, have you and dad encouraged me and help me in any way? by giving me money is what you call TENDER, LOVING, CARE? that's plain BULL-SHIT! all i need is more love, more attention!! and someone who can UNDERSTAND how i feel!!

dont always think that ITE is nothing.. is still a school.. i'm still studying.. i wont let you LOOK down on ME de.. i will PROVE you WRONG that i can make it till the end! and nursing is my PASSION.. not a DIRTY job like you think!

i still did the housework.. not because i want to STOP her from NAGGING.. but because i know by exerting my anger on mopping the floor.. i will feel better.. that's call SUBLIMATION! managed to finish the sweeping and mopping by 4plus.. then i had my shower and continued with my revision..

i just dont know why.. the more i feel like studying.. the more i will feel that nothing seems to get into my mind! just hoping exams is can be OVER soon! want to enjoy and relax! so many things happened today.. and makes me think a lot.. i started to realise the reason behind all the cold shoulders from you.. maybe because you just feel suffocated and feel that you no longer have your own space.. but have you try finding out the reason of me doing this?

like i say.. from young, i'm living in an environment i have never feel secure.. i live days after days of fear.. i guess this was the reason why i develop a tendency of afraiding to lose things.. and lose those i cherish.. can you tell me what did i do wrong?

Shaun called at 8plus.. asking me to BOOK Wuihou on the 10th first.. ya.. it's his BIRTHDAY! SURPRISE will come along.. just hoping it will be enjoyable!!=]

off to revise.. i am going CRAZY with my NOTES!! =(

The human spirit is the strongest force there is.

As long as our spirit remains unbroken, there is no defeat.

In life, spiritual defeat always precedes actual defeat.

Guard against laziness, cowardice, carelessness, impatience, resignation and despair which corrode the human spirit and sow the seeds of defeat.

-Daisaku Ikeda-

[ CHIONG-ING! mugging!! ]

CHIONG-ING! mugging!!

woke up at 8am today.. so EARLY for a SUNDAY MORNING!! but i promised Priscilla.. so i make sure i make an EFFORT to be there.. having itesd prayer meeting today.. many were LATE.. well, i dislike it.. BUT, i also understand it's HUMAN NATURE! saw Cherie.. so happy to see her! and know a new IIC, Weiling..

the prayers meeting was kind of a mess.. all i can say is i am still adapting to the people in itesd.. NOT really that comfortable yet i should say.. i still miss npsd peeps lots! got to visit you guys some day.. weiling's place is at Sengkang.. quite convenient for me actually.. straight bus only takes me 20minutes.. we had some sharings after the daimoku session.. i guess some of the ICs are shocked how come i know so much.. lolx! i also dont know.. wisdom after the dynamic daimoku?

hahaz! had some prayers in mind..

1. My grandma's recovery
2. To do well in my end-of-module exams and be able to concentrate on my revision
3. To be able to strengthen my relationship with Tom

almost 3months together but i feel we are still rocky.. many things, we arent able to sit down and talk yet.. like what you say, talk things out when you feel something isnt right.. are you doing it? and why do i have the fear when i wish to voice out something? where's your courage Jessica Loh? hais! this thing has been in my mind for weeks.. and i dont know what went wrong! am i the one at FAULT? i guess i am.. Self reflecting!!!!

had a great talk with Colin.. Nice IIC i should say.. thanks for being so concern over my results and stuff!! thanks for sharing so much with me and lending me a listening ear too! back home.. and i went straight to bed.. really TIRED! intend to study late tonight so i chose to recharge my battery first..

had some talks with some close friends of mine.. all of them are worried for me.. dont worry i am okie.. i know i can tide through it.. 先苦后甜嘛！that's my belief isnt it? i know you guys know i am down.. but i feel the problem lies in me.. i will face it.. and change it.. so dont worry! wait for my good news ba! i will base everything on daimoku.. like what Xueyun jie says.. "no prayers will go unanswered" ma.. i will CHANT! chant harder for it! i wont GIVE UP so easily... stop worrying for me and send me prayers ba! whatever problems i am facing now.. i know i can FACE it with prayers!

got to go mugging!! mug mug mug!~

There is a saying that the earth upon which we fall is the same ground which enables us to push ourselves up again.

There's another which maintains that barley grows better after it has been trampled on.

Human relationships are sometimes painful, but there is no such pain from which we cannot recover.

It is up to us to decide to live a life free from self-doubt and despair in spite of our failures.

Indeed, it is during our most humbling moments that we should show greatest poise and grace.

Then the dignity of our lives will truly shine.

-Daisaku Ikeda-

[ out with yep family! ]

out with yep family!

woke up quite early today i should say.. meeting Amalina and Yeow Chong at 11.30am at Toa Poyah mrt control.. and both of them are LATE!! better change the habit worz my dear friends! Punctuality is important!!! lolx! once in a blue moon still can forgive.. then we are LATE.. Shaun and Carolyn already reached le.. wore the pair of doll shoes i really love.. but everytime i wear it, it will never FAIL to give me problem.. so... upon reaching PS, i went straight to buy a pair of slippers! from Ripples!!

actually i was eyeing it last night le.. BUT, didnt want to buy it.. cause i am SAVING money for many things.. still owe Dear his bluetooth ear piece!! *oops* then we had our lunch at the food court.. didnt feel like eating.. so i ate honeydew sago.. and planning for wuihou's birthday present!!!

it's like so long since i planned someone's birthday surprise!! after which.. we went back to DB mrt control to wait for Ahui's friends.. as i say.. i really dont like people who are always late.. well.. if you have the heart to go for something or have the heart to meet that person, you wont be late.. the briefing itself was boring.. but.. was FUN.. because we self entertained ourselves!! hahaz! many things reminded us of our yunnan trip..

it indeed have happy moments where i really enjoyed.. and sad moments where i really cried.. and moments i tolerated.. and moments i just like i am suffocating.. and incidents where by i hope i was blind.. and moments i felt that my presence is important.. YUNNAN! i miss you! after the briefing.. we took pictures at the lobby area with the christmas tree.. i love every year's christmas!! cause it means my birthday is COMING!! i dont really celebrate my birthday.. but i treat it as an opportunity to gather with my close friends..

i just realised every year's birthday.. i spent it without a boyfriend.. like in 2004, was with Daryl.. but he totally FORGETTEN my birthday! so his presence didnt seems to have any impact.. in 2005, i was STUCK in a terrible relationship that i wanted to END it so much! i didnt recieved birthday gift from my boyfriend then.. was a necklace from taka jewellery.. but it wasnt a great birthday though.. but i spent it with Steph, Jiafeng, Benn and Melvin.. and last year, i spent it without a BOYFRIEND!! but with all my chingay peeps and chingay participants.. this YEAR.. it's much more SPECIAL lahz.. cause i have that SPECIAL someone in my heart!! *muacks*

back track.. after taking pictures.. we tried to CHASE Wuihou home so that we can go buy his birthday gift.. walk to Bugis from DB!! ya.. did some exercise lahz!! and i rang Xianyun up.. Promised her that we are going to meet up soon after my exams! no matter what, will keep my promise!! dont worry!! remember to spare some time for me!!=]

went to bugis street.. and shop around.. intend to buy him things he dont have.. so... we bought him BOXERS!!!! and a watch.. though it isnt expensive stuffs.. as i say.. it's the thoughts that counts!! that is what i always tell my friends.. buy presents is thoughts that counts!! not how expensive the gift is.. even if you just wish me happy birthday.. i think i would be happy enough that you remember birthday!! i still remember my last birthday gift was from Bryant.. he called me at 11.59 to sing me a song.. that's his birthday gift from me!! really TOUCHED!! even till NOW.. and remembered all the things the Chingay peeps did for me! LOVE YOU GUYS THE MOST!!

after shopping.. so TIRED and HUNGRY cause i hasnt eat for the whole day.. so, we went to Pastamania for dinner.. Papa first time eat at Pastamania.. the eating session was FUN! and i had my FAVOURITE - Creamy Chicken and shared Cream of tomato, garlic bread and sprite with Miao miao jie.. we also met a interesting waitress there.. someone they want to match make with Wuihou.. well, i dont believe in match-making.. as i say.. it takes lots of FATE to be with someone.. so, i feel.. let nature takes it course..

actually whenever i think of how me and Tom end up together.. i just feel like LAUGHING!! 打从心里笑出来！smile!=] THANKS for making a DIFFERENCE in my life! i really cherish this FATE that i have.. so, do you?

i went home after the dinner.. while, Papa, Shaun, Ziying and Yeow Chong went to toa poyah to play lan.. we actually spend 20minutes at bugis arguing whether to watch movie not.. lolx! i would want to! but got exams! my GRADES are more IMPORTANT now than anything! end up.. i still managed to go home.. TIRED!! mugging tomorrow!!

waking up early to meet itesd peeps!=]

"Freedom doesn't mean the absence of all restrictions.

It means possessing unshakable conviction in the face of any obstacle.

This is true freedom."

-Daisaku Ikeda-

[ Red Cross Blood Drive meeting ]

Red Cross Blood Drive meeting

today is HOLIDAY! for SELF-STUDY purpose.. we are put to OFF.. was ROTTING at home in the morning.. and didi tried to persuade to go see ah ma earlier.. didnt wanted to go so early.. my initial plan was to stay home and study till late afternoon then i go see my grandma.. after which i will go straight for my meeting at HSA bloodbank..

end up.. my brother WON.. won in persuading me.. so we went to visit ah ma.. and i borrowed his big bag to bring my books and notes i need for revision.. intend to study outside the icu when the visiting hours is over.. went there.. and saw that the nurses have changed the side where the needle is put in for my grandma's dialysis.. i cant BEAR to see her like that.. and i DROPPED tears SECRETLY again.. hais..

she kept STRUGGLING.. telling us to untie her restrainers for her.. hais! all we can is to tell her to BEAR with it.. actually we know how it feels.. or should say i understand how she feel the most.. as a nurse, it's terrible to see your loved ones lying on that cold icu yet i cant do anything.. feel so USELESS.. then, i told mom let's not agitate her further.. i guess we should let her rest.. she didnt sleep well with so many tubes all over her.. plus.. dialysis is a painful procedure to go through.. somemore hers is continuous and non-stop..

went to kopitiam to have our breakfast and lunch.. i didnt eat well for the past few days.. maybe because exams is round the corner.. too STRESS.. plus i just want to lose weight BADLY!! lolx.. after that.. at around 2plus.. mom asked to go home.. GOSH! i thought she's staying back till evening time.. ALAMAK! now my time is WASTED because i am travelling through and flow..

so i sms Candy and realised that they have changed the venue for the meeting.. it's Red Cross House.. so, i went home.. went to NTUC with mom and brother.. and bought quite a number stuff.. and my favourite - Yakult.. i went home.. and did my evening prayers.. then at around 5pm.. i went out.. meeting Mdm Qian and Sakinah at DB mrt station.. Sakinah was late.. so Mdm Qian and i went to shop around at PS.. so long never come PS le.. then we went into Carrefour.. and bought mineral water and jellies for Candy's daughter..

then we walked over to Park Mall to meet Sakinah.. remember i went to the Park Mall Fish & Co twice to eat.. first time with someone i didnt want to remember.. and second time was with Melvin and chingay peeps to celebrate his birthday.. so FAST! it's been almost 8months since his birthday is over.. then.. we made our way into the Red Cross house.. was a little bit late.. saw Woan Lan and the rest all waiting for us already..

was just discussing about the Vibrant Blood drive they are organising in May next year.. they would need volunteers from our college east chapter.. and met a group of really FUN committee members from NTU.. Calvin, Medy, Woan Lan and two others which i forget their names.. they are really NICE.. we had a GREAT time chatting and eating jellies! and the FUNNIEST thing is when i mentioned that if we are active in our cca, we are given 0.2marks more in our GPA.. Calvin and Medy almost FAINTED!! lolx..

after the meeting.. it's around 7pm le.. me and Sakinah havent had our dinner yet.. so, we went to PS to have our dinner.. and got Mdm Qian to join us.. had Long John Silver Combo 1 and Clam Chowder soup! so Sinful sia! want to lose weight still eat fastfood.. then.. we went to shop around.. till about 9.30 then we left for home.. had a GREAT day today... Nice meeting the members from NTU!! BUT.. i am going to be dead.. WASTED one day and i didnt study at ALL!!! and tomorrow.. got to be out for y-camp briefing! how? i am only left with Sunday and monday!!!!

didnt have much talk with Dear today.. cause he's working.. just told him that i am going out for meeting.. let him know at least he wont worry about me! miss you lots dear! sobx(T.T)

off to recharge my energy!! orh orh le!=]

[ YOU SPOILT MY DAY! ]

YOU SPOILT MY DAY!

i feel so energetic waking up for school today! cause.... class will end at 12pm today! NO CMS and we CANCELLED SW lesson TOO! hahaz! feel like it's like FRIDAY! first lesson was BH combined lecture.. Mdm Woo gone through some quiz with us and the Sept'06 past year paper.. and through this revision.. i can judge how much i know.. how much i dont know.. got to BUCK up!

CN lesson was kind of boring and FUN at times.. we played games! Funny was because everyone in my group tried cheering one another up by CRACKING JOKES! but it turns me down when Farhan turned EMOTIC! oh.. this wont STOP and cant be CHANGED! called papa (khairul) when i was in the midst of the game.. and asked if he's coming for the event tonight.. and he told me Zaki didi and him will be the host tonight.. this is how the conversation goes..

ME: papa, are you coming for the event tonight?
PAPA: yes, i am.. why?
ME: Amalina asked me to go support them with her..
PAPA: oh.. me and zaki hosting..
ME: huh? then Nabil lehz?
PAPA: Nabil EMCEE what..
ME: Nabil MC? why?
PAPA: he's EMCEE then me and Zaki hosting..
ME: why he on MC? he sick ar?

background: my classmates LAUGHING!!! then i managed to get what PAPA said..

ME: oh you mean EMCEE as in E-M-C-E-E not M-C as in Medical ceritified huh?
PAPA and ME: LAUGH!

diao.. this was the FUNNIEST joke i ever CRACK today! Papa, you made my day! *muacks*

went home after spring cleaning the lab.. and we had a SW theory class.. kind of stupid that SW also got test.. reached home around 1.30pm and i went to SLEEP immediately.. just so TIRED.. and thanks bro! thanks for waking me up at 3pm.. then, went to wash up and did my evening prayers.. expected that it will be a LONG night tonight..

reached school and went to meet Amalina.. we went to Tanah Merah to pick her younger sister up.. she's like SO CUTE.. especially when she see me and Amalina having the same t-shirt and watch! dont need to be SURPRISE! we are the yep sisters ma! hahaz! event was FUN! and i had a GREAT TIME!..

when we returned to the event hall! SOMEONE just SPOILT my MOOD!luckily you didnt come with us to EAT.. if not, i make sure i SHOOT you at the FACE! ate my lunch cum dinner cum supper with the rest.. and we got CHEATED for 4 of them (Papa, Jag, Shaun and Dear).. they fake us say they have gone home le.. Argh! it's NOT FUNNY at all lohz.. especially when you're in a BAD mood and people play this kind of lame joke with you.. was happily eating when Zaki mentioned about his graduation day.. this is how the conversation goes..

Zaki: i am having my graduation day on the 22nd of feb..
ME: WHAT TIME?
everyone: LAUGH!!!!
Zaki: SHOCKED!!!

lolx.. it's FUNNY cause Zaki only sit beside me.. and i was so LOUD!! lolx.. LAUGH till my intestine almost STRAIGHTEN!! lolx.. i made their day too! hahaz! *muacks*

it's been an enjoyable day before i start to CHIONG for my exams! oh man! where am i going to find time to finish up? plans for the next few days....

Friday (tomorrow) - meeting Sakinah, Candy and Mdm Qian for Red Cross meeting with NTU Blood Drive Committee
Saturday - Y-camp briefing at YMCA
Sunday - Itesd prayers meeting at Weiling's house
Monday - think should be mugging at HOME!
Tuesday - CN Exam + mugging on BHS exam
Wednesday - BHS Exam + briefing + our 3rd Month!!
Thursday - No plans yet!
Friday - Dinner with Chingay peeps at Marina Square + ton over night?

it's getting more and more EXCITING! woohoo! =]

[ my tears jus flow... ]

my tears jus flow...

lesson start at 10am today.. BUT.. went out of my house quite early and reached school around 9plus.. was quite early.. Shiffa, Farhan and Nadiah went to set up the stall for interact club.. so i went up to class first.. managed to finish one of the past year paper's short answer questions! feel so relieved! at least managed to CONQUER one paper..

oh ya.. forget to share.. didnt eat lunch yesterday.. but one of the teacher gave us DONUTS from munchy donuts.. NICE! but Rahmah say Donut Factory is better.. so, anyone CARE to QUEUE for me at Suntec? hahaz! stop day-dreaming Jessica loh....

CN lesson was TERRIBLE today.. Ms Zhao came out with a deal with us.. if we keep quiet during her revision, she will release our grade for our CN to us.. BUT, we didnt manage to keep quiet through out.. well, we are humans lahz.. cant blame.. and i cried.. over what a close friend said to me.. it's so hurting that she sees me this way.. CMS lesson.. Ms Cheryl returned our written assignment, listening test and writing test to us.. and gave the 3 top students a book prize.. Book by Ben Carson.. title is "think big".. i ordered two from her too.. thinking to give it to a friend of mine.. and keep one for myself..

hope it can inspire us! mom cooked at home today.. REALLY HUNGRY cause i didnt have LUNCH today! well, i guess it will be normal for the next few days.. just dont have the appetite to eat.. *STRESS*

didnt have much talk with Dear today.. i know he's TIRED.. somemore got an event to run tomorrow! jiayou le! mugging soon!~

[ BOOMING here! before i BOOM other INNOCENTS! ]

BOOMING here! before i BOOM other INNOCENTS!

fall sleep yesterday while waiting for Dear to call.. call him yesterday.. only managed to grab hold of 10minutes of his time.. then got another incoming call.. he put my call on hold and ask me to wait.. but it seems like the call is discussing important matters.. so, i hang up.. then sms him to ask him to call me back.. but he didnt.. and i just fall asleep..

early morning.. just dont feel coming to come school.. BUT, i CANT! cause i have cms presentation today! must come! if not, might fail that module! hais! first lesson was BH.. and teacher told us our range of marks.. is it on the higher side or lower side.. might was middle.. not to bad.. got to work hard! i swear i am going to start revision TONIGHT! shall not take things for granted..

then was CN lesson.. hais! everyone is SO NOISY in class.. made till Ms Zhao so ANGRY.. end up we have self study time granted to us! well, it ended up into self talking time.. and was supposed to be at Cafe2 now enjoying my lunch.. told Yeow Chong to sms the guys.. BUT, he didnt! and the WORSE thing is he didnt even sms to tell me he didnt sms! hais! end up, it was CALLED OFF! and i TOTALLY LOSE my MOOD in taking lunch anymore.. so here am i at MLC venting my FRUSTRATION through BLOGGING before i GO AROUND BOOMING people.. hais! and printed the BH past year paper too!

if you really busy concentrating in class, let me know.. i'll do the sms-ing.. i ARENT an UNREASONABLE person right? maybe i am seen as one lahz! BUT, you didnt even say.. and i just HAPPILY ASSUMED he did.. hais! LESSON TAUGHT - NEVER ASSUME things, Jessica Loh! hais! sms Dear.. know he didnt come school today cause it's RAINING.. RAINING = SLEEPING.. and asked if he's working.. he isnt.. BUT, he's meeting Shaun.. wanted so MUCH to have someone to TALK to.. BUT, i dont seems to GET one! hais! got to go home and MUG on my books! mugging mugging mugging!~

[ i hope i was the REASON behind YOUR SMILE! ]

我希望我是你微笑的理由! i hope i was the REASON behind YOUR SMILE!

really TIRED today.. and POOR ME! i STAND all the way from Yishun to Tampines again! first thing i did when i reached cafe1 was to.... yes! SLEEP!!!!! and Wuihou saw me.. so he walked towards me and talked to me! early morning.. and we are clinging on the IRRITATING SPECIMEN liao.. aiyoz! same as Yeow Chong de lehz.. can STOP talking about HIM not? i just FREAKS up when i talked about HIM.. hoping holidays will COME faster then dont have to see him anymore after the ymca camp.. YES! cause i am going for ATTACHMENT again! but i going to MISS the rest.. NO more LUNCH at cafe2.. and i am going to MISS dear even more.. so fast.. 3months is coming again! when i first get close to Dear.. it was during my first attachment.. NOW, the 2nd attachment is coming..

PBL again today! going to CHIONG finished everything today.. as predicted.. the teaching plan we did is WRONG! got to CRACK our brains and start all over again! Thanks to Nad.. thanks for helping to write when i was looking through the notes on DM.. that's what FRIENDS are FOR! hmmm.. headed to MLC to do the typing.. in a project work.. what you will MOST dislike is when there's problems.. or should say conflicts and couldnt seems to be VOICE out and must be SWALLOW down! well, over is over! shall not cling onto it! PBL is finally over! and i guess everyone have a fair share of contribution..

meet Yeow Chong and Shaun for lunch.. and Thanks Dear.. thanks for ALMOST taking away my lunch kaki! luckily they didnt go! if NOT, i might up eating with that IRRITATING SPECIMEN! see the SERIOUSNESS Dear? do you know that you are REAL thick-skinned! never ask you to sit down you also sit down! oh MY GOODNESS! how long can my tolerance level go?

cant you just open your BIG MOUTH and asked if me and Chong are discussing matters that you cant LISTEN? just happily sitting down and STARE at US! i dont have BIG EYES! but i still know how to DIAO people! dont think because you're part of Yep family means i wont DISLIKE you! guess the DISLIKE stage will SOON be HATE! DONT ASSUME that when seems together with yep family means it's gathering! it can be also that we are discussing matters..

and so CUTE of your friend huh! never ask then sit down liao! now i know why he's your FRIEND! ONE of a KIND! hais! shall NOT talk about him! my BLOOD is BOILING! and you really SPOILT my day! going to concentrate on my revision after my cms presentation tomorrow! CN combined lecture was BORING! and i almost want to SLEEP.. and thanks to Joyce and Daphne! they keep me AWAKE with all the laughing and X'mas Mood! MY BIRTHDAY is COMING before the X'mas! hahaz!

went to Tampines with Joyce after school.. we SHOP SHOP SEE SEE LOOK LOOK around at Tampines! was talking to her on the bus.. and she never expect i will ask to go Tampines.. she thought i'll be out with Dear for dinner.. he where got TIME for ME? so BUSY! want to talk to HIM also DIFFICULT..went to buy bubble tea! my favourite - Peppermint Milk Tea!

went to Popular to get some coloured paper and headed to SHOP for Wuihou's birthday card.. and bought a REALLY BIG one from "me to you" bear! CUTE! and we went into a shop call "Lovely land" or something.. cant remember! so many CUTE things.. and Joyce kept saying she saw many things that will remind her of ME! hahaz! and after which, we headed for DINNER! had chessy hotdog with mashed potato and lemonade! Joyce ate Takoyaki!

was talking about someone who know.. people, dont think too much.. it isnt someone from our class.. just someone we both know.. dont know how to get the message across.. hais! went home.. and on the computer AGAIN! and mom starts to NAG! hais! just cant STOP these nagging into my ears..

off to sleep! before that, got to call Dear.. as promised!=]

[i hope i was the reason behind your smile!=] i'm working hard! ]

[ asking till you get an answer ]

asking till you get an answer

woke up quite early today.. at around 9plus.. i was already wake.. going out to do my PBL project.. i think that was what that motivates to wake up cause there's many things to finish before i go out.. brush my teeth and did my morning prayers.. and.. iron my uniform.. most important thing i need to do! cause i know if i were to leave it till i reach home in the night.. i'll be TOO tired to do all these.. had breakfast with my brother.. he bought it for me! thanks huh! just to LAZY to go downstairs.. clinging on to the drama show! NICE show!

wasnt even WILLING to go shower.. BUT, i got NO CHOICE! need to leave the house by 12.15pm the lastest.. if not, i'll sure be LATE! left home and managed to reach in time.. met Shiffa and Farhan.. and we left for Bras Basah.. going to the Popular bookshop to get some board and pens for the PBL presentation.. Nadiah and Nabilah are late.. so they joined us later.. and.. Daphne called me to talk talk.. Nice chatting with you! and talked about a number of stuff.. after buying the stuff.. we headed to the Mac beside Bras Basah.. in an hour plus time.. we managed to finish everything.. BUT, i wasnt really confident that the teaching plan is correct.. shall let Ms Zhao see tomorrow..

they headed to Banquet Raffles hospital for lunch.. but, i didnt join them.. intend to use this extra time i have to visit my paternal grandparents before i meet mom to visit ah ma at the hospital.. went to Peninsula plaza bus stop to wait for bus51.. i SPENT 45minutes waiting for that stupid bus! luckily i was talking on the phone with Yeow Chong.. if not, i'll really ROT at the bus-stop.. sms Dear also.. But, he didnt reply.. guess he's still sleeping or what ba.. was talking to Yeow Chong and venting my frustration! argh! i just cant STAND her!

shall not talked about her.. will make my blood boils! went to Seng Siong to shop for some groceries with Grandma and Aunt.. and i ate my early dinner! chicken chop!!! and went up to grandma house to rest awhile.. and i ate mango ice-cream! yum yum! it's really NICE! and help uncle to set up the new printer he just bought.. he got it for last than 100bucks.. can print photos.. scan somemore.. sound so worth.. and he was asking me to get one too! BUT, i dont print stuff that often.. i do own a printer.. with no catridge.. hahaz!

went to meet mom at 6.15pm.. and headed to SGH.. i'm having maigrain AGAIN! as usual lahz! just dont know when will this STOP.. maybe i use the computer everyday and my eyes are TIRED lahz.. shall STOP using the computer for the next few days and see if the condition will improved.. just trying to control my temptation of wanting to on the computer when i gets home and concentrate fully on my revision for my End-of-module exams! it's EXACTLY 7days to exams! oh no! TIME is RUNNING out!

ah ma isnt that good today.. they inserted the tube into her mouth again! cause she isnt breathing that well.. and.. she just gone through a blood transfusion.. hais! she's trying so hard to talk to us.. but she cant.. and smile to me too! my tears just flow.. know, i understand how it feels when you see your loved ones lying on that bed! it's worse than death..

call Dear and he didnt pick up.. dont know what went wrong.. maybe he's just too TIRED.. and mom.. in the middle of no where.. she start to ask where's him.. and why i never go out with him and stuff.. stop asking lahz mom! it just gets irritating.... reach home at 9pm sharp! run into the toilet to shower! cause "why why love" drama is showing! and i dont want to miss it.. it's really NICE! so SWEET! watching love drama is just like reading fairytale.. it seems TRUE but VERY FAR from fulfilling.. who dont long for a simple and sweet love? unless you arent a human..........

[ desperando ]

desperando

my day started really early today! it begins at 6.15am today.. woke up to have myself prepared for the SC Investiture.. everyone is DRESSING in FORMAL.. i think it's going to be CUTE and FUN! hahaz! was quite EARLY.. reach school already 8.20am.. and while going to take bus31, i saw Samaniah.. and she pretended NOT seeing me.. so BAD of you! i was early.. and my stomach is making NOISE! hahaz! HUNGRY lahz.. and luckily Wuihou is early.. BUT, also no USE.. cause he's SLEEPING.. so i decided to call everyone to make sure they are on their way to school..

A number of them was LATE.. and Jag over-slept.. well, i dont blame him.. cause he's working the night before.. went up to the auditorium and started to get ourselves registered.. first time attending sc investiture.. sound so COOL! but i'm really very TIRED.. feel like sleeping any moment.. and... Miaozhen arranged us and we sat at the 3rd row from the front! hahaz! before the event starts, we kept ourselves entertained by taking photos.. YEP family just LOVE to POSE for the CAMERA! the event itself lasted for an hour plus to 2hours.. with video clips to soul percussion performance to dance and song performance by the EXCO members.. REALLY NICE!

ESPECIALLY when we see how Funny Dear''s words are.. and Nabil's penguin dance! hahaz! it's a good TRY.. i have a GREAT day.. with a NEW papa - khairul and my didi (younger brother) - zaki and my meimei (younger sister) - Samaniah.. after the investiture.. we had a GREAT TIME taking photos.. and i had a word with one of my friend from soka.. cant remember name clearly! lolx! sorry..

then.. we sat down cafe1 to wait for Tom, Miaozhen and Nabil.. then we were discussing where to go.. Wuihou left us for his sentosa trip with his friends.. we tried to SHAKE him off.. BUT, didnt managed! i did FUNNY thing.. FOLDING all the yep family's guys' long sleeve clothes for THEM! hahaz! the WEATHER is just too HOT! went to Marina Square to have our lunch at Qi Ji.. i had laksa and ice tea.. NICE NICE! so LONG never eat laksa le.. i was OUTCASTED! cause all of them ate nasi lemak! and papa mentioned about the nasi lemak at Changi Village! i MISS that too! my memories with all the QC people.. Uncle Albert, Xiu Juan jie, Anna jie... seeing the plane landing and flying off! i want to go there AGAIN!

BUT.. need a car lahz! anyone care to DRIVE ME there?!? hahaz! after lunch.. we headed to bugis.. before that, we were walking through city link.. and i DISAPPEARED all a sudden with Sam.. we went into Guardian.. thanks for being there for ME! i was having relapse AGAIN! didnt want to SCARE the rest of my Yep family members.. so i kept it LOW.. bought panadol extra and immediately ate two.. hopes it will help me DRAG as long as possible..

only Amalina, Sam and Chong know about it.. they saw me taking me panadol.. the rest of them thought i got my periods.. lolx! we headed to Arab street.. the weather is TERRIBLE! and it makes me WORSE! i PROMISED! after exams, i'm going to FACE it.. going to see a DOCTOR! i promise.. we went to a place to RELAX ourselves.. and the guys SMOKED! oh GOSH!.. the SMELL almost KILLED me! you know how TERRIBLE it is to SMELL that when you're having a miagrain? it's EQUAL to THROWING a BOMB on ME!!!

my cousin called me and asked if i have visited my ah ma.. ya.. OF CAUSE! i'm can CONFIRMED that i am more FILIAL than you! though ah ma SAYANG you a lot from young!... in his mind! only got his GIRLFRIEND! wake up your MIND kor! went to Bugis street with Amalina, Yeow Chong.. and someone BHB tag along.. i DONT have to MAKE THINGS that CLEAR yup? you should KNOW who i am saying! from what happened today.. i can CONCLUDE one thing.. he's REAL THICK-SKIN!... THICKER than CROCODILE de! BUT, it isnt as VALUABLE lahz huh! hahaz!

BOUGHT a GREEN tee shirt and a GREEN WATCH! Amalina and me became ONE COUPLE! hahaz! we ARENT LES okie! just GOOD SISTERS! we really a GREAT time SHOPPING! it's been so LONG since i can SMILE from my HEART because i DID something i LOVE! SHOPPING! after which, Yeow Chong and me went to take bus51.. i'm going to Tanglin Halt to meet mom for dinner and going for meeting at 8pm.. as for Chong, he's visiting his grandma who's staying at my meeting place..

on our way there.. we had a number of topics! Bro, we have came into lots of conclusion today huh! ya.. he's DESPERATE! really DESPERATE! i dont GIVE A SHIT lahz! his BUSINESS isnt my CONCERN! hahaz! half a year only! everything will be HIDDEN! stop scaring me like Wuihou and Junyuan did.. i WANT to CHOOSE to BELIEVE it ist the way you guys are thinking! hahaz! i just love cheating myself! heez!=]

BUT, who CARES! it makes me feel BETTER! during the meeting, both Xiao ling and Charissa were there! it's been MONTHS since i last see Charissa.. Thanks for joining in the meeting! and was really GLAD to hear that you're getting MARRIED! CONGRATS Charissa! i feel a SENSE of BLESSINGS to see those around me getting the HAPPINESS they longed for! and i am WORKING HARD on MINE! yupz!

Jiayou le Jessica! GAMBATTE ne! reached home at around 10.30.. and Dear isnt home yet.. he's out with Jag and Shaun.. he just need to ENJOY and RELAX a bit more after his investiture is OVER! FINALLY huh! BUT, REST is IMPORTANT too! shall NOT say so much.. if not, will sound NAGGY le! =]

going to sleep! RELAPSE again! please just STOP coming!=(

[ feeling CONTENTED is the way to feel HAPPY ]

feeling CONTENTED is the way to feel HAPPY

it's BH lesson now again!! sleep quite early yesterday and had a better sleep last night too! my brother arent home.. so i own the whole kingdom.. can use the computer freely, watch tv without being disturbed.. and dont have to buy dinner for him too! and by 10plus.. i was already asleep.. and managed to fall asleep in the shortest time possible.. cause the environment and surrounding is much QUIETER!! hahaz!

Mdm Tan reviewed our grades to us for the two BH test.. i got an "A".. actually i didnt expect that.. cause seriously i didnt have much time to study and cant concentrate in class.. shall not take it for granted.. will work harder to do well in the end-of-module exams! my prayers are answered! i prayed more than i studied.. cause i know i didnt have the time to absorb everything like a sponge.. told mom that i think i managed to do quite well in my test.. and she asked me not to be too proud of it and stays humble.. and asked me to continue to work hard.. yupz.. thanks for the reminder mommy! i will keep that in mind..

it's going to be PBL today.. hais! just hope it can ends faster.. we still a portion more to do.. and Nad and Shiffa are suggesting to meet up on Sunday to do it.. ya.. shall make use of the time during weekends.. intended to start my revision from saturday onwards.. but.. it's going to be a busy day tomorrow.. from monday to noon time, will be attending SC investiture! yep family is going to dressed FORMAL! like what Khairul said yesterday.. he really looking forward to see everyone in formal dressing! hahaz! "great minds think alike".. me too!

going to visit grandma after school today.. wont be able to see Dear today too! he has rehearsal for the friendship night in the noon time and rehearsal for investiture in the later part of the afternoon.. and seems like he's so busy recently.. rushing assignment and events.. i didnt have a good time to talk to him.. everytime i call, he will be doing his stuffs.. so end up, i will choose to hang up the call and let him concentrate on his work.. this is call UNDERSTANDING right? hahaz! just praying everyday that he will go through everything smoothly and he mustnt fall sick..

wuihou sms me early in the morning.. he saw me looking quite sian in the morning at cafe1.. ya.. a bit TIRED.. cause keep having relapse of my miagraine recently.. everyday after lunch time.. it will come and attack me! hais!

i'm back to my POSITIVE side of ME again! people who know me well will know that i feel contented very easily.. hahaz! yupz.. i'm going to continue to feel CONTENTED about what i have already have.. and CHERISH and TREASURE people around ME! being too complaining will take away your HAPPINESS.. so, feel CONTENTED to feel HAPPY!! smile=]

read willie's blog.. and saw one of his entry that makes me think it sounds so true.. everyone will use "I" this word.. and usually thinks of themselves first before others.. and he said even couples are also like that.. true! he continued to say that who cant blame anyone as it's human nature to be selfish and protective over themselves..

and many a times.. we care for someone from our own point of view and the way we think is right and the way we like.. so, people.. try to care for someone from that person's point of view yup? that's a BETTER way! and the care will be easily appreciated and accepted!

got to concentrate in my lessons! miss soka friends a lot! miss chingay peeps and sk peeps alot! miss DEAR the most!!! =]

an interesting thing to share.....

"I KNOW what i SAY

BUT

I DO NOT KNOW what you HEAR;

I MAY KNOW what i SHOW

BUT

I DO NOT KNOW what you SEE."

2nd part of my entry of the day...

[ i'm grateful for what i have! ]

did our PBL project at MLC today.. completed a lot of things today! thanks Shiffa for staying back! now only left with presentation, teaching plan and the reflective journal! after which.. took mrt with Stephanie.. had a great time with her today! went to see ah ma today.. it's been 5days since i last visit her..

the oxygen tube in her mouth has been taken out and replaced with a venti mask! and she can at least talk a bit le! though it isnt very clear, but at least we knows what she's trying to tell us! and ah ma SMILE twice today at me! i'm so happy! just cant express this kind of joy through words!

and heard that biao mei didnt do well in her PSLE.. my uncle is so disappointed with her! cause he spent so much on her for tuition.. well, studies this kind of thing just cant be forced.. can study means can study.. cannot we also cant do much.. Dear sms me when i was still in the hospital.. he wanted me to go arrange with the yep family regarding the investiture tomorrow.. yes! we are attending the investiture tomorrow! cant wait tomorrow!!!

any plans after the investiture? got no ideas yet.. BUT.. will have to meet mom in the evening.. will be having discussion meeting tomorrow night at tanglin halt.. show you guys something interesting.. chong send me de..

人生十大点 life's ten points

• 理由少一点 lessen your reasons
• 肚量大一点 increase your "big heart"
• 做事多一点 do more work
• 咀吧甜一点 sweeten your mouth
• 脾气小一点 lessen your temper
• 行动快一点 fasten your actions
• 说话轻一点 lighten your words
• 效率高一点 increase your efficiency
• 微笑露一点 review your smile
• 脑筋活一点 liven your brain

the translation isnt that good.. cant think of anything better.. hahaz! i used to translate chinese songs into english.. right, Samuel? hahaz! that was years back...
something more to show by me!

"7rules to be HAPPY!"

1. Never hate
2. Dont worry
3. Live simple
4. Expect a little
5. Give a lot
6. Always smile=]
7. Be in touch with me!hahaz!

i dont really hate.. but i often WORRY! i think i'm living simple.. i expect a little.. BUT i give in a lot.. i always SMILES=]...... hahaz! more things to improve on.. going to go le.. want to go sleep le!! INVESTITURE tomorrow!=]

[ 缘分 yuan fen ]

缘分 Fate

lesson was at 8am today.. saw Farhan at interchange today.. so we took bus31 together.. reached school and went to cafe1.. didnt have a good sleep yesterday.. i also dont know what's things am i troubling about.. had a hard time last time.. was revising for my CN test today.. till i almost BURST! BUT.. everything is gone.. CN test is OVER!! i just finished my CN test today! kekez! NOW.. left with end-of-module exams..

after CN test was CN lesson.. we (me, Shiffa, Nadiah, Nabilah and Farhan) went to MLC to continue with our PBL project.. deadline has been changed from friday (which is tomorrow) to next monday.. hais! BUT, it's still rushing.. cause.. Ms Zhao didnt want every group to do on the same topic for the Nursing Plan.. so.. she wants us to draw lots.. BUT.. she will only draw lots on monday.. it's kind of LATE.. cause only have 5hours to do quite a number of stuff.. *stress*.. it just wont stop affecting our daily life..

we had our lunch at cafe2.. and... it's Jamal and Jeremy's birthday today! Happy Birthday guys!! didnt have any form of celebration for them.. just wish them through sms and friendster.. was having cms lesson from 1-3pm.. but it's so KIND of Ms Cheryl to release us at 2pm.. i was having a terrible headache.. so i went home after it.. skipped SW lesson today.. it seems like i hasnt been doin SW since this term started!! luckily didnt meet Dear for dinner today.. if not, i guess i wont be able to enjoy it happily because of the headache..

reached home about 3.45pm today.. had a shower.. then took my painkillers and went to sleep.. the whole ceiling in my room is TURNING.. i just dont know why.. for this past 1 werk, everyday after lunch time.. my miagraine will start giving me problem!! everyday sia.. if people dont know will thought i will have brain tumour.. slept till about 6.30pm before i wake up to iron my clothes..

almost forgetten to ANNOUNCE something about yesterday.. i saw REEZAL on my way to school in bus969 yesterday!! hahaz! for the time somemore.. i went to school with him.. kekez! so happy!! cause we stayed quite near each other but i have never meet him on the way to school.. kekez! so, from this.. i can conclude something.. it's takes lots of FATE to be friends with someone.. to be lovers with someone.. and to be husband and wife with someone.. so, people, CHERISH and TREASURE those around you! =]

just finished my dinner.. cup noodles with a hard boiled egg.. dont feel like going down to buy.. TIRED and feeling giddy also! got to go le!... be happy always=] smile more jessica!


[ 人总是存活在比较过去和现在中度过，这是一种悲哀吗？people are living in the life of comparing the past and the present, is it a kind of misery?]

[ things are getting better... ]

things are getting better...

sleep quite early last night.. around 10plus i was in bed liao le.. mom and dad was SHOCKED how come i didnt use the computer then so GUAI go to bed so EARLY.. i just dont know.. just feel like sleeping though i know lesson starts at 10am tomorrow.. went to bed.. BUT, still keep my handphone on.. intended to off my handphone de.. BUT i didnt.. just have a FEELING that i will get calls from my friend.. and indeed.. Willie called me.. dont know why also.. was a bit drowsy then.. so i decided not to pick up his call.. and dear replied my sms also.. but didnt say anything much.. miss dear a lot.. hais!

now in BH lesson AGAIN.. lolx.. as usual lahz.. it's a period we will blog, check email, facebook and friendster.. BUT.. my INTENTION is DIFFERENT.. i want to blog my today's entry now so that i can CONCENTRATE in my REVISION for my CN test TONIGHT! as usual.. i wake up at 7.15am today.. i want to PROTEST! cause i cant SLEEP well LAST NIGHT!... when i sleep, i dream.. then i will wake up again.. when you dream, means you arent sleeping cause your brain is still doing work.. hais! think i will have to go to the doctor after my exams..

i just REALISED i got so much things i want to do.. let me list them out..

1. want to go to Escape Theme Park!
- though many people say it isnt FUN at all, but i just want to go.. cause i've been saying it for two years liao le!
2. want to watch movies!
- it's been so LONG i never watch movie.. my last movie was in august i think! that's so long!!
3. want to go cycling at East Coast Park!
- i last cycled in july.. so long liao.. want to go to the beach to enjoy the breeze!
4. want to go kbox!!
- want to sing and relieved my stress!
5. want to celebrate my birthday!!
- last last year, i celebrated my birthday at seoul garden with Benny, Stephanie, Jiafeng and Melvin. and last year with all my Chingay peeps and participants, but my cake was locked in the fridge at PA.. so no cake last year! this year, i want some SURPRISE! my last birthday in my teenage life!
6. want to take more pictures and neo-prints!
- so long never take neo-prints le!
7. want to spend more time with Dear!!
8. want to meet up with SK peeps, Chingay peeps, my soka friends, Xianyun!!!!!

so many things.. but i only got 1 month holidays.. and i'm going for a 4days3nights camp!! how? plan plan plan!! start planning..

was kind of SHOCKED just now.. Mdm Tan was trying to say who are the failures for the BH test 2.. then she said if i tap on your shoulder then you're the one.. and she tapped on my shoulder! oh my god! i got a SHOCK of my life.. BUT, i arent one of them lahz! hahaz! xu jing yi chang! teacher was saying students who are strong in their BH.. and i was one of them.. eh... i was SHOCKED! cause i know i have too many commitments nowadays.. maybe it's the POWER of the GOHONZON? hahaz! will continue praying!!!

been days i havent visit ah ma.. shall visit her on friday! must get well from my cough and flu first!!

[ struggling between e true facts and my emotions ]

[ struggling between e true facts and my emotions ]

in my BH lesson now.. and Mdm Tan said there's someone from our class who scored 8/30 for the MCQ in the test we had last thursday! and she said "she" scored.. oh man! and she said she's SHOCKED cause she isnt someone who didnt pay attention to her class.. hais! just hoping it isnt me! didnt sleep well last night.. keep waking up again.. i think i'm just too STRESSED over too many things up in my mind.. i also dont know what i am really CONCENTRATING now..

was doing my cms presentation write up early in the morning at cafe1.. and saw Miaozhen.. she was teasing if i have catched the first bus.. cause i was always seen early at cafe1.. still got my scamper story not done! DIE.. i havent start studying for my CN yet.. i dont wish to flang another paper.. HAIS! was asking some of our classmates if they have done their scamper story.. and heard Nad saying that her friend is helping her.. so good.. i was hoping someone can help me too..

Farhan tried to peep into my blog.. and i pushed him away.. it's people's privacy lahz.. though it's said to be a blog.. and now.. as usual lahz.. he's EMOTIC now.. my MOOD also not GOOD... dont test my PATIENCE too.. what Junyuan last night is TRUE.. everyone's patience and tolerance level also got a limit.. hais! i'm just hoping i'm not being pushed to the limit.. cause i am just easily AGITATED recently.. dont know how's ah ma already.. cant visit her.. got too many things on my hand that are rushing for deadlines.. and i'm not feeling well also.. dont wish to cross infect her..

got to concentrate in class.....

[ i must learn.... ]

i must learn....

monday blues.. first lesson was CN theory.. BUT this whole week.. all CN practical and theory lesson will be changed for us to complete the PBL project.. oh MAN! i just HATE it.. BUT well, the second attempt doing the PBL wont be as bad as the first attempt i guess.. just HOPING it will turn out well.. lesson from 10-12 was at techno block.. and dear came to look for me.. to get his forms he kept with me the other day.. and he's LATE for class.. bite u ar! everytime also like that..

had an early lunch today at cafe2.. bought fish beehoon soup.. BUT only managed to finish half of it.. just lost the appetite all of a sudden.. headed to MLC after the quick lunch.. and started to do some typing for the PBL project while the others did the researches.. and.. here came a 不俗之客 that almost make my breakfast and lunch rise to my esophagus.. i know it's BAD saying that.. BUT.. i just CANT HELP it! anyway, dont wish to talk about it..

back track.. had a hard time at MLC.. BUT.. had a GREAT time playing with the printer.. no lahz.. is handling the printer i should say!! hahaz! after spending almost 2hours at the MLC, i feel more RELIEVED.. cause almost half of the project is DONE.. BUT.. dont be TOO HAPPY, JESSICA LOH.. you still got your cms presentation, your cms assignment and your CN class test!! came out of the MLC and it's 13:57!! oh man! 3 more minutes for us for RUSH from MLC to MLT!! without saying much, we held our breath and walked all the way.. almost SUFFOCATE sia. it's really COLD cause it's RAINING and we are walking so FAST!!

came into MLT.. and was SHOCKED.. lecturer of the day.. our DEAREST section-head => MR TAY.. he's CATCHING hold of those who are LATE for lecture.. LUCKILY, we managed to run away from it.. topic of the day.. "perception" and "ego-defence mechanisms".. i really ENJOYED the lecture.. first lecture after so long in this term that didnt make me feel like sleeping.. hahaz! ACHIEVEMENT.. and he share so many personal stories of his with us.. MAKING ME laughing out loud all the way!! i feel so much RELIEVED after laughing so much..

called Chong after my lecture.. and headed to SDC to look for him.. before that.. i went into cafe1 to grab a cup of triple chocolate ice-cream.. dont know why.. just feel like eating it.. maybe because i'm NOT in the MOOD ba.. dear and Shaun were kind of SHOCKED to see me there.. and he asked why i was there.. was quite BLUNT in my words actually.. SORRY if i have made you angry, dear.. i dont mean it.. just have some frustration and feels that i have no one to turn to..

went home ALONE after that.. just need some TIME to REFLECT on my own.. and i CRIED.. i'm really TIRED.. so much things has happened.. and i kind of cant accept the hardest facts of lives.. why things happened this way? why things end up like that? i just need time to adapt.. maybe because i'm WORRIED about too many stuffs recently le..

and i feel kind of STUPID to have talk to dear like that when he talked to me nicely.. i know you have your problems too.. you have your committments and stress too.. BUT.. i hope.. you can share it with me.. and talked to me things that happened to you like you used to do last time.. let us face the stress we have together.. "stand alone spirit" is tiring..

i remembered before i sleep last night.. i was reading through all the sms dear sent me.. and remember i once said to dear.. "when i'm with you, i feel that i have nothing to worry about.." and dear replied to me "got.. me lohz.. got me to worry".. TRUE enough.. you're the one i worried about the MOST now.. especially when you dont share your problems with me, i'll feel more WORRIED.. well.. i guess.. i just have to learn.. to learn to be more UNDERSTANDING..

[ i know my love for you will never change.... loveulotsdear! ]

[ i wish i can sleep and never wakes up... ]

i wish i can sleep and never wakes up...

slept at 10pm last night and Chong called.. told me he has sent me an email on putty face.. was TIRED.. so we only talked awhile and i put down the phone liao.. guess he can hear that my voice isnt that right.. ya.. i was sneezing.. and still SNEEZING today.. slept till 2pm today before i wake up.. i had a total of about 16hours of sleep..

told dear about it.. and he said i really enjoyed life.. no lahz.. it wasnt the case.. slept so much today cause early morning when i intended to wake up.. i feel that my whole body is ACHING.. and feel FEVERISH.. so i climb out of my bed and took the thermometer.. indeed.. i am RUNNING a TEMPERATURE.. oh gosh! my SUNDAY is GONE.. got to STAY home and rest today..

went out to buy lunch even though i wasnt feeling that well.. cause i have to get to materials for the PBL project which will start tomorrow.. came home and did my revision as well.. did my CN homework also.. and call dear.. BUT we didnt talk much.. cause i wanted to study.. BUT.. cannot concentrate!! maybe because i'm still feeling feverish.. was slacking at home today.. watching tv and stuff... MISS dear lots! hais! how i wish he can be here to hug me to sleep.. *ah choo*

i'm going to sleep le.. tomorrow is going to be a longggggg day...

[ sneezing.... ]

sneezing....

was at home in the morning.. till about 11am.. set off to clementi.. mom got to settle some bills stuff and that.. so we headed to Clementi.. my old HOMETOWN!! hahaz! no lahz.. just somewhere i used to stay.. after settling some bills, we went to have our brunch session.. ya.. breakfast and lunch at the same time.. we had CHICKEN RICE!! my favourite.. BUT i still miss the stall under my old block.. not the one at clementi central..

after which, we walked towards the bus-stop.. and on our way there, we saw 二舅母and Yeeling表姐.. they just finished eating too! and 二舅母actually ask where are we heading too.. well.. it's to SGH lohz.. we are going to visit ah ma.. took bus147 from the bus-stop at the ntuc.. it was quite a distance.. i wanted so much to take a nap.. but.. i just CANT.. i just dont know why..

very tired.. and since morning.. i have been SNEEZING way before i get my head out of my blanket.. think i was TRAMASTIC after yesterday's fall ba.. hahaz! BUT.. it's making me real UNCOMFORTABLE.. while making our way into the hospital, i felt a sudden GIDDINESS.. i think i almost FAINTED! cause i feel that i'm walking side way.. BUT.. luckily.. i didnt.. went up to SICU to see ah ma.. she's responsing and times and not responsing at times.. so WORRIED about her situation..

she wanted so much to talk.. BUT.. she cant.. due to the tubes in her mouth.. and luckily, i know how to read lips.. she wanted to tell us she got no voice, cant talk.. ah ma, we understand that.. i just want to get well.. FASTER and SOONER.. dont wish to see you suffer.. dear's working today.. he must be TIRED.. went home so LATE last night.. feel so心疼 of him.. cause he's like working.. studying and got so many events and sc stuffs on in school.. just hoping that his investiture can come FASTER so that he can step down faster..

called him when i was in the hospital.. wanted to make sure he didnt over-slept.. mom's asking why he didnt come to visit ah ma.. well, i know he's busy.. at times, i do grumble that he didnt visit ah ma right at his face.. BUT.. inside my heart, i know he's busy.. and i can UNDERSTAND him well.. dont want to be so 辛苦! sometimes, i do feel i am not good enough to be his girlfriend.. cause i'm always not able to 分担 his 忧愁.. comes to STUDIES.. i CANT HELP him.. cause he's not in the same course as me.. comes to SC stuff.. i CANT HELP him.. cause i dont know anything.. comes to work, i CANT HELP him.. cause he need that for a living..

i guess what i CAN DO is to give him more understanding and be more understanding towards him.. whatever problem i can solve on my own, i wont go bother him.. whatever problem that might affect him to be more stressful, i shall keep it to myself.. that's my conviction from NOW..

went home at about 5plus.. REALLY TIRED.. and what irritates me the most is.. i'm SNEEZING like dont know what.. i cant go near my ah ma at all.. just dont want to spread germs to her when her immune system is already so weak.. grandma, get well soon!.....

tired le.. off to sleep....

[ is it retribution? ]

is it retribution?

it's FRIDAY! yupz.. weekend is round the corner.. my alarm was set to 5.15am actually.. BUT.. when the alarm clock rang, i was still NOT really WILLING to wake up.. cause by thinking that it's going to be a LONG day today makes my BODY filled with NO ENERGY.. hais! cant imagine that it's a friday BUT i still have to stay in school till 10pm.. hais! what is life man? was sneezing early in the morning.. hais! i guess i really need VITAMIN C!!

first lesson of the day.. behavioural science.. Mdm Tan wanted to go through the answers for the BH test yesterday with us.. BUT.. 2 of our classmates were absent during the test.. SOOooooo.. NO CHOICE lohz.. cant go through.. didnt really want to know the answers to the questions too.. cause i'll actually know how much i roughly score... hais! it's OVER liao.. so NO POINT CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK.. do well or wont do well also like that liao.. cant turn back time to change anything.. just have to BUCK UP for end-of-module exams!! i can say that i was concentrating quite well during lesson today.. topic is "MEMORY and FORGETTING".. few more topics to go before we proceed on for REVISION for EXAMS! hais! i SCARED cause EXAMS is ROUND the CORNER.. BUT.. on the other hand.. i'm HAPPY!! cause HOLIDAYS is COMING SOON too!!!

next lesson was CN practical.. BUT.. Ms Zhao used it to teach theory instead.. we are done with all our practical skills.. only left with theory part to go.. first topic was on "types of surgery".. then was on "anaesthesia".. got a better idea of that actually.. and then it was 15minutes more to 12pm.. we arent given any break in the midst of her 2hours lesson.. and she wanted to continue to brief us on our PBL project which is taking place next week.. hais! really exhausted till i cant really concentrate.. BUT.. still forced myself to LISTEN.. this time round's topic for PBL is on community nursing.. can say EASY.. can say DIFFICULT too.. gosh! thinking of my next week schedule makes me SHIVER from HEAD to TOE..

monday - planning meeting after school
tueday - nothing at the moment
wednesday - CMS presentation
thursday - deadline for CMS written assignment and CN class test
friday - deadline for PBL project
saturday - investiture and discussion meeting
sunday - nothing at the moment

oh GOSH! i need a BREAK! so many DEADLINES to MEET!! lesson managed to finish at 12.10pm.. and i RUSHED all the way to sdc.. put down my bag and went to change into my jeans and t-shirt.. then.. i went to noobs to have my LUNCH.. was quite HUNGRY actually.. early morning when i woke up, i cleared my bowel twice and once in school.. 3 times liao.. was having diarrhoea actually.. oh man! wat a bad start of a day.. ate spagetti with nuggets!! YUM YUM! quite NICE actually.. BUT.. i still prefer PASTAMANIA's CREAMY CHICKEN!! missing it!!

then we went back to sdc to slack a bit.. and then was asked to tie ribbons for the food they are providing for the concert.. had a great time actually.. then.. at around 3.30pm, the YMCA group arrived.. all MALAYS!! i'm not RACIST lahz.. just that was kind of SHOCKED why they arent chinese in the bridge programme when actually YMCA is a CHRISTIAN association.. first game of the day - the introduction ball game.. we played that before during one of our bonding session for the yep trip.. this brings me back to the SWEET MEMORY!! i rememebered that time Tom came to ttsh to pick me up and meet Carolyn and Miaozhen at city hall.. we were LATE for the training actually.. and remembered that Tom walked into the event hall with a wafer and me with a cup of ice milo.. that time we arent together yet...

2nd game of the day - the maze game.. me and Ruifen was put in charge of the event actually.. as i was the one who gave the suggestion to this game.. had a HARD time getting them to SETTLE down.. they arent NORMAL kids.. after the game itself, i heard some of them saying that they DONT LIKE this GAME!! *heartbroken*.. hais! so, i told Shaun that i feel this game isnt a SUCCESS.. BUT.. he reassured me by saying it is a great success.. Nabil also said it's FUN.. really THANKFUL for reassuring me and comfort me.. during the toilet break, i went to Shaun and requested that i dont wish to take part in the savanger hunt game.. BUT he inisted that i must.. and asked me not to be affected by their words..

hais! i cried..and THANKS for comforting me, Junjie.. first time talking out to him my feelings.. thanks for that!! i guess i shocked many who saw me crying.. ya.. just need to relieve out.. then.. we moved on with the savenger hunt game.. i was in the same group with Jag, Amalina, Miaozhen and Nabil.. and Jag.. was commenting that my hair is very soft!! hahaz! of cause.. my mom take care of it for me since young.. and many efforts must be put in to have such soft texture.. kekez! we LOST the game.. but was FUN though the moral of the group is LOW.. i managed to find quite a number of stuff with one glimpse! the marble rock, the monkey baby, the ducky!! hahaz! i can CONFIRMED that i'm really good in finding things.. BHB.. *self-praise*

after the game, we went to wash up.. was sweating like hell.. and it's so HOT!! as in WARM lahz!! hahaz.. after wash up, we slacked awhile in the sdc before we proceeded to the ampitheatre for the concert.. the concert itself was NICE.. i can say i enjoyed it.. BUT.. at the same time, somethings just sore my eyes.. shall not mention about unhappy stuffs.. we took pictures with them after the concert.. and i saw this cute little boy with the rainy rubber shoes.. so CUTE!! i just LOVE kids! then we walked back to the sdc.. and that Shaun.. he did a pole dance performance.. and Ms Jill was disgusted.. hahaz! but it's FUNNY lahz.. i had a GREAT time lol-ing my way...

then.. here comes to DIASTER!! someone said " the person must treat drinks"... so we started running.. and.... i was knocked down by Shaun and Jag.. and hurted her left elbow.. just have some skin tear.. and some abdominal pain because i landed on my stomach.. it's OKIE.. it's an ACCIDENT.. no one wants it to happen too.. so Jag and Shaun.. stop blaming yourself!! smile=] then.. many of them actually helped me up.. i think i was too SHOCKED to react.. except crying.. think this shocked TOM too! thinking back.. it's really EMBARRASSING!! but thanks to the nursing crew - Amalina, Miaozhen and Carolyn.. my wound is taken care of.. thanks for cleaning my wound.. and we had a GREAT time taking photos at the event hall.. BUT.. i was too TIRED.. and my wound just hurts.. not in the mood..

was talking about the investiture with Suhui and Tom.. Tom asked me to represent Red Cross for the investiture cause he feels that i have the need to interact with new committee of SC.. well.. i'm just a SMALL FLY lahz.. dont want to act big like someone.. dont wish to mention names.. then he said : " if he knows me last year, then will be different.. it will be okie if i have more interaction with them".. so i said: " if i know you last year, we knows we might have a different story ending".. then.. he said: " oh.. you mean we will end up together huh?" lolx! maybe lahz.. we knows..

went home with Wuihou.. we had a GREAT time chatting.. and we went to Tampines central and got drinks at macdonalds.. so THIRSTY! then Sam came.. she PS the guys who are going for supper.. it's LATE already lahz.. went home and had a shower.. and realised that my ankle area and kneecap have bruises too.. it's OKIE.. it will RECOVER in a few days time.. BUT i think the skin tear part will be really UGLY.. oh gosh! it's a TIRING day.. cause i played hard, and even CRIED hard.. tired.. turning in.......

[ nag . nag . nag ]

nag . nag . nag

it's thursday already.. yeah yeah!!! which means friday is coming.. early morning at 8am.. we have our BH test 2 at the MLT.. the first thing when i receieved the question paper is to see what are topics that are out for the short-anwser session.. oh my god! "PERSONALITY" came out.. and i didnt study that topic.. DIE.. going to do BADLY for this paper le.. hais!

after the test itself.. Junyuan was talking to me.. about the paper content and stuff.. hais! i know you will do well.. born talent lahz huh.. a bit demoralised this term.. the more i want to do well, the worse my results are.. why? why like that? hais!! next lesson was CN practical.. today's topic was to perform DEATH PROCEDURE.. first half of the lesson, Ms Zhao gone through the theory part of the topic with us.. and.. i just remember one thing.. next week.. we are going to do PBL again!!! my goodness.. i'm going to HATE it seriously..

and during the practical part of the lesson.. many of them cannot take it.. Shiffa got emotional.. and cried actually.. i learnt something through a friend who's studying in NYP.. he said.. in nursing, you cant get EMOTIONAL that easily.. he's right.. and Daphne.. she's was really upset over her BH test.. she cant concentrate during the test as Douglas was making noises.. hais! poor her.. really dislike seeing friends cry.. cause it will affect my mood as well..

lunch at cafe2.. was eating with Citi and gang, and with Nadiah and Shiffa.. Peixuan is in my school for the career fair.. Daryl also.. BUT.. didnt get to see them.. at about 12.30pm, we went up to the indoor sports hall for the talk by SGH and National Heart Centre.. was quite moved by what the nurse.. have the urge to take up bond with SGH.. BUT.. i just feel it's too FAR from where i am staying.. and i managed to get the HR in charge for TTSH.. and after the career fair, i went to TTSH HR to submit the form.. will be waiting for the interview in early decemeber..

after which, i went to SGH to visit grandma.. she's kind of drowsy today.. maybe because of the morphine given to her.. and one more extra medication given to her.. vancomycin.. think her surgical wound area is infected.. hais! i'm so WORRIED.. it's the thing i dont wish to happen.. it's dangerous if the wound area is infected.. left for home at around 5.30pm.. and went home to rest.. my HEADACHE is back again!! going to rest.... orh orh!~